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Politicians Hoping for Armageddon in 2012

A poll of leading politicians reveals that their best hope for 2012 is some kind of End of the World event based on an ancient Mayan prophesy. “I’ve looked at all of the options” explained...

Quaz 29.12.11 6:30pm
Schroedingers cats eyes may and may not be installed at box junctions.

I'm sure I've got less than a half-life remaining...

Iscariot 29.12.11 4:28pm
Reminiscence Therapy undermined by disagreement on date of "Back in the Day" 2
dvo4fun 29.12.11 4:23pm
Kim Jong-un denies 'improper relationship' with Adam Werritty

As preparations continue for his succession to power, Kim Jong-un has had to move to deny any wrong doing following revelations his good friend Adam Werritty has been passing himself off as his close...

Perks 29.12.11 3:04pm
North Korean leader to host "Kim'll Fix-It"

Nuclear Arms race, you've got it!!!...

virtuallywill 29.12.11 2:56pm
Inquiry to be held after Katie Price passed herself off as a celebrity

Broadcasters and publishers were scammed for over a decade by a woman with falsies who claimed to be a celebrity. She then gained access to front pages, news agendas and even documentaries, in a...

ronseal 29.12.11 2:43pm
New signpost at the Church of the Nativity reads 'No Broom at the Shin'.

More biblical fisticuffs soon...

MADJEZ 29.12.11 2:43pm
New Year’s Honour’s list puts the OBE in obesity

Eric Pickles, Nicholas Soames and Anne Widecombe are to be awarded with special OBE’s for services to obesity. “These OBE’s for the obese could be seen as being for services to growth,” a...

nickb 29.12.11 2:40pm
Delight as Grim Reaper finally appears in Sir Cliff Richard calendar

Economists may have already written 2012 off as being a year of depression and hardship, but the news this morning that the newly released Cliff Richard calendar will feature the demise of the 72...

kimllfixit 29.12.11 2:39pm
Eastender to spend quiet Christmas with family

BBC bosses are bracing themselves for a barrage of complaints this festive season, after it was revealed that a character in popular soap Eastenders was to enjoy a quiet Christmas devoid of the...

jp1885 29.12.11 2:38pm
New hope in the battle against bee cocaine.

Top scientists are now close to a breakthrough in their revolutionary study into why something exists that causes people to spend most of Summer sneezing, drinking their own nose-liquid or crying...

29.12.11 1:52pm
Mother of six sues Christmas.

A mother of six caused a stir yesterday by lodging a case at the small claims court to sue Christmas. 'I know my rights' announced 39 year-old Rachael Waters. 'I have six boys to look after by seven...

29.12.11 1:40pm
North Korean Young Pretender begs people to "Stop Your Sobbing" 1
Drylaw 29.12.11 12:19pm
Newspaper could be planning feature on New Year's Resolutions 0
ronseal 29.12.11 11:29am
Only three more sleeps until...

the Insomniac Society's Spring Ball...

riesler 29.12.11 11:28am
Kim Jong-un named as 'supreme little leader'

The tiny but perfectly formed and proportioned Kim Jong-un has been unveiled to the masses. Arriving on the celestial cloud of beautiful perfection the diminutive but smartly dressed leader was...

DiY 29.12.11 11:26am
‘2012 will be more of the same old shit’ predicts Mystic Meg

In a break from tradition, Mystic Meg’s prediction for 2012 was limited to just a few lines. ‘With a cock in Westminster, fat fuckers mooning over North America and no sign of money rising in the...

Immunis 29.12.11 11:17am
East Midland Trains criticised over ‘replacement piggyback from a tramp service’

Commuters on a journey from Glasgow had little praise for East Midlands Trains last night, after arriving in St. Pancras a lot later than scheduled. The passengers had an inkling they were in for a...

29.12.11 10:57am
Government propose One Chav per Family Law

In an attempt to reduce the number of feckless unemployable youths roaming Britain, the coalition government have proposed limiting the number of registered chavs to one per household. The Minister...

Immunis 29.12.11 10:41am
Al OPecia
Alex Salmond denies genetic link with brainless, faceless fish 0
Scroat 29.12.11 8:25am
Male Robin denies being "round", preferring the soubriquet "cock" 1
Iscariot 29.12.11 7:04am
Fashion-conscious men brace themselves for latest retro style 0
DorsetBoy 29.12.11 2:18am
Latest Facebook changes offers yet another way to say nothing 0
Dumbnews 29.12.11 2:04am
Leading German physicist to be prosecuted by the RSPCA

more/no more soon...

bonjonelson 29.12.11 1:03am
Schroedingers cats eyes may be installed on new motorways.

"You may see them or you may not" said an MoT spokesman."There is some uncertainty."...

Iscariot 29.12.11 12:34am
Pop fans 'all a flutter' as 6music plans 'day of C90s'

Music fans are braced for a trip down memory lane on New Years Day, as 6music announced it will exclusively play old C90s for 24 hours. The decision was made after nearly 5 working audio cassettes...

29.12.11 12:22am
"no bombing" rule withdrawn from swimming pools after anti terrorist accusation

Brighton council today announced that it was removing the ' no bombing' rule from all swimming pools with immediate effect, after a complaint from Junior school deputy head Alan fairbourne that it...

Placey1 29.12.11 12:17am
God Particle: Pope to celebrate Mass for Higgs Boson. 2
Iscariot 29.12.11 12:06am
Schrödinger's cat o' nine tails hurts ...and doesn't 0
Smart Alex 28.12.11 9:36pm
Smart Alex
Tragedy strikes filming of North Korean version of 'The Cube'.

Philip Schofield unavailable for comment.

MADJEZ 28.12.11 8:03pm