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Widowed fruit and veg seller finally 'back on the market'

[More soon]...

1
dicky37 11.10.11 9:03pm
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Steve Jobs' coffin not expected to have windows. 1
wallster 11.10.11 9:01pm
button
OCD sufferers demand action over ‘deeply upsetting’ leaning Big Ben

OCD sufferers are demanding immediate action to straighten Big Ben. Experts believe the clock tower could be out of kilter by as much as 0.26 degrees. “One report claims that the tower is leaning...

14
11.10.11 8:49pm
JohnA
Bomb disposal engineers to help elderly switch on central heating

The government Is deploying crack army bomb disposal units to help Britain's elderly switch on their central heating this winter.,  , Fred (86) and Ethel (85) Wilkinson said they've been trying...

2
roybland 11.10.11 8:39pm
JohnA
Rail travellers urged to cuddle during rush-hour

Over-crowding on Britain's rail network could soon become a thing of the past, according to transport experts. A scheme encouraging rail users to accept each other in a tight embrace could increase...

6
11.10.11 8:02pm
John Ffitch-Rucker
Fox in right job. Look how good at defence he is, quips PM 2
Clarky 11.10.11 7:35pm
Clarky
Braehead shopping centre changes Photo Shopping policy

The owners of Braehead shopping centre have agreed that pictures of smiling customers can once again be PhotoShopped to look miserable, as they do NOT represent the majority of their visitors....

1
witless 11.10.11 6:38pm
witless
Rooney writes to UEFA to reduce ban

Dear Mr UEFA Must be a Euro thing as it was Dear Jim when I was a kid. Anyway, as bans go, three's a bit harsh ennit? And I was hoping that with my serious face and an extra weave due next week I...

0
brownpaperreporter 11.10.11 6:03pm
brownpaperreporter
“Adult” sites will be required to offer public service content.

In landmark legislation the Department of Media, Culture and Sport will require pornographic websites to carry news, educational or community programmes, or face shut down., “We’re not...

1
nickb 11.10.11 5:28pm
witless
TomTom launches Top Gear limited edition with voice of the Stig

gets muted response from Clarkson...

0
witless 11.10.11 5:22pm
witless
Migrants must pass 'Daily Mail test' to earn UK passport

Migrants will have to pass a 'Daily Mail test' to receive a UK passport, David Cameron announced yesterday. 'If migrants want to settle in our country,' the prime minister said, 'as well as...

0
roybland 11.10.11 4:16pm
roybland
Aled Jones finding walking in the air "increasingly difficult". More soon. 5
Al OPecia 11.10.11 4:04pm
borednow
A Tawdry Remit is confirmed for Dr Fox's friend

Dear Army Twit, Dame Tart Wiry, Dream Wary Tit, Married Twaty, Mated Rat Wiry, Reward May Tit More soon...

0
simonjmr 11.10.11 4:02pm
simonjmr
Stephen Fry of only average intelligence, scientists report

Using powerful mass hypnotism, triggered by a knowing smirk to camera, Stephen Fry has fooled the world for decades, making everyone think …...

0
Clarky 11.10.11 3:42pm
Clarky
Adam Werritty is Minister of Magic

In a shock announcement, it's been revealed that Adam Werritty is not actually a friend of Liam Fox but is, in fact, the Minister of Magic. The long rumoured position was in a similar quasi-legal...

0
apepper 11.10.11 3:41pm
apepper
Meryl Streep bad actor, boffins conclude

Using powerful mass hypnotism, triggered by the use of funny foreign accents, Meryl Streep has fooled the world for decades, making everyone think …...

0
Clarky 11.10.11 3:36pm
Clarky
Dry Cleaners deny drug trade rumours

The Legion of British Dry Cleaners last night released a press statement strongly denying recent allegations regarding their business practices in UK. "We are not and never have been connected to...

0
Drylaw 11.10.11 3:29pm
Drylaw
George Clooney not really good-looking, investigation reveals

Using powerful mass hypnotism, triggered by a playful crinkle of his eyes, George Clooney has fooled the world for decades, making everyone think …...

0
Clarky 11.10.11 3:15pm
Clarky
Dr Fox "we can deploy Comic Sans within 30 minutes"

Embattled Dr Liam Fox has today announced that the UK can deploy "Comic Sans" within 30 minutes, in the hope that this news will deflect attention away from the Werrity scandal that has erupted...

0
simonjmr 11.10.11 3:04pm
simonjmr
Renault targets impulse killer market with extra boot space

is nothing sacred here....

4
vertical 11.10.11 2:39pm
Midfield Diamond
SHOPPERS TO WEAR VIRTUAL REALITY GLASSES IN SHOPPING CENTRES.

FOLLOWING the recent story that a man was told to delete photographs of his daughter taken in Braehead Shopping Centre in Glasgow by Police and Security staff, the Scottish Government has today...

0
delightfullyodd 11.10.11 2:31pm
delightfullyodd
"Universe is leaning slightly", claims builders of Big Ben

The building company who constructed St Stephen's clock tower (generally known as "Big Ben") have claimed that the entire universe is tilted by .26 degrees. "This is a huge problem.", they went on,...

7
apepper 11.10.11 1:45pm
writinginbsl
Fox hounded from office

The hunt is on...

2
apepper 11.10.11 1:44pm
AvidReader
Tesco launch “Fetch” produced from pure pedigree dogs

Tesco announce their launch of a new range of foods produced from excess to requirement pet dogs. Recipes developed by TV chef Hugh Burnley-Whittinghall hit the shelves tomorrow including Boxer dog...

1
witless 11.10.11 1:38pm
AvidReader
New 'We Told You So' android app enrages downed blackberry users 0
vertical 11.10.11 1:34pm
vertical
Hackers say iJobs is riddled with bugs 1
witless 11.10.11 1:18pm
AvidReader
Defence Minister's wife found second man in marital bed

The wife of beleaguered Defence Secretary Liam Fox said she was surprised one night to find her husband's friend Adam Werritty in bed with them. 'But when Adam produced a business card saying he was...

1
roybland 11.10.11 1:03pm
vertical
Met police appeal for help with new acronym in fight against gun crime

The Metropolitan Police have issued a public appeal for help with creating a ‘really cool sounding acronym’ in an attempt to reduce gun crime in London. Deputy Commissioner Tim Godwin is...

3
Vertically Challenged Giant 11.10.11 12:41pm
writinginbsl
Norwich man fills loft

Paul Wykes from Norwich is claiming to have achieved an historic first by having completely filled the loft in his semi-detached house with things that his wife wishes he’d throw away. Paul, 38,...

5
Vertically Challenged Giant 11.10.11 12:39pm
writinginbsl
All references to BIG BEN now must be written in Italics

[i]BIG BEN [/i]more later...

1
Rowly 11.10.11 11:32am
witless