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Autopsy reveals Robin Gibb had lethal levels of music in his blood

As yet another prodigiously talented musician passed away before his time, medical experts are becoming more vocal in highlighting the health dangers of having music in the blood. At the coronial...

Yikes 09.06.12 6:55am
Dalai Lama surprised at omission of Rio Ferdinand from England squad 2
grottymonty 08.06.12 11:44pm
UEFA gets tough on racism by sticking fingers in ears and going "la-la-la".

More firm measures soon...

seymour totti 08.06.12 9:47pm
Zeus, God of rain & Lord of the sky intervenes in England cricket team selection

Following the England selectors outrageous decision to leave Jimmy Anderson out of the final test against the West Indies at Edgbaston, Zeus himself has intervened to ensure no one gets a bowl by...

grottymonty 08.06.12 9:43pm
Austerity cuts leave Greece with 10 men 0
Not Amused 08.06.12 8:49pm
Not Amused
Older people advised to stop going on about how they've worked all their lives

Britain's older people should stop telling people how they've worked hard all their lives and always paid their taxes, says Oxford University geriatrician Dr Margaret Soames (21). 'In the first...

roybland 08.06.12 8:31pm
Former lover claims Cheryl Cole mimes in bed. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 08.06.12 7:49pm
Scots enter Olympic spirit by lighting fags off Olympic torch.

More healthy activity soon...

MADJEZ 08.06.12 7:08pm
Jimmy Anderson fury at sitting in a different changing room watching the rain

England fast bowler has expressed his anger at being "rested" for the third test; "I'd particularly wanted to sit in the Edgbaston dressing room watching the rain come down. Now I'm forced to sit in...

apepper 08.06.12 4:56pm
Merkel agrees "double or quits" with Greece over Euro 2012 0
quango 08.06.12 4:52pm
Divorce Looming For Leading Seismologist After Infidelities Rumbled By Wife 1
Duff 08.06.12 4:30pm
Polish supporters claim they were just singing "Funky Gibbon". UEFA close case 0
grottymonty 08.06.12 2:48pm
Racists at Netherlands practice grateful for training opportunity.

“One of the best squad sessions we ever had.” claimed Euro 2012 racial abuse co-ordinator Jan Terleki at the close of the Netherlands training session. “The only thing it lacked was a dust up...

weematt 08.06.12 1:43pm
"Say Cheese My Son" As Eastenders Sets The Pace Again

Never one to shy away from the big topics and issues of the day, BBC flagship drama, Eastenders, is once again setting the agenda and is on course to shock its fans and critics alike. In the past...

Duff 08.06.12 1:21pm
Masonic secret handshake upgraded - extra digit required

More to follow...

apepper 08.06.12 12:46pm
Ukraine claims UK ministers adopting "spolitics" tactics over Euro 2012

As UK government ministers ready themselves to boycott England's group games in the Euro 2012 football championships in Ukraine over the country's human rights record. Ukraine minisiters have...

simonjmr 08.06.12 12:10pm
Terry disappointed at Auschwitz theme park - but praises the short queues

'The queues were short, but the actual events were a bit disappointing, to be perfectly honest.' John Terry has given his verdict on his visit to Poland's biggest tourist attraction, the Auschwitz...

ronseal 08.06.12 11:27am
Des Custard
London Underground to introduce racism carriages

London Underground has unvieled plans to introduce 'racism carriages' secifically for people who want to let off steam after a hard days work by shouting indescriminate abuse towards anyone who looks...

Shandy 08.06.12 11:21am
Remaining Bee Gee releases 'How deep is your Bruv?' 1
tedweasel 08.06.12 11:01am
Not Amused
Excitement as teenagers find unsecured wifi connection in local woods 0
gaijintendo 08.06.12 10:37am
John Terry closes in on European Father of the Year title

Fans of British parenting look like having something to celebrate as John Terry seeks to breakthrough to the next level and claim the European Father of the Year title. Terry, an ex-winner of British...

Yikes 08.06.12 10:35am
Gary Barlow turns down lucrative offer to be resident singer on Dragon Capsule

A spokesperson for Space X, the commercial space exploration wing of India's Tata Motors, today confirmed that they had failed in their bid to obtain Gary Barlow's signature on a multi-million dollar...

rustad 08.06.12 9:09am
Pensioner To Play Left-Back at Euros for Footballing Reasons

Roy Hodgson today called up 79 year old Bert Cooke to the England Euro 2012 squad today, purely for ‘footballing reasons’ he said completely lyingly. 79 times capped England legend Rio Ferdinand...

daneade 08.06.12 8:37am
Ministers pretend to boycott Euro 2012 'to get out of games'

Government ministers have wriggled out of attending Euro 2012 by 'protesting' about Ukraine's jailing of former prime minister Yulia Tymoshenko, according to a secret recording of a Cabinet meeting....

V Riddoch 08.06.12 7:51am
Man paints lines on grass, dons boots and puts up nets for 'footballing reasons" 0
ronseal 08.06.12 7:14am
England footballers to play badly as protest

England's footballers are planning their own protest over the hosting of Euro 2012. "We're contractually oblidged to play, so we've decided to leave the tournement as soon as possible by being as...

apepper 08.06.12 4:01am
Cheryl Cole Unlikely Humanitarian Saviour

Cheryl Cole's fame may be of questionable merit to many members of the intellectual community, but that may change after her recent visit to Somalia, where in mere moments she raised living...

Textbook 08.06.12 3:22am
Roy Hodgson found in hotel room with hookers and drugs 'for footballing reasons' 0
Alan Sundry 07.06.12 10:07pm
Alan Sundry
Prayers Being Offered For Stricken TV Royal Anchors

A frantic race is on this evening to find an urgent cure for a virus that's wreaking havoc throughout the UK's media community. The infection named, [i]Chronic Sycophantosis[/i], believed to be a new...

Duff 07.06.12 9:16pm
Dejected Clinton cards buyer returns home with £35million worth of weasel balls 0
Mandy Lifeboat 07.06.12 9:16pm
Mandy Lifeboat