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Home Office to phase out full-facial passport photos for gimps

The Home Office is to waive the rule which insists on a full-facial photograph where the applicant is a leather-clad sex slave habitually used to peering through a mask. The proposed moves follows...

6
Gary Stanton 20.09.11 12:27pm
Ironduke
Royal Break-up: Wills "not good enough for my Kate" says Dad

A stunned world reeled last night as Michael Middleton, father of the Duchess of Cambridge, confirmed recent rumours of a royal rift. Speaking to reporters outside his Berkshire home, Mr Middleton...

1
Drylaw 20.09.11 12:25pm
Drylaw
Obituary: David Bowie’s ‘Laughing Gnome’ dies after a short illness.

The King of Rockery’n’Roll, Gnorman the Gnome, famed for his seventies hit single ‘The Laughing Gnome” with David Bowie has died after a short illness. He was 2 foot 6. Although the duet...

1
Stan 20.09.11 12:02pm
Stan
16 Certificate urged for films containing mopeds 0
20.09.11 11:55am
Married conjoined twins to have trial separation 4
jp1885 20.09.11 11:47am
jp1885
Met Office to start naming drizzle

In an effort to sex up the weather forecast, the Met Office will begin issuing names to weather fronts containing drizzle. Weather Squadron Leader Wincey Willis went on to predict that "Drizzle...

2
grottymonty 20.09.11 11:19am
Golgo13
Energy Secretary Chris Huhne to make it easier to transfer speeding tickets. 0
MADJEZ 20.09.11 10:47am
MADJEZ
Man travels from future to confirm time travel is not possible

Scores of scientific theories were laid to rest yesterday when physicist Brian Furrowes arrived from the year 2121 to confirm that time travel is not possible. Furrowes, 52, who will be born in...

0
Chris Niven-Brady 20.09.11 10:43am
Chris Niven-Brady
Student re-united with missing rugger-sock

Bangor University student Thomas Llewellyn, who feared he had lost one of his best rugger-socks, is delighted to be re-united with it following a cleaning mission beneath his bed. Student Halls’...

2
Dick Everyman 20.09.11 10:27am
Dick Everyman
Suicidal schizophrenic "couldn't live with himself any longer"

More later...

0
spoole2112 20.09.11 10:10am
spoole2112
Twins seperate surgeons in theatre melee

A potentially life threatening scuffle between two eminent scalpel wielding neurosurgeons was halted today by plucky twin hospital cleaners and former nightclub bouncers Vince and Clive Savage. The...

0
spoole2112 20.09.11 10:07am
spoole2112
Man has bargain £90 rowing machine sent straight to council recycling facility

When the email from Groupon arrived offering a half-price York R510 rowing machine, Mile Richards was ecstatic "I've always wanted one to go along with the weights bench, cross trainer and cycling...

5
antharrison 20.09.11 10:05am
greg various
unesco to declare basildon farm world heritage site 1
4ty2 20.09.11 10:01am
greg various
32% rely on smartphone to cross road

A report has revealed that almost a third of the population are now unable to walk to the shops or cross a busy road without the aid of a smartphone. When older types of mobile device are taken into...

6
Des Custard 20.09.11 9:21am
Des Custard
Shelling continues near pea packaging plant

Unconfirmed reports from sources within Bird's Eye of intensive shelling throughout the night at it's strategic Grimsby site, more to follow...

1
tedweasel 20.09.11 8:56am
Golgo13
Man sues church for not being molested

A Brighton man, who wishes to remain unnamed, is suing the church on grounds of sexual discrimination and neglect., In a recent interview he said "It is not fair, I was neglected, I just had to...

0
RJWinter 20.09.11 8:51am
RJWinter
.'red rum ton yletinifed' htaed niaCcM 1
SpankyMonkey 20.09.11 8:40am
charlies_hat
Call for all graphic images to be banned from films.

Researchers from Wetwang University, East Yorkshire, have called for graphic images of any kind to be banned from all films. After years of time consuming and very expensive research, boffins at the...

0
spoole2112 20.09.11 8:37am
spoole2112
Teenage girls in tears, as rumours of imminent Eurozone break-up spreads 3
simonjmr 20.09.11 8:26am
TokyoTomato
Hairy Potter Sued by J. K. Rowling.

Headline idea...

0
RJWinter 20.09.11 7:02am
RJWinter
America's Super Rich Expected to Dodge Frontline Duty in Upcoming Class War 0
TokyoTomato 20.09.11 6:59am
TokyoTomato
Local man to flaunt his uniqueness by wearing plain clothes 0
Dumbnews 20.09.11 4:59am
Dumbnews
Manchester Police report increase in "suicide by burglary" 1
greg various 19.09.11 9:36pm
vertical
Front page

PRIVATE EYE admit being controlled for 50 years by Bubbles...

1
plasticjock 19.09.11 8:29pm
plasticjock
Rugby bagpipe ban to be extended “across the civilised world”.

Thankfully...

0
John Ffitch-Rucker 19.09.11 7:55pm
John Ffitch-Rucker
Front page

Private Eye admit to being controlled for fifty years by Bubbles...

0
plasticjock 19.09.11 7:54pm
plasticjock
Dale Farm cause boosted by charity release of Prodigy's 'Pack My Micks Up' 2
Runestone Cowboy 19.09.11 7:39pm
writinginbsl
"Travellers" fail to live up to their name

no more soon...

1
Kramaring 19.09.11 7:17pm
Kramaring
Liverpudlian battered by movie star after welcoming him: "Hey, Steven's a gal" 0
thackaray 19.09.11 7:12pm
thackaray
Better School discipline promised - drug addled problem pupils hope to be caned 0
thackaray 19.09.11 7:04pm
thackaray