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Record pumpkin sales herald the end of the recession, says Osborne 5
StoopyDeGunt 4 years

A surge in pumpkin sales, up 4000 per cent on the previous month, could herald the beginning of the end of the recession and the dawn of a new age, according to chancellor George Osborne. "The boom...

Woman attacks MP as protest against illegal violence 1
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
Government says NICE represents poor value for money 0
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
Criminals to get the vote to add to their existing right to pass legislation 0
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
Al Qaeda urges users not to buy cheap compatible unbranded toner cartridges 0
ronseal 4 years
'Convicts should vote for me', says Jeffrey Archer 0
Zadok the second 4 years

As tens of thousands of convicted prisoners look set to gain voting rights, former lag and rather poor novelist Jeffrey Archer has announced that he is spearheading a new party with the intention of...

You politicians are all the bleeding same, canvasser told by Broadmoor resident 0
ronseal 4 years

As prisoners are given the vote, canvassing volunteers are discovering a new seam of society that likes to get on its high horse about politicians. Many are furious at the way MP's maximised their...

Lib Dems 'can't wait' for their turn. 0
Andrew 4 years
Clocks go back an hour. 0
Andrew 4 years

It's more soon...

St. Aines to drop '.' & ' ' .... 1
thackaray 4 years

to lose unhelpful "up market and quaint town" tag...

ARMAGEDDON, THE LAST SPOKEN WORDS - 2 34
Rowly 4 years

Would it be? "Have we got to lie down for this", or "I suppose this is the 'Till death us do..,.part"...

More proof that the UK is down the toilet... 6
MC One R 4 years

as Cheryl Cole's latest "musical" offering shifts more than 150,000 copies to the ignorant masses who probably watch X Factor and think it contains talented people with a musical future, in much the...

USA "can't be arsed" to go ahead with election. 1
FormerlyAlOPecia 4 years

To much hassle and arguing has put them off...

Toner cartridges to be banned from hand baggage on UK flights. 4
riesler 4 years

and stable door to be locked as horse disappears over the horizon. What a waste of time, as if 'they' will use toner cartridges again. What next.exploding shoelaces?...

Airport Security: "We must have more scanners" says MD of scanner firm 0
brownpaperreporter 4 years
New kings Cross PA Announcement Would the passengers changing sex 0
arrghgarry 4 years

on platform three Please mind the Gap...

Having a lifestyle goes out of fashion in 'austerity Britain' 0
la maga 4 years

Fashion magazines across Britain are this week trumpetting the 'death of the lifestyle' as Brits settle into hard economic times that show few signs of ending in the foreseeable future. "What we're...

Urgent rethink after new enterprise tsar is taken to a cellar and shot 2
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
Women don't like having sex with Steven Fry in complaints of miserable cant 0
StoopyDeGunt 4 years
Jamiroquai looks down barrel of his career after X Factor appearance. 2
Basil_B 4 years

Jazz funkster and pop artist Jay Kay famously known as Jamiroquai blasted his agent today for booking him on ITV's X Factor last night, ' that'll teach me for leaving it to someone else to find me...

Town to change name 5
MC One R 4 years

In a bid to pep up their image, Staines town councillors have decided to add the word "Trouser" in front of the current name to at least enable comedy writers some easy gags...

Boombox app launched by Al Qaeda inconjunction with UPS 0
simonjmr 4 years
Builders ‘outraged’ as Greggs pasties recategorised as class A drug 1
therustler 4 years

Representatives from the Federation of Master Builders today petitioned Parliament to overturn the recent decision to categorise Greggs pasties as class A drugs, alongside heroin and crack cocaine....

Marco Polish not quite up to his Italian ancestor as polish boat gets lost. 4
Basil_B 4 years
Thatcher due to be discharged from hospital 1
ramblesnake 4 years

Other patients at the West London BUPA hospital are said to be looking forward to steak and garlic being back on the menu and having the blinds raised during daylight hours., The nation rejoices...

'Whats the porpoise of that' questions Dolphin on why he has a smaller cousin. 0
Basil_B 4 years
Panic as rockets, mortars found in newsagent shop, also Catherine wheels 0
red 4 years

The world has once again been put on high alert following the discovery of a number of explosive devices in a newsagents in Bromsgrove, West Midlands. With the media baying for answers, Home...

UPS confirm carriage fee refund for suspected Yemeni bomber 0
Mrblacker 4 years
Polish boat safely docks in England after storm. 5
Basil_B 4 years

Unfortunatley for the crew they were supposed to be going to Canada...

Half of humanity are nasty shallow cynical bitches, says national treasure 1
StoopyDeGunt 4 years

Stephen Fry women. sex.. etc...