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No evidence of civilised life amongst aliens claims White House

The US government has formally denied that it has any acknowledgement of civilisation beyond its borders. The announcement came in response to the We The People website, which initially promised to...

Midfield Diamond 09.11.11 12:19pm
Midfield Diamond
Theresa May blames "Blame Culture" for Border agency failures 0
simonjmr 09.11.11 11:58am
Adele's throat surgery will improve her elocution, claims consultant

Adele has had throat surgery to stop an ongoing condition that caused her to cancel tour dates for the rest of the year. "Her enunciation will improve a thousand fold, and hopefully she will no...

simonjmr 09.11.11 11:57am
OpCapita pay £2 for the wrong comet

The management of OpCapita were today dismayed to find that while they thought they were buying the comet retail company they had in fact bought the comet that is currently whizzing away from the...

Bumbledore 09.11.11 11:56am
Controversial scenes as Bad Boy Beethoven is booted off X-Factor

There were astonishing scenes last night as Ludwig Van Beethoven, arguably the most talented X-Factor contestant since Darius Danesh, was voted off the show after losing out in a controversial sing...

Stan 09.11.11 11:37am
Borders Director "May's intervention responsible for book chain's collapse" 0
simonjmr 09.11.11 11:35am
Veterans of the 10/12/10 student demos to sell poppys "Lest we forget"

The NUS today has commissioned a set of commemorative "poppy's" that can be sold in high streets up and down the UK remembering the 2010 student demonstrations. The distinctive red poppies will also...

simonjmr 09.11.11 11:26am
Human Pencil Case Dies From Lead Poisening.

'nuff said...

mattupchuck 09.11.11 11:14am
Sir Bruce confirmed as the face of 'Dignitas UK' franchise launch.

come on. I'm new to this, should I bother ?...

Bryan with a Y 09.11.11 11:12am
Prime Minister accused of waiving competence checks on his Home Secretary

No.10 was embroiled in a fresh scandal today as it emerged that Prime Minister David Cameron may not have performed adequate checks on the individual he appointed to control the nation’s borders....

Long Distance Clara 09.11.11 10:31am
Long Distance Clara
Theresa May Resign

obvious but someone had to...

bonjonelson 09.11.11 10:18am
All Milan strip clubs told to reserve an area for Berlusconi's 'leaving drinks'

All Milan strip clubs told to reserve an area for Berlusconi's 'leaving drinks'...

JD 09.11.11 10:11am
Berlusconi apologises to Miss China for election failure 0
charlies_hat 09.11.11 10:00am
Ah no, just ignore me 0
ianslat 09.11.11 9:51am
U.K Government To Privatise The Country's Oxygen

The government today is expected to push through legislation which would would hand over control and day to day running of the country’s oxygen to the highest bidding private company. “This much...

mattupchuck 09.11.11 9:50am
FIFA ban John Terry from wearing his alternative white poppy 0
charlies_hat 09.11.11 9:49am
Berlusconi to dedicate life to the rehabilitation of fallen women. 1
cueball 09.11.11 9:32am
Duncan Biscuit
Cameron relaxes checks on Border Agency to relieve pressure on May 0
Duncan Biscuit 09.11.11 9:30am
Duncan Biscuit
Report says people still at risk from scams and .asks £50 for more details 0
Duncan Biscuit 09.11.11 9:29am
Duncan Biscuit
Sex 'n' drugs 'n' rock'n'roll has no place in the X factor says Cowell 0
simonjmr 09.11.11 9:24am
Santa Claus to step down: markets respond positively

Stock markets have responded positively to news that Toyland's Prime Minister Santo Nicalosi, better known as Santa Claus, or Sugar Daddy Christmas to his closest female admirers, is to step down...

Des Custard 09.11.11 9:21am
There's no historical evidence of Sartre's existence claims Sentamu 0
tedweasel 09.11.11 8:57am
Man arrested for not having Facebook account.

A 37 year old Brighton man was held overnight by police yesterday after being arrested for not having a Facebook account., Sussex Police confirmed today that the man, who was questioned for over 16...

DavidBlame 09.11.11 8:51am
Burlesconi resignation leaves satirists in turmoil

The world of satire has been thrown into chaos by the resignation of Silvio Burlesconi. "First Sarah Palin and now this, if it wasn't for Boris Johnson, I don't think I could carry on.", said one...

apepper 09.11.11 8:47am
Metropolitan Police posts plastic bullets to protestors 0
nickb 09.11.11 8:20am
X Factor contestant confesses "I wasn't on a journey, just in a singing contest" 0
dvo4fun 09.11.11 8:16am
Now lawyers vow to seek prosecution of Michael Jackson’s plastic surgeons

Following the successful conviction of Michael Jackson’s doctor, Conrad Murray, by a Los Angeles court, prosecutors have confirmed that they are intending to bring the pop star’s plastic surgeons...

Stan 09.11.11 7:36am
Dickens or Shakespeare
Barking dog employs writers to produce "new material"

woof woof woof woof woof woof howwwwl!...

Nick McCarr 09.11.11 12:51am
Nick McCarr
GPs complain patient appointments interfere with social engagements

As average salaries top £106k, GPs are finding it increasingly difficult to fit in patient appointments between trips to the opera and games of golf. 'We do like to see the odd one when we can but...

vertical 09.11.11 12:13am
Government cuts "We just won't creosote it this year" says Minister of Defence 5
dvo4fun 08.11.11 11:51pm