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Pasty Gate Latest

I built a gate out of pasties. Fell apart when I tried to open it. Smelt good though...

GillsImp 31.03.12 5:05pm
Cameron demands ministerial announcements are subject to gaffe controls.

Following a long and difficult week Prime Minister Cameron has decreed that all ministerial announcements are checked for gaffes, and any escape is controlled quickly. Cabinet Minister Francis Maude...

weematt 31.03.12 4:42pm
Labour "not insensitive to petrol injury woman" claims spokesman, Andy Burnham 0
LittleSpender 31.03.12 4:30pm
Calls for Maude's resignation intensify as fire breaks out on cruise ship 1
nostra da mouse 31.03.12 3:46pm
Shock Portas Pilot Town win for Mogadishu

The citizens of war-torn Mogadishu have erupted into a frenzy of celebration as news broke that their city had been picked to become a Portas Pilot Town. The Somalian capital was considered a rank...

flim-flam 31.03.12 1:25pm
"Big Society" To Be Narrowed Down To Two Divisions......

Division 1: Dave's mates., Division 2: Those who can see the "Big Society" in the 'all together.'...

Jesse Bigg 31.03.12 12:36pm
Jesse Bigg
Eating out: Chip shop chain to use only LowVAT* fryers.

Cheapass Chips, the popular high street chip shop chain intends to beat the budget by installing an innovative range of ambient temperature kitchen appliances. The new appliances known as LowVAT*...

weematt 31.03.12 12:35pm
"What's Happened? Is Something Amiss?", Asks Cameron.......

.As a recent poll survey reveals that UK voters are turning into Victor Meldrews. "I don't believe sh(one)t!"...

Jesse Bigg 31.03.12 12:15pm
Jesse Bigg
Tory Petrol Panic A Diversion.........

To allow Cameron to go on another overseas skive...

Jesse Bigg 31.03.12 11:47am
Jesse Bigg
Maude defends petrol position; "You should get your chauffeur to decant petrol"

Government minister, Francis Maude, has explained that he didn't mean for members of the public to decant petrol to store in one of their garages. "Obviously, one's chauffeur should do that sort of...

apepper 31.03.12 11:43am
Greggs launch petrol soaked pasties

Greggs the bakers have launched a new petrol soaked pasty product. It's sold cold and so avoids VAT yet can be easily heated simply by lighting with a match or lit cigarette. They can also be used as...

apepper 31.03.12 11:09am
Maude's position bolstered as gas flare extinguished 0
medici2471 31.03.12 11:05am
Francis Maude to duette with Prodigy at Glastonbury

Details of set list to be confirmed...

Scronnyglonkle 31.03.12 10:52am
Police say fire at Francis Maude's garage was just smoke and mirrors 2
Scronnyglonkle 31.03.12 10:50am
The Queen to get a new waxing. 0
wallster 31.03.12 10:45am
Dolphin friendly tuna invites dolphin to tea 3
nickb 31.03.12 10:34am
nostra da mouse
Strike on hold as fuel drivers receive overtime bonus from Cameron 0
nostra da mouse 31.03.12 10:25am
nostra da mouse
Obama Sin Laden following sexual congress

Americans are outraged to hear that their President has allegedly fathered 4 children out of wedlock. The Republican Senate was quick to condemn his extra-marital congress with the youngest wife of...

3zincold 31.03.12 10:02am
Francis Maude considers his careers options after call from No 10

Minister Francis Maude, considers his career options this weekend after many policians declare him the new saviour of carefully measured market intervention. Economists who have long considered the...

totnes 31.03.12 10:01am
MOD: We are using half-filled tanks to give the enemy less of a target

variant of an earlier one...

weematt 31.03.12 9:40am
“Eat your parents” urges Swift in “demographic bomb” re-write.

It was a classic satirical view, almost as relevant now as it was nearly three hundred years ago, when “Swiftie09” as he called himself then, posted it on Ye Newsmorsel. Eat your children. Now...

nickb 31.03.12 9:38am
Santorum: If Elected, I Promise to Repeal Last Two Centuries

WASHINGTON – Top GOP nominee Rick Santorum announced today that “should I be elected, I will take America back to when it was most pure – the 19th century. Men were men, and women and children...

Clavius 31.03.12 9:07am
Rumours of Aretha and Geroge album denied 0
nickb 31.03.12 8:45am
Police say body "probably no-one important"

Mystery still shrouds the identity of a female body found on a canal bank in Manchester last week, as police say they have yet to formally identify her or her cause of death. Detective Inspector...

jamsieoconnor 31.03.12 8:37am
Fury as Cameron tells queuing motorists to eat a pasty!

Cameron yesterday visited queuing motorists outside petrol stations awaiting a delivery of fuel said that they must keep calm and stay nourished, going from car to car offering free pasties., one...

wilkieone 31.03.12 8:34am
"Set fire to your homes,now."advises Francis Maude,

as Fire Brigades Union contemplates strike ballot...

Zen 31.03.12 8:28am
Francis Maude not part of smoke free homes campaign spokesman confirms 0
Mandy Lifeboat 31.03.12 8:26am
Mandy Lifeboat
Summer type of weather in March, was 'it' says forecasters

The past weeks 'Record' summer type of weather for March, was reported by forecasters today, as 'it'. When asked what they mean by 'it', a very 'matter of fact' forecaster responded, "we have the...

Claire 31.03.12 7:48am
Escorts to charge VAT for hot sex 0
wallster 31.03.12 7:46am
Mystery of travelling pasty!

Cameron's travelling pasty story continues., Cameron stated he ate a pasty at Leeds railway station, this was updated to Liverpool. one eye witness said she saw the pasty headed towards London Kings...

wilkieone 31.03.12 7:23am