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Unemployment figures slightly less dreadful 0
Christopher Frost 13.07.11 1:15pm
Christopher Frost
Sainsbury's replace Jamie Oliver with more popular stars - like Rebekah Brooks

Sainsbury’s is to film a series of TV adverts with new ‘guest’ stars like Rebekah Brooks and Nick Clegg, specially chosen for being “more popular than Jamie Oliver”., Following the...

FraserWords 13.07.11 1:12pm
Britons go for gold in Olympic dogging

Pundits say Terry and Liz Picnic could be the first Britons to grab gold at London 2012 after a shock development in the debut Olympic sport of dogging., The Picnics are now hot favourites for glory...

FraserWords 13.07.11 1:07pm
Rare dual-sex butterfly just wants some quiet time alone with itself. 0
Ostsee 13.07.11 12:22pm
Deluded couple somehow expect to still be happy after 11 bloody years

Psychiatrists up and down Britain are rolling their eyes in disbelief after a Swindon couple, Paul and Sophie Rice, announced that they were seeking marriage guidance because of a crisis in their...

Oxbridge 13.07.11 3:40pm
Miliband enjoys poll boost thanks to James Earl Jones voice-over

Ed Miliband has received a welcome boost in popularity, following consultation with media specialists. Criticised recently for his stilted responses, weak voice and unrealistic face, the leader of...

13.07.11 8:18pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
Corinthians to sign Tevez if they can show him where his family actually live

Brazilian side Corinthians are confident they can persuade Carlos Tevez to join them if they can sit down and show him where Buenos Aires, Sao Paulo and Manchester actually are on a map., The...

Solanki and Mawhinney 13.07.11 6:23pm
Solanki and Mawhinney
Phone hacking not investigated as police were busy with, you know, stuff

A Metropolitan police officer said that the NI phone hacking case was not properly investigated first time around as ‘they were really busy with all sorts of, you know, stuff’., Peter Clarke was...

Solanki and Mawhinney 13.07.11 2:00pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
News International to launch soft drink Dandy Liar and Murdoch 0
simonjmr 13.07.11 11:10am
Unemployment offices besieged by disappointed ex-Murdoch Journalists

"Where are our four bed-roomed houses and £60K benefit payments?" asked one disgruntled former hack, "I am almost ready to believe Murdoch has been lying to the public"...

Tom55 13.07.11 10:49am
News International and BSKYB in talks to sponsor Deal or No Deal 0
simonjmr 13.07.11 10:49am
British Gas announces 50% increase in announcements of price increases

British Gas has today announced that they will be increasing their amount of gas price increase announcements by 50% with effect from the start of next month. The announcement will come as another...

Vertically Challenged Giant 13.07.11 1:18pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
New NI chief exec Rebekah White says 'trail has gone cold on my predecessor'

Tossing her fiery hair and with her eyes flicking nervously from side to side, the incoming News International editor added "I must repeat that I have no knowledge whatsoever of the whereabouts of...

pere floza 13.07.11 10:14am
pere floza
Man who works down the chip shop turns out to actually be Elvis. 0
Ian Searle 13.07.11 10:07am
Ian Searle
Nigel's parents admit things haven't turned out the way they planned.

After he was made redundant by British Steel...

Ian Searle 15.07.11 11:11pm
Plague of Leemings descends on Cornwall town

St Austell was today overrun by a Monsato manufactured plague of Leemings. The convivial host of 5,000 cloned newsreaders swamped the small shopping centre in St. Austell before moving on rapidly to...

simonjmr 13.07.11 10:02am
02 reveals to Camelot the identity of Euromillions winner

£161 million is enough to buy a newspaper or start a TV network...

Laughingstock 13.07.11 9:45am
€ millions winner warned not to buy light aircraft and learn to fly

The UK's biggest € millions winner has today been warned not to use their newly acquired wealth to buy their very own light aircraft and take flying lessions. A Camelot psychologist has been...

simonjmr 13.07.11 9:34am
Female praying mantis diagnosed with male eating disorder 0
Duncan Biscuit 13.07.11 8:58am
Duncan Biscuit
Bridlington’s chip-stealing seagulls to return to Scotland on Saturday 0
Duncan Biscuit 13.07.11 8:58am
Duncan Biscuit
Suspended Johann Hari says ‘Forgive them for they know not what they do’ 0
Duncan Biscuit 13.07.11 8:57am
Duncan Biscuit
Tabloid journalists welcome news cheque books are not to be scrapped 0
Duncan Biscuit 13.07.11 8:57am
Duncan Biscuit
Hacking reveals Thatcher wanted Miliband “to pull pants down on BBC”

Ed Miliband’s chief adviser was today forced out of the closet which contained his blue ties, blue socks and a David Willets blow up doll. Since taking over as leader in September, Miliband has...

Fred Bayr 13.07.11 8:22am
Fred Bayr
Italian Economic Crisis Deepens: Berlusconi seen buying violin. 2
Stan 13.07.11 10:01am
Rebekah Brooks should go now, urges Gaddafi

Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi is urging News International CEO Rebekah Brooks to 'do the right thing and leave now.' In an interview on Libyan state television, Gaffafi says: "She may well be...

Darkbill 2.0 13.07.11 1:04pm
Sun urges Times readers to switch to Telegraph in hacking protest. 0
Ostsee 13.07.11 6:31am
Australian Gothic

red 13.07.11 10:31am
Ed Miliband fires his Speech writer and political adviser,David said it was fun

while it lasted...

doggone 12.07.11 10:23pm
Researcher amazed to discover in archives that an actor was not only

used for Churchill's radio speeches,one was also used at the Yalta conference as Churchill took his grandchildren to school.When Nick Clegg was told of this, he replied that he was encouraged and it...

doggone 12.07.11 10:11pm
Fury as 50% of tickets for Olympic Beatles gig 'reserved for surviving members'

Ticket allocations for the 2012 London Olympics faced more controversy today. As news that The Beatles will reform for the opening ceremony filtered through, it was disclosed that half of the tickets...

12.07.11 8:51pm