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Imperial Tobacco HQ to double as Death Star

Lucas Films was unwilling to confirm today that it is in discussion with Imperial Tobacco to use its brand new Bristol Headquarters, known to insiders as the Death Star, in the new Star Wars movies ...

jamking 26.05.13 10:51pm
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EU not to remove Olive Oil jugs. Popeye relieved. 2
weematt 26.05.13 10:37pm
Meanwhile in Australia - landmark child abuse case looms

A prominent Australian lawyer, Dennis "Pugsly" Adams QC has launched a major legal action against the Catholic Church in Australia claiming discrimination because he was not molested by either...

Russell Grenning 26.05.13 10:27pm
Broadcasters admit to “stockpiles” of programmes about hoarding

Derek Smythler, Head of Commissioning at Channel 5+1 has a lot of DVD’s stacked up in his office. And despite what the TV industry regards as a crisis, he is strangely upbeat: “Look –...

nickb 26.05.13 9:23pm
U.S. Boy Scouts Camp Out For Gay Members 1
victimms 26.05.13 8:31pm
DIY stores buy all TV ad slots on Bank Holiday Monday as shoppers fail to show.

They can do it. Yes they can...

deskpilot3 26.05.13 7:36pm
Monaco Grand Prix breaks world tosser record

The Monaco Grand Prix has astonished statisticians with an extraordinary level of tossership. A professor of mathematics explained; "Obviously, Monaco starts fairly high in the waste of space stakes,...

apepper 26.05.13 2:56pm
Waddingtons Release New Game “Where’s Our Prime Minister”

Waddingtons, makers of board games including such national treasures as Monopoly, today released the latest new game to the High Street outlets. Called “Where’s Our Prime Minister”, the game...

Deimos 26.05.13 12:02pm
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Gay Marriage Bill – Lords vow to block passage

no more innuendo soon...

Yikes 26.05.13 7:55am
Woods and Garcia end feud over dinner of paella and bulls testicles 3
Mandy Lifeboat 26.05.13 7:36am
Officer Dibble tragedy latest: Found dead in alley with truncheon up arse 0
Drylaw 25.05.13 9:50pm
Cumbrian tigers "I'm Spartacus" response baffles authorities 0
Drylaw 25.05.13 9:44pm
Germans fail to see humour in Town Hall being called the Rat Hause.

But then they would, wouldn't they...

Maverick 25.05.13 9:39pm
Brain surgeon discovers tiny river horse college on hippo-campus. 0
Maverick 25.05.13 9:33pm
Ku Klux Klangers bring white supremacy to the Moon.

Too silly for words really. I had to do it though...

sredni vashta 25.05.13 8:29pm
'Gregarious' man held on terrorist charge

A man arrested on terrorist charges was 'gregarious' according to neighbours. 'I don't know how the security people could have missed him,' said Mildred Windle (67), president of her village's...

roybland 25.05.13 7:55pm
Coalition government to axe Danegeld in economic recovery measure

The government announced today a radical proposal to cease paying Danegeld, a practice started by ‪Æthelred the Unready‬ in 991AD to curb Viking hostilities. Acknowledging that the payments had...

Arthur 25.05.13 5:15pm
Britain’s abysmal convenience stores ‘close to extinction’ warns consumer group.

Over a hundred Tesco Express stores a closing every week, with the majority being turned into pubs, a new report from the pressure group the Campaign for Mediocre Shopping Experiences warned today....

TheNewsWalrus 25.05.13 2:34pm
Moderate reads Qur'an chapter 47 verse 5 and can't see what the problem is

If you're in battle then you're allowed to kill the enemy and take the survivors prisoner. Isn't that what everyone does?...

Josh 25.05.13 1:46pm
Sport's Day officially evil

Coming in last, their pudgy faces red from the running and tears in their eyes it’s hard not to laugh at fat kids on sports day but a research paper, to be published today, has branded school...

Hooch 25.05.13 12:40pm
CrassAlert recall after fatal collisions

CrassAlert, the new mobile device application that warns texters when they are on a collision course, has been recalled by its manufacturers, it was revealed today. The move follows an unexpected...

Arthur 25.05.13 12:14pm
Disappointment for scientists as new super-computer fails to go mad.

Scientists at Mal-Tech University, Wisconsin have expressed their immense disappointment at the failure of their new super-computer Off White to show any signs of megalomania. The technological...

sredni vashta 25.05.13 11:09am
Dick Everyman
Ugly nuns to be beautified, says Vatican spokesman. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 25.05.13 10:58am
WASP swatting, latest extreme sport 0
Dick Everyman 25.05.13 10:32am
Dick Everyman
RSPA fear attacks on cats following killing by radicalised Cumbrian tiger 0
beau-jolly 25.05.13 10:28am
Chairman of the Ramblers' Association still giving annual speech after 4 days 8
John Wiltshire 25.05.13 10:22am
World Tai Chi Champion fighter inflicts slight nosebleed on 23rd day of contest

I knew I picked the wrong sport...

AReader 25.05.13 9:43am
Clerics urge more sustainable jihads as 'peak virgin' point is passed 0
cinquecento 25.05.13 7:35am
Queen Bee Defends Use Of Drones

"How else am I supposed to get pregnant?" asked Queen Bea, monarch of Hive 6, Hillside Farm, Herefordshire. "It's the only bit of romance I get in my life, before I'm expected to return to my hive...

Titus 25.05.13 7:29am
Lindy Moone
Emoticons™ file for bankruptcy

As a result of recent high profile litigations and libel rulings, the Emoticons™ have been forced to cease trading as of today. From this point on, all sentences will end with an abrupt exclamation...

Wrenfoe 25.05.13 12:09am
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