Topic — Add New » Comments Votes Author Last Comment
Gok Wan to head fire service transformation

The government revealed today that celebrity style guru Gok Wan will be overseeing the transformation of the fire service in England and Wales. Mr Wan told reporters today of his plans for a radical...

Scronnyglonkle 17.05.13 10:15am
Morrisons' home deliveries to be made by a fleet of Trabants

Announcing their online grocery delivery service, Morrisons today said that their goods will be delivered in a fleet of old East German Trabants. Spokesperson Alison Horsman said: 'It is important...

John Wiltshire 17.05.13 10:11am
Iron Man 4 to be Cannes opener next year 4
Bertrand Twisted 17.05.13 9:57am
Crack anti bigotry troops threaten lone man they suspect of being small minded

Scottish Nationalists were cock a hoop last night after fifteen of their crack troops found a small middle aged man in a pub, threatened him with violence and told him to go back to his country....

ronseal 17.05.13 8:50am
Fugitive jazz saxophonist decides it time to face the music

More sooner...

brianflan 17.05.13 8:46am
British Youths “Not on Enough Drugs”

British Prime Minister David Cameron held an emergency meeting at Downing Street today to address startling statistics that show a dwindling numbers of teens and young adults who turn to recreational...

mileslloyd 17.05.13 7:49am
Retiring Beckham declared "national treasure" - police already on the alert

More later...

Wrenfoe 17.05.13 6:53am
Scotland welcomes UKIP's wee, sleekit, cow'rin, tim'rous beastie 0
Dick Everyman 16.05.13 10:21pm
Dick Everyman
Porsche admit defeat and change name to "Porsch" 4
sredni vashta 16.05.13 9:53pm
Man does something else

A man who was doing something decided to stop doing it, in favour of doing something else. “I just lost interest,” said Bryn Smythe (37) from Hull. “I don’t know why. Suddenly the task I...

nickb 16.05.13 9:50pm
Beckham retirement not linked to hair loss 0
custard cream 16.05.13 9:46pm
custard cream
Ted can't hear you.

Ho-de-oh dear...

wallster 16.05.13 9:23pm
Beckhham PR wonk fits pentasyllabic word "opportunity" into retirement statement

"If you had told me as a young boy I would have" : 12 monosyllables in succession should give his brain a chance to recover, the wonk added., I have had him practising with the grabber I came up...

scribbler 16.05.13 8:47pm
Growing evidence that retirement "leads to death". More soon. 9
Al OPecia 16.05.13 8:28pm
Beckham and Fergusson will seek to bring order to the galaxy. 0
sredni vashta 16.05.13 7:55pm
sredni vashta
Clerical error results in Lulu becoming compulsory in South African Universities

more later...

Wrenfoe 16.05.13 7:53pm
sredni vashta
Beckham retires from football and re-signs for LA Galaxy 5
Backup Brian 16.05.13 7:20pm
The All New Jeni B
Labour deemed "unfit for work" by ATOS. More soon.

In the interest of balance...

Al OPecia 16.05.13 7:04pm
Al OPecia
Scout Master told by Priest "you're not the only one without friends, you know". 0
Al OPecia 16.05.13 7:02pm
Al OPecia
Coalition Government deemed "unfit for work" by ATOS. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 16.05.13 6:43pm
Al OPecia
Diane Abbott grows penis to aid research into masculinity

Having identifying that there is a "crisis of masculinity in Britain" due to the pressures that rapid economic and social change have placed on masculine identity, shadow health minister Diane Abbott...

Dick Everyman 16.05.13 6:38pm
Al OPecia
Geologists Say 'Yes', A Definite UK Tilt Towards South.....

As A New Cafe In Newcastle Gets 5,000 Job Applications. (No kidding)...

Jesse Bigg 16.05.13 5:37pm
Jesse Bigg
Diane Abbott to undergo penis-ectomy, “to see what it’s like being Michael Gove” 0
Tripod 16.05.13 5:31pm
Heavy foot fall to blame for shoe factory collapse 3
victimms 16.05.13 4:38pm
Sally Bercow and the Finger of Blame

In her latest novel, JK Rowling returns to her usual genre to depict a make-believe world of despicable cruelty and shameless corruption, peopled by ruthless, semi-human creatures devoid of any moral...

Crooked Man 16.05.13 4:20pm
Crooked Man
Beckham to become the face of "Old Spice" on his retirement

that's enough now...

Not Amused 16.05.13 3:39pm
Not Amused
“Unexpected item in bagging area” – man arrested

A Droitwich man, arrested today for gross indecency in a supermarket, might be the first flasher ever to be caught by an automated check-out machine. Albert William Shanks, a 53 traffic warden, was...

Lenny Bee 16.05.13 3:16pm
Lenny Bee
Smoking cigarettes could be dangerous - Trading Standards

Officers from Lincolnshire Trading Standards have announced a clamp down on the sale of illegal cigarettes that do not self-extinguish, on the grounds that they could be dangerous for consumers. "We...

Bertrand Twisted 16.05.13 3:07pm
Literary classic to be renamed in response to public pressure

Publishers Simon & Schuster have announced that F. Scott Fitzgerald's novel "The Great Gatsby" is to re-named "The Distinctly Average Gatsby" after a lukewarm response from both public and...

Bertrand Twisted 16.05.13 2:53pm
Bertrand Twisted
Beckham retires from football. No-one notices.

also see: Cardiff slut walk, actors' al...

beau-jolly 16.05.13 2:38pm