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Archaeologists unearth 'two for one' seed offer at Hanging Gardens of Babylon

Archaeologists working on a site alleged to be the location of the Hanging Gardens of Babylon have uncovered evidence of the world’s very first garden centre. The astounding discovery, in a...

Dick Everyman 10.03.13 7:53pm
Dick Everyman
An Idiot’s Guide to ... Gardening

What is the purpose?, The main purpose of gardening is the avoidance of grief for the garden looking a mess. This breaks down into two forms of nagging. Firstly, grief for the front garden looking...

Midfield Diamond 10.03.13 7:45pm
Not Amused
Mushroom Lasagne "Contained Potato"

Vegetarians were shocked today to discover that a supermarket 'mushroom' lasagne contained traces of potato DNA. "I'd been really enjoying the horsemeat scandal" said smug vegan Arthur Bottleneck....

deceangli 10.03.13 7:36pm
Devil Of A Row As Ofsted Downgrades Hell For Having No Fury Like Vicky Pryce 0
Titus 10.03.13 6:31pm
Pryce hangs out Huhne’s dirty laundry in public with display of wanking towel

After two years of hanging out ex-husband Chris Huhne’s dirty laundry in public with tales of lies, abortions, and family tensions, Vicki Pryce has gone the extra step and actually hung out Mr...

Yikes 10.03.13 6:27pm
Des Custard
Graham Kerr admits responsibility for whole horsemeat scandal

One for the Oldies...

brownpaperreporter 10.03.13 6:10pm
Huhne to wear T-shirt in court with 'see what I have to deal with' 1
Squudge 10.03.13 5:31pm
Shock as the 900 pig carcasses fished from shanghai river contained horse dna

The citizens of Shaghai were shock to find that the pig carcasses floating in the Huangpu river, weren't just 900 water logged pig corpses but actually of the 900 bodies there were found traces of...

confuzzled 10.03.13 4:27pm
Man who forgot Mother's Day looking at a year of repentance

'Mum's already hit back because I forgot it was Mother's Day by sending me M&S flowers and chocolates,' said Bill Baines. 'When I asked her what they were for, she said if it were Son's Day, she...

roybland 10.03.13 4:13pm
Clegg tells spring conference 'Lib Dems are not even a protest vote anymore' 0
Perks 10.03.13 3:46pm
Falklands Referendum: Argentina Claims Pro-Argentine Penguins Disenfranchised

- which is perfectly true: no penguins were allowed to vote. However it has not been possible to establish with any certainty what nationality the penguins would prefer...

Titus 10.03.13 3:03pm
Farage: 'Murdoch left me holding his baby'

In a heart-rending interview, UKIP leader Nigel Farage broke down claiming that media mogul Rupert Murdoch had 'taken advantage' and left him 'holding our baby'. Sitting in a dimly lit cold bed-sit...

pinxit 10.03.13 2:36pm
Sanding room only at UK woodwork association convention 3
BAJDixon 10.03.13 2:19pm
Falklands Referendum: Argentina Disputes Constituency Boundary 0
Titus 10.03.13 2:12pm
Men prepare for 'that' evening again on Mother's Day

Men everywhere are gritting their teeth for the worst moment of the year this evening. Tonight is the one day of the year when women are able to say 'No, I don't want chips, I need to watch my...

Not Amused 10.03.13 1:57pm
Not Amused
Baghdad winner of this year's 'Iraq-in-Boom' contest

My weedy Neato...

Perks 10.03.13 1:52pm
sponge finger
Cardinals Send List Of 10 Questions To God

including "Can a cardinal come to a decision based on a reason that was not presented to the Conclave and has no facts or evidence to support it?"...

Titus 10.03.13 1:49pm
Mothers rewarded for year of dedication with crappy pub lunch

Hard-working mums throughout the country will be looking forward to a day of being pampered and waited on all day today, after spending the past 364 days organising, budgeting, ferrying, cleaning,...

Des Custard 10.03.13 1:47pm
Nature prepares to hit back at Prince Charles

'You see that ivy (Hedera helix) over there? If the prince was to stand next to it, it'd be up his trouser leg in a jiffy to invade his genitals and squeeze his Royal balls off. Nature's had enough...

roybland 10.03.13 1:47pm
Tourette's sufferers celebrate Motherfuckers day 5
antharrison 10.03.13 12:53pm
Turkey baster 'ideal gift' for Surrogate Mother’s Day... 4
Tripod 10.03.13 12:04pm
Bones found near ancient wall identified as King Eric The Unstoppable!

There is great exitement at the Devonshire village of Roadlump today as scientists confirm that human remains dug up by builders are indeed King Eric The Unstoppable (1117-1152). The village, a...

Flash! Aa-aaaa! 10.03.13 11:31am
Flash! Aa-aaaa!
Nick Clegg says Lib Dems no longer party of protest, they will agree to anything 1
Ian Searle 10.03.13 11:28am
Incense at Vatican over sighting of new chimney

An unholy row has erupted at the Vatican over the placement of the temporary chimney used in the election of a new Pope. At a press conference Cardinal Ignatius Firestarta said "It appears that a...

Flash! Aa-aaaa! 10.03.13 11:11am
Falklanders vote for Caribbean status.

In a surprise outcome to Sunday's sovereignty referendum, 98% of Falklanders have voted to ditch British nationality and to switch allegiance to the Caribbean. Port Stanley gift shop owner, Peter...

wallster 10.03.13 11:10am
Vampires appeal for for donors as stocks of virgins run low

Hello I’m Vlad the Impaler and I’m making an urgent appeal, on behalf of Vampires and Zombies, for blood and organ donors to come forward as supplies of victims in your local area are running low...

Ian Searle 10.03.13 10:50am
Ian Searle
Lib Dems "secret Vatican plot to take over UK". Thanks Grumblechops...

Al OPecia 10.03.13 10:36am
Al OPecia
“New ‘internet addiction’ website attracts Twitter-storm”, say FB users... 0
Tripod 10.03.13 10:09am
My ex-husband is a serial killer says housewife

A Bradford woman tearfully spoke of her shock and revulsion as the realisation dawned on her that her ex-husband is probably a sociopathic serial killer. Yvonne Johnson shuddered as she recalled how...

Paddy Berzinski 10.03.13 9:46am
Mother's Day Eve gardeners' vigil - as it happens

Gardeners up and down the country are on high alert due to the annual predation of daffodils by scroats planning to 'delight' their mothers. Supermarkets have reported selling out of Red Bull, torch...

Squudge 10.03.13 9:45am