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Kings Cross renovation "disaster for getting to Hogwarts"

Luckily, I know someone who has a flying car...

quango 19.03.12 12:05am
Sarkozy to have iPhone renamed.

Building on his theme of detesting too many foreign people in France Nicolas Sarkozy has turned his attention to products. If re-elected he has promised to legislate that the 'iPhone' will be called...

weematt 18.03.12 11:16pm
British Grand Prix in chaos as Silverstone named as new congestion zone

The British Grand Prix faces some radical changes as drivers will be liable for the congestion charge. Currently, racing cars do not carry registration plates, making automatic detection impossible...

apepper 18.03.12 11:06pm
Ryanair makes autopilots redundant

CEO Michael O'Leary announced today that in future Ryanair would cease to operate aircraft with fancy complicated autopilots and the like., "We like to keep tings simple and cheap at Ryanair." he...

weematt 18.03.12 10:25pm
The All New Jeni B
God to write second novel 3
Immunis 18.03.12 10:25pm
Chancellor to stop tax dodgers and reintroduce 10p tax rate.

With the highly anticipated Budget due this week, Downing Street has been leaking like a BP pipeline in the Gulf of Mexico. In a copy of his speech seen by the press, the Chancellor is planning...

Perks 18.03.12 9:29pm
London 2012: Assisted Suicide law suspension bid for Olympics

Following the announcement of the suspension of the Sunday Trading laws by the Chancellor George Osborne, Home Secretary Theresa May is set to announce the suspension of the assisted suicide laws. ...

MotoPopps 18.03.12 8:47pm
Police award Belfast man "Best Reply After Caution" prize

An improvised remark made by an unemployed Belfast plasterer following his arrest for dangerous driving has won the coveted "Best Reply After Caution" prize at the National Police Awards in...

jamsieoconnor 18.03.12 7:27pm
Psycadelic Squirrel
Stranded potholers had no back up plan.

inspired by ronseal...

weematt 18.03.12 7:20pm

Osbourne told: "Plan to make everyone hate Tories has worked. you can stop now"...

spa99ers 18.03.12 7:05pm
Osborne asks mates for joke ideas for his Budget speech

"Making the budget speech can be a real downer for the whole nation" said George Osborne. The Chancellor returned from his trip to the US to deliver his annual budget speech but has been asking...

paddyparkinson 18.03.12 6:30pm
"Go Compare" opera singer revealed to be Rafael Benitez 0
paddyparkinson 18.03.12 6:18pm
Pessimistic teacher sacked because his class was always half full. 0
Ian Searle 18.03.12 5:26pm
Ian Searle
Restaurants introduce Hors d'oeuvres tracking.

This will let you know when they will be delivered. If you are not at your table when they arrive they can be left in a safe place, on a neighbouring table, or will be returned to the kitchen and...

Ian Searle 18.03.12 5:15pm
Ian Searle
"Twenty's plenty" says Schumacher after F1 failure.

More next wek ...

JustSomeBloke 18.03.12 5:14pm
Homeless may be used as street lighting

Homeless people may be used as street lighting under new government plans to be announced by George Osborne in Wednesday's Budget. The proposal follows the recent use of homeless people as roving...

roybland 18.03.12 4:17pm
Hundreds of injury lawyers injured at work

in stampede to join Bolton Wanderers supporters club...

yussle 18.03.12 4:16pm
IOW fire crew under fire, even slower than usual

Isle of Wight residents were more upset than normal when they learned that it took local volunteer fire officers over two hours to attend a fire at the Ryde Castle Hotel, Isle of Wight. Normally most...

weematt 18.03.12 2:04pm
Police work on theory no one broke into Millibands office, but he broke out.

The public are warned he may be dangerous...

Ian Searle 18.03.12 1:31pm
Ian Searle
Return to traditional values as kids to be told if their best "not good enough" 0
quango 18.03.12 12:18pm
Panic grows as it is revealed that Earth's atmosphere is "over 78% nitrogen" 0
Nick McCarr 18.03.12 11:44am
Nick McCarr
Wife divorces barista who took his work home

A Cafe Nero barista who took his work too seriously is facing divorce. 'As soon as Joe arrived home from the coffee shop, he started,' his wife Jane said, 'banging the milk jug on the table,...

roybland 18.03.12 11:11am
Authorities turn to Drogba for advice about onfield strokes 0
Drylaw 18.03.12 11:07am
I was Peter Tatchell’s secret lover, claims woman.

‘Peter and I had a full and loving relationship’ says Anna Carter, 48, talking for the first time of their when her 22 year relationship with pocket firebrand Peter Tatchell. ‘It was an open...

Mrs Olly Murs 18.03.12 10:09am
Mrs Olly Murs
CoE to offer headquarters franchise in cost cutting move

Following the resignation of the Archbishop of Canterbury the Church of England is to use the franchising business model to decide where its headquarters is located. The CoE is thought to favour the...

weematt 18.03.12 9:01am
Glimmer Of Hope After Germanys Earless Rabbit's Untimely death

The death of Til The Earless Rabbit stunned a nation, gasps of horror could be heard from the Reichstag to the Danube as the unfortunate photographer wiped the unsightly step kill from his shoe. But...

anhodika 18.03.12 12:10am
Tofu rump steaks launched under brand name 'I Can't Believe It's Not Buttocks!' 2
Haywood Manley 17.03.12 7:46pm
TUC rejoice as public linked to private sector pay "Bring on the bonuses!"

more later...

dvo4fun 17.03.12 6:29pm
MPs in poorer parts of UK to be paid less.

George Osborne will announce plans to pay lower salaries to Members of Parliament in poorer parts of the country in his budget next week. The chancellor will argue that MPs pay should mimic the...

Ian 17.03.12 5:28pm
Cameron Gone 'A Wall' Again - Version 2 - 2

This time to the US., "When will the skiver ever put in a full shift?", mutter muggins ministers...

Jesse Bigg 17.03.12 5:10pm