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Superluminal reasonably priced CERN particles "driven by the Stig". More soon.

No, I am not going to explain it...

1
Al OPecia 22.09.11 9:28pm
Ovalteen makers sued for ageism

more later...

0
witless 22.09.11 9:04pm
witless
Corporate manager seduces women with tales of "fighting fires" 0
Dumbnews 22.09.11 7:38pm
Dumbnews
Restorative Justice turns children soft claims top Cage-Fighter

A storm of outrage has blown up after two Alderley Edge schoolboys were filmed sorting out their classroom differences by restorative justice techniques. Egged on by a watching adult audience, the...

2
Midfield Diamond 22.09.11 7:13pm
borednow
BT says it DID deliver £12 bn IT system to NHS but no one in

BY has told the NHS that it was unable to deliver its promised £12.8 billion computer system, but that the NHS was welcome to try and set up a new appointment. Its engneers say they left a 'While...

1
ronseal 22.09.11 7:05pm
Golgo13
Gadaffi-family hunters shot wrong man. Last words "Hey man, I'm safe" 0
dvo4fun 22.09.11 6:12pm
dvo4fun
USA declares war on atmosphere for destroying satellite 0
RJWinter 22.09.11 6:05pm
RJWinter
McIntyre proves how shit he is with 3 month sell-out tour

Would be comedians and second rate satirists were cheering loudly today after much maligned comic Michael McIntyre proved just how right they all are to question his comic timing by quitting as a...

9
Gerontius 22.09.11 6:00pm
Scroat
Georgia judge pardons white rappers for murdering black art form

Georgia judge Thomas Peters caused controversy today by pardoning a group of white rappers who had been found guilty of murdering the hip hop genre. While the majority of American states enforce...

2
Des Custard 22.09.11 5:55pm
Des Custard
Newsbiscuit contributor dies of heart-failure...

‘he had a dodgy ticker’ say medics...

1
John Ffitch-Rucker 22.09.11 5:49pm
Scroat
Vast Reserves of Seaside Fun Discovered in Blackpool

The UK tourist industry is gearing up for a bonanza after huge reserves of seaside fun were discovered in and around Blackpool in the north-west of England. If fully developed the find could...

11
TokyoTomato 22.09.11 5:33pm
dvo4fun
Spin the Bottle Ouija board slammed by spirit of deceased Puritan

Teenagers defend the new game saying "fingering a spirit is not the same as necrophilia. Nobody is getting hurt here. Can't you old people just move along and complain about heating bills?"...

0
gaijintendo 22.09.11 4:49pm
gaijintendo
Putting fighting children in cages "likely to catch on". More soon. 0
Al OPecia 22.09.11 4:24pm
Al OPecia
Spaghetti, shit compared in fan-metaphor test

As metaphors go, the one about a highly messy semi-solid hitting a rotary ventilating device has always divided users along decency lines.  Who among us has decided to use the shit version, only to...

1
nickb 22.09.11 3:52pm
Golgo13
Government stockpiles excuses in readiness for flu vaccine shortage

More later...

1
spoole2112 22.09.11 3:50pm
Golgo13
Jane Fonda to donate skin to the American people.

She’s an actress, an agitator and a ceaseless campaigner for worth-it older women. Now, in what many see as the culmination of a brilliant career, Jane Fonda is to donate her total skin area to a...

2
nickb 22.09.11 3:37pm
dvo4fun
S&P reduce credit rating for Yorkshire to A-up 4
bonjonelson 22.09.11 3:30pm
bonjonelson
Feild Of Funny Phalluses Found In Formby

A farmer from Formby on Mersyside who was harvesting fields of root vegetables got more than he bargained for, and was completely flabbergasted when it was discovered that every single one of them...

0
Duff 22.09.11 3:26pm
Duff
Pensioner arrested over napalm ‘intruder’ death

A Norfolk pensioner has been arrested in connection with the napalm death of a suspected intruder at her home on Saturday night. A charred pile of human remains was discovered on the welcome mat...

15
Dick Everyman 22.09.11 3:19pm
Dick Everyman
Massive demand for "I was Troy Davis" T-shirts

bit nasty, but humour is humour I guess...

5
RJWinter 22.09.11 2:57pm
rikkor
Mini Cooper estate is more of a back yard say motoring journalists. 0
martin2381 22.09.11 2:22pm
martin2381
Man-flu epidemic averted as Bird-flu wouldn't let him out 1
Perks 22.09.11 2:20pm
martin2381
Junk falling from sky not our space ship say Chinese. 1
greg various 22.09.11 2:19pm
martin2381
"No stairway" signs in decline in music shops as Adele tops list 0
simonjmr 22.09.11 1:51pm
simonjmr
Countdown contestant's submission of "felch", left a nasty taste in the mouth

Claims Gameshow host. More soon...

0
simonjmr 22.09.11 1:37pm
simonjmr
"Heavy Petting" investigated at children's zoo

Marland's children's zoo in East Sussex  may have  to regulate contact between young visitors and livestock  after health concerns were raised about small children lifting chinchilla  rabbits...

4
nickb 22.09.11 1:35pm
TokyoTomato
New Met boss offers Guardian journalists get out of jail free cards

In what is widely regarded as an embarrassing climb down by the Metropolitan Police, Guardian journalists  will be offered a six month immunity from gratuitous prosecution. The news comes after all...

0
nickb 22.09.11 1:25pm
nickb
Michael Winner marries himself

"All my life I have been looking for someone who could understand me.  Accept me for what I am.  Someone sympathetic,  giving, intelligent and in their own way, beautiful.  One night,  it came...

0
nickb 22.09.11 1:22pm
nickb
Mass plate-mending "unlikely to help Greece crisis"

You can see them in the kitchens of tavernas and restaurants the world over.  With the heady smell of superglue masking the familiar smokey fragrance of kebabs they hunch over piles of tragic...

0
nickb 22.09.11 1:18pm
nickb
Tesco now officially owns 'every fucking thing'

Tesco CEO Sir Terry Leahy has announced that, after completing the acquisition of the Co-Op and the Happy Garden Chinese takeaway in Bromsgrove, it now owns every fucking thing in the whole fucking...

6
Oxbridge 22.09.11 1:18pm
TokyoTomato