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Aircraft Carrier-sized asteroid blamed for Russian Mars probe failure

Vladimir Popovkin, the head of the Russian space agency (Roscosmos), today firmly laid the blame for the failure of the Phobos-Grunt probe at the door of Asteroid 2055 YU55. Popovkin explained that...

Patrick Tobin 09.11.11 2:25pm
Patrick Tobin
Silvio's mother says, Silvio's busy, too busy to come to the phone......

you'll be singing it all day now...

charlies_hat 09.11.11 2:19pm
John Ffitch-Rucker
Alzheimer's Society donations soar following Kenny Dalglish post-match interview 0
Bryan with a Y 09.11.11 1:55pm
Bryan with a Y
Cowell : Frankie wouldn't blow my 'opportunity' so he had to go. 0
MADJEZ 09.11.11 1:40pm
Italian economist says debt crisis is default of the government 0
charlies_hat 09.11.11 1:38pm
Royal Navy 'flared trousers' to be phased out.

The MOD today called upon Royal Navy Chiefs to cut their cloth accordingly and reduce the width of flared trousers issued to new recruits. Although the new width would need to be ratified in...

Bryan with a Y 09.11.11 1:31pm
Bryan with a Y
British teenagers to have 2 minutes silence to remember the fallen in COD 1 & 2 0
charlies_hat 09.11.11 1:27pm
Cocozza wanted to be a popstar "from head to toes - starting with his nose". 0
Al OPecia 09.11.11 1:12pm
Al OPecia
FIFA bans Al Quaeda vests for Iraqi team 3
vertical 09.11.11 1:09pm
transaction void 0
virtuallywill 09.11.11 1:09pm
Poppies resign: sue for constructive dismissal

The bitter row over the right of the England team to wear poppies on their shirts today took a bizarre twist when a group of 18 poppies resigned. The 18, believed to be the group nominated to be...

Cameldancer 09.11.11 12:49pm
Murdoch’s beatification delayed as butter melting in mouth results questioned

Saint-in-waiting James Murdoch, son of Rupert the Blameless, has had his application for beatification delayed while crucial test results are re-analysed by a committee of malleable priests, or MPs....

Des Custard 09.11.11 12:48pm
Des Custard
Sir Bruce confirmed as the face of 'Dignitas UK' franchise launch.

The news that Sir Bruce is to be involved in the franchise launch has become a matter of grave concern to BBC Licence payers. A Corporation spokesman explained that it would in no way impact on the...

Bryan with a Y 09.11.11 12:46pm
Crisis averted as England shirt sponsors Umbro change logo to a poppy 0
pinxit 09.11.11 12:43pm
Frankie confesses, "I thought it was Keith Richards week".

More lines soon...

Smart Alex 09.11.11 12:40pm
Smart Alex
No evidence of civilised life amongst aliens claims White House

The US government has formally denied that it has any acknowledgement of civilisation beyond its borders. The announcement came in response to the We The People website, which initially promised to...

Midfield Diamond 09.11.11 12:19pm
Midfield Diamond
Theresa May blames "Blame Culture" for Border agency failures 0
simonjmr 09.11.11 11:58am
Adele's throat surgery will improve her elocution, claims consultant

Adele has had throat surgery to stop an ongoing condition that caused her to cancel tour dates for the rest of the year. "Her enunciation will improve a thousand fold, and hopefully she will no...

simonjmr 09.11.11 11:57am
OpCapita pay £2 for the wrong comet

The management of OpCapita were today dismayed to find that while they thought they were buying the comet retail company they had in fact bought the comet that is currently whizzing away from the...

Bumbledore 09.11.11 11:56am
Controversial scenes as Bad Boy Beethoven is booted off X-Factor

There were astonishing scenes last night as Ludwig Van Beethoven, arguably the most talented X-Factor contestant since Darius Danesh, was voted off the show after losing out in a controversial sing...

Stan 09.11.11 11:37am
Borders Director "May's intervention responsible for book chain's collapse" 0
simonjmr 09.11.11 11:35am
Veterans of the 10/12/10 student demos to sell poppys "Lest we forget"

The NUS today has commissioned a set of commemorative "poppy's" that can be sold in high streets up and down the UK remembering the 2010 student demonstrations. The distinctive red poppies will also...

simonjmr 09.11.11 11:26am
Human Pencil Case Dies From Lead Poisening.

'nuff said...

mattupchuck 09.11.11 11:14am
Sir Bruce confirmed as the face of 'Dignitas UK' franchise launch.

come on. I'm new to this, should I bother ?...

Bryan with a Y 09.11.11 11:12am
Prime Minister accused of waiving competence checks on his Home Secretary

No.10 was embroiled in a fresh scandal today as it emerged that Prime Minister David Cameron may not have performed adequate checks on the individual he appointed to control the nation’s borders....

Long Distance Clara 09.11.11 10:31am
Long Distance Clara
Theresa May Resign

obvious but someone had to...

bonjonelson 09.11.11 10:18am
All Milan strip clubs told to reserve an area for Berlusconi's 'leaving drinks'

All Milan strip clubs told to reserve an area for Berlusconi's 'leaving drinks'...

JD 09.11.11 10:11am
Berlusconi apologises to Miss China for election failure 0
charlies_hat 09.11.11 10:00am
Ah no, just ignore me 0
ianslat 09.11.11 9:51am
U.K Government To Privatise The Country's Oxygen

The government today is expected to push through legislation which would would hand over control and day to day running of the country’s oxygen to the highest bidding private company. “This much...

mattupchuck 09.11.11 9:50am