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Loyal tory Activists “to wear loon pants”

Conservative local organisers will wear skin tight, low slung brightly coloured flared trousers as a gesture of solidarity to the parliamentary party, it was announced last night. “This is the...

nickb 19.05.13 10:39am
Marty Feldman distances himself from 'swivel-eyed loon' comment.

Moron soon...

The All New Jeni B 19.05.13 10:26am
Victoria allows David to grab limelight by publishing a photo of him - with her

More soonish...

brianflan 19.05.13 10:26am
Oxford 'blue up' pair spark racism row

Two Oxford University students caused controversy after ‘blueing up’ as Smurfs at a fancy dress ball last night., Complaints were made after another student advised them to remove the Smurf...

brianflan 19.05.13 9:44am
UK puts on woeful performance in European block voting and song competition 0
ronseal 19.05.13 9:20am
New EU regulation to ban Imperial drill sizes for trepanning

UKIP accuses European medics of protectionism...

Not My Real Name 19.05.13 9:15am
Not My Real Name
Gay marriage decision cost us Eurovision say Tory faithful

Hardliners on the Tory right are saying David Cameron’s unequivocal support for gay marriage may have cost us any chance of winning last night’s Eurovision Song Contest., With homophobia,...

Geraldine Wiley 19.05.13 9:10am
Al OPecia
David Dickinson considers move to Ulster to join the Orangemen 0
Smart Alex 19.05.13 8:25am
Smart Alex
Fire service 'needs Transformers'

Fire and rescue services would be much better if staffed by ultra-powered, giant robots, according to a review commissioned by the Government. Following seven months of careful research, Sir Ken...

monkeyrepublic 19.05.13 7:59am
British doctor invents cardiac microwave; read his heartwarming story

More to follow...

apepper 19.05.13 7:48am
Not Amused
Homosexual couples want equal rights to have civil partnerships

cos that's only fair...

Alfred Noakes 19.05.13 6:57am
George Michael hurt in M1 crash - Paramedic "failed to ask for autograph". 4
Al OPecia 19.05.13 2:42am
Farage appeals for everyone to spell his name right - Farrago.

. (Don't often see that word around these days)...

Maverick 18.05.13 10:59pm
Beckham denies tears to be bottled for limited edition perfume range. 0
Ref Minor 18.05.13 10:23pm
Ref Minor
African village adopts Angelina Jolie’s breasts

Support for Angelina Jolie after her double mastectomy has reached all corners of the globe with the news that the Angolan village of Malu has agreed to adopt her breasts. Malu village chief Oongal...

Yikes 18.05.13 9:27pm
Angelina Jolie set to make a fortune on eBay. 9
Maverick 18.05.13 7:59pm
Gove to double class sizes and sack thousands of teachers.

"It worked in Victorian Britain and it will work again today", said Michael Gove...

deskpilot3 18.05.13 5:22pm
Orangemen excited as new marching season transfer window opens. More soon. 1
dominic_mcg 18.05.13 5:05pm
Lord Feldman denies calling Tory party activists 'swivel-eyed loons'

Actual headline in today's Daily Telegraph - the end of satire!...

custard cream 18.05.13 4:12pm
custard cream
Eating disorder clinic opens all-you-can-eat restaurant. 2
sredni vashta 18.05.13 3:31pm
sredni vashta
Introspective soldiers court martialed for retreating within themselves. 2
sredni vashta 18.05.13 3:29pm
sredni vashta
Del Boy feels a right plonker over Peckham retirement. 0
irreverendJ 18.05.13 2:23pm
"We tried to tell you." The Krankies - a special report

While Operation Yewtree continues to expose the dark underbelly of the British entertainment industry, Ian and Janette Tough, aka The Krankies, spoke to James Naughtie on Radio 4's Today programme...

Idiot 18.05.13 2:17pm
Marty Feldman not happy with 'swivel eyed loon' comments. 0
Not Amused 18.05.13 1:57pm
Not Amused
Taliban spiritual leader Mullah Omar comes out with surprise admission

In a video released by the Taliban via a Dutch website, Mullah Omar, wearing a salmon-pink turban and knee-length, beige robes of Karachi cotton, said ‘I just don’t want to live a lie any more....

Crooked Man 18.05.13 12:57pm
Crooked Man
White House staff argue on how to pronounce Thein Sein

More unimportant stories from Yangon shortly...

brianflan 18.05.13 10:33am
A unitard-clad Gove urges the nation to go for the "burn"

More later...

Wrenfoe 18.05.13 10:26am
Social Workers to be fast tracked to a nervous breakdown

Josh MacAlister, chief executive of Frontline, was pleased to announce a new scheme which would allow graduate Social Workers to cut out the protracted year on year “helping the vulnerable in a...

Wrenfoe 18.05.13 6:50am
UKIP call for referendum on Eurovision Song Contest 1
custard cream 18.05.13 6:33am
Dick Everyman
Bernard Manning Honoured in Australia

In the wake of damning news stories of 70's and 80's celebrities, a West Australian council has tried to regain some credibility to the era by naming streets after British comedians At a public...

brianflan 18.05.13 5:51am