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St Paul's protestor complains there's nowhere to plug in her straighteners. 1
dominic_mcg 31.10.11 10:22pm
Dean of St Paul's resigns as his position becomes untentable 2
medici2471 31.10.11 9:17pm
St Paul resigns

In a shock development, first century saint, Paul (AKA Saul Tarsus), has resigned. "I've been thinking about it for some time.", explained the saint via a schoolgirl's dream and a face in a puddle,...

apepper 31.10.11 7:50pm
Police station steps to become more dangerous

Accidental falls down police station steps are set to rise, as health and safety regulations in the force are eased. Falling down stairs in police custody reached a high in the 1980’s, as the...

nickb 31.10.11 7:24pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
Female royals allowed to inherit male baldness under new law. 0
nickb 31.10.11 6:20pm
"Labour has left us with a 'Fine mess'" says Cameron

Up to £25 per week in Court fines will be deducted from offenders' Benefits; the government's swift response to the summer rioting, due to come swiftly into effect, sometime in late 2013. Speaking...

dvo4fun 31.10.11 6:17pm
Poundland wins Unesco seat vote

Unesco has granted Poundland a vote. This is seen as the first step towards full recognition as a country. The move has been opposed by 99p Land; "They think they're up market, but 99p Land is...

apepper 31.10.11 4:50pm
7 billion people 'probably all claiming benefits in the UK' - Daily Mail 5
ianslat 31.10.11 4:35pm
Health conscious trick-or-treaters demand candy be organic 0
Dumbnews 31.10.11 3:48pm
Self-immolation branded unenvironmentally friendly protest suicide method

When budhist nun Tanzin Wangmo doused herself in petrol in a busy Tibetan market square and set herself alight, it was the last straw for watching concerned environmentalist Fortescue Alstruther....

Ironduke 31.10.11 2:54pm
Palestinians get EuroVision Song Contest vote

The people of Palestine are to get a vote in the EuroVision song contest. The move has been critised by many other countries, fearing they will only ever give twelve points to their friends and...

Perks 31.10.11 2:41pm
“I’d probably bang Bale” admits Warnock

Self-proclaimed football manager Neil Warnock said Sunday that he received an incredible amount of sexual satisfaction from watching opponents score goals against his Queens Park Rangers team and...

Tim Collins 31.10.11 2:13pm
Tim Collins
Average wait for adoption now 86 years; "we have to be cautious"

Local authorities have attracted criticism about the length of time required to process adoption. "It's diabolical.", said Mr X, who is waiting for his adoption request to be completed. "The...

apepper 31.10.11 2:03pm
Offenders whose benefits are cut 'could start robbing' says expert

Government plans to dock £25 a week from benefit claimants who pay fines could encourage them to turn to robbery, according to some experts.,  , Eight-year-old Amanda Stone explained:,  , 'Say...

roybland 31.10.11 1:34pm
greg various
Cox pussy snatch tale comes to satisfying climax 1
medici2471 31.10.11 1:28pm
Male pattern baldness surges - World on verge of new recession 0
button 31.10.11 1:02pm
Sporting world shocked as Baseball World series won by an American team

Rounders later...

virtuallywill 31.10.11 12:53pm
F1 rebels against clocks going back - hour head start "only way to pass Vettel" 0
butagirl 31.10.11 12:39pm
Saville's last words: Bye then, bye then, ahahahahahahahahah. 0
martin2381 31.10.11 11:21am
Hamilton unable to pee with Button next to him. Jealous of power. More Soon 0
martin2381 31.10.11 11:20am
Npower blames energy price hikes on increased Ofgem fines 0
greg various 31.10.11 11:07am
greg various
McDonalds to take over UK Adoption Agency. More soon.

Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall in uproar...

Al OPecia 31.10.11 10:15am
Al OPecia
Savile Death a Giant Hoax: Home Secretary

Home Secretary Theresa May spoke out last night on a special Public Information Broadcast which cut into all UK TV channels. "Good evening. I have to tell you that our nation has been the victim of...

Drylaw 31.10.11 9:46am
Confused technophobe spends half an hour phoning lost slippers

A 49-year-old Wantage woman, who has had the same Motorola Razr flip-phone since 2004, spent 27 minutes recently, trying to locate her missing bedroom slippers by phoning them. ‘I rang a number...

Clarky 31.10.11 9:27am
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vertical 31.10.11 9:24am
X factor loses direction as contestants need help getting from A to B 0
charlies_hat 31.10.11 8:54am
Men now 'only good for one thing' claims institute of evolution

At just after eight yesterday afternoon Miss Annabel Walker, with only the support and guidance of her mother over the telephone, expertly pulled off the classic pint glass and envelope technique to...

Screenie 31.10.11 8:32am
Vertically Challenged Giant
Proposed new Viagra research program put in the too-hard basket 0
DorsetBoy 31.10.11 5:16am
Jaded stripper says it's all "tit for tat" 0
Dumbnews 30.10.11 11:53pm
Rick Santorum Caught Shoplifting, Blames Gays, Google 1
Textbook 30.10.11 11:30pm