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NHS could offer new treatment to fight obesity

Prominent surgeon, Charles Hyphen-Smythe, has come up with a cheaper, faster, and less invasive alternative to stomach stapling. This new procedure, known as mouth stapling, can be performed in just...

Smart Alex 10.02.12 11:45am
BBC apologise after listings typo offers a new series of "Homs Under The Hammer"

More soon. Although there may be more than one joke possible here...

MikeA4 10.02.12 11:37am
Son of Barnabas
Anfield cat on short list for new England Manager

Kenny, the homeless cat is available as he is currently 'between engagements' and already has an off shore bank account in his name...

Ian Searle 10.02.12 10:44am
Ian Searle
"Snow White and seven dwarves" deeply offensive, complains Diane Abbott

Labour MP Dianne Abbott has once again spoken out fearlessly in support of abused minorities, sparking a new row in theatreland. "It have come to my attention," said Ms Abbott yesterday "that there...

Son of Barnabas 10.02.12 10:37am
Son of Barnabas
Overweight Irish presenter to present SKY 1 Syria Special 'Aim On Homs' 0
charlies_hat 10.02.12 10:15am
David Cameron announces special 30th anniversary Falklands Conflict on 2nd April 0
Iamthestig 10.02.12 10:05am
Lottery winner "Looking forward to having a shave"

And employing a stylist and life coach...

Scroat 10.02.12 9:54am
UN admits they 'don't have enough troops' to surround Eamonn Homs 1
Perks 10.02.12 9:51am
Gourd Almighty
Diane Abbott protests that all-white snow misrepresents meteorological diversity 0
cinquecento 10.02.12 9:09am
U.S. President accuses Syria of 'outrageous bloodshed'

-now that’s satire...

John Ffitch-Rucker 10.02.12 9:01am
John Ffitch-Rucker
Escaped female goats arrive on island and set up nanny state 3
Nick McCarr 10.02.12 8:30am
Obama condemns Livingstone's onslaught on Homs 0
cinquecento 10.02.12 8:26am
Abu Qatada to improve public image with ‘I’m A Celebrity…’ appearance

Soon-to-be-released terrorist suspect Abu Qatada has been advised by his new PR agent Max Clifford to start appearing on as many celebrity shows as he can in an attempt to improve his poor public...

ianslat 10.02.12 8:25am
Wanted – Experienced football manager for untenable position

Are you a football manager with extensive experience at the highest level? Are you looking for a part time job paying millions? Will you happily accept being undermined by your employer while keeping...

Vertically Challenged Giant 10.02.12 8:24am
Tension at School of Astrology as students await predicted results....

More soon!...

grumblechops 10.02.12 8:21am
Christian Leaders Call For Bible To Be Banned

Christian leaders around the globe are calling for schools and libraries to ban the Bible amongst increasing concern over offensive content and promotion of non-Christian values. Passages asserting...

Textbook 10.02.12 8:20am
Redknapp wants England Job for Euros...

Yen, Dollars or Bhat; used notes preferred guvnor...

Ironduke 10.02.12 7:57am
Government tells elderly to go back to work and downsize their homes

'Fuck off' replies Prince Philip...

Ironduke 10.02.12 12:51am
Diet craze encouraging people to 'exercise & eat less shit' sweeps UK

A new diet fad encouraging people to raise their heart rates slightly above average and to eat vaguely healthy meals is sweeping the nation. The radical new plan urges people to not finish their day...

Shandy 10.02.12 12:21am
Royal nutter's diary discovered after 200 years ?

Royal Archivist Sir Richard Possett has reported an unusual discovery in the stack of the Palace Archive to the Guild of Fusted & Dusty Librarians in London yesterday. "I was cataloguing the...

FlashArry 09.02.12 10:45pm
Wristwatch accuses '10 O' Clock Show' of plagiarism 0
09.02.12 9:25pm
Cyberman saddened by accusations of cybercrime, The Cyberman community spoke out yesterday as a cyberman was accused of phone and email hacking for News International’s disgraced News of the...

nickb 09.02.12 6:02pm
Pianist With No Hands Astonishes Audience At Debut Performance

Reg Rutters was a simple sheet metal cutter from Kent with no grand aspirations, simply content to earn his pay and enjoy his leisure time. But after a tragic accident left him with no hands,...

Textbook 09.02.12 5:34pm
John Ffitch-Rucker
‘Hooters’ restaurant to close.

“There’s no market for owl-based comestibles’, said manager...

John Ffitch-Rucker 09.02.12 5:32pm
John Ffitch-Rucker
FA launch 'England’s Got Unrealistic Expectations' TV show to find new manager

The Football Association, in conjunction with Simon Cowell, have announced that the next England manager will be decided by a public vote over the course of 12 weeks in a new TV talent show....

Qoxiivi 09.02.12 2:39pm
Government extend flood defences for 45,000 registered voters

more later...

virtuallywill 09.02.12 1:55pm
England Euro 2012 single to be sung acapello

"sung" in the loosest of terms...

virtuallywill 09.02.12 1:51pm
All Other News To Stop While FA Search For England Manager

Following the resignation of Fabio Capello all other news will take a hiatus according to experts. The wars in the middle east will take a break, President Obama has canceled all public appearances...

Hooch 09.02.12 12:52pm
Mitt Romney is favourite to win Republican's "Silly name" contest

Newt Gingrich outraged...

Quaz 09.02.12 12:43pm
John Ffitch-Rucker
Labour Party chiefs enlist FA to engineer Miliband’s resignation 0
Midfield Diamond 09.02.12 12:33pm
Midfield Diamond