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Bid For Minimum Booze Price - But Only In Westmnister Bars

MPs fear that Palace of Westminster may lose its alcohol licence.

Titus 15.03.13 9:47am
Pope Frank'n'first holds first Vatican 'Timewarp' 2
simonjmr 15.03.13 9:29am
Press rumours grow over the Queen's prolonged sickness

pinxit 15.03.13 9:26am
Ban on Elephant, Rhino & Tiger Slaughter "Prejudice Against Alternative Medicine 0
Titus 15.03.13 8:58am
HS2 Protesters Claim Project Will Spread Plague

Titus 15.03.13 8:52am
Obama to Tour Israel and Jordan, Identify Site for "ZionDisney" 0
Kurt Degerstrom 15.03.13 1:46am
Kurt Degerstrom
Don't cry for me I'm the pope now

To the tune of "Don't cry for me Argentina" It wasn't easy, It was quite strange, When they gave me the nod. Now I feel, That I’m going to love, All the things I can do., I am infallible,...

Not Amused 15.03.13 12:36am
Not Amused
New Pope, "sexiest yet!" 1
Hooch 14.03.13 11:14pm
Cardinals upset by Francis I claiming papal infallibility during Scrabble game

Members of the college of cardinals were up in arms after losing a game of Scrabble to Pope Francis I yesterday. "It was at the end of the game and His Holiness was left with several high scoring...

Smart Alex 14.03.13 11:09pm
Irish Government sells Saint Patrick to reduce national debt

Saint Patrick's Day celebrations around the world are facing an uncertain future following today's announcement by the Irish Government that it has sold the popular saint, and his associated festival...

jamsieoconnor 14.03.13 11:06pm
Paddy Berzinski
Pope DNA found in pony, admits feeling a little hoarse. 2
olddoc 14.03.13 11:04pm
Vatican apologises for 'Francis the Fist' typo 0
Terry 14.03.13 11:03pm
Cheltenham Handicap Stakes

Small meaty pieces for your vegatables...

Nosey 14.03.13 10:13pm
Flash! Aa-aaaa!
One U-turn too many, Cameron lost in own colon. 1
olddoc 14.03.13 10:10pm
Flash! Aa-aaaa!
UK is "Pothole Central" and thats' official.

But a bold new plan by the Ministry of Roads and Taxes might save the day. "It would take years and billions" said a spokesman "to fix all of them the usual way by dolloping in some lukewarm tar. But...

Flash! Aa-aaaa! 14.03.13 10:07pm
Flash! Aa-aaaa!
Vatican Industries unveils all new iPope

Fans of Vatican products gathered from all over the world in St Peter's Square, to be the one of the first to see the eagerly anticipated new model of Pope, unveiled by Vatican Industries. Despite...

Rizla 14.03.13 9:36pm
Small shop franchise to offer cut price female hygiene products

From now on it's SPAR for the curse. Oh dear, Oh dearOh dear...

A.A.Arkwright 14.03.13 9:11pm
Isle of Wight "too untidy to be left like that"

Say the Government.Plans are afoot to move it nearer the mainland to make the area look "neater and more British" A trusted Whitehall source said "Look, we can't go on with that awful untidy gap...

Flash! Aa-aaaa! 14.03.13 9:11pm
Flash! Aa-aaaa!
Cameron and "that report" by Lord Leveson

We spoke to Prime Minister Cameron's office today, the line was bad and we didn't get all of what they said but an aide did confirm that they all think he is "a anchor". They also denied being...

Flash! Aa-aaaa! 14.03.13 8:54pm
Flash! Aa-aaaa!
Pope Francis - the first 24 hours.

Our reporter caught up with His Holiness as he and many Cardinals celebrated with a few pints down the "Choirboy and Priest" in downtown Rome. He raised his head from the table and blessed the entire...

Flash! Aa-aaaa! 14.03.13 8:43pm
Flash! Aa-aaaa!
Woman Speak Explained No 27

If you are out together and she says "I need a Rimmel Counter" you might expect to have to buy her some strange device that er counts rimmels - but no. She only wants some lipstick!!...

Flash! Aa-aaaa! 14.03.13 8:32pm
Flash! Aa-aaaa!
NewPope: Homosexuals, contraception still evil; Paedophiles must take more care 0
Terry 14.03.13 7:14pm
New Pope to serve probationary period while CRB check clears. 0
custard cream 14.03.13 6:43pm
custard cream
New Pope found to contain 10% horse DNA

Vatican source have announced that as a matter of precaution they have tested the Argentinian Pope, in line with all other meat imports. They first became suspicious when the notoriously frugal...

funnyhaha 14.03.13 6:14pm
Old duffers refuse to die young in 'Generation War'.

Scientists have discovered that the older you are, the less likely you are to die young. In a special report entitled 'Generation War' facts have emerged which will resonate throughout the entire age...

crab-b-b 14.03.13 5:54pm
Actual Size
Oldham to be dismantled, brick by brick, and sold on eBay... - 2

Oldham, a small, unpleasant town in Lancashire whose principal exports are black puddings, pissheads and paedophiles, is to be demolished, says a government spokesman today, as a warning to other...

Tripod 14.03.13 3:47pm
Embarrassment as new Pope admits ‘I can’t speak a word of Latin’

Pope Francis has faced controversy on his first day in office, after admitting that he doesn’t know a single word of Latin. ‘To be honest, I’ve been winging it for years’, he explained. ...

TheNewsWalrus 14.03.13 3:41pm
Midfield Diamond
Great British Menu loser gets "Pah!" for the course

so so Neat-o...

beau-jolly 14.03.13 3:33pm
Sea to be re-branded as end to end beach facing global ocean solution 0
ronseal 14.03.13 2:49pm
Apparently its "Steak & BJ Day" today

Unfortunately its more likely to be Beans and leave-my-tits-alone-I'm-trying-to-watch-the-only-way-is-essex Day in my house...

Rootin Tootin 14.03.13 1:20pm