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US Democrats wish Boehner was pronounced "boner" 0
Grover 4 years
Man who says “I don’t drink” ruins evening for everyone... 1
Doylem 4 years

When Kevin Tasker announced “I don’t drink” to the guys assembled at the bar of the Rose and Crown, at the start of what looked like being a convivial after-work session, early Friday evening,...

Jedi-Sith coalition 'working very well' 1
Zadok the second 4 years

[i]Dark Side 'not actually dark. More dusky'[/i] Top Jedi Mace Windu has defended the record of the Sith-Jedi coalition Empire since it came to power last May. “It was soon clear that Jedi and...

Threat of punctual transport system ‘exaggerated’, say authorities 1
Des Custard 4 years

Ministers were quick this morning to play down fears of a punctual transport system after the official level of threat was raised from ‘substantial’ to ‘severe’, saying the situation was far...

Criminals now forced to moonlight as firemen, reports trade mag Crime Scene 4
ronseal 4 years

Crime Scene, the trade magazine for the legally challenged community, has conducted a survey that shows that criminals are being forced to take second jobs to make ends meet., The hard up hoods are...

Danny Boyle referred to Trading Standards because 127 hours only lasts 94 mins. 1
Ian Searle 4 years

Doesn't do what it says on the tin...

Hit cowboy campfire song laments the decline of spam. 2
petebrown 4 years

More headlines on twitter @petebnewsagency

Film about Monarch's fruit nominated for Oscar... 2
victory V 4 years

Colin Firth unavailable for comment...

New iPhone app advises when owner is tossing off about phone too much 1
Nick McCarr 4 years

With nearly all iPhone owners in the habit of crapping on about all the marvelous things their phone can do it was time for a new app to remind them not to be tossers. The app is designed to start...

Students celebrate Nick Clegg's birthday with massive street party 0
Ludicity 4 years
First burning bendy buses, now poison eggs. Next - killer BMWs perhaps? 0
Ostsee 4 years
Archers Anniversary Shocks Listeners With "Farming and Rural Issues" 4
thisisall1word 4 years

Britain’s longest running soap opera The Archers has broadcast its controversial 60th anniversary episode angering many fans and seeing over 3,000 complaints made to the BBC. The radio programme,...

Bangladesh urges Australia to play Tests on next cricket tour 0
Nick McCarr 4 years

meanwhile Australian talent scouts are to tour South Africa...

Fireman who took second job as a drugs gang lynch pin set to blame Boris Johnson 0
ronseal 4 years
Bully charity to close, blames bullying 3
steve_l 4 years

The National Bullying Helpline has closed, it has been announced. A spokesman from the Swindon-based charity attributed the reasons to being picked on by a mental health and a homelessness charity....

Hapless England Cricketers Again Fail to Keep Clean Sheet 0
thisisall1word 4 years
Flu jab shortfall to be filled by increase in concerned looks from Cameron 0
thisisall1word 4 years
ITV bans people in Bristol from watching their channels; Bristol celebrates. 0
Mrblacker 4 years
God declared bankrupt after failing to pay taxes ,claims he never saw a penny 0
Malcum eggs 4 years

blames agents on earth...

American grunt who signed up on the Strength of recruiting Sergeant's 2
Malcum eggs 4 years

tale of Victory in Grenada feels he may have been lead down the garden Ba'ath...

Obnoxious drunks to have own zone ,since the Plan as worked so well in the 0
Malcum eggs 4 years

House of Commons...

Police to crack down on obstructive crims who try to stop people speeding 6
StoopyDeGunt 4 years

The Met Police are to widen their search for criminals guilty of obstruction, after the massive success of their latest man hunt, which netted an evil middle englander who was caught red handed...

Government to re-release last year's flu vaccines. 0
Tammy Flugh 4 years

But announces that it does not expect any more flu deaths in 2009 or 2010...

Royal Wedding to feature 3D holographic Diana 12
Ludicity 4 years

The Royal Wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton will include a 3D computer generated Lady Di who will appear at Westminster Abbey to give her blessing to the happy couple. The full details...

Global spam email levels mysteriously fall. Bumblebees implicated. 0
bonjonelson 4 years

[More soon]...

Eastonationdale Street Plot Line Complaints 0
Jeff Dray 4 years

As of this afternoon the broadcasting complaints authority has received over 7,000 complaints about the disturbing New Year plot line in which a killer zombie decimates the village playgroup in a...

iPhone app for pensioners - Locates nearest Incontinence Pad resellers. 1
DiY 4 years

more soon?...

Payoff for chief of Northern Ireland Water just a “drop in the ocean”... 0
Doylem 4 years
Newest smartphones feature 10% less painful web browsing experience 0
Dumbnews 4 years
BP blowout: an expensive way to find out that oil and water don’t mix... 0
Doylem 4 years