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House price fall follows shock bye-election result - Daily Mail 0
Iscariot 01.03.13 9:13pm
Committee: diseased to the core (city's poverty), says committee

A committee has urged Boris Johnson to tackle London's poverty problems, it has warned. A 12-month consultation has ended with the emergence of a damning report, which might be a wake-up call. The...

Mik Bulk 01.03.13 8:58pm
Horsemeat traces still too high to be effective, advises Homeopathy Council 0
cinquecento 01.03.13 8:43pm
By-election result pronounced 'a great fat ball of bugger-all'

Voters today are counting the cost at yet another hyped election that fizzled into a complete let-down. Disappointed pundits have reflected that this one initially promised so much colour, then...

Squudge 01.03.13 8:34pm
Wide eyes in the Vatican - A journey

THE air here is thick - as they say, there is something transcendental about it. But this is the Vatican - the holiest city in the world. But why am I here? "That's what they all ask," an official...

Mik Bulk 01.03.13 8:31pm
sponge finger
Top Gear apologises for failed stunt

The makers of Top Gear apologised today for a failed stunt which resulted in a 2CV burning up in the skies over Russia and crashing into a frozen lake. Grand piano expected to fall to Earth within...

hero2zero 01.03.13 8:28pm
Garry Glitter to be appointed as interim Pope

Gary is said to be delighted with the Vatican's offer to act as Pope whilst elections for the top job are organised. "I guess I had the right qualifications being a leader an' that" said Gary...

bumtrinket 01.03.13 8:05pm
Nasty party tell Cameron - "Get Nasty"

Thousands of blue-rinsed Colonel's wives and thousands more tub-thumping old buggers who demand “Good Old Britain” dropped a stainless steel 'cordon sanitaire' across our borders today to advise...

01.03.13 7:31pm
Vegas Casino 'perplexed' as new player cleans up at poker tables

"We know the guy's cheating, but we just can't work out how."

pinxit 01.03.13 7:30pm
O'Farrell admits to being '100% stalking horse'

Imported from the East and 90.18% thought him inedible ('unelectable' surely Ed?)...

shaggy 01.03.13 7:29pm
Lord Rennard defence claims accusations 'a case of mistaken identity'

pinxit 01.03.13 7:28pm
Return to core Conservative values could trigger bubonic plague

A return to core Conservative values as a result of the Eastleigh by-election could so unsettle the natural order of things it could unleash a new outbreak of the bubonic plague, according to experts...

roybland 01.03.13 6:28pm
French horse burgers which contained turkey twizzlers which contained horse meat

It’s been a frantic 24 hours. First, the ironic twist of fate when French horse burgers were found to contain 20% of that great British food, the turkey twizzler. Confusion then reigned after it...

Slante Dangle 01.03.13 6:19pm
Lens Cap
Pope "pissing about for past fortnight" claim Cardinals

As well-wishers turned up outside the Pope's office to bid him farewell today, some Cardinals admitted the outgoing pontiff's high-spirits have created something of a nauseating working environment...

grumblechops 01.03.13 5:39pm
One Nation Labour discovered to be the wrong nation. 2
the coarse whisperer 01.03.13 5:32pm
sponge finger
Wessex Regionalists Suffer New Election Thrashing at Hands of Labour Party

A refreshed Labour Party has once again trounced the Wessex Regionalists in a by-election. Wessex Regionalists leader Dave Yarwood admitted that “the electorate has clearly given a message to us...

thisisall1word 01.03.13 5:09pm
Satan 'Ready for Power'

Dressed in an Armani suit with gold cufflinks and MCC tie, the Ruler of the Darkness looked every inch the modern business executive. I entered his massive penthouse suite apprehensively, but he...

shaggy 01.03.13 4:29pm
Chris Grayling defends child buggering

The justice secretary, Chris Grayling, has defended parents' right to bugger their children and admitted he did it to his own, it has emerged. Grayling says he buggered his own children when they...

fink 01.03.13 4:23pm
Slante Dangle
US court finds British housewife responsible for global economic crisis

In a shock decision the US Congressional Court in Delaware has granted the extradition request made by the plaintiffs, Golden Sachs Limited, against British housewife Mrs Edith Moorbridge. In their...

shaggy 01.03.13 4:15pm
Pope expected to return after 3 days

The Vatican has issued a press release assuring followers that the former Pope Benedict will be restored on the 2nd March. "All the previous popes have obviously had the option of coming back after...

apepper 01.03.13 4:03pm
Benedict's final act - appoints self 'papal leg-it Apostolic Noncio' 0
Idiot 01.03.13 3:50pm
Pope Emeritus Top Gear special for Easter

The BBC are delighted to advertise (every hour on the hour for the next 4 weeks), a blockbuster Top Gear 'special' for Easter, to be screened on Good Friday. During an action-packed hour and a half...

Squudge 01.03.13 3:32pm
Eastleigh: 'I told him to "go forth" not "come fourth"' says Milliband 3
DustyBinLaden 01.03.13 2:31pm
Death of Great Train Robber leaves field open to train operators

The death of Bruce Reynolds, the man who planned the £2.6m Great Train Robbery in 1963, has left the field wide open to the train operators, say the British Transport Police. The boss of the...

roybland 01.03.13 2:12pm
Huhne thought they were Tesco points; Eastleigh bi-election a mistake 0
sydalg 01.03.13 2:04pm
Ex pontiff to star in new mountineering TV show "Pope on rope" 0
Scronnyglonkle 01.03.13 1:49pm
Joseph Ratzinger settling in on his first day as Anti-Christ 0
medici2471 01.03.13 1:31pm
Ex-Pope joins Salvation Army 0
Loundshay 01.03.13 11:42am
Osborne: "Bail-out Banks will return to private sector as soon as losses end"

more later...

dvo4fun 01.03.13 11:35am
"What goes around, comes around", say Choristers as Pope gets ring smashed.

too graphic?...

pbramwell 01.03.13 11:30am
Slante Dangle