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Scientists to employ nubile Swedish aides as solar flares effect moral compass 0
simonjmr 12.04.12 8:02am
Mushroom harvest under threat as Morel compass goes awry

Morel soon...

simonjmr 12.04.12 7:59am
Kim Jong-un designated as Sith Lord Kim Jong-un 0
Sinnick 12.04.12 7:39am
Ma'am mite expect royal toast on diamond jubilee day.

news is spreading...

Hugh Nose 12.04.12 6:03am
Hugh Nose
Rock unifies title with controversial win over Paper

Fans of Rock, Paper, Scissors were stunned after the shock defeat of Paper by underdog, Rock, at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas last night. Paper had never lost to Rock in countless meetings over the...

grumblechops 12.04.12 12:38am
Murdoch's long lost son found.

A man, who claims he has been wandering around lost in the Australian outback for 35 years with amnesia handed himself into police last Sunday. The man says his name is Archibold Murdoch. He said...

stevebrdfd 12.04.12 12:01am
Tristan Shout
Greek athletes to be issued with Cash4Gold envelopes "Just in case"

Cash4Silver, Cash4Bronze envelopes also available...

Tristan Shout 11.04.12 11:14pm
Tristan Shout
Olympic Athletes warned to avoid "low quality" fake gold medals.

International athletes planning to visit London for the 2012 Summer Olympics have been warned by organizers to avoid fake gold medals and only to accept medals from the official Olympic committee....

bonjonelson 11.04.12 10:20pm
Ken Dodd Definitely Barred From Taking Part In........ 0
Jesse Bigg 11.04.12 8:18pm
Jesse Bigg
Greenland to enter beach volley ball teams into Olympics

Not to be out done by Turkmenistan who today have announced their goal of setting up a national ice hockey league, Greenlands sport minister Noggin.T.Nog has decided to enter male and female beach...

stevebrdfd 11.04.12 8:05pm
Samantha Brick to launch new range of mirrors. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 11.04.12 7:12pm
Al OPecia
Comedians refuse to perform on anniversary of death of Alan Davies' career.

Next Tuesday, up and down the country, regional theatres, Jongleur clubs and upper rooms in bars will fall silent in commemoration of the death of Alan Davies' career on Tuesday the tenth of April. ...

Milo Shame 11.04.12 5:32pm
Milo Shame
Grand National organisers promise “humane treatment" for injured jockeys

Organisers of the Winalot Grand National today promised an end to the scenes of desperate suffering which last year blighted the nation’s favourite exhibition of high-speed horse mangling, by...

grumblechops 11.04.12 4:52pm
Archive shows lisping Titanic designer told to think the unthinkable. More soon. 4
dominic_mcg 11.04.12 4:40pm
Otis B Driftwood
ITV’s Loose Women sue producer of Angry Birds TV show for copyright infringement 0
Ian Searle 11.04.12 4:36pm
Ian Searle
Electronic polling booths to use predictive text algorithms

The Electoral Commission today has announced that from 2014 polling stations across the UK will start using "electronic" polling booths. The May 2014 local elections will be the first to use the...

simonjmr 11.04.12 4:09pm
Apple to launch new Beer Googles App for the iphone.

For the first time you will have access, at your finger tips, to more unintelligible, irrelevant and down right offensive information and opinions than you will ever need on an average night out at...

Ian Searle 11.04.12 3:03pm
Ian Searle
FOR SALE - silver tabby 'Gorgeous George'

Surly disposition, but can be enticed with saucers of cream and crude oil. May need to be microchipped due to tendency to stray. Loving ethnic enclave sought. (Canadians need not apply)...

woodymellor 11.04.12 2:04pm
Ken Barlow sues William Roache for defamation of character

Still smarting from William Roache’s revelation that he slept with over 1,000 woman, Ken Barlow has counter-attacked by suing for defamation of character. Documents filed last week in the...

Yikes 11.04.12 1:52pm
Historians at loss to understand why people give a toss about the Titanic 0
Scronnyglonkle 11.04.12 12:53pm
Man of the people Milliband admits he eats his Pot Noodle "al dente". More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 11.04.12 12:45pm
Woman’s life in ruins after bus passengers see her in living room

It was only a five-second lapse in concentration but it was enough to ruin 48 years of hard work. For in the five seconds between opening the curtains and realising the problem, Joan Bonsall, 72, it...

Oxbridge 11.04.12 12:43pm
Rich excused from paying tax as they buy a poppy every year. 0
Tomfinger 11.04.12 12:09pm
Retraction: Facebook Have Bought Out Instagram, Not Islam As Originally Reported 1
Textbook 11.04.12 10:38am
S**t a Brick

Reading the Daily Mail 'There are downsides to looking this pretty' article by Samantha Brick a few days ago, my first thought was ‘this has to be a joke.’ A late April Fool prank. And a damn...

LJN1 11.04.12 10:37am
Depressive Batman dons his futility belt 1
cinquecento 11.04.12 10:01am
Osborne admits "I do talk total bollocks pretty much all the time"

Tantamount to an admission of guilt...

Scroat 11.04.12 9:59am
"It is what it is" Spanish lessons reduced to just saying S O C K S 0
simonjmr 11.04.12 9:43am
Samantha Brick extradited to France for inciting hate crimes against herself 1
Scronnyglonkle 11.04.12 9:27am
Golgeau Treize
Vinnie Jones CPR TV commercial ‘grabs viewers by the balls’ 0
Duncan Biscuit 11.04.12 8:36am
Duncan Biscuit