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Mad Hatter lands mercury nomination 1
simonjmr 4 years

"It sorts out my felt lovely, but the teeth loss, itching and pink cheeks are a bit of a blancmange" said J'ame Milliner. More soon...
Karzai reaffirms 2014 goal of getting a new robe 0
Dumbnews 4 years
RSPCA to investigate as depressed IT Manager re-boots cat 0
riesler 4 years

miaow soon...
Vicar enjoys uneventful afternoon tea at middle class couple's home 7
Oxbridge 4 years

When Terry and June Donaldson's 13-year-old son Alexander joined the church choir at St Mark's in the pretty Devon village of Bovey Tracey, the Reverend Brian Watts feared it was only a matter of...
Voodoo practitioner scalps lawn with 'stupid' lawnmower height adjustment 0
QorbeQ 4 years
Katie Price “Raped” by Margaret Thatcher 2
newbietryer 4 years

Serial rape victim Jordan today claimed that society raped her of a decent upbringing. A child brought up in the eighties, the former face of Kwik Save says she holds Thatcher and her government...
asinine ad men assume Equus asinus acquiesces. 0
Erlang 4 years

Russian police hope to ensure shit falls from a great height...
BP “furious” after US seawater contaminates oil well 1
newbietryer 4 years

“We can’t refine it if it has seaweed in it “ – BP spokesperson...
Hadron Collider's scope scaled down as CERN attempts to detect storm in teacup 0
dicky37 4 years

[More soon]...
National days of mourning to be cut by 50% to create half days of morning 0
dicky37 4 years

[More soon]...
Illness ravages Macca's body as Penny Lane now 'in his ears and in his eyes' 0
dicky37 4 years

[More soon]...
Policeman's arm seen on street, explained! Residents reassured. 0
hero2zero 4 years

Residents of a London suburb, alarmed at the vision of a Policeman's arm patrolling the streets were reassured when they learnt that only 10% of today's police are visible on the streets. One...
Nervous Cameron had "hidden monkeys", aide explains 3
simonjmr 4 years
Octopus to head up OBR 2
thogg 4 years

Paul the octopus has succeeded Sir Alan Budd as head of the independent Office for Budget Responibility which forecasts growth for the UK economy. It is believed that he joined them on free transfer...
Non-emergency vehicles get green-light for 'blue-light' license 0
QorbeQ 4 years

The government has released details of planned changes to road traffic legislation, granting non-emergency vehicles the same road privileges as the emergency services 'provided they cough up'. The...
New Government rules require Paedophiles to get written parental consent 1
simonjmr 4 years

David Cameron yesterday unveiled his vision for a "Big Society" - where a "new culture of voluntarism, philanthropy and social action. This is about trying to have a bigger, better society and a firm...
Shock as 'elephant in the room' turns out to be real elephant. 0
Ian Searle 4 years

But nobody wants to talk about it...
Police bring 'satisfactory close' to supermarket water pistol siege 0
QorbeQ 4 years

A tense police stand-off with a gun-wielding maniac developed in a Barnstaple supermarket car park today after an apparently minor spat between Kyle Ward and his parents inside the family's local...
Asbestos only harmful if you breathe it in, Gove tells schoolchildren 0
Gary Stanton 4 years

Under-fire Education Secretary, Michael Gove, last night reassured children in Britain’s crumbling schools that the asbestos they like to play with during break-time won’t kill them unless they...
Government to outsource care of comatose NHS patients to Wackenhut Corporation 0
la maga 4 years

In what has been hailed by consultants as a massive cost-saving measure, the care of comatose NHS patients, including those in a permanent vegetative state, is to be put out to tender to private...
BP to line sea floor with Clingfilm 0
jp1885 4 years
Ex-MI5 bossdenies saying 'I spy with my little eye something beginning with WMD' 0
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
Cameron reinvents the wheel 5
4 years

The small rural town of Nimby in Cumbria was praised in the Commons today by Dave Cameron for their alternative energy scheme inspired by his Big Society plans. Instead of erecting dozens of...
Academies Bill says he won’t be rushed 0
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
‘Poor relation’ crime victims confused and angry that bankers got away with it 0
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
'Hose pipe amnesty' to be trialled in place of outright ban 0
dicky37 4 years

UK's worst offenders urged to anonymously hand in thousands of hoses, garden sprinklers and pressure washers at police stations, 'no questions asked'...
Moat: Northumberland police now seeking to 'build bridges' 0
dicky37 4 years

[More soon]...
Media tycoon released on bail by US appeals court. Is it 'cause he's Black? 0
Erlang 4 years
International gobshite Glenn Beck says he may (or may not) ｇｏ　ｂｌｉｎｄ within 0
arrghgarry 4 years

a year because of macular dystrophy .Elton John has a hit song already lined up., Deaf,dumb and blind kid sure talks a load of balls...
The Big Issue to be renamed Big Society News..... 0
BillyBitzer 4 years