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Illegal immigrant deportation 'postphoned' until "he's used up his minutes"

Today, Theresa May confirmed that an illegal immigrant would "be having his human rights abused" if he were to be deported before he'd had chance to "use up his minutes". The Asian man, who due to...

kga6 04.10.11 6:25pm
Daily Mail stories "arrive faster than the truth". More soon.

Thanks for the inspiration thisisall1word...

Al OPecia 04.10.11 6:19pm
Al OPecia
‘Thames Water is green’ claim utility bosses

After an Environment Agency report branded Thames Water the UK’s biggest polluter, the firm has been quick to defend its progress on environmental issues. Claiming that just a few minor incidents...

Midfield Diamond 04.10.11 6:16pm
Opportunity Knox

Shocked residents of Perugia took to the streets outside the court house last night to celebrate the appeal court judges' verdict that there had been no murder. Speaking in broken English and out...

medici2471 04.10.11 6:10pm
UK economic troubles to be eased with 'Every Fallen Leaf Worth a Fiver' day

In a dramatic 24-hour initiative designed to help the public quickly generate cash within a beleaguered economy, UK banks will for tomorrow exchange fallen leaves for crisp five-pound notes., The...

dicky37 04.10.11 5:34pm
Rabbits caught in headlights set to receive 'on the spot' fine 0
kga6 04.10.11 5:30pm
Italian Prosecution Service to Hire Jeremy Kyle.

Following the successful appeal of Amanda Knox and the other guy, Italian Courts have offered ITV1's bear bater Jeremy Kyle a lucrative deal to be the head of their prosecution service. Speaking...

delightfullyodd 04.10.11 4:52pm
UK Passports to Include New "Yes Please! LOL!" Sex Status for Fucking Dullards 4
thisisall1word 04.10.11 4:00pm
Panpipe the cat allowed to stay in UK - owns pet Peruvian man 0
Drylaw 04.10.11 3:59pm
Classic british pastime of queueing to get massive overhaul

Within the next few days the government will announce measures to increase the productivity of the UK's workforce with a radical new approach to queueing. Walk in queueing centres, open 24 hours,...

Screenie 04.10.11 3:59pm
Theresa May promises installation of a moral compass in every high street 0
simonjmr 04.10.11 3:54pm
Panic Buttons to be installed with Panic buttons

"In case of emergency and you need help with activating the panic button - please press the PANIC panic button". More soon...

simonjmr 04.10.11 3:52pm
Amanda Knox issues press statement denying ever being near an Italian prison 0
charlies_hat 04.10.11 2:52pm
Accidental overdose of Diocalm halts recording of TV series 'Loose Women' 0
pinxit 04.10.11 2:31pm
New craze of ‘Working’ sweeping the internet

Stand aside ‘Planking’, move over ‘Batmanning’, there’s a new game in town. ‘Working’ is the new craze which has Facebook users flocking to upload photos of themselves engaged in the...

Vertically Challenged Giant 04.10.11 1:49pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
New deck chair arrangement a great success say Titanic Middle Management

Having originally brain-stormed the reorganisation at an 'away day' in February, the initial feedback indicators are very good. There has been a huge buy-in from all staff, and engagement levels are...

Ian Searle 04.10.11 12:50pm
Tesco to sell dehydrated ice

Marketing Director John Frampton explained that Tesco have been selling convenience foods such as instant mashed potatoes and frozen omelettes for years. Indeed, they have been printing obvious...

Gary Baldy 04.10.11 12:44pm
Gary Baldy
Film star regrets red carpet treatment after being rolled on the floor

sprinkled with Shake'n Vac and having the Dyson run over them...

Ian Searle 04.10.11 12:36pm
Ian Searle
English Brewers League lose legal fight against pub that sells foreign beers 0
bonjonelson 04.10.11 12:08pm
Knox, Knox, who's there?


RJWinter 04.10.11 11:54am
Man not yet concieved recieves Nobel Prize for work on time travel 3
RJWinter 04.10.11 11:26am
EDU defends England 'quiet night in'

The England Drinkers (EDU) bosses have backed captain Mike Tavistock and his team-mates following tabloid allegations about a quiet night in, whilst they are in New Zealand for the Drinkers World Cup...

simonjmr 04.10.11 11:14am
OJ Simpson to ghost-write Amanda Knox Book.

Will also have cameo in forthcoming film...

miked10270 04.10.11 10:23am
Hoops McCann
Chas n Dave deny cashing in on tragedy with release of "Mertcha!" 1
nickb 04.10.11 10:20am
Cut school leaving until the age of 14, suggests former inspector of schools

The former Chief inspector of schools, Chris Woodhead, has put himself firmly back in the spotlight today by suggesting that children should be kept at school, 24/7, until the age of 14. ‘Kids...

Screenie 04.10.11 10:17am
Old time entertainers suffer from "pre-minstrel tension"

Maureen and Dave Jones from Worcester are worried. The couple, now in their seventies, were to perform "Mamie" in the style of Al Jolson including full black-face make up, for their local amateur...

nickb 04.10.11 9:18am
Autumn Aspects

Well it's that time of the year when the trees change their hue and the leaves start to fall hence the expression "Fall" so often used by our American cousins. An increasing feature in recent...

Drylaw 04.10.11 9:07am
greg various
Keith Richards releases 'Gimme Sheltered Accommodation' 0
nickb 04.10.11 8:58am
Free pint with cheap Greek football at your local now. 0
Ostsee 04.10.11 8:43am
iPhone4 users to become obsolete by midnight. 2
Ostsee 04.10.11 8:28am