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Shuttlecock In Spectacular Fail

Blames tennis, Andy Murray, and miserable bastards...

Martin Shuttlecock 11.09.12 8:53pm
Downing Street in turmoil as Newsbiscuit starring system remains under scrutiny 0
Raptor Jesus 11.09.12 8:46pm
Raptor Jesus
Where Are They Now?

As we all deal with austerity and Broken Britain, we take a look back on the things we remember and ask “Where are they now?” The Great British Wino: Once a stalwart of every city centre, the...

Quaz 11.09.12 8:01pm
Local Man Fails To Fit In

Blames tight twat...

Martin Shuttlecock 11.09.12 7:34pm
Martin Shuttlecock
More as we get it. 0
Martin Shuttlecock 11.09.12 7:31pm
Martin Shuttlecock
Scotland's footballers "still Scottish"

More soon probably for ever, in fact...

jamesr 11.09.12 7:30pm
Problems for Ofqual as claims are made that prostate exams are getting easier 0
Ian Searle 11.09.12 7:16pm
Ian Searle
background checks ‘welcomed’ by plaidophiles 9
Spartacus 11.09.12 6:02pm
Dazzling reshuffle marks start of Coalition closing ceremony

The closing ceremony of the 2010 Coalition government has been held at the Olympic Park in London, after a dazzling display of choreographed reshuffling by 25 volunteers last week. Creative...

The Paper Ostrich 11.09.12 5:47pm
Dog-walkers drafted in at Scotland Yard in major staff reshuffle

Major staff restructuring at Scotland Yard has seen up to 50 per cent of detectives laid off and replaced by people walking dogs. A Home Office spokesman said today:"This is a logical move when we...

Scroat 11.09.12 5:46pm
Johnson's final tear-sodden juddering climax stains red carpet. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 11.09.12 5:12pm
Ofqual to revise X Factor grading system. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 11.09.12 4:55pm
Top Smear

Feel the throbbing power of the new penis car from Italian car makers Alpha Maleao,specialy designed to look just like a giant speeding horizontal erect penis,for all us macho car lovers.In bright...

Jeremy Klarkson 11.09.12 4:33pm
Martin Shuttlecock
Moonwalk curse may claim yet more

First Michael Jackson, then Neil Armstrong fall foul of the Moonwalk curse, there are at least another 8 worried moonwalkers out there. More soon Hat tip to Oxbridge...

simonjmr 11.09.12 3:56pm
Headteachers change Ofqual 'failure' to a pass 2
charlies_hat 11.09.12 3:49pm
$1.9m US Open win 'means the world to me' says emotional Murray 0
The Paper Ostrich 11.09.12 2:41pm
The Paper Ostrich
Andy Murray: All of England mourns as State Funeral set for 'The Joke' 4
dvo4fun 11.09.12 1:49pm
GB's successful sports stars to be fitted with 4G this year

It was announced today that not only have Gold medal winners been awarded a gold post box in their home town, they will also be fitted with a 4G transmitter as part of the ongoing sponsorship by BT....

simonjmr 11.09.12 1:37pm
Everybody 'already sick to death of samba', Brazil warned ahead of 2016 Olympics 2
The Paper Ostrich 11.09.12 12:14pm
pere floza
Jock o’Vitch granted honorary Scottish citizenship. 1
sigmund 11.09.12 11:04am
'Lawn Tennis Association coaching can deliver more semi-finalists' says Lendl 0
Midfield Diamond 11.09.12 11:03am
Midfield Diamond
"No one beats the Brits 76 years in a row", shouts triumphant Murray 0
custard cream 11.09.12 9:44am
custard cream
'We deleted Shapps entry from wikipedia' admits Head of Watford Grammar School

more deletions soon...

Gerontius 11.09.12 8:12am
Introducing Wedding Vows for the Pragmatic Man

"Do you take this women to be your lawful wedded wife?" "Yes, on these conditions." This is to be the approach of a new set of vows to be taken by some men at weddings. Professor Errant, an expert...

kga6 11.09.12 6:14am
Andy Murray's English citizenship fast-tracked 0
Nick McCarr 11.09.12 3:56am
Nick McCarr
Careless driving Transport Minister merely community service placement

While many have been baffled as to how David Cameron could appoint someone convicted of careless driving as Transport Minister, the explanation has now emerged: Simon Burns is simply working out the...

Sir Lupus 10.09.12 11:37pm
Sir Lupus
Free marketeer Osborne calls for paralympic delegulation 0
antharrison 10.09.12 10:09pm
God appears on old vegetable box.


robzrob 10.09.12 10:07pm
Royal corgi to get state funeral

David Cameron has announced there is to be three days of mourning, a public holiday and a state funeral in memory of Monty Windsor one of the Royal corgis who sadly passed away over the weekend.,...

Gerontius 10.09.12 10:06pm
Council sends in bailiffs as Richard theThird's car park bill exceeds £1m 1
custard cream 10.09.12 9:31pm