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Man making bedroom-adjacent washroom to "get around to it in his en-suite time" 0
Adam Ice Rink 13.10.11 12:12pm
Adam Ice Rink
MBA marketing student "Unwittingly acted a bit C2"

Denise Turner a 23 year old MBA student, studying on the first year of her course, has admitted that far from acting as a regular ABC1 citizen she may have unwittingly displayed behaviour which could...

9
antharrison 13.10.11 11:46am
beau-jolly
Now Dale Farm is an 'art project', claim travellers.

In a last desperate bid attempt to evade eviction, Dale Farm travellers have petitioned Basildon Council for the former scrapyard to be reclassified as installation art, taking their cue from Tracy...

2
Boutros 13.10.11 11:32am
Boutros
The Rise and Fall of the Ottawan Empire

In 1923, the Ottoman Empire, which has lasted for over 600 years, finally fell. However, many are unaware of the attempts of 1970's French disco duo "Ottawan" to re-establish this cruel regime....

0
seymour totti 13.10.11 11:28am
seymour totti
Complete meltdown in Japan, but officials say there is no risk to health 0
RJWinter 13.10.11 11:08am
RJWinter
'Best Man' group rallies to support Werritty

Thousands of best men throughout the UK are backing Adam Werritty, the 'adviser' to beleagued defence secretary Liam Fox. Mr Werritty was the best man at Mr Fox's wedding before he infiltrated the...

0
roybland 13.10.11 11:03am
roybland
Fracture clinic to have Snap Inspection 0
Perks 13.10.11 11:02am
Perks
Man Utd and Chelsea set to go head to head for 'the next next next Pele'

14 year old Sao Paulo academy player Junior dos Santos Riviero Lima da Estrada Flagrinho, better known by his nickname Bob, is said to be the subject of interest from both Manchester United and...

3
Vertically Challenged Giant 13.10.11 10:09am
Vertically Challenged Giant
Mind-blowing sex warning: Over-exertion between the sheets can wipe your memory

I have forgotten the punch line...

0
witless 13.10.11 10:07am
witless
Tom Jones finally admits 'sometimes it is unusual'

[More soon]...

0
dicky37 13.10.11 9:58am
dicky37
Fuel-starved families driven to beg under coal-ition

‘Got any loose coal, mister?’ – that’s the cry echoing round our city centre streets, as the coalition government’s tough green energy measures begin to take their toll on consumers. With...

8
Clarky 13.10.11 9:33am
Perks
River Thames runs dry for two miles near London, Mayor to blame claims Panorama

Panorama has described the running dry of a section of the river Thames near Woolwich as "a rather serious situation. There is water in the river two miles upstream so it's just flowing down and...

0
witless 13.10.11 9:27am
witless
DNA database gaping hole to be filled by Lollipop Ladies

A shocking 11,266,000 motorists, OAP’s and one legged jay hoppers are missing from the national DNA database, it emerged last night. The convicts, all of whom are at liberty, may have been able to...

1
witless 13.10.11 9:14am
witless
Silence of the New Zealand Lambs heralds product placement for older films

Digital compositing now allows sponsored products to be inserted into Hollywood classics. Major studios say commercial titles will soon include The Sound of Sony Music, Birds Eye's Big Chill,...

24
vertical 13.10.11 9:14am
spoole2112
Adverterror campaign brings mugging to your armchair

It started fairly innocuously with a barely sane looking John Lydon suggesting he “prefers Country Life to sniffing safety pins” but in these more volatile economic times, it’s become ever more...

0
Newsquelch 13.10.11 9:08am
Newsquelch
Zoo workers training NHS nurses

Zoo workers are helping to train NHS nurses in the UK, the health secretary Andrew Lansley has announced.,  , Mr Lansley said that some zoo workers could fairly be described as 'angels', so...

2
roybland 13.10.11 8:43am
dvo4fun
Apple admit to accidentally haunting millions of iPhones in latest update

The iOS update to version 5 was tainted with the spirits of former FOXXCON employees who were suicided for leaking trade secrets. Hmm. I feel like a socialist with a fold-able table and a loud...

0
gaijintendo 13.10.11 8:31am
gaijintendo
OCD lottery winners hand back £1m of £101m 'to make it tidy' 4
Clarky 13.10.11 8:24am
Perks
New Blockberry helps you look stylish while not taking any calls

. There's a joke in there somewhere....

0
ronseal 13.10.11 8:23am
ronseal
Blackberry outage leaves millions feeling unimportant 3
Dumbnews 13.10.11 8:16am
Boutros
RyanAir to offer no frills colostomy surgery to frequent flyers

Keen to upstage Virgin Rails plan to encourage rush hour travellers to cuddle, shy and retiring boss Michael O'Leary has suggested taking out all but one of the toilets on his planes, to increase...

4
witless 13.10.11 8:04am
witless
IKEA recalls catalogue after failing to point-out Swedish children not included

Furniture giant IKEA today recalled its 2012 catalogue after many potential middle-class purchasers were disappointed to discover that the five and six year old child extras used to give depth to the...

3
antharrison 13.10.11 7:56am
Vertically Challenged Giant
News just in via Blackberry - Queen Victoria’s coach crashes in Blackwall Tunnel

being pursued by paparazzi...

2
witless 13.10.11 7:51am
witless
Steve Jobs to upgrade Moses' tablets. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 13.10.11 7:44am
Al OPecia
Campaign for Better English calls for Water Regulator to be renamed "FromWat" 0
brownpaperreporter 13.10.11 7:25am
brownpaperreporter
Genitally ingested alcoholic beverages blamed for an increase in minge drinking. 10
wallster 13.10.11 6:50am
John Ffitch-Rucker
Dr Conrad Murray appointed head of NHS Reforms

Michael Jackson's doctor, Conrad Murray has been appointed head of the controversial NHS reforms. "He's really impressed me", said Health Secretary Andrew Lansley, "and he seems just the man to push...

0
apepper 13.10.11 6:27am
apepper
Closet Agoraphobic Finally Comes Out

Tony Bateman, trainee assistant stationary cupboard organiser, has finally been coaxed from his cupboard refuge after a 7 hour stand-off with colleagues at the HR department of Bedford Hospital. "We...

0
kga6 13.10.11 6:25am
kga6
Facebook changes delights stalkers 0
Dumbnews 13.10.11 12:54am
Dumbnews
Fox To Inquiry: Did You Chaps Ever See "Fight Club"? It's A Bit Like That 0
Textbook 13.10.11 12:38am
Textbook