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Santa criticised for putting post-xmas list of naughty girls on eBay 0
nickb 02.01.12 10:18am
Jonathan Ive to be made iKnight in The Queen's New Year Honours

Apple 'design guru' Jonathan Ive is to be knighted by The Queen this month in a live webcast to be be streamed around the globe. Sir Jonathan, or just iKnight as he prefers to now be addressed, is...

irregular apple 02.01.12 3:46am
irregular apple
Osborne plots monarchy privatisation as Jubilee costs threaten economic recovery 0
irregular apple 02.01.12 3:38am
irregular apple
US to use "Stealth Hangovers" on Taliban

The Pentagon has admitted that it has begun usung "Stealth Hangovers" in their war against the Taliban in the Afghan border region. "Over the last few years we have been researching those kinds of...

Quaz 01.01.12 10:32pm
The All New Jeni B
Old Macdonald still undecided about wind noise

"With a whoosh-whoosh here, a whoosh-whoosh there.oh dear, it's not right, is it?" In a rare interview the man responsible for the public face of UK agriculture (with special responsibilities to...

nickb 01.01.12 9:39pm
Scottish culinary experts still hope to develope deep fried heroin 0
ronseal 01.01.12 8:20pm
Panda battered in Scotland

Police have revealed that a panda has been taken into custody in Edinburgh charged with domestic abuse. Police have released the following statement: "Officers were called to Edinburgh Zoo not long...

Psycadelic Squirrel 01.01.12 7:14pm
Psycadelic Squirrel
Rebekah Brooks hot tip for Queen's Award to Infamy. More soon. 1
Al OPecia 01.01.12 4:37pm
New Year's Honours latest; James Murdoch becomes "Lord Voldemort"

In a surprise New Year's honours list, James Murdoch has received a peerage to become Lord Voldemort...

apepper 01.01.12 3:53pm
Al OPecia
Russell Brand follows up My Booky Wooky with My Divorcey Worcey

More to follow...

victimms 01.01.12 3:03pm
CERN launches new TV channel "Faster than light - 1"

More before...

antharrison 01.01.12 3:02pm
Excitement as IOC announces online bingo will be included in the 2012 Olympics. 0
dominic_mcg 01.01.12 1:41pm
Sam Ollerenshaw, 94 of Barnsley, applauded by onlookers on way to outside privy. 1
Al OPecia 01.01.12 1:24pm
Runestone Cowboy
Intelligence service fears that Round Robin writers may develop Twitter capacity

Christmas Round Robin writers may have learned mass demoralisation techniques that can be deployed any time of the year, security chiefs have warned. Reports are emerging of a new generation of...

ronseal 01.01.12 11:46am
Des Custard
Paul McCartney Confesses to Bloodlust Orgies.

In a shock interview with the One Show, former veggie and tripod lover, Sir Paul (97), admitted to crazed and depraved afternoon orgies of eating meat flavoured crisps., "Smoky bacon, beef and onion...

arthurminnit 01.01.12 11:34am
Thousands of revellers took the the streets for New Year, reveals news story

It was the event that nobody could have predicted. Thousands of people in Britain took to the streets to celebrate New Year, according to the BBC, which led with this story on its main news channel....

ronseal 01.01.12 1:33am
Jeremy Clarkson fires his gynaecologist 0
nickb 31.12.11 8:07pm
Parents given blades in an attempt to 'slash' knife crime

Metropolitan Police have today confirmed they are going to look at arming parents with blades in a last gasp effort to cut knife crime. The pilot scheme will be using the well known principle of...

Perks 31.12.11 5:58pm
Jesus Excited About New Solo Project After Splitting From Christianity

After his recent split from Christianity Jesus gave his first press conference today confirming that he is going solo. Sat with PR representative Max Clifford, Jesus sported a new style of shorter...

SimonJJames 31.12.11 5:56pm
Cameron Makes It To The Shortlist .......

Of the "Fannying Around" Award., "What's a Cabinet for?"...

Jesse Bigg 31.12.11 5:56pm
Jesse Bigg
Team GB hopeful for 2012 Paralytic Games

UK Spirits has welcomed the announcement of the 2012 Paraylitic Games squad in advance of the gigantic drinking contest which will take place in London in 2012. Fans of the 400 mls are said to be...

antharrison 31.12.11 5:51pm
"Mr Parrot Face Davis" Makes A Comeback As UK Economic Icon.......

.."I'm sick, sick, sick up to here!"...

Jesse Bigg 31.12.11 5:39pm
Jesse Bigg
NHS To Charge A Fee For Injured Drunks - From Tonight....

."The Pound Stretcher.", However, 'Out of Pocket' incapables will still have to crawl home. "Mind my hands will you!"...

Jesse Bigg 31.12.11 5:24pm
Jesse Bigg
Ronnie Corbett makes New Years Honours shortlist 1
Perks 31.12.11 5:12pm
Millions baffled by New Year debt mountain mystery

Millions of Britons are grappling with the mysterious appearance of New Year debt mountains following the festive season.,  , 'I just don't get it,' said Percy Grimshaw (new 42inch LCD flat screen...

roybland 31.12.11 5:12pm
Twitter To Temporarily Close Down.......

..Due to birdseed shortfall...

Jesse Bigg 31.12.11 5:01pm
Jesse Bigg
Lib Dems already broken New Year's resolutions 0
Psycadelic Squirrel 31.12.11 4:16pm
Psycadelic Squirrel
NHS lifestyle questionnaires

to include ‘do you drink less than your Doctor?’, More hypocrisy on the way...

John Ffitch-Rucker 31.12.11 3:56pm
John Ffitch-Rucker
Research Scientist shows conclusive proof Dolphins are talking about him 6
SimonJJames 31.12.11 3:00pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
Kids aren't even safe to rob Foot Locker in Oxford Street, says report 0
ronseal 31.12.11 1:44pm