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Archbishop forms unlikely pact with Amazon

Following the recent vote on women bishops, the Archbishop of Canterbury the right reverend Maximus Beard has turned to an unlikely ally. After many hours of praying for inspiration about how to...

Diogenes 22.11.12 4:07pm
Socratic Irony
Pope Benedict XVI launches coffee table book for Christmas

Pope Benedict XVI is to launch his brand new coffee table book, ‘Celibate: A Year of Abstinence for Families and Friends with Benefits’ in time for Christmas. Inspired by Pippa Middleton’s...

Dick Everyman 22.11.12 3:45pm
Dick Everyman
Turkeys prepare to lobby through the night for Xmas budget reduction 0
cinquecento 22.11.12 3:43pm
'This town is coming like a ghost town', says new BBC Director General 0
custard cream 22.11.12 3:39pm
custard cream
Palestinians bombarded with unsolicited accident compensation texts

Thousands of Palestinians are having their misery of living under perpetual subjugation further compounded by incessant texts telling them they're entitled to compensation for the accident they had...

Qoxiivi 22.11.12 3:27pm
Cloud computing use responsible for recent UK floods and US superstorm

Metrologists have today published a damning report that blames recent heavy downfalls of rain in the UK and super storm Sandy in the US on the increased use by the public of Cloud computing....

simonjmr 22.11.12 2:54pm
Midfield Diamond
Gary Barlow Plans To “Stick this CBE up Rylans Arse”

Last night it emerged that Gary Barlow plans to insert his newly bestowed award into the fundament of X-Factor in-house Moron Rylan Clarke during Saturdays live show. “We’ll see what he thinks of...

brokenearhole 22.11.12 2:12pm
***Stop Press... Benitez accepts Chelsea long service award...Stop Press*** 0
Tripod 22.11.12 1:26pm
Britain to face ‘at least 3 more weeks’ of endless weather warnings.

Much of the Britain is bracing itself tonight after experts predicted that the country was due for another round of interminable news stories about the weather. Following last week’s floods, an...

TheNewsWalrus 22.11.12 1:24pm
Water bosses praised for ‘far-sighted’ hosepipe ban

Water companies in England are today being widely praised for their ‘uncanny and far-sighted’ imposition of a hosepipe ban during the summer. “Ooh, thank heavens they were [i]so[/i] ahead of...

Darkbill 2.0 22.11.12 1:10pm
Nothing to see here, move along 1
Perks 22.11.12 12:51pm
'It'll take a miracle to restore trust' says Patten, as new BBC DG unveiled

pinxit 22.11.12 12:49pm
Dick Everyman
New BBC DG plans more soap operas 0
medici2471 22.11.12 12:48pm
Bookmaker offers evens on Benitez v Hall 'Who'll Go First?' bet 0
pinxit 22.11.12 12:29pm
Unbeaten Frankel will be brought out of stud to manage Chelsea 0
simonjmr 22.11.12 11:50am
Scotland to merge with Catalonia

Prepare yourself for haggis tapas, bagpipe flamenco and the added excitement of bullfighters in kilts. Both countries have a proud heritage, a separate identity, a host of special traditions and a...

CulchaVulcha 22.11.12 11:32am
The Queen to join the WI, to get a feel for how the common woman feels 0
simonjmr 22.11.12 11:29am
***Stop Press...Benitez still in charge at Chelsea...Stop Press*** 1
Tripod 22.11.12 11:27am
Fishmonger suggests donation will cure liver disease

Following a Daily Mail report claiming an epidemic of bored stiff, binge-drinking, wine guzzling over-65's will all die of liver failure unless they stop drinking more than a tiny glass-a-day, ...

22.11.12 11:25am
"Kick benefit claimants in the balls", urges Chancellor

The Chancellor of the Exchequer today unveiled the government's latest scheme to boost the nation's flagging economy which, he claimed, will help reduce unemployment, increase public revenue and...

jamsieoconnor 22.11.12 11:20am
UN Refuses Qatar a “u”

The tiny gulf state of Qatar will not be allowed an extra “u” by the United Nations to bring it in line with standard spelling procedure. Despite enormous oil and gas reserves and unparalleled...

CulchaVulcha 22.11.12 11:13am
Police baton-charge mine shaft dog

Over 4000 police officers from across the country were rushed to Radnor in Cornwall following reports that a Labrador dog had been seen hanging around a disused mine-shaft., Officers from afar away...

Uncle Bertie 22.11.12 11:01am
BBC rocked by new miss-selling scandal.

In a shock report, regulators have disclosed that Savile Protection Insurance was being sold by the BBC as late as last Wednesday, more than a year after Savile’s well deserved funeral. The...

Davigo 22.11.12 10:57am
Mensa to drop ‘smug and self-satisfied’ as membership qualification...

Mensa, the organisation for clever people, with IQs in the top 2%, have decided to drop the ‘smug and self-satisfied’ qualification for aspiring members. “We’re trying to distance ourself...

Tripod 22.11.12 10:52am
“Baseball bats a thing of the past”, say loan sharks...

The high streets are filling up with payday loan companies, proving that lending small sums at eye-watering interest to the down-at-heel is one of the few profitable businesses left in 21st century...

Tripod 22.11.12 10:26am
Chelsea players alarmed at RDM's overnight weight gain

Several Chelsea players arriving for duty this morning at the clubs training ground have expressed concern at Roberto Di Matteo's sudden overnight weight gain. One senior player has been quoted "We...

Sheepback 22.11.12 10:25am
Child genius chokes on abacus bead

A Yorkshire hospital trauma team saved the life of a ‘gifted’ Bradford child after he was rushed to A&E following an unfortunate choking incident involving an abacus. The seven year old, who...

Dick Everyman 22.11.12 10:15am
custard cream
CofE Synod to welcome Radio 1 DJs as bishops

In a surprising turn of events, the Church of England’s governing General Synod reconvened last night and overwhelmingly approved the right of former Radio 1 disc jockeys to be confirmed as...

DustyBinLaden 22.11.12 10:00am
Family hopes to 'knock Xmas on head this weekend'

The Antas family of Nantwich have surprised friends and neighbours with their decision to 'knock Christmas on the head' this weekend. The Antas are well known locally for their dedication to...

Miss Hegas 22.11.12 9:13am
Miss Hegas
Scientists discover that excessive research can cause Cancer

so, probably no more soon...

Screenie 22.11.12 8:57am