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Laboratoires Garnier to test Arafat remains

Palestinian leaders have chosen Laboratoires Garnier to conduct tests that will confirm whether Yasser Arafat was poisoned with polonium-210 or other lethal substances. ‘We’ve seen their adverts...

DustyBinLaden 02.12.12 12:27pm
Sensational new Poker Mental website announced

Announcing the sensational new Poker Mental online, Come and join our online Poker Mental weekend. Choose your preferred poker and join thousands of others poking a fire to keep the embers...

Not Amused 02.12.12 11:15am
Britain to franchise use of English language to resolve budget deficit

Chancellor George Osborne has unveiled a new plan to get Britain out of its economic hole. After the Conservatives privatised everything they could think of in the 1980s, they have long considered...

harry 02.12.12 9:47am
Climate change denier goes on trail at The Hauge.

Burn him Oh wait, don't burn him think of the omissions. Use the solar powered Electric chair...

Bourbon 02.12.12 9:43am
Leveson findings: the only way is ethics

Delivering his withering report on the standards of the British press, Lord Justice Brian Leveson – ‘Bri’ – said: ‘OMG, what them dodgy papers have been doin’ is bang out of order. I...

Clarky 02.12.12 9:23am
PM speaks: I'd like to talk to you now about another fracking problem 0
Drylaw 01.12.12 8:15pm
British stars triumph at North Korean TV Awards 3
01.12.12 8:12pm
Sports news and weather report to be combined: in New Zealand, it’s all black. 0
sigmund 01.12.12 6:10pm
Flintoff dropped by Jacamo after breaching terms of contract

Freddie Flintoff has been dropped as the big face of Jacamo after losing almost four stone in preparation for his recent professional boxing debut. 'It was not a decision we took lightly.' said a...

Qoxiivi 01.12.12 4:51pm
Government dismiss Fracking report, Leveson not to be implemented

No Fracking way...

virtuallywill 01.12.12 4:47pm
Internet working again in Damascus, BT deny responsibility

off again in a bit...

virtuallywill 01.12.12 4:34pm
NoTW hacked my phone, complains Alexander Graham Bell 2
Oxbridge 01.12.12 4:16pm
South Korea ‘gravely concerned’ at giant North Korean milk bottle

North Korea’s preparations to launch a long-range rocket are underway. A 300-foot-high glass milk bottle has appeared at the Sohae base in the north of the country. Despite South Korea’s...

DustyBinLaden 01.12.12 3:16pm
Sports Personality Defect of the Year Award - pyschiatrists to vote

Last year, the Sports Personality Defect of the Year was monomania, as experienced by Sir Alex Ferguson. This year it’s almost certain to be passive-aggressive syndrome. A major symptom:...

nickb 01.12.12 1:55pm
Cliff's unique gift to a grateful Nation. No Christmas 2012 single

more later (probably)...

dvo4fun 01.12.12 1:01pm
custard cream
Freddie Flintoff’s record “flawless” as he retires from boxing...

After a boxing career that spanned nearly a whole evening, Andrew ‘Freddie’ Flintoff has decided to hang up his gloves. Freddie himself was too pissed to attend the press conference, leaving his...

Tripod 01.12.12 10:43am
Scotland to introduce minimum pricing for batter.

More casual racism soon...

TheNewsWalrus 01.12.12 8:00am
Andrew Flintoff Fails Breathalyser Test During F1 Debut

The world of motorsport was left reeling last night as news emerged that ex England and Lancashire cricketer Andrew Fintoff was disqualified from taking part in The British Grand Prix at Silverstone...

Jonny Shlep 01.12.12 4:59am
Jonny Shlep
Spearmint Hippo, the first lap-dancing club for chubbies, opens in Hull...

Locals on Withernsea Road in Hull are watching with interest as a new lap-dancing club opens up in their neighbourhood. Spearmint Hippo claims to offer something new in the ‘bit like sex, but not...

Tripod 30.11.12 10:46pm
ricky gervaise found to have multiple user names on newsbiscuit - 2

must be him!, he's the only twat who would use the term "mentals" in supposedly satirical pieces. surely?...

arthurminnit 30.11.12 9:31pm
Stanleys Dad
Lord Leveson filming 'Gangnam style video' to promote press report 0
custard cream 30.11.12 7:33pm
custard cream
F1 teams go to Qwik Fit in bid to find tyres that will last more than 70 miles

A number of Formula One teams are looking into the possibility of sourcing their tyres from Qwik Fit as they attempt to find tyres that will actually last race distance. According to insider sources...

Smart Alex 30.11.12 6:46pm
Smart Alex
Glamour model works up a froth at Cornish museum

When twenty two year old glamour model Arabella Mason took on the role of a costumed guide at the Manor Farm Museum in Cornwall little did she realise how much it would change her life. Unable to...

Dick Everyman 30.11.12 4:58pm
Queen of Tarts
Nah, not funny 9
dvo4fun 30.11.12 4:10pm
Hmm, who to trust? MPs/Press? Press/MPs? MPs/Press? Press/MPs? ...... KABOOM!!

More later...

dvo4fun 30.11.12 3:59pm
2 hurt by shrapnel in Christmas cracker factory explosion 0
Nails UK 30.11.12 3:36pm
Nails UK
Manchester wins "Most Piraty UK" Competition

Celebration yesterday as Manchester beat stiff competition from Nottingham and Southampton be confirmed as representing Britain in this years International "Most Piraty" Competition., Previous...

Stick Man 30.11.12 3:35pm
Stick Man
New supermarket 'yo-yo' pricing agreement comes with strings attached. 0
weematt 30.11.12 2:59pm
Leveson findings: the only way is ethics 4
Clarky 30.11.12 2:58pm
Leveson debate: Clegg page 3 proposal creates stiff opposition. 0
weematt 30.11.12 2:40pm