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Toilet paper voice-over man “to try his hand at poetry”

The man whose soft Liverpool voice has long become synonymous with wiping your bottom, or your Labrador puppy’s bottom, has decided on an unlikey new venture. He’s started to write poems. ...

nickb 01.11.12 2:38pm
Common Agricultural Policy "should be posher" say Tories 0
nickb 01.11.12 1:44pm
Lucasfilm halves in value after Disney take it out of the box ... 0
Kramaring 01.11.12 1:38pm
"Walking with humans" is no. 1 on dolphin "things to do before you die" list

An extensive worldwide survey conducted by YOLO (Dolphin and Porpoise) plc. has found that walking with humans is now no 1 on dolphin bucket lists, beating the previous winner, "dick about aimlessly...

jamsieoconnor 01.11.12 1:28pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
Gastropubs on the verge of wiping out Hotpot from Pub menus

The once staple pub menu favourite the hotpot is on the verge of extinction after Gastropubs, Family friendly eateries and carvaries have all but replaced the traditonal country pub or soap opera pub...

simonjmr 01.11.12 12:30pm
Curiosity Mars rover finds soil similar to Skegness's and Milton Keynes 0
simonjmr 01.11.12 12:08pm
Disney quick in attempting to quash UK Jedi religous order 0
simonjmr 01.11.12 11:44am
Rolf Harris Shagged my Dog..

More on that later...

victimms 01.11.12 10:47am
Met well by moonlighting 0
Lucy4 01.11.12 10:40am
Sandy to be progressively downgraded to "a mild huff"

Throughout the week Hurricane Sandy has been down graded from Hurricane to storm via Cyclone and tropical storm. Metrologists are predicting that by the weekend Sandy will have been further...

simonjmr 01.11.12 9:43am
Romney woos black voters with unpaid servant plan

At a press conference today, Mitt Romney made an audacious play for the black vote by outlining a scheme where each black family would be provided with an unpaid servant who would assist with cooking...

Yikes 01.11.12 9:13am
"Some Internet news stories fabricated" - claims found-alive Elvis

Recently returned to the living, the legendary singer Elvis Presley has announced that after spending the past 10 years looking at the Internet, some of the stories found there are not entirely...

apepper 01.11.12 7:53am
Radio Times gets good reception on the Isle of Wight

Advances in radio wave reception technology on the Isle of Wight have opened up a whole new world to its residents. ‘We’ve had plug-in wirelesses for some years,’ said local man Paul Leblanc...

malgor 01.11.12 1:04am
Evil empire buys evil empire in bid to finally destroy childhood

Lucasfilm, the evil empire founded by film-maker George Lucas, has announced a buy-out by fellow evil empire Disney. The deal was signed in nerd’s blood by Lucas and Disney’s current Emperor,...

Darkbill 2.0 01.11.12 12:59am
Spelling mistake on Chelsea Clattenberg complaint forces apology from Mr Kipling 0
Sheepback 31.10.12 11:54pm
I'm sick of this Savile Row. I will get my suits elsewhere. 0
george.scofield 31.10.12 11:48pm
1/4 of spaniards are out of work but it is the afternoon so that's expected 0
george.scofield 31.10.12 11:46pm
Murdoch unveils statue of Sir Savile outside BBC Television Centre

Top media bastard Rupert Murdoch has unveiled a statue to the late Sir James Savile, on an undersize paedium overlooking the BBC’s headquarters. Naked, heavily tarnished and sitting astride a cowed...

Nunnion Splendacular 31.10.12 11:11pm
Punjabi Maiden covers band records 'Sikhs Sikhs Sikhs, The Number of the Beast' 3
Idiot 31.10.12 10:20pm
Nuclear deterrent annoucement - Minister accused of 'jumping the sub' 0
custard cream 31.10.12 9:57pm
custard cream
Kauto Star retires after accusations of racism towards black horses. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 31.10.12 8:42pm
Monkeys announce rival Premier League

Faithfully imitating the old saying, 'Monkey see, monkey do', thousands of British monkeys in captivity have joined forces to form their very own Football Premier League. London Zoo, with easily the...

31.10.12 5:28pm
Tyson sex change operation ‘a complete success’ say surgeons

Former world heavyweight champion of the world Mike Tyson is said to be ‘feeling fine’ after undergoing Sex Reassignment Surgery at a clinic near Beverley Hills., Once known as The Baddest Man...

Uncle Bertie 31.10.12 5:07pm
Uncle Bertie
University athlete disqualified for being 'too good' 0
Dumbnews 31.10.12 4:55pm
Eddie goes really bad

Squudge 31.10.12 4:51pm
‘No new shoes or handbags, bitch, until I see you iron,’ Maidenhead man insists.

[url=]Neat-O[/url] (I hasten to add)...

malgor 31.10.12 4:06pm
RyanAir centre seat voted the best thing since the iron maiden. 0
weematt 31.10.12 3:47pm
Initial voyage of new atomic submarine was "more positive than negative" 3
charlies_hat 31.10.12 3:40pm
Vacant ‘Freedom of Scarborough’ honour listed on eBay. Bid stands at 99p... 1
Tripod 31.10.12 2:43pm
"I made Ronin" album big hit for Elvis / Brit metal band Aaron Maiden 0
simonjmr 31.10.12 2:14pm