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NewsBiscuit latest: It's two, fifty-nine, and fifty seconds, says Speaking Clock 0
Arthur 31.05.13 2:07am
"Want to borrow a fiver until Friday?" asks Office of Fair Trading

[Psst! Tenners available soon] ...

Arthur 31.05.13 1:28am
NewsBiscuit exclusive: Honest, hard-working and kind person makes headline news

Eight-part series starts today ...

Arthur 30.05.13 11:42pm
The Self-Loathing Society publishes annual list of unachievable goals.

Loads more soon. Or not...

sredni vashta 30.05.13 11:24pm
sredni vashta
North IKEAN meatballs reckoned to be the dog's bollocks.

Hat tip to Oxbridge...

weematt 30.05.13 10:27pm
Tension builds between North IKEA and South IKEA over Gnomes

The new advert for IKEA garden furniture that depicts a battle between uncaring, brutal, modernising garden owners and a group of defenceless, poorly armed garden gnomes has revealed a deep cultural...

weematt 30.05.13 8:26pm
Working Men's Club comedian barred when wife turns out to be a size 8 0
brownpaperreporter 30.05.13 7:49pm
Spanish A&E manned by Bon Jovi‏

The American rock band, Bon Jovi, have agreed to support staff at the beleaguered, Hospital Niño Jesús in Madrid. "I'll Be There for You", insist the New Jersey boys, who have been juggling their...

Wrenfoe 30.05.13 3:49pm
RBS introduces new Food Bank App

Despite recent online glitches, RBS has decided to roll out the android version of their "Food Bank" App. Customers will be able to log in to the nearest stockpile of unwanted canned goods, and...

Wrenfoe 30.05.13 2:19pm
Gary Lineker suffering from advanced Affogeyosis aka Boycs-Trueman syndrome

no more, please....

Bertrand Twisted 30.05.13 12:54pm
Bertrand Twisted
Facebook offers comfort to "comfort women"

In an unprecedented move to avoid future litigation, Mark Zuckerberg announced that he would be asking for forgiveness across a range of sexual exploitation issues. Having already apologised to the...

Wrenfoe 30.05.13 11:01am
sredni vashta
Overworked sheep shearer "died in the wool". 3
sredni vashta 30.05.13 10:54am
sredni vashta
Torres: "Launching my restaurant chain Nando's made my football peri peri bad" 0
Bertrand Twisted 30.05.13 10:19am
Bertrand Twisted
Study proves that running camply improves your chances of catching a bus by 43% 1
Bertrand Twisted 30.05.13 9:55am
Luis Suarez on potential Real Madrid offer: "I'd bite their hand off". 0
seymour totti 30.05.13 8:10am
seymour totti
Bookworm dies in "Reading Frenzy" 0
Lindy Moone 30.05.13 7:52am
Lindy Moone
Sex Change on the Beach: It's All Sunshine and Rainbows

9 AM. A Severe Transgender Weather Watch has been issued for this reporter's Mediterranean island nation (Your Hand is Like Ice, Your Ass is Like a Watermelon) for the hours of 11 AM through 7 PM...

Lindy Moone 30.05.13 6:50am
Lindy Moone
Dr. Phil goes undercover to expose himself 0
Dumbnews 29.05.13 9:25pm
No surrender to the IFA 0
Ref Minor 29.05.13 9:08pm
Ref Minor
On leaving hospital, George Michael makes reservation for two weeks in August. 1
raudus 29.05.13 8:02pm
Tess Goes
Baby 57 to be weaned on baked beans 1
custard cream 29.05.13 7:47pm
Tess Goes
House of Commons To Be Rebuilt on sight Of ancient Gwammar skull

King Richard The Turd wood be well happy Buns...

Tess Goes 29.05.13 7:42pm
Tess Goes
Doctors claiming that first few minutes of life are among the most dangerous...

now suspect that the last few minutes might also be a bit iffy...

Smart Alex 29.05.13 7:11pm
Man about to run 26 miles unaware of taxis 0
Dumbnews 29.05.13 6:55pm
New Police Guidelines Target Appropriate Use Of Excessive Force

New Home Office guidance sent out today will see all UK police associations sign up new standards over the amount of excessive force that should be used. Theresa May has been critical of the...

thisisall1word 29.05.13 6:07pm
Police raid illicit 'baby on board' badge factory

Police today broke up an illegal operation thought to be responsible for turning out tens of thousands of fake 'baby on board' badges onto London's streets over the past two years. With seating on...

BAJDixon 29.05.13 5:36pm
Traces of Crisp found in crisp packet

are we back on these yet?...

blacklesbianandproudofit 29.05.13 5:23pm
Glaswegian Man discovers Scotland on the periodic table 0
victimms 29.05.13 4:43pm
George Osborne applies to Step Change for Treasury bailout

Charity to consider loans for MPs' expenses and NHS consultants' overtime fees. Moody's AAA rating could be restored.

Arthur 29.05.13 4:37pm
News Corp reveals new shaky, handwritten, "Up Yours" logo. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 29.05.13 4:34pm
Al OPecia