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New Year Government savings: Courts to use 'naughty step' instead of prison 0
surdoux 4 years
Australia to finish Ashes series with Hubris and Humility... 1
Doylem 4 years

Geoff Hubris and Frank Humility have been plucked from the relative obscurity of Sheffield Shield cricket to open the batting for Australia in the fifth and final test match in Sydney. When asked to...

Prison English teacher knifed after complaining sentences too short. 0
Trickster 4 years

"It's not just about subject verb object. They need more complex sentences, peppered with adjectives and adverbs too," he said, resolute and recovering in hospital...

Verdict on Christmas now in: “Oh, quiet, just the family”... 1
Doylem 4 years

The entire population of Great Britain and Northern Ireland have been asked to give their verdict on the Christmas holiday, and the results are now in. 99.99999999999% of respondents said “Oh,...

Danish Islamic plotters drawn together by cartoon. More soon. 0
FormerlyAlOPecia 4 years
Ulster to be renamed Ullswater .like 0
Malcum eggs 4 years
Al Jazeera website renamed 2
brownpaperreporter 4 years
Real FHM start dirty bombshell campaign. 1
Trickster 4 years
IRA to reconnect mains if utility renames itself 'Ulster Water' 0
dogwheels 4 years

More soon already. Oi....

The state of play in Melbourne... 0
Doylem 4 years

“John Ayers (transported 1788, murder), George Barland (counterfeiting), Richard Collier (assault and battery), James Daley (living off immoral earnings), William Eagleton (stealing loaf of bread),...

Higgs-Boson found in Kinder Egg 0
Svendo 4 years

In the rush to get easter eggs onto the shelves a shopworker in Tumbridge Wells crashed a pallette of Cadbury Cream Eggs into a Stack of Kinder Surprise and created the elusive Higgs-Boson. Kinders...

Cabinet to consult the spirit world for guidance as it plans for 2011 0
dogwheels 4 years

Ministers have announced they are to use an Ouija board to find out what 2011 may hold, with the cabinet seeking immediate answers on the economy and the weather. It is understood that the idea to...

Richie Benaud and Victor Trumper on stand-by for Australia's 5th test squad. 0
Mrblacker 4 years
Real IRA threaten waterless Northern Ireland with 'dirty bomb' campaign 0
pinxit 4 years
Chinese think gang may have helped journalist take his own life 0
Gerontius 4 years

Fears that the Chinese government were about to undertake a costly and painstaking investigation into the death of journalist Sun Hongjie were dismissed after a spokesman from the Peoples Justice...

Elton John promises he won't let the son go down on him 4
Malcum eggs 4 years
Premiership football clubs “most popular Christmas gift for Russian oligarchs". 0
Doylem 4 years
Spontaneous outbreak of apathy in the streets as England win the Ashes. 0
MADJEZ 4 years

Embarassingly the Queen will now have to give all the players an OBE, MBE and a Knighthood since no other British sportsman won anything this year leaving a surplus of sporting honours...

“Get hole-istic advice from your ATM”, says minister... 0
Doylem 4 years

Cabinet Office Minister Ms Francis Maude has outlined the extra services that will soon be available from ATMs. “For years the humble ‘hole in the wall’ machine has dispensed cash, and maybe a...

Homeless man regrets dropping out of Harvard 0
Dumbnews 4 years
Originally I just wanted to buy a justin bieber doll for David 0
4ty2 4 years

but then I thought I could do better then that getting him the real deal. It also does not need batteries and still makes funny noises...

Man addicted to nicotine patches ‘dreading new year’ 0
roybland 4 years

A Bolton man who is addicted to nicotine patches says he is dreading the new year when a week’s free trial of the parches – part of the NHS Smoking Quit Kt – will be available at many chemists...

US seeks extradition of man responsible for Northern Ireland leaks 2
roybland 4 years
"Let them drink Guinness", say the Northern Ireland Water Companies. 0
Ian Searle 4 years
Film Baddie Recruitment Agency admits business flagging 0
brownpaperreporter 4 years

“No-one wants the en masse recruitment of guys dressed in black, loyal to criminals, thugs or evil world domination types these days” admits Jo Clark, recruiter in chief “with the lack of big...

60 million Brits say they had a nice but quiet Christmas 0
roybland 4 years
Badminton sees a surge of interest in Australia. 0
FormerlyAlOPecia 4 years
Swindon boy 'still playing with the box it came in' 3
Bravenewmalden 4 years

Keiron Sharpley, a three-year old from Swindon, Wilts, was today reported as still playing in the box that his main Christmas present came in. Mother Georgia Sharpley, 34, said he was wide-eyed with...

Wikileaks changes tactics in Northern Ireland 0
Sinnick 4 years

[variation on Duncan's idea]...

‘Unanswerable case’ for death of Matthew Kelly 0
Duncan Biscuit 4 years