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Network Rail to sell off Rail Business – Future lies in Malls

More people are using railway stations for shopping and eating than to catch trains, independent research for Network Rail has revealed. Trends consultant, Justin Bright was not surprised: “Their...

Napierboy 21.03.13 12:46pm
Charity warns it could be murder, as Cludo mansion is exempted from bedroom tax 0
Ian Searle 21.03.13 12:09pm
Ian Searle
Britain 'relieved' as China turns out to be equally moronic

Britain, the formerly quite capable island near Europe, has spoken of its relief at seeing television pictures of teenage girls in Beijing going hysterical over a brief glimpse of David Beckham...

Oxbridge 21.03.13 12:02pm
Female execs who break through glass ceiling advised to put knickers back on 5
Terry 21.03.13 11:54am
Further Boost To Tory Victorian Theme, With Penny Off A Pint Of Beer.....

"Thankee your worship."...

Jesse Bigg 21.03.13 11:53am
Dawsons creek
David Bowie asked to construct new persona for George Osborne

Friends of George Osborne are believe to have approached David Bowie for help in creating a new persona for the beleaguered chancellor. The sight of a sober suited and pasty faced Osborne standing...

roybland 21.03.13 10:56am
Vaginas told to 'shut up and let someone else get a word in edgeways' 9
Terry 21.03.13 10:51am
Gaddafi condtion 'not as bad as first thought' 0
blacklesbianandproudofit 21.03.13 10:41am
'Death sucks' says Harry Reems 0
Oxbridge 21.03.13 10:35am
Exclusive photo of George Osborne and advisors planning 2013 budget

21.03.13 9:39am
Celebrities starting to mourn the loss of free tabloid publicity

As the dust settles on the arguments over press regulations, well known personalities up and down the country are now pondering a future without the libellous, salacious and often fictitious...

Perks 21.03.13 9:15am
Eton old boys reunion cancelled due to clash with G20 summit 0
Terry 21.03.13 8:58am
Researcher Identifies Sherlock Holmes Descendant - And He's A Policeman

A researcher working for satellite TV's 'Ancestry Channel' announced yesterday that he'd successfully identified the last remaining blood relative of legendary Baker Street sleuth, Sherlock Holmes,...

Martin Shuttlecock 21.03.13 8:11am
Cameron and Osborne to get futility treatment on NHS 4
Terry 21.03.13 8:01am
Chancellor’s Budget: Independence for Liverpool

The Chancellor has today astounded critics by proposing that the City of Liverpool is to be forcibly given independence from the UK. He further announced the construction of a 20 mile wall in the...

Sinnick 21.03.13 5:11am
deleted 0
Yikes 21.03.13 5:02am
Chancellor Assists British Film Remake Industry by Scrapping Pastiche Tax

Roger Moore soon...

mugwump 21.03.13 1:19am
Highways Move to keep Highways Moving

You would be forgiven for thinking that the biggest cause of delays on our roads, and cause of resultant road rage, are the increasing number of retarded drivers who insist on slowing down to...

Big Ben 21.03.13 12:31am
Midnight Dreary
Chancellor celebrates UN happiness day with the budget

No more soon...

Not Amused 20.03.13 11:58pm
Not Amused
Article found in Headline 0
Big Ben 20.03.13 11:40pm
Big Ben
James Herbert funeral to have sex scene about a third of the way through

In a poignant statement, the family of deceased horror writer James Herbert announced today that the author's funeral will contain a "full-on sex scene about a third of the way in", followed, after...

Midnight Dreary 20.03.13 11:19pm
Big Ben
Tom Tom ends unsuccessful endorsement deal with One Direction... 0
deskpilot3 20.03.13 11:04pm
Jim Davidson arrested on comedy charges 3
AReader 20.03.13 10:53pm
Li-Lo advised to Li-Lo on a Li-Lo

Troubled 26 year old actress Lindsay Lohan was told by her frustrated Del Air Prosecutor today “You don’t seem to understand, we’re all worried about you, and just want you well again.” To...

Big Ben 20.03.13 10:50pm
Big Ben
Blow to Osborne as Haiti refuses to cancel UK's debt 0
Terry 20.03.13 10:45pm
Pope on a Rope to make global Christmas comeback

"Soap on a Rope", that trusty 60's shower room accessory and stocking filler of last resort, is understood to have inspired a remarkable vatican enterprise just in time for next Christmas. In an...

BewsNiscuit 20.03.13 10:42pm
Tearful George Osborne “enormously grateful for all the suggestions”

The Chancellor of the Exchequer spoke movingly in the Commons today about the sheer volume of helpful advice he received when writing the Budget. “Clearly, the views of constituents are useful, but...

dvo4fun 20.03.13 10:42pm
Cyprus to boost honey production in "Plan Bee"

More to follow...

apepper 20.03.13 10:31pm
Less schools teaching grammar 2
Terry 20.03.13 10:14pm
Michael Owen: Simply the best

“Michael Owen: simply the best. So spoke casualty nurse Steven Oakes late last night when asked to reflect on the former footballers numerous appearances in A&E throughout his career. “Oh...

irreverendJ 20.03.13 10:05pm
Midnight Dreary