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'It really is an extra leg' claims Jake the Peg 0
medici2471 05.01.13 5:47pm
John Bishop told he can no longer use his surname unless he remains celibate 0
Ian Searle 05.01.13 4:38pm
Ian Searle
Swindon resident turns garden into lucrative toll road

An 80 foot toll road has been opened by the Duchess of York, on a housing estate just outside Swindon. Featuring a shed, some petunias and a gnome with a fishing rod, the route shaves vital seconds...

Dawsons creek 05.01.13 3:11pm
Fearing reprisals, Belfast man still refuses to take down Jubilee bunting 0
medici2471 05.01.13 3:09pm
Retired German brothers restore V2 rocket

Two brothers from Berlin with an interest in WW2 technology have successfully restored a V2 rocket. The projectile, which features hydrogen power, a primitive guidance system and 200 kilos of high...

Dawsons creek 05.01.13 2:02pm
Facebook page fails to end all human suffering

A page set up on social media site asking members to 'click like for world peace' has not saved the planet despite reaching 5,000 likes in three days. With news coverage becoming ever...

Hooch 05.01.13 1:47pm
'Bashing the gay bishop' not a euphemism say COE

More coming soon...

Psycadelic Squirrel 05.01.13 1:35pm
Police arrest everyone as Google reveal those who searched 'paedophile' in 2012. 0
MADJEZ 05.01.13 12:12pm
Man seeking handsome plant surprised to wake up in Leeds Hospital 6
Yikes 05.01.13 10:49am
Dick Everyman
"Up to" twenty Bishops opt out of child benefit. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 05.01.13 10:36am
Al OPecia
Red Bull drinker in grouse shooting tragedy 0
Dick Everyman 05.01.13 9:07am
Dick Everyman
Comedy starved inmates ask police to arrest a funny comedian

The prospect of sharing a cell with Jim Davidson or Freddie Starr has failed to excite Britain’s prison population, who were hoping that someone funny like Michael McIntyre would be arrested....

Yikes 05.01.13 9:03am
Dick Everyman
CofE Gives Full Support for Gay Bishops Provided They Don’t Go Around Being Gay

CofE Gives Full Support for Gay Bishops As Long As They Don’t Go Around Being Homosexual, , The Church of England has given its full backing to the appointment of gay bishops, provided they...

willedwards 05.01.13 8:56am
Dick Everyman
Wave of Iranian kleptomaniacs seek asylum in the UK

UKIP Immigration spokesmen Adolf Stuart lashed out at inadequate government controls after it emerged that a planeload of Iranians with criminal records for theft have arrived at Leeds Airport and...

Yikes 05.01.13 7:42am
Eyebrows raised as BBC announce new celebrity pairing for 'Strictly Road Show'.

pinxit 04.01.13 10:52pm
Hand transplant man 'no longer has to lie on his arm'

A former pub landlord from West Yorkshire became the first recipient of a hand transplant is said to be making good progress. Using techniques pioneered in France, surgeons in Leeds attached a donor...

johnnydobbo 04.01.13 10:44pm
Tess Goes
Dead man survived by wife, two children and a Tesco ‘bag for life’... 1
Tripod 04.01.13 10:31pm
Tess Goes
UK's first knob transplant a 'let down'

"feels like I'm tugging someone else off" laments pub landlord...

Squudge 04.01.13 10:22pm
Dick Everyman
Rail companies clamp down on commuter seat hoggers

Following complaints from passengers over selfish commuters hogging table space, train companies are to introduce a ban on commuting with a range of office related items. From next April commuters...

Dick Everyman 04.01.13 10:04pm
Dick Everyman
‘Health & Safety made me ill’ claims worker

A man who suffered a mental breakdown at work has blamed the condition on his employer’s Health and Safety programme. In particular, Mr Ian Murrell argued that he had become paranoid about...

Midfield Diamond 04.01.13 10:01pm
Tess Goes
Tony Blair first patient to receive pioneering moral integrity transplant

See that? That's satire that is!...

custard cream 04.01.13 9:56pm
Tess Goes
Surgeon confirms that donor hand "had to match patient's nostril"

The surgeon responsible for the UK's first hand transplant has explained that apart from tissue type matching, the most crucial check was that the index finger would be a snug fit in the nostril...

apepper 04.01.13 9:39pm
Church of England confirms bishopric is not a term of abuse 1
custard cream 04.01.13 9:07pm
UK renounces territorial claims to the Isle of Wight

Shocked residents of the Isle of Wight were said to be disappointed last night as the British Government finally agreed that the island should be returned to Argentinian control. One local resident,...

Smart Alex 04.01.13 8:57pm
Smart Alex
X Factor Winner 2012 Pencilled In For Dancing On Ice 2016

X Factor Winner James Arthur revealed how he has mapped out his future career., The pop star who used to have a proper job that I can't be bothered to look up said "I don't want to drift aimlessly...

Sexton A Blake 04.01.13 8:47pm
Sexton A Blake
Gay-bishop basher sect allow gay bishops, if they only bash own bishops.

Choir boys are reserved....

olddoc 04.01.13 8:43pm
Hand donor named as "Luke Skywalker"

Grateful Mark Cahill has thanked Luke Skywalker for donating his hand after a "work-related" accident...

apepper 04.01.13 8:17pm
Cliff Richard’s todger, described as "like new”, used in first penis transplant. 0
Tripod 04.01.13 8:05pm
Alex Ferguson’s gum-assistant leaves after row over pre-chewing technique

Mario Baronelli, Alex Ferguson’s famously headstrong chewing gum-preparer has quit Manchester United after a disagreement over mastication strategy. Baronelli, rarely seen away from Ferguson’s...

nickb 04.01.13 8:05pm
custard cream
NHS appoints Fat Controller as Obesity Tsar 0
custard cream 04.01.13 7:39pm
custard cream