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Spotty underachiever identifies oxymoron. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 27.05.12 1:56pm
As compromise prisoners are to be given right to vote in Eurovision Song Contest 0
Ian Searle 27.05.12 11:28am
Ian Searle
Advert: From the makers of Botox - Bollox for men– for no-wrinkle nuts.

You know that taking the lines away from your face makes you look and feel younger but men, what about those give away nutsack wrinkles? Always wanted a smooth pairdrop but stuck with a serrated...

weematt 27.05.12 10:21am
Humper-stinks claim rest of Europe (and Israel).

No more soon please...

MADJEZ 27.05.12 8:50am
Insufficient little boxes on Eurovision voting form claims Humperdink ...

No more croon...

Kramaring 27.05.12 8:31am
G8 Summit blame game as financial crisis lurches from subprime to ridicule US

After a week of stalemate following the G8 Summit, the eight leaders have decided to pin all the blame for the financial crisis on George W Bush as they launched the so-called “war on error”....

Yikes 27.05.12 8:29am
Comedy writers fury at Catholic Church

Comedy writers are expressing outrage at the behaviour of the Vatican. A spokesman explained, "We think of something silly for comedic affect only for the Vatican to do it, and then go even further....

apepper 27.05.12 8:24am
Male contraceptive pill "too late for Jeremy Clarkson's father"

Scientists have successfully developed a male "pill". "Obviously, this could be a huge breakthrough in population control.", explained one doctor, "But sadly too late to prevent some calamities."...

apepper 27.05.12 8:21am
Tim Cook, Apple's CEO, 'f***ing furious' at reports he's not as scary as Jobs

Accusations that he's not as big a bastard as Steve Jobs has sent Apple's CEO Tim Cook into what Apple insiders are calling the scariest rage tsunami since Jobs beat the shit out of an erring Apple...

roybland 27.05.12 7:38am
Leaders behind the breakup of Soviiet Union and former Slavic states...

finally admit that it was all a callous attempt to secure more voting rights at Eurovision...

Smart Alex 27.05.12 7:03am
Smart Alex
UK loses Eurovision, "somebody else's fault" says Cameron

As the UK's results in Eurovision slumped again, Cameron says "we've got a strong song, but unless Greece gets its act together then its nil points for us" Vince Cable retorted earlier this morning,...

ionb 27.05.12 5:31am
Greece set to host 2013 Drachmavision contest 1
Skylarking 26.05.12 11:04pm
Government hails success of 'Topless Jobless' scheme

The government has today hailed the success of it's 'Topless Jobless' legislation that it launched last Monday. The new law means men who have never been in employment must walk around city centres...

Perks 26.05.12 10:52pm
Queen Sells Up to Back Jubilee Campaign

In an unprecedented act of royal generosity, the Queen is to mark her Diamond Jubilee by selling her extensive range of palaces and other properties and donating the proceeds to the Jubilee Debt...

Iggy Pop-Barker 26.05.12 10:49pm
Jessica Ennis sets new world record for ‘snatch ads’ revenue

Jessica Ennis, British gold medal hopeful for the Olympic heptathlon, has today signed a record sponsorship deal for so-called ‘snatch ads’. Agent Alison Sanders explained that the ads are...

Des Custard 26.05.12 10:44pm
Temperatures Hotter Than A Topless Lucy Pinder Says Experts 2
Hooch 26.05.12 9:25pm
Tongue-tied MP's admit they were afraid to ask "where the Warsi rent went"

more soon. By better writers...

VictorMeldrew 26.05.12 9:22pm
If you want Greece to win

If you want Greece to win dial 09015 22 22 16 to bankrupt the country...

BigV 26.05.12 9:16pm
Eurovision Song Contest won by a dancing dog act. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 26.05.12 6:28pm
Medical professionals baffled as mystery vomiting disease sweeps UK

Doctors across the UK have become increasingly concerned as a new mystery illness which causes sudden vomiting has spread across the UK in the past few weeks. "We did think that it was a norovirus...

JohnA 26.05.12 5:47pm
Confusion for Twins bemused by Martial Arts and Marital Arts training.

“I’d seen an advert in the post office window for a beginners’ course in Kama Sutra at Marlow Community Centre." says Ron Twomey "It was a new one on me and all I knew it wasn’t the same...

dvo4fun 26.05.12 3:37pm
Buntin' Redikulas

Somerset County Council seek, county wide, emergency powers to close all roads which have installed street lighting, until “risk assessment” completed following request to hang lightweight...

HenryMJUK 26.05.12 11:13am
Rebellious teenager claims to be first UK victim of ‘honour grounding’

Jennifer Coster, aged 15, has appeared in public for the first time since the end of April alleging she is the first UK victim of a so-called ‘honour grounding’ conducted by her vengeful parents...

Gary Stanton 26.05.12 9:58am
Golgeau Treize
Muslim Brotherhood of Man to enter Eurovison

Egypt has sensationally entered the Eurovision Song Contest this weekend, Egyptians have been polled on their favourite musical number, although as ever the traditional Eurovision tactical voting was...

Scronnyglonkle 26.05.12 9:48am
Vatican “hard on crime” as it jails Pope’s butler for borrowing paper

The Vatican trumpeted its zero tolerance approach to crime as the Pope's butler, Paolo Gabriele, was taken into custody for the serious offence of borrowing pieces of paper that show what the Vatican...

Yikes 26.05.12 9:01am
Houmous,  tsatziki shortages caused double dip recession says Greece

Hat tip to er, someone who did a dip joke. Please claim reward...

nickb 26.05.12 7:26am
Tooth Fairy to seek help after admitting "compulsive hoarding" tendencies

The Tooth Fairy today broke down in tears as she admitted she was seeking help for 'pathological orthodontic hoarding tendencies' - a condition which has seen the mythological pixie collect and store...

grumblechops 26.05.12 5:48am
Crowd gathers at Blackfriars bridge on news of dispatch of Vatican banker 5
medici2471 26.05.12 12:41am
Hunt deploys Clinton defence "I never had financial relations with that Murdoch" 0
dvo4fun 26.05.12 12:40am
"None of the Above" Gains Global Poll Lead

In what is considered to be an embarrassment for Political parties and Governments around the world, polling orgnaisations have admitted that they have conclusive data showing that voters in the...

simjel 25.05.12 10:32pm