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Elephants never forget which room they are in 1
Oxbridge 4 years
rooney to be awarded the conspicuous gallantry medal for services to football 0
4ty2 4 years

by Prince Charles who wanted to publically reward him for upholding old traditions he wants to introduce again under his reign. However for the time being Charles granted him the freedom of football...

Stationary store "not planning on going anywhere" 1
Nick McCarr 4 years
Afghan rioters admit mistake after discovering US pastor burnt a Korean... 0
be reasonable 4 years

"that's perfectly acceptable," said Abdul Madjid, 34, leader of the rioters in Kandahar province. "After all, burning a living human being is well within the bounds of acceptable behaviour; I did my...

ITV denies ‘history of unimaginative programming’ after original ‘Gladiators’... 2
SingingHinny 4 years

ITV denies ‘history of unimaginative programming’ after original ‘Gladiators’ set found at Hadrians Wall. Archeologists investigating a new find near Hadrian’s Wall have unearthed...

Penguin in the room "clearly a black and white issue" 1
BillyBitzer 4 years

Can anyone smell fish?...

Vajazzle fad not new according to newspapers 1
Iscariot 4 years

More than a decade ago the Press reported that young women and even girls as young as 12 had been having glitter applied to their private parts. OK, I know where me coat is...

Man who made breakfast in bed admits "I should have used the kitchen". 0
Psycadelic Squirrel 4 years

And you never can get rid of all the crumbs...

Genetically modified cows to produce human babies 0
Tammy Flugh 4 years

"As they can already produce human breast milk, this is the obvious next step," an NFU soikesman announced today. "And it will help revive the flagging farming industry."...

Irish told to have more babies 1
Ostsee 4 years

to reduce the amount owed by every man, woman and child in Ireland to just 23,000 Euos...

Literary historian discovers Lewis Carroll sequel, ‘Alice in Sunderland’ 2
Genghis Cohen 4 years

An academic at the University of Lancaster has uncovered a previously unheard of follow-up to Lewis Carroll’s acclaimed Alice series of children’s novels, this time set in the North East of...

Heston Blumenthal Happy to Discuss Elephant in the Roux 2
thisisall1word 4 years
Egg cups stolen by poachers... 1
be reasonable 4 years

what a terrible yolk...

Al Fayed unveils statue of Claudia Winkleman at Fulham. 0
MADJEZ 4 years

US asked to "please explain" over bombing of Liberia 2
Nick McCarr 4 years
Elephant "no longer in room, believed on way to Venezuela" claims Hague 1
bonjonelson 4 years
Gadaffi fears he may lose lucrative sponsorship deal with Ray-Ban 0
Dumbnews 4 years
Paul McCartney tells media that John Lennon held him back 0
brownpaperreporter 4 years

In a candid interview with Melvyn Bragg, McCartney revealed that, with hindsight, he would never have been involved with John Lennon. “Tosser” says McCartney “the classics that I wrote after...

Fears of global warming receded today 0
Tammy Flugh 4 years

when scientists pointed out that the elephant in the room was actually a woolly mammoth...

Vince Cable ‘defects to Libya’ 4
4 years

British Business Secretary Vince Cable is in Libya and “no longer willing” to work for the Conservative and Lib Dem regime, the Libyan Foreign Office says. "He travelled here under his own free...

Chimp Develops Class Consciousness 1
pineapple incident 4 years

Scientists at the University of Sheffield have taught Deryck (a 14 year old, West African Common Chimpanzee) to recognise that the history of all hitherto existing society is the history of class...

A never-before-seen nude photograph of Eddie Stobart, 0
Tammy Flugh 4 years

taken when he was just 24, has been released by a private collector...

AV supporters launch 'Yes / Maybe Yes / Don't Know' Campaign 0
deskpilot3 4 years
Daily Sport unable to keep it up any longer... 0
deskpilot3 4 years
News Biscuit contributor refuses to get on elephant ticker band wagon. 0
Basil_B 4 years

Shit! I just have...

Ivory Coast stolen by poachers. 0
MADJEZ 4 years
Police foil Olympic stadium terror plot. Detain man with flaming torch. 0
MADJEZ 4 years
Agnostic praying mantis admits 'I was living a lie'. More soon. 6
wallster 4 years

Sorry, I bought a job lot of 2nd hand headlines off a dodgy looking bloke on ebay. He said they'd be worth something after today the lying git. Worth fuck all now. If you find a bloke who's busy...

Alfred Hitchcock ‘made cameo walk-on appearance at own funeral’ 5
Genghis Cohen 4 years

Previously unseen footage of the funeral of Alfred Hitchcock has revealed that the dead film director may have mischievously choreographed a walk-by role for himself at his own last rites. ‘If you...

Man who makes mathematical pun about tangent... 0
be reasonable 4 years

accused of racism. I'll log-off now...