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US face transplant success offers solution to Labour concerns over Ed Miliband

Labour supporters are said to be ‘cautiously optimistic’ today after news of a successful face transplant in the US opened up the potential for quietly replacing a worryingly inept party leader...

Vertically Challenged Giant 28.03.12 4:07pm
Scientists discover new 'heat' description

Up until now there have been three different colours to describe heat: Red Hot (just hot), White Hot (very hot) and Blue Hot (extremely hot). But now a group of scientists from London University...

Exiled Royal 28.03.12 3:43pm
Exiled Royal
Cook chill manufacturer "too chilled to cook" 0
nickb 28.03.12 3:23pm
Food critics insist Greggs pasties will continue to be zero rated 1
charlies_hat 28.03.12 3:02pm
It gets worse for jailed Twitter-Twat as US seeks extradition

That Welsh bloke who was jailed for tweeting stupid racist stuff is to face an ordinary rendition to an American State Penitentiary, under Britain's new draconian One Way Extradition Treaty. [I'M...

ronseal 28.03.12 2:59pm
NHS to strike next week....

Francis Maude advises people not to panic and just make sure they have adaquete supplies of scalpels, X-ray machines, rubber gloves, heart monitors, scanning equipment , antibiotics and Viagra...

Theodore Sprangshaft 28.03.12 2:44pm
Theodore Sprangshaft
Sex Mad Clam Finally Finds Love

It was reported that a clam apparently unsuccessful in finding a partner has pulled a muscle...

GillsImp 28.03.12 2:36pm
EU forces Poundland to go metric. In future will be known as Kiloland. 0
MADJEZ 28.03.12 2:34pm
Stockpiling at the Pumps

I actually saw this for myself. Loads of people at my local petrol station leaving stock on the forecourt. The council will have a job clearing all the mess...

GillsImp 28.03.12 2:31pm
The Mighty Drive

Peter Allen.' A man in Norwich claims he has discovered a cure for apathy but first the weather'...

Theodore Sprangshaft 28.03.12 2:29pm
Theodore Sprangshaft
Come into the Garage, Maude

The career of Tory Cabinet Office Minister Francis Maude was said to be 'up in smoke' today after he advised the public to store petrol in their homes. Maude urged people to take "sensible...

pinxit 28.03.12 2:15pm
BBC to axe 140 news correspondents

The BBC has announced its intention to cut 140 positions from its News department as part of an attempt to slash over £200m from its budget. The move has been criticised by a number of experts and...

grumblechops 28.03.12 1:58pm
Secret lives of vegetables exposed on WikiLeeks

That's shallot...

Smart Alex 28.03.12 1:47pm
Smart Alex
Pope eagerly accepts Fiddle Castro invitation 0
medici2471 28.03.12 1:17pm
Israeli Olympic team to occupy Palestinian accommodation "for safety reasons."

"The Palestinians will easily be able to squeeze into the generous 4 man dormitory we have left for them, however, we will have to cut off any water and lighting for their own safety" said a...

ianrbland 28.03.12 1:02pm
Vatican investigation into Drug taking reports many Nuns have a habit

The report also goes on to say a culture of wine drinking is rife amongst priests...

Scronnyglonkle 28.03.12 12:51pm
Clegg: "£100 for dinner with me is the limit - I can't afford any more". 0
ianrbland 28.03.12 12:41pm
London 2012: Surface-to-air missile defences for Olympic Games

Surface-to-air missiles could be used to protect the skies over London during the 2012 Olympic Games. Defence Secretary Philip Hammond said they would be rolled out if military top brass decide they...

Exiled Royal 28.03.12 12:39pm
Exiled Royal
No. 10 cancels order for hot tub. More soon. 0
ianrbland 28.03.12 12:34pm
Viagra addict kicks habit - says he didn't find it hard. More soon 0
ianrbland 28.03.12 12:27pm
Cameron comes out fighting in the 'cash for access' row

In the light of the Sunday Times revelations that the Tory party are taking money in exchange for access to David Cameron the Prime Minister has come out fighting. Far from distancing himself from...

Exiled Royal 28.03.12 12:13pm
Exiled Royal
If it’s a haulage driver you’re after, look no further,insists Yorkshire Ripper

Mass murderer, Peter Sutcliffe, has offered to help out in the event of strike by tanker drivers if the government agrees to renew his HGV licence, according to reports. The Ripper has declared that...

Gary Stanton 28.03.12 12:03pm
Gary Stanton
David Cameron in shock as "La Tory" restaurant slips places on TripAdvisor

reviewers cite extortionate prices...

quango 28.03.12 11:45am
Cobra meets to discuss government panic over fuel strike

The civil contingencies committee Cobra is meeting today to discuss plans on how to deal with government panic over the threatened fuel strike. 'Cameron's panic over the threatened strike could...

roybland 28.03.12 11:38am
Nick Clegg forced to bring UK economy back to earth after David Cameron goes mad

The Primeminister, working for ToryBlue lost his mind in mid term and threatened to "take the whole country down". Alarmed electors became aware of the incident when the Deputy Primeminister,...

Ian Searle 28.03.12 11:19am
Ian Searle
Race on to dive to bottom of porn stars gash

“It's been an exciting week,” billionaire Dick Branston said, "No one has been there since the mid sixties" Four contenders have been working on various “Gash-Boats” since 2005; the race is...

RJWinter 28.03.12 10:29am
Simon Cowell to offer Burglary Brick a two album recording deal

Simon Cowell sensationally annouced that the brick used by a Crazed female fan to rob his house has been offered a lucrative recording contract including 2 Albums. Mr Cowell was reportedly impressed...

Scronnyglonkle 28.03.12 10:22am
Price of stamps set to increase to encourage even more people not to use them

Ofcom have announced that controls on the price of stamps will be withdrawn, somehow believing that charging more will help the struggling Royal Mail, rather than encouraging even more people to find...

Vertically Challenged Giant 28.03.12 9:46am
Google Earth Residents' Association issues notice to 'scruffy' Norway

Chairman of the Google Earth Residents' association Jerome Hanley has finally taken action against a nuisance neighbour. Poorly maintained, scruffy and with several bits missing, the state of the...

28.03.12 9:44am
ITV to drop all pretence with ‘Britain’s Got Freaks’

As the ratings battle for television talent shows continues to rage, ITV is set to steal a march on its competitors with what it hails as the ultimate point-and-laugh viewing experience:...

jp1885 28.03.12 9:34am