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Nurses must sign "Dignitas" code 0
simonjmr 22.02.12 4:17pm
Predictive text: "Ducking annoying" 0
beau-jolly 22.02.12 2:42pm
Home Office report finds sex offender prisons to be "institutionally rapist" 7
dvo4fun 22.02.12 2:25pm
Japanese industry embraces shift to Midlands quality system 'Fuckit-That'lldo'

Once famed for their quaintly logical approach to quality engineering, Japan has at last caught up with the times and is promising to do a more 'half-arsed' job in future. Industry insiders have...

22.02.12 2:23pm
TV chat show without Daniel Radcliffe breaks all viewing records

The BBC's radical decision to broadcast a chat show not featuring the diminutive Harry Potter star appears to have paid off. Viewers, bored to the back teeth with Radcliffe plugging his new film...

Son of Barnabas 22.02.12 2:20pm
Son of Barnabas
Allotment holders suspected of plotting 0
beau-jolly 22.02.12 2:19pm
Man caught on CCTV doing nothing sinister

Security guards were perplexed when, as they watched Mr. Arthur Bramhall of Chorley Wood on CCTV cameras he appeared to do absolutely nothing out of the ordinary for at least 40 minutes before they...

ianrbland 22.02.12 1:52pm
Midfield Diamond
Peter Pan to spearhead Hollywood war on piracy

The war on piracy took another dramatic turn today after the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) announced that Peter Pan will be spearheading their latest anti-piracy campaign. Pan is seen...

lucas 22.02.12 1:41pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson Marionette Zombie Dance at Brits 'Too Soon'

A macabre and chilling tribute to the King and Queen of pop at tonight's Brits was deemed as 'too soon' by shocked audience members. A bizarre marionette system was set up over the lifeless zombie...

SimonJJames 22.02.12 1:38pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
Plate smashing outlawed in Greece, cup saucer quota now in place

Greek restaurant owners were shocked into silence yesterday when plate smashing was outlawed due to new austerity measures. In a further shock, already stunned restaurateurs were told that they could...

SimonJJames 22.02.12 1:28pm
Dame Vera Lynn receives nomination for best female singer at The Blitz awards 1
Smart Alex 22.02.12 1:15pm
Cameron's stylists 'stole my image' claims face drawn onto balloon

[More soon]...

dicky37 22.02.12 1:13pm
Haye bailed 6
Perks 22.02.12 1:11pm
Sound effects business booming 9
Haywood Manley 22.02.12 1:10pm
Encouraging signs for economy as cost of lemons and batter go up 400% in a day. 3
MADJEZ 22.02.12 1:06pm
Scorsese facial hair documentary deemed too eyebrow for US audiences 1
Haywood Manley 22.02.12 1:05pm
Colombian director to film "Charlie And The Charlie Factory"

Relatives of the late, much-loved author Roald Dahl have expressed their shock and distaste at news that Colombian film director Timoteo Burtonez is to film his own "re-imagining" of the children's...

Haywood Manley 22.02.12 10:15am
Haywood Manley
IAEA to become EIEIO following sponsorship from McDonalds 0
Skylarking 22.02.12 8:26am
Britain's binge drinking babies

"Once he starts on a bottle he just doesn't stop" said one mother when interviewed about this latest news issue. Jackie Shah explained further. "As soon as Nicky sees the bottle he gets very...

ianrbland 22.02.12 7:49am
Brits scoop top awards at Brits Awards shock 0
Dickens or Shakespeare 22.02.12 7:17am
Dickens or Shakespeare
Pantomime fairy brings the house down

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have tried to fly a 22-stone Fairy Godmother in on a wire," admitted the director of Hunstanton Amateur Musical Society (HAMS) after emergency services were called to...

Major Clanger 21.02.12 11:55pm
Major Clanger
Sun On Sunday reporter caught phoning taps

News has just been leaked that SOS reporter Charlie Johnson has been phoning taps all over England in the work up to the first edition of the Sun on Sunday. Sarah Lancashire's tap was phoned three...

RJWinter 21.02.12 11:47pm
Major Clanger
North London school admits 'altitude gerrymandering' to justify 4x4 school-runs

Jealous environmentalists have launched a scathing attack on a new North London school, after it was built precariously on the summit of an imported Welsh foot-hill. The snow-capped centre of...

21.02.12 11:37pm
Major Clanger
Australian scientists make enormous strides in giant trouser research 5
Haywood Manley 21.02.12 11:33pm
Scientific breakthrough turns out to be animated movie sequel

Scientists at The Institute of Cell Biophysics were left red-faced today after their successful resuscitation of a 30,000 year old fruit plant turned out to be the latest instalment of animated...

lucas 21.02.12 11:31pm
Puffins: Warning, may contain fish. 7
beau-jolly 21.02.12 11:28pm
ITV to interrupt next England game with rest of Adele's Brit Awards speech 0
exigo 21.02.12 11:01pm
Amoeba Agency splits into UK Border Agency 0
thackaray 21.02.12 10:33pm
Image of UK pop music in crisis as ginger bloke and fat girl sweep Brit Awards 4
charlies_hat 21.02.12 10:22pm
'Bitter' dispute sees Columbia threaten to turn off 'Espresso Pipeline'

The Colombian government has caused the world to shake in a way that resembles the withdrawal symptoms of a caffeine addict after announcing it is considering turning off the espresso pipeline to the...

Perks 21.02.12 10:18pm