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Dame Judi to be next Queen Mum? 0
euanc 3 years

Sources close to the palace reveal that the Grande Dame of British Theatre, Dame Judi Dench, is being strongly tipped to take on the vacant role of Queen Mother. "Her regal presence and enthusiasm...

Israeli President accuses English of anti-Semitism 0
ramblesnake 3 years

and always favouring the wogs...

West Ham ease financial crisis by selling 12,000 fans. 5
bonjonelson 3 years

In a unexpected move, the management of West Ham United have announced they have taken advantage of this summer's transfer window to sell up to 12,000 of their fans to rival clubs. Management hope...

Blue Peter's Zombie Watch critcised by Parent-Teacher Associations. 1
bonjonelson 3 years

BBC Childrens' programme Blue Peter has come under fire today from the National Association of Parent-Teacher Associations for this year's "Zombie Watch", where children are being encouraged to go...

Lyn Barber claims to have slept with 50 men during two terms 3
arrghgarry 3 years

meanwhile 50 men are having traumatic recall symptoms...

Ministry of Justice Cuts Possession to Seven Tenths of the Law 2
mugwump 3 years

Ministry of Justice Cuts Possession to Seven Tenths of the Law...

Government spokesman insists 'Fat Cunts' moniker for obese is not demeaning. 7
The Return of DroleNoel 3 years

Much more soon...

Cameron to introduce new Poor Law Bill 1
PluckyMunky 3 years

Similar to the 1834 Poor Law Act, it will address the following issues:, * reduce the cost of looking after the poor, * take beggars off the streets, * encourage poor people to work...

Tai chi 'just very slow P.E.' admits leading guru. More soon. 2
malgor 3 years
Obama diverts troops from Iraq to secure Clinton's NY wedding 0
Dumbnews 3 years
Cameron and Clegg admit 'doing tongues' at royal reception 0
PluckyMunky 3 years

'I've had better', says Cameron...

Hot cakes not actually selling that fast 0
Oxbridge 3 years
Ryanair to charge you for queueing...... 0
SilverWinterSky 3 years

Ryanair announced today its intention to charge "by the minute" for the use of its check-in queues. A spokesman said "We think this is a logical extension of our pricing model and will help...

Huntley "should not sue" - victims groups appeal to his better nature 0
Izziere 3 years

According to the BBC, "victims' groups have said that Soham killer Ian Huntley "should not sue" over jail attack." Campaigners have made an appeal to the paedophiliac child killer's better nature in...

Partially deaf Catholic priests rush to Afghanistan on discovery of Bum Factory 0
brownpaperreporter 3 years
IDF 617 Squadron, "The Prambusters" Back in Action 1
afternoonslow 3 years

IDF 617 Squadron, "The Prambusters" a squadron formed specifically to bomb Dammed Palestinians has been in herioc action once more. Sat, July 31, Israel retaliates for rocket attack...

Ian Huntley's 100 grand payout to be made in pound coins 1
ramblesnake 3 years

shoved up his arse (I hope)...

In addition to damages Ian Huntley now claiming royalties 0
Ian Searle 3 years

every time his picture is used by newspapers and TV...

Government tells armed forces that spending will be restricted to "cool shit." 0
mrlemoncurry 3 years

In a report released today , the coalition revealled it's plans for future spending on defence . In it it revealled that high profile weapons will only be bought if they look good on the recruitment...

'Radical' coalition government unmasks, raises hammer and sickle over No. 10 0
la maga 3 years
Western Civilisation makes good progress spreading democracy, project management 1
la maga 3 years

After centuries of struggling to take parliamentary democracy and good project management techniques to the furthest reaches of the globe, Western Civilisation is feeling pretty pleased with progress...

Fears at the Clinton wedding that someone might give the Bride's father away. 0
Ian Searle 3 years
"Life does not begin at 40" points out 20-year old with sex life and no mortgage 0
la maga 3 years
Pope agrees to pre-death cannonisation of Blair 2
PluckyMunky 3 years

Tony Blair was said to be 'over the moon' at the Pope's announcement that he would have him cannonised. The Pope, in a bulky bull, referred to Blair's 'range of miracles'. He suggested that 'St Tony...

“Edward is straight” claims Sunday newspaper. 2
Cook 3 years

In an interview due to be published in a leading sunday newspaper, Royal dandy Prince Edward makes a confession that will stun his family, the theatre world, his long term lover Lance Corporal Allan...

Bumper year for blackberries due to good summer, and crap i-phones. 0
Ian Searle 3 years
EU calls for high vis reflective jackets to be worn while attending cinema. 0
Ian Searle 3 years
Market analysts predict Man City poised to buy the Premier league this year 1
StoopyDeGunt 3 years

In a dramatic boardroom coup, the Premier League could be subject to a surprising corporate takeover, with Manchester City PLC putting a strong bid in for the title deeds that its competitors will...

Iraq enquiry follows suit by calling teletubbie tinky winky after Prescott. 0
Basil_B 3 years
Iraq Inquiry accept Lord Prescott’s doctor’s note 0
hero2zero 3 years

The Chillcot inquiry accepted the doctor’s note explaining Lord Prescott’s inane grin yesterday, “Completely due to stress!”...