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Topical satirists struggle to find anything in the news this weekend.

Topical satirists up and down the land have been close to tears this weekend, without any obvious targets for their biting wit featuring in the news. "It's just never been this bad before", said a...

woodymellor 03.06.12 9:59pm
Guardian concedes "Queen's pregnant" headline should read Queen's Pageant. 0
dominic_mcg 03.06.12 9:16pm
Fears as captain of Queen's Jubilee Boat revealed to be Francesco Schettino 0
quango 03.06.12 8:17pm
Horoscopes for June

Aries, An awkward moment at the team brief on the 12th. Your boss asks you to say something that will break the ice and, after a short pause, you blurt out "Fat Penguin". Taurus, On the 4th, you...

seymour totti 03.06.12 8:11pm
The All New Jeni B
'1000 boat pile-up' as lead government tug does unexpected u-turn 0
Perks 03.06.12 7:37pm
UK (plc) to 'outsource' the royal family

The Chancellor of the Exchequer has announced that, in a move to keep costs down, UK (plc) will outsource the Monarchy from April 2013. A family has been chosen in China to take the role from The...

Perks 03.06.12 7:28pm
Al OPecia
Royal Family to be "outsourced to India".

I a suprise move George Osborne announced today that the Royal Family will be disbanded and their duties out-sourced to the lowest bidder operating out of Bangalore. There will be a move of all Head...

Al OPecia 03.06.12 7:28pm
Al OPecia
"Bad weather didn't dampen street party spirits" agree fucking idiots eveywhere

Despite unceasing rain turning the red, white and blue icing on cakes into a turd-coloured goo, fucking idiots across the country agree that the poor weather did not detract from the enjoyment of the...

antharrison 03.06.12 6:06pm
Charles and Camilla to give-up weather forecasting 1
antharrison 03.06.12 6:00pm
Queen's 70th anniversary entertainment to focus on synchronised swimming 0
antharrison 03.06.12 5:12pm
London barge driver "Had that Queen and Prince Phillip in the back of my boat" 0
antharrison 03.06.12 5:10pm
Queen asks to be excused Olympics 'as it'll be totally naff you just know it' 0
MADJEZ 03.06.12 5:02pm
Queen creates "Diamond geezer" honour

More follows...

apepper 03.06.12 4:17pm
Queen invites Duchess of York to join royal pageant on the Marchioness. 0
dominic_mcg 03.06.12 3:12pm
Government Denies Climb Down over New Ladder Tax

More to folow...

GillsImp 03.06.12 3:00pm
LOCOG insists re-using Jubilee flags at Olympics 'would be act of treason'

LOCOG has warned patriotic members of the public about the dangers of re-using Jubilee flags. Devoid of sponsorship logos and sometimes home-made, Lord Coe insisted the wilful use of a non-Olympic...

03.06.12 2:42pm
"Further ado" delays wedding reception speeches. 2
nickb 03.06.12 2:26pm
Benefit cheats urged to becomes baronesses to escape prosecution

Benefit cheats may be able to argue that they 'overlooked' payments they shouldn't have claimed if they have a title such as 'baroness', according to a Tory think tank. 'Single mothers who are...

roybland 03.06.12 1:32pm
Phew! Sunshine threat to Jubilee celebrations lifted

Fears that wall-to-wall sunshine might dampen the Queen's Diamond Jubilee celebrations have been lifted with the Met Office forecasting plenty of good Bank Holiday rain until Tuesday. Millions of...

roybland 03.06.12 11:58am
Major League Baseball blame UK for bunting shortage. 0
weematt 03.06.12 11:33am
Man reads Chinese Takeaway menu out loud without parody of Chinese accent 9
dvo4fun 03.06.12 10:06am
"Testosterone fuelled fuel" to go on sale in UK petrol stations

The world's first automotive fuel to have a testosterone additive will go on sale on British forecourts this Autumn. "This isn't just a gimmick," said Mike Adams of the Fuel Retailers Association. ...

nickb 03.06.12 9:57am
Mr Target
German family from Windsor enjoy 4 day holiday of a lifetime with Royalty Card

Elizabeth Saxe-Coburg and her husband Philip are enjoying the ultimate holiday, a four day national celebration with flybys, floatillas and fawning on an unprecedented level - after amassing sixty...

ronseal 03.06.12 8:49am
God shown saving Queen in royal home movie. C of E claims heavenly endorsement

BBC releases "holy" video shot by Prince Charles. Palace claims: God really did save the Queen. News that the Britain’s official deity intervened to save the life of the head of His church...

nickb 03.06.12 7:29am
Doctor of Homeopathy cures patients with just 2 words

[from University of Rufford, perhaps ?]...

Sinnick 03.06.12 6:54am
Nazi ban is Political Correctness Gone Mad say callers to Radio Ukraine phone in

"Monkey noise is just harmless joke, some of my best friends are blackies," complained Igor, from Kharkiv, as the switchboard lit up during the Ivan and Katya breakfast hour on Radio Ukraine...

ronseal 03.06.12 6:40am
Whether outlook - continued reign. 1
Maverick 03.06.12 5:59am
Alliteration Association appoints administrators after accountants advise action 10
bonjonelson 03.06.12 12:19am
Tetley's looking forward to Double Diamond Jubilee. 0
Maverick 03.06.12 12:13am
Shock as Memo leaked

The Westminster village was reeling today after the shock leaking of a government memo warning that "They could not keep the fact that Michael Gove is a waxwork from the British public indefinitely."...

Bismarck 03.06.12 12:03am