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Man dies doing something he ‘fucking hated.’

Family and friends of the late Emile Jones have publicly bemoaned the fact that he didn’t have the decency to die while he was doing something he loved or even vaguely enjoyed. At a church service...

malgor 10.05.13 9:28pm
Council worker four years from retirement still enjoys job

Outrage met news that Gavin Campbell, a civil servant for Manchester City Council actually liked his job despite being four years away from retirement. The civil servant who does something to do...

andrewl81 10.05.13 8:29pm
Old Bailey to be refurbished for clinical trials. 0
Maverick 10.05.13 8:05pm
Russian cosmonaut blushes when asked if he can smell ammonia. 0
Maverick 10.05.13 8:00pm
Scientists isolate single sud from sink full of washing up water.

In what has been described as a potential Nobel winning breakthrough, scientists at Cambridge University's physics faculty have announced today that they have successfully isolated a single sud from...

Maverick 10.05.13 7:57pm
Austerity forces Spanish F1 race to be downgraded to 'Prix Ordinaire'

More to follow...

brianflan 10.05.13 7:39pm
New Al-queda recruits to train on Hopscotch squares 0
victimms 10.05.13 7:14pm
Mugging witnesses 'batted eyelids' 0
Idiot 10.05.13 7:07pm
Stakes raised in elevated fence competition 0
Idiot 10.05.13 7:05pm
Fergie to promote 3D printed gum 1
bonjonelson 10.05.13 6:07pm
Inquest verdict: First 3D gun death caused by misprint, not misadventure. 0
weematt 10.05.13 4:51pm
National Printed Rifle Association objects to printed gun internet ban. 3
weematt 10.05.13 4:44pm
Product recall for printed guns, which may “jam if the cartridge runs out”... 0
Tripod 10.05.13 4:33pm
Absence of Fergie's wrath will lead to global cooling, possibly new ice age

Climatologists across the globe have expressed concern that the retirement of Sir Alex Ferguson will result in temperatures being lowered across the planet. The impact of no-hairdrying on match days...

antharrison 10.05.13 3:47pm
“Ed Miliband is always rescuing damsels in distress” - Labour claim

Anonymous sources from deep within the Labour Party have reluctantly confirmed that leader, Ed Miliband, is forever risking life and limb to rescue maidens in distress. Fearless Ed has previously...

Lenny Bee 10.05.13 3:04pm
Lenny Bee
3D printer pre-programmed to print 3D printer pre-programmed to print....

3D printer pre-programmed to print 3D printer pre-programmed to print 3D printer etc etc...

nickb 10.05.13 2:45pm
“Two Dannies” TV show cancelled after row about similarity.

Dannies Baker and De Vito have abandoned plans to co-star in a new transatlantic TV comedy show, the Two Dannies, after being accused of “similarity”. Baker, well known for being both...

nickb 10.05.13 12:36pm
UKIP to outsource policy making to China

Following the success of UKIP gaining seats in many local elections the party has taken the decision to move their policy making to a Chinese policy factory., Newly appointed party spokesman Xin...

atters 10.05.13 10:49am
Mexican Death Saint appears in new Bowie video

Controversy surrounds David Bowie’s latest release from his long awaited album “The Next Day”. The singer/songwriter appears to have been replaced with the female, skeletal figure of Santa...

Wrenfoe 10.05.13 9:55am
3D-printed glue-gun "prone to significant melting" admits designer 0
QorbeQ 10.05.13 9:50am
Ancestors are tax deductable – claims Lauryn Hill

World markets have seen share prices rise following reports that the Grammy-winning singer, Lauryn Hill, has managed to write off $1.8m (£1.2m) tax bill as the cost of being “a child of former...

Wrenfoe 10.05.13 9:07am
Absence of Fergie news dismays United fans

After 48 hours of wall to wall coverage following Alex Fergusons decision to retire, Manchester United fans are struggling to come to terms with news channels interest in other items. There are...

Sheepback 10.05.13 8:53am
Murder investigations hampered as police banned from chalking outlines on street 0
Smart Alex 10.05.13 7:01am
Smart Alex
Girls - seven surefire ways to tell if your man is starting to lose interest

1. He leaves home, 2. He starts sleeping with another woman, 3. He gets divorced, 4. He changes his name and starts wearing a false beard, 5. He emigrates, 6. He commits suicide, 7. He murders...

Terry 10.05.13 6:50am
Wormwood Scrubs "looking forward to best ever Panto season". More soon.

Stellar cast arguing over who's going to get aladdin...

Al OPecia 10.05.13 6:29am
Russian surgeon left slightly smaller woman inside woman

More to follow...

apepper 10.05.13 5:43am
Visit to Starbucks ruined by shit stirrers 1
Idiot 10.05.13 2:49am
Scientists confirm: Paul Simon does have a nikon camera and he takes photographs 0
A.J. DiCosimo 10.05.13 2:48am
A.J. DiCosimo
“Eton College to be called Slough Academy” - announces headmaster

Eton College, the world's most famous public school since 1440, is to change it's name to The Slough Academy. Announcing the move at today's assembly, headmaster Anthony Trevelyan told boys the hour...

Lenny Bee 09.05.13 10:41pm
Lenny Bee
Luther King "dream" speech "much better after Coretta's help"

Martin Luther King's original 1963 speech, entitled "I had a dream where all these weird marshmallows were floating past our front room window", was "drastically improved by his wife Coretta" say...

QorbeQ 09.05.13 9:57pm