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Celebrities ‘too scared to die’ in wake of Savile affair

The days of death being the ‘de rigor’ method of future proofing a celebrities’ legacy seem to be over, with many famous people now avoiding death like the plague. ‘It used to be that the...

Yikes 28.10.12 10:09pm
custard cream
Pub landlord hides seven bodies on premises over busy weekend

Gary Philpott was sentenced to six months imprisonment at Leeds Crown Court after admitting he failed to notify authorities of seven deaths on the premises of his Hunslet public house, the...

Paddy Berzinski 28.10.12 7:44pm
Paddy Berzinski
Supermarkets to serve petrol from the Deli

Supermarket giants, ASDA, Tesco, Sainsbury’s and Morrisons have announced a unified switch in the way that fuel is sold to customers. From March 2013 petrol and diesel will only be available...

Dick Everyman 28.10.12 6:25pm
Stockport cyclist returns winning medal following drugs confession

Anthony Harrison, 51, from Stockport has returned his winning medal from the Manchester Wheelers 10-mile time trial in 1980 following his confession for the use of a Fishermasn's Friend lozenge...

antharrison 28.10.12 6:21pm
Lamborghini Driver Found To Have a Really Big Penis.

Local super=car nut Tony Michaels (43) was exposed yesterday as a "big car" driver who actually also has a large manhood., "People alwayth think i am compenthating for thomething by dwiving a big...

arthurminnit 28.10.12 6:07pm
Marc Bolan “may have abused himself” on TV premises

Glam rock star Marc Bolan “almost certainly” abused himself, according to doctors, and may have done so at ITV studios in West London, drawing commercial television executives into an ever...

nickb 28.10.12 5:53pm
Handbag museum to open in Maidenhead

The owner of a satirical website says he will be taking an increasingly ‘hands-off’ approach in the near future to concentrate on his passion for handbags., , The comedy writer and broadcaster...

Gerontius 28.10.12 5:36pm
Depressed M C Escher fans found dead in Tesselation Alley

Fifteen dead M C Escher fans were found in what locals called Tesselation Alley. Detective Inspector Alan Marsh said "Looking at the way the victims were left, we think the deaths may have been...

nickb 28.10.12 4:53pm
McCartney shatters Japanese woman's only claim to fame

Sir Paul McCartney has shattered a Japanese woman's sole claim to fame by stating that she was not responsible for splitting up the Beatles. 'She certainly didn't break the group up,' the...

roybland 28.10.12 4:48pm
Savile Effect Claims Thousands of British Ash Trays

., ., ., well, he had to put that red-end somewhere! at least it wasnt up a kiddies arse! its not like he was a paedo or anything!...

arthurminnit 28.10.12 4:07pm
Savile effect claims thousands of British ash trees 1
28.10.12 3:33pm
Savile effect - Man Utd punish careless Chelsea 0
28.10.12 2:29pm
Savile effect ignites Romanian immigration explosion 0
28.10.12 2:20pm
Halloween goblins and ghouls 'shit scared' of British schoolchildren

Goblins, ghouls, fairies and the souls of the dead may not make an appearance on Halloween this year, according to folklorists. 'They're just shit scared of British schoolchildren', said leading...

roybland 28.10.12 1:21pm
Heston Blumenthal admits that using tampons to soak up juices in his mouth

may make him sound like a C&%T...

burnmybridges 28.10.12 12:45pm
Reputation of Britain's weird people 'damaged' by Savile scandal

The reputation of Britain's weird people has been seriously damaged by the Jimmy Savile scandal, according to a survey by Weirdo magazine. 'Since the Savile story broke,' said Weirdo's editor Gary...

roybland 28.10.12 11:57am
Bankrupt undertaker’s house, hearse and ectoplasma TV re-possessed 0
Dick Everyman 28.10.12 11:53am
Dick Everyman
Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Thyme split citing ‘culinary differences’

Well known herb ensemble Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Thyme today announced they were going their separate ways. While the official reason stated was ‘culinary differences’, it is widely...

Yikes 28.10.12 11:46am
Scotland Yard Paedo Squad round up the usual suspects 0
28.10.12 11:11am
Police have taken up the Garry Glitter. More soon.

Probably not for the first time...

NewCriminal 28.10.12 10:09am
Forgetful teenagers turn-up for work one hour early 0
antharrison 28.10.12 9:51am
Vatican suggests moving Jimmy Savile's grave to another cemetery

and pretending nothing ever happened...

ricky33 28.10.12 9:48am
First officially gay hurricanes forecast: Julian to follow Sandy.

The Lesbian and Gay community worldwide has welcomed the first official gay hurricane couple. The World Meterorological Authority - responsible for assigning names to hurricanes - announced it would...

nickb 28.10.12 9:06am
Savile charity refunds ‘will eclipse PPI’, warns City

The banking industry is bracing itself for yet another round of claims, only months after the industry was ‘almost in tears’ following exposure of its protection racket, PPI. City insiders are...

malgor 28.10.12 7:39am
Hurricane Sandy promises to be nanti ordinary plate.

Just you vardar...

sigmund 28.10.12 7:16am
BBC to conduct sexual harassment review by couch interview 0
Yikes 27.10.12 10:54pm
Tech support person reprimanded for understanding user's issue 0
Dumbnews 27.10.12 10:45pm
Freddie Starr wishes he were as popular as a paedophile. 0
MADJEZ 27.10.12 10:05pm
Cab driver denies being busy or just starting shift 0
Dick Everyman 27.10.12 9:46pm
Dick Everyman
Porn star accused of "spooneristic witchcraft" after turning all the cocks black 7
grumblechops 27.10.12 9:44pm
Dick Everyman