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Roads blocked by people going away who thought no-one else would be going away

Roads across the UK were blocked today by people going away because they all thought no-one else would be going away. Fiona Moffatt was trapped in her car with her two boys for five hours on the...

John Wiltshire 24.05.13 1:19pm
Police lack resources to track terrorists "unless they move into showbiz"

Scotland Yard has admitted that the police simply don't have the resources to track suspects, unless they move into showbiz, newspaper journalism or the CID. "There's not much we can do," said an...

ronseal 24.05.13 1:14pm
Lindy Moone
Ludicrous Pantomime Cow To Be Known In Future As A Bercow

Titus 24.05.13 12:41pm
Azerbaijan prepares for imminent invasion, after Russian Eurovision snub 0
simonjmr 24.05.13 11:34am
God to recall the human race due to a design fault 0
Ian Searle 24.05.13 11:21am
Ian Searle
Wayne Rooney trapped in home for two days by baby stair gate

Rumours of Wayne Rooney’s imminent departure from Manchester United have been growing over the last few days as the star failed to report for training, but it has since emerged that he has been...

Vertically Challenged Giant 24.05.13 11:19am
Osborne placed UK economy in his car; "can't recall" what he did next 1
What_username 24.05.13 10:56am
Police station to open in post office in in-store chemist in supermarket

 A police station is to open in a post office in an in-store chemist in a supermarket in a hypermall in a new development in the Midlands somewhere.  The part time police station will operate in...

nickb 24.05.13 10:34am
Chris Huhne first in line for Google's new driverless car 0
ronseal 24.05.13 10:25am
Halifax Man First to Face Public Lashing Under New ‘Nom Nom’ Law

A 19 year old man from the Illingworth area of Halifax will be the first person to face a public lashing under the widely welcomed ‘nom nom’ law, introduced just yesterday. The new law, that...

NorthernGravy 24.05.13 9:52am
BA pilot:"I knew I shouldn't have ordered the phaal" 0
topfotogmw 24.05.13 9:51am
Furrory as Rafa Nadal invites Andy Murray round for Fried Mars Bars 10
PeterB 24.05.13 9:26am
Al OPecia
Excuse of 'there's no policeman at home' branded 'a cop-out' 0
John Wiltshire 24.05.13 7:38am
John Wiltshire
Steel company says Tata to assets 0
victimms 24.05.13 7:27am
President of R&A criticises Tour Chief for 'inappropriate phrase about darkies'

where will it all end?...

blacklesbianandproudofit 24.05.13 6:37am
Dick Everyman
UKuncut claims "Gift Aid" on donations 0
PeterB 24.05.13 5:59am
Golf to make amends for racism, with charity drive for "Black causes. Like AIDS" 0
Andrew Alexander 23.05.13 11:26pm
Andrew Alexander
Kit Car Builder Creates a Furore 0
Titus 23.05.13 11:09pm
"It's all downhill from here" admits oldest man to climb Everest 1
Psycadelic Squirrel 23.05.13 10:16pm
"We Were Too Thick To Make A Bomb" Say Soldier-Slashing Jihadists

" let alone to be able to learn to fly an aeroplane. To be honest, we struggled to use a gun. And we didn't have the bottle to blow ourselves up." "In fact, we wanted to avoid getting hurt at all....

Titus 23.05.13 8:18pm
BT Sport announce ball by ball coverage of nude male wrestling 0
custard cream 23.05.13 8:09pm
custard cream
President Assad To Leave Syria & Take Over British NHS.

"He has an expemplary record for killing large numbers of people in his hospitals, being proud of it and being convinced that he is the best man for the job" said a spokesman for the appointments...

Titus 23.05.13 8:01pm
Pillow-sized marshmallows to be prescribed by psychiatrists.

. Is this the right kind of thing? Never done one of these...

nickb 23.05.13 6:09pm
Audley Harrison to Come Out of Retirement After Knocking Out a W*nk 2
DraculaBranded 23.05.13 5:02pm
Unprecedented shortage of strimmer line threatens bank holiday chaos.

I hate those things...

sredni vashta 23.05.13 3:53pm
Dick Everyman
Chocoholic woman arrested after vicious bar brawl 0
Dick Everyman 23.05.13 3:47pm
Dick Everyman
Terrorist attack latest: Halloween costumes sorted for idiots

It has long been tradition for moron’s to don the guise of the culprit of the most publicized tragedy of year, which is why assholes up and down the land were last night celebrating the recent...

Hooch 23.05.13 3:24pm
Dick Everyman
'Share a Coke' Campaign Will 'Stem the Flow of Crap Baby Names'

Chances are that Coca-Cola’s new ‘Share a Coke’ summer campaign has had you rummaging through newsagent and supermarket fridges recently. This unique and interactive marketing idea that has...

NorthernGravy 23.05.13 3:23pm
Angry neighbours turn on incompetent farmer

Neighbours of incompetent farmer Macdonald joined forces today to tell him he should shut the duck up, get the flock out of here and put it where the sun doesn't shine (thought to be most of Cumbria)...

sillybugger 23.05.13 3:06pm
sredni vashta
Solar paneled Drone to go into production

Pentagon Chiefs have expressed excitement about the prospect of a Drone version of The Solar Impulse plane. This follows extensive lobbying by the pressure group the Eco-NRA, whose motto is “Saving...

Wrenfoe 23.05.13 3:05pm
sredni vashta