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Johnny Ball claims Bill and Ben were stoned.

And Pinky and Perky were porking in the dressing rooms...

Ian Searle 03.05.12 1:40pm
Ian Searle

Police in Northampton discover 72500 cannabis plants. Acting Detective Superintendent-Inspector Chief Whoopee Longname said, "The plants with a street value of 6.4 billion pounds were discovered...

03.05.12 1:24pm
UK fears invasion as low voter turn out points to a 'failing democracy'

With local election turn out figures expected to be below the 50% mark, the UK has been described internationally as a 'failing democracy'. This has led to fears that other countries may seek the...

Perks 03.05.12 1:13pm
Talkback Thames wins exclusive contract to turn Leveson into TV series.

Dan Baldwin, executive producer of Talkback productions has expressed his delight at being awarded this revolutionary deal, he released a statement saying that he was “grateful to both Lord Leveson...

Ollymace 03.05.12 12:59pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
Editor of the Sun says his paper to appeal to all people who cant talk propperly

The Editor of The Sun defended yesterday’s Roy Hodgson headline claiming they were “Embracing” his speech impediment., The paper went on to issue a statement saying for years disabilities have...

Scronnyglonkle 03.05.12 12:04pm
Jesse Bigg
"I've Got A Horse" Bookmakers On A Winner Tonight......

Cameron to go tap dulally over local London election result, but have a bout of amnesia re rest of the country...

Jesse Bigg 03.05.12 11:54am
Jesse Bigg
Muamba suffers relapse after remembering he lives in Bolton. 0
seymour totti 03.05.12 11:20am
seymour totti
News International to Sell "The Murdoch" at auction 0
Scronnyglonkle 03.05.12 11:17am
Munch's 'The Mutter under the Breath' sells at Auction

After living in the shade of the more renowned 'The Scream', Edvard Munch's painting 'The Mutter under the Breath' finally sold at auction in London this week for £17.25. Both paintings were part of...

seymour totti 03.05.12 10:51am
seymour totti
Border staff reject “go slow” protest action as they would have to speed up 0
Yikes 03.05.12 10:29am
Mathematicians enraged as Osborne puts VAT on Pie Charts 0
Ian Searle 03.05.12 9:54am
Ian Searle
Man stuns art world by buying scream for £3 at HMV 0
Scronnyglonkle 03.05.12 8:16am
Theatre critics upset by show snipe ban.

it's all Smart Alex's fault...

weematt 03.05.12 8:15am
Fearne Cotton's Record Collection Goes Online

The record collection of legendary disc jockey Fearne Cotton is now available online. Uploaded by ‘The Void’, an Arts Council funded pop-up site, from today music fans will be able to browse...

@spinal_bap 03.05.12 7:40am
Golgeau Treize
Flashers happy with new 'Pay and Display' car park

Hat tip to Perks...

Smart Alex 03.05.12 7:33am
Smart Alex
Bolton celebrate Muamba’s return by collapsing in the second half against Spurs 0
Dickens or Shakespeare 03.05.12 7:03am
Dickens or Shakespeare
Sun editor gets R's kicking from PCC 0
charlies_hat 03.05.12 6:59am
'P-P-Pick up a penguin' ads to carry warning

Don't try this at home - or on holiday...

Scroat 03.05.12 6:56am
Borders Agency asks illegal immigrants 'not to wear sports kit' during Olympics

The UK Borders Agency (UKBA) has given assurances that it is ‘completely ready’ to deal with the influx of foreigners during the Olympics as long as illegal immigrants agree not to wear sports...

The Paper Ostrich 03.05.12 6:03am
Man fitted with Wurlitzer in bungled organ transplant

Concerns around medical standards were raised again after Penge man Ron Hammond came around from a routine heart transplant operation to find to his horror that instead of an brand new heart, he had...

Gong of Fur 02.05.12 10:47pm
MI6 man's family still believe he's straight, on the balance of probabilities.

Despite the £20,000 collection of womens shoes., More denial soon...

MADJEZ 02.05.12 9:17pm
Lumley schwocked at The Sun for making fun of her speech impediment.

More schwoon...

MADJEZ 02.05.12 9:12pm
Usain Bolt aims for '100M immigration queue' record

Olympic sprinter Usain Bolt has today announced his plans to beat the '100M immigration queue' world record. The current record of 2 hours 15 minutes and 23.6 seconds is held by Mavis Harding. She...

Perks 02.05.12 8:52pm
Newspapers already demanding Hodgson's head on a plate.

hasn't won a single match during his entire period as England coach. Hodgson must go!...

deskpilot3 02.05.12 7:56pm
Cameron hires Rupert Murdoch to replace Andy Coulson. More soon. 0
deskpilot3 02.05.12 7:50pm
Obama pledges to "finish the job" and find Wally 0
TerribleTim 02.05.12 7:18pm
Coroner declares MI6 spy found locked in bag an open and shut case 0
TerribleTim 02.05.12 7:13pm
Sun says sowwy to Woy

M-m-m-more s-s-s-soon...

Ian Searle 02.05.12 7:12pm
Ian Searle
Spy in bag: coroner in camera 0
cinquecento 02.05.12 5:06pm
FA calls on press to report Roy Hodgson without cant or rancour 0
Mandy Lifeboat 02.05.12 5:02pm
Mandy Lifeboat