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Poetic policeman embraces new formalism; Claims beat bobbies belong in 1950's 0
Nowherefast 20.01.13 9:12pm
Winfrey fans condemn new musical: 'The Fat Bum of the Oprah' 0
One Line Only 20.01.13 8:56pm
One Line Only
Norwich Airport closed, Europe cut off. 1
godly1966 20.01.13 8:49pm
Posh magic manicurist performs new 'varnishing act' 0
One Line Only 20.01.13 8:35pm
One Line Only
Nothing else matters, it's all about Lance Armstrong, and that's official. 0
Paddy Berzinski 20.01.13 8:18pm
Paddy Berzinski
Marvel Comics Holds Audition For New Members To The Avengers; Many Rejected.

Marvel Comics today announced which of the new rash of superheroes wishing to join the elite fighting force called the Avengers who were rejected. Sadly, there are always a number of aspiring young...

20.01.13 6:39pm
Kelvin Mackenzie 'honoured' to be promised a place on the Liverpool Care Pathway 0
ronseal 20.01.13 5:51pm
Tesco veggie burgers found to contain 29% uniquorn 2
Smart Alex 20.01.13 5:39pm
Tweenies arrested in Savile swoop

The Metropolitan Police has announced that Bella, Fizz, Jake and Milo (better known as children's group 'The Tweenies') have all been arrested after reports of association between themselves and...

WatcherMark 20.01.13 4:02pm
Pedo gang in CBeebies outrage

Hundreds of people who complained to the BBC about seeing a character dressed as disgraced TV presenter Jimmy Savile on CBeebies this morning are still struggling to explain what they were doing...

Gerontius 20.01.13 3:53pm
Aliens admit cutting down visits to Earth since camera phones invented

A representative of various alien species has said that they've decided to give Earth a wide berth since mobile phones have included cameras. "It used to be fun to select some gullible looking fool...

apepper 20.01.13 3:23pm
Go Compare get Steven hawking their insurance

Can't believe what I've just seen. The lower case h is deliberate for the pedants...

charlies_hat 20.01.13 2:48pm
HMV posts biggest losses ‘since records began’ - blame game begins

Incompetent bosses at ailing HMV today angrily blamed their troubles on Tim Berners-Lee for inventing the internet: “Mr Berners-Lee invented the internet and Jonathan Ive invented the iPod –...

Reg Herring 20.01.13 1:08pm
Bank of Canada in bank-note gaff

Bank of Canada officials have defended the use of a ‘stylised’ portrait on the front of their new plastic banknotes insisting the likeness of the subject is clearly accurate enough for the use...

Gerontius 20.01.13 10:41am
BBC to trial new shouting at the telly service on the red button

Following in the successful footsteps of children’s programmes such as Dora the Explorer and Team Umizoomi in which children are given the belief that by shouting at the television you can alter...

button 20.01.13 10:30am
Tesco barcodes found to contain traces of zebra 3
Smart Alex 20.01.13 10:24am
Successful Launch of New "Retail Chain Failure" Blame Game

"Too late now" say administrators of Game...

Titus 20.01.13 10:23am
Failed Bulgarian assassin earns £250 from You've Been Framed 0
Lucy4 20.01.13 10:00am
Enid Smyth appointed writer in residence for 13, Limes Avenue, Norbiton, KT2 4LS

“It is an honour and an unexpected privilege to be nominated for this prestigious post” said Enid Smyth, recently named writer in residence for 13, Limes Avenue, Norbiton. Although there have...

nickb 20.01.13 9:40am
Algerian Hostages Resent Being Ignored by NB

"We can cope with being terrified and having our lives threatened" said one terrified hostage who had had his life threatened, "But we resent the humiliation of being totally ignored by satirical...

Titus 20.01.13 1:00am
Britain and US furious with Algeria for not letting them help kill terrorists. 1
dominic_mcg 20.01.13 12:55am
Tesco 'Finest' burgers found to contain 29% unicorn meat.

The Tesco horsemeat in burgers story is comedy gold. I can't believe you've all moved on! We can keep this going for weeks...

deskpilot3 19.01.13 11:16pm
Lance Armstrong found to contain 29% horse DNA

See what I did there? I've cleverly combined two popular stories into one incoherent headline...

Spartacus 19.01.13 11:15pm
Outraged Campaigners Demand GM-Free Horsemeat in their Burgers

(Do I win a prize for the 100th Tesco-horse-burger post please?) Outraged campaigners are furious that no-one has checked whether or not the horse meat found in TESCO's burgers is GM-free horse meat...

Titus 19.01.13 11:11pm
withdrawn 0
Squudge 19.01.13 10:33pm
Armstrong cleared to compete in Tour de France as long as he rides a fixie 1
custard cream 19.01.13 9:44pm
Met Office warns: smugness to continue for two more weeks

The Met Office today warned that an outbreak of smugness will cover the country for two more weeks. "We expect a higher number of 4x4s at peak hours -with the drivers willing to offer the children...

steve_l 19.01.13 8:15pm
Stansted's new owners shocked to find "runway is extra"

The consortium who recently purchased Stansted airport have expressed their anger that the airport's biggest airline, Ryanair, are charging extra for the runway. "You'd have thought a runway was a...

apepper 19.01.13 6:39pm
"I have no use for money" says multi billionaire Bill Gates 0
Ian 19.01.13 5:53pm
According to the latest hot video-game trailer, he's 'at it' again...

pinxit 19.01.13 4:40pm