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Basildon's housewives braced for clothes peg shortage 3
roybland 20.09.11 6:57pm
Dale Farm situation described as 'tents' 4
SpankyMonkey 20.09.11 5:40pm
Al OPecia
Tennis strike may affect UK weather

Chaos theory experts predict that the possible tennis strike if timed correctly, in conjunction with the 140,000 people not gathering in one place in Somerset, could lead to perfect weather for the...

Screenie 20.09.11 4:38pm
Tennis players may strike, says Murray. World wide apathy breaks out. 0
arthurminnit 20.09.11 3:51pm
Amusing section of James Cordon stand up routine 'just a funny five minutes' 4
Screenie 20.09.11 3:32pm
Barack Obama Bananarama Llama Farmer Drama

US president Barack Obama is reported "unfazed" after a llama, presented to him by ex-Bananarama singer Jacquie O'Sullivan - who now owns her own llama farm in Stroud, Gloucestershire - escaped...

Chris Niven-Brady 20.09.11 3:13pm
Cayman Island Charity 'grateful' for £1m donation from Rupert Murdoch 0
pinxit 20.09.11 12:44pm
Home Office to phase out full-facial passport photos for gimps

The Home Office is to waive the rule which insists on a full-facial photograph where the applicant is a leather-clad sex slave habitually used to peering through a mask. The proposed moves follows...

Gary Stanton 20.09.11 12:27pm
Royal Break-up: Wills "not good enough for my Kate" says Dad

A stunned world reeled last night as Michael Middleton, father of the Duchess of Cambridge, confirmed recent rumours of a royal rift. Speaking to reporters outside his Berkshire home, Mr Middleton...

Drylaw 20.09.11 12:25pm
Obituary: David Bowie’s ‘Laughing Gnome’ dies after a short illness.

The King of Rockery’n’Roll, Gnorman the Gnome, famed for his seventies hit single ‘The Laughing Gnome” with David Bowie has died after a short illness. He was 2 foot 6. Although the duet...

Stan 20.09.11 12:02pm
16 Certificate urged for films containing mopeds 0
20.09.11 11:55am
Married conjoined twins to have trial separation 4
jp1885 20.09.11 11:47am
Met Office to start naming drizzle

In an effort to sex up the weather forecast, the Met Office will begin issuing names to weather fronts containing drizzle. Weather Squadron Leader Wincey Willis went on to predict that "Drizzle...

grottymonty 20.09.11 11:19am
Energy Secretary Chris Huhne to make it easier to transfer speeding tickets. 0
MADJEZ 20.09.11 10:47am
Man travels from future to confirm time travel is not possible

Scores of scientific theories were laid to rest yesterday when physicist Brian Furrowes arrived from the year 2121 to confirm that time travel is not possible. Furrowes, 52, who will be born in...

Chris Niven-Brady 20.09.11 10:43am
Chris Niven-Brady
Student re-united with missing rugger-sock

Bangor University student Thomas Llewellyn, who feared he had lost one of his best rugger-socks, is delighted to be re-united with it following a cleaning mission beneath his bed. Student Halls’...

Dick Everyman 20.09.11 10:27am
Dick Everyman
Suicidal schizophrenic "couldn't live with himself any longer"

More later...

spoole2112 20.09.11 10:10am
Twins seperate surgeons in theatre melee

A potentially life threatening scuffle between two eminent scalpel wielding neurosurgeons was halted today by plucky twin hospital cleaners and former nightclub bouncers Vince and Clive Savage. The...

spoole2112 20.09.11 10:07am
Man has bargain £90 rowing machine sent straight to council recycling facility

When the email from Groupon arrived offering a half-price York R510 rowing machine, Mile Richards was ecstatic "I've always wanted one to go along with the weights bench, cross trainer and cycling...

antharrison 20.09.11 10:05am
greg various
unesco to declare basildon farm world heritage site 1
4ty2 20.09.11 10:01am
greg various
32% rely on smartphone to cross road

A report has revealed that almost a third of the population are now unable to walk to the shops or cross a busy road without the aid of a smartphone. When older types of mobile device are taken into...

Des Custard 20.09.11 9:21am
Des Custard
Shelling continues near pea packaging plant

Unconfirmed reports from sources within Bird's Eye of intensive shelling throughout the night at it's strategic Grimsby site, more to follow...

tedweasel 20.09.11 8:56am
Man sues church for not being molested

A Brighton man, who wishes to remain unnamed, is suing the church on grounds of sexual discrimination and neglect., In a recent interview he said "It is not fair, I was neglected, I just had to...

RJWinter 20.09.11 8:51am
.'red rum ton yletinifed' htaed niaCcM 1
SpankyMonkey 20.09.11 8:40am
Call for all graphic images to be banned from films.

Researchers from Wetwang University, East Yorkshire, have called for graphic images of any kind to be banned from all films. After years of time consuming and very expensive research, boffins at the...

spoole2112 20.09.11 8:37am
Teenage girls in tears, as rumours of imminent Eurozone break-up spreads 3
simonjmr 20.09.11 8:26am
Hairy Potter Sued by J. K. Rowling.

Headline idea...

RJWinter 20.09.11 7:02am
America's Super Rich Expected to Dodge Frontline Duty in Upcoming Class War 0
TokyoTomato 20.09.11 6:59am
Local man to flaunt his uniqueness by wearing plain clothes 0
Dumbnews 20.09.11 4:59am
Manchester Police report increase in "suicide by burglary" 1
greg various 19.09.11 9:36pm