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Rivals claim Lewis Hamilton used Olympic lane to get pole position. 0
MADJEZ 29.07.12 11:42am
Pooh Bear livid at opening ceremony snub. 5
MADJEZ 29.07.12 11:37am
GB Olympic grammar team; "Medalling is a big ask."

The British team for the Olympic Grammar Team have admitted that their chance of winning a medal is low, or to quote them "The team are giving 1000%, but to medal they have to give greater than...

apepper 29.07.12 11:24am
Archery contest moved to Bow and Harrow 1
Perks 29.07.12 11:00am
Additional 150,000 troops deployed to fill empty seats gap 1
tedweasel 29.07.12 10:33am
Team GB to donate medals to nations with low self esteem

Team GB to donate medals to nations with low self esteem A disappointing first day at the Olympics for Team GB has been branded a triumph by UK organisers. Speaking from his throne room in...

backwards7 29.07.12 9:18am
Outrage as Johnny Foreigner fails to let Brits win

Britain’s bicyclists were today crying foul after the beastly foreigners did not let Mark Cavendish win the bicycle race. A spokesman said “Our lads were doing really well till some foreigners...

PeterB 29.07.12 8:07am
Amish community divided over invention of ‘corn doll’ jet engine

Amish leaders are locked in vigorous debate after a member of their community accidentally reinvented the jet engine. Hand-woven and finished off with a short length of ribbon, the three-stage corn...

29.07.12 8:07am
Pharmaceutical company takes early lead in Olympic constructors championship.

Pharmaceutical company EpoPharma has taken an early lead in the Olympic constructors championship after winning gold across a number of events on the first day of Olympic competition. The CEO of...

Ian 29.07.12 7:59am
Geoffrey Hughes has kicked the Bouquet.

RIP,, Loved your characters,Eddie Yeats and Onslow...

Zen 29.07.12 5:32am
BBC criticised for reporting news not happening in East London

The BBC has faced criticism today for making the editorial decision to report on so-called ‘news’ that is not being made in East London. The BEEB has been labled as ‘unpatriotic’ after the...

Perks 28.07.12 11:16pm
New iPhone needs 6 fingers per hand

Apple are facing criticism from some users after it was revealed that the new version of the iPhone will require six finger gestures for some operations. One user grumbled, "It's ridiculous; I'm...

apepper 28.07.12 11:04pm
Olympics Q&A with Harriet Harman

With the Olympics finally getting underway after months of anticipation we caught up with Shadow Deputy Prime Minister, Harriet Harman, to find out what is exciting her about London 2012. Q: After...

Vertically Challenged Giant 28.07.12 10:16pm
"We should have used Robin Hood" admit team GB

Team GB admitted tonight that more of an effort should have been made to get Robin Hood into the men's archery team. The admission came after the men were knocked out of the competition by some...

Psycadelic Squirrel 28.07.12 6:58pm
Psycadelic Squirrel

still looking for two mysterious parachutists last seen over the Olympic stadium last night...

ionb 28.07.12 6:14pm
Government outrage at Danny Boyle's 'protest' ceremony

David Cameron has called an emergency cabinet meeting this morning after Danny Boyle finally revealed an anti-government message to a worldwide audience of billions. The spectacular display included...

Actual Size 28.07.12 6:10pm
NHS bed shortage reaches critical levels during opening ceremony

more to follow...

Underconstruction 28.07.12 5:54pm
Tyson Gay is an athlete, not an insult IOC confirms 0
custard cream 28.07.12 4:04pm
custard cream
Austerity Gone Mad!

Supporter of Japan football team to use shaving-cuts paper, in lieu of buying Japanese flag...

Jesse Bigg 28.07.12 3:26pm
Jesse Bigg
Actress unhappy with her performance in opening ceremony asks "can we go again?"

This time I'll really nail it...

Kramaring 28.07.12 1:55pm
Assad e-mail leaked: "A good day to hide bad news"

[a bit dark, even for me]...

Sinnick 28.07.12 12:16pm
Peter Jackson to sue Danny Boyle for plagiarism 5
Haywood Manley 28.07.12 10:15am
Haywood Manley
Slovakian Lorry Driver Sheds Skin On M4 - Olympic Lane Traffic Chaos Ensues 6
HIGNFY 28.07.12 10:08am
Osborne Apologises Over Flag Mix-Up

Chancellor George Osborne was forced to apologise today over another flag mix-up: “I said I would fly the flag for Britain and never give up but, f**k it, I’m waving the white flag now. I’m out...

Reg Herring 28.07.12 9:29am
Reg Herring
Blind archer bags world record, brace of pheasants and a passing traffic warden 5
Psycadelic Squirrel 28.07.12 9:25am
G B Olympic fencing team banned after testing positive for creosote. 3
godly1966 28.07.12 9:07am
Another Olympic Gaffe Spotted

Embarrassed Olympic Games organisers were left even more red-faced than usual today as it emerged they have made yet another gaffe. Nigel Petty, President of the National Pedant League, said:...

Reg Herring 28.07.12 8:23am
Reg Herring
Late entry to Team GB: Adrian Burley's now down for the high-jump 0
Carter 28.07.12 3:28am
John Terry lights flame 'I declare the games open' not you chalky. 0
MADJEZ 28.07.12 12:46am
U2 proud to be in tribute of British music.. even though they're fucking Irish ! 0
MADJEZ 28.07.12 12:40am