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Oftel fine More Than Insurance for employing Infinite Monkeys in call centre

"They didn't even have computers, merely electronic typewriters, and seemingly not a single simian employee knew how to replace the paper sheet...

gaijintendo 05.07.13 5:55pm
Superslow broadband rollout is on schedule

The very slow rollout of very fast broadband is keeping to the projected drawn-out timetable set by the government. With unusual foresight, the government put plans in place for a gradual and...

NewBiscuit 05.07.13 5:28pm
Jesus H

So no Question Time 3D then. Damn and triple damn...

sredni vashta 05.07.13 4:59pm
sredni vashta
People living in Poverty should move, says Tory MP

Conservative Member of Parliament for Winchester Sir Augustus Gideon-Blake has called on families living in the town of Poverty to leave the area. He told reporters: “Honestly the place sounds...

sdritchie 05.07.13 4:36pm
Bruce Lee in the French sea? Burnt cream pudding? 0
Al OPecia 05.07.13 4:08pm
Al OPecia
'Father Green' most common name among French Catholic priests 5
Idiot 05.07.13 3:44pm
Lindy Moone
Eastenders "better than Rohypnol", says convicted rapist 0
sydalg 05.07.13 2:53pm
Black theologians accused of Uncle Thomism 0
sydalg 05.07.13 2:53pm
Advert: Stand out from the crowd of black umbrellas with a new cream brolly. 3
FOAD 05.07.13 12:22pm
Lindy Moone
Trainee actuary breaks world sneeze speed record

Pole Jerzy Janowicz may have the fastest serve at Wimbledon but Britain’s own Alan Moore has broken the record for the world’s fastest sneeze. Alan, a trainee actuary at Friends Life, frequently...

blacklesbianandproudofit 05.07.13 12:03pm
British woman on cycling holiday accidentally wins stage 7 of Tour de France

Sporting history was made today as a female British tourist became the first ever none-professional cyclist to win a stage of the world's most prestigious and gruelling sporting events - the Tour de...

NorthernGravy 05.07.13 12:00pm
World War 3 disqualified after too many false starts. 1
sredni vashta 05.07.13 11:49am
Survey of TV news shows 70% of school children only exist from the waist down

A further 20% are blurred and out of focus, with the final 10% suffering from severe pixellation or blockiness around the face...

Ian Searle 05.07.13 11:42am
sredni vashta
Radio 4's The Now Show to be re-named The 30 minute Daily Mail Infomercial Show

Radio 4 has decided to rebrand one of its comedy staples in order to reflect its narrow, bourgeois obsessions. The Now Show is to be re-named The 30 Minute Daily Mail Informercial Show, following...

ronseal 05.07.13 11:35am
custard cream
Welsh assumed consent law could reap unexpected benefits

Surgeons believe that by removing the voiceboxes of Charlotte Church, Katherine Jenkins, and Sir Tom Jones that they could help relieve the suffering of millions of people around the globe. Just for...

Smart Alex 05.07.13 11:23am
custard cream
Council ends racism, child abuse and bigotry through unlimited pamphlet printing

Suburbiton Council has successfully brought racism, sexism, domestic violence, global warming and social inequality to a halt, through a series of pamphlets printed in a selected range of languages....

StoopyDeGunt 05.07.13 11:01am
rickwestwell quits The Voice to concentrate on his dog food business.

More soon.

MADJEZ 05.07.13 10:50am
Lindy Moone
Viewers quit The Voice ' to concentrate on watching something less shit' 0
Oxbridge 05.07.13 10:46am
Penis-flavoured condoms taste just like the real thing, says manufacturer 4
sydalg 05.07.13 10:42am
Labour leader accuses Union of having weapons of mass distruction

Wellit worked for them in the past...

raudus 05.07.13 10:41am
Jessie J quits BBC's The Voice. Claims it's not about the money...

More cha-ching cha-ching soon...

MADJEZ 05.07.13 10:39am
Dyslexic hippy teenager misunderstands Mum's note and tie-dyes her bedroom 0
Smart Alex 05.07.13 10:28am
Smart Alex
UK government to claw revenue from Corporation Tax dodgers

The UK Treasury today announced a sweeping new proposal for the taxation of corporate profits, in which tax will be applied at the point of sale as distinct to the offices from which the corporation...

Arthur 05.07.13 10:00am
Ed Miliband denies links to voters

In an unparalleled show of strength, the Labour Leader has comprehensively cut off all ties with the electorate. Having become acutely aware that the appearance of chasing voter approval may...

Wrenfoe 05.07.13 9:12am
Quote of the day: 'Write drunk, edit... what?'

More some day soon...

Lindy Moone 05.07.13 9:02am
Lindy Moone
Plan to destroy Blackpool has unexpected benefit of gas production

More to follow...

apepper 05.07.13 8:39am
UNITE boss wants to change his union's name 1
Sinnick 05.07.13 8:38am
Inventor of computer mouse clicks the bucket 6
Skylarking 05.07.13 8:29am
Egyptian Army Says 'Democracy Only Counts If You Vote For The Right People' 0
Titus 05.07.13 7:13am
Outrage As Trade Union Demands That Labour Party Supports Working People 0
Titus 05.07.13 7:09am