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Breadknife voted best thing before sliced bread.

Hat tip to Stephen Wright who raised the question...

weematt 20.04.12 6:58am
RSPCA condemns BNP calls to 'punch Abu's cat harder'

I know, i know. As my mum used to say, 'if you don't have anything funny to say, then say nothing at all'...

Perks 20.04.12 6:54am
Andre Breivik, Charlie Sheen And Ted Nugent Kick Off Their 'Three Maniacs' Tour

Andre Breivik, the Norwegian extreme right wing mass murderer, Ted Nugent, the Detroit 'Motorcity Madman' (in so many ways more than the original intent) and Charlie Sheen, the 'Platoon Psycho', will...

19.04.12 9:47pm
Breivik, Hitler, And Churchill in rock, paper, scissors stalemate 0
Smart Alex 19.04.12 7:45pm
Smart Alex
Plastic Surgeon Admits He Avoids Bonfire Night

A leading Harley Street Plastic Surgeon claims to hate the 5th of November. Apparently he begins to melt...

GillsImp 19.04.12 6:52pm
Tobacco giant holds sponsored cigarrette burning to help cancer research

On saturday employess, stakeholders and partners of the Big Tobacco company are holding a giant fund raising campaign that could raise millions for cancer research. They're asking every man, woman...

ronseal 19.04.12 6:47pm
Abu Qatada to be deported "piece by piece"

Controversial cleric Abu Qatada is to gradually removed from the country. A spokesman explained; "One hand and eye have gone already, more bits will follow as and when."...

apepper 19.04.12 6:22pm
Attenborough ‘Finishes’ Lemon in Mortal Kombat

Celebrity Muse and part-time skank wrangler, Keith Lemon, has been comprehensively ‘finished’ in Mortal Kombat by non-promiscuous naturalist, sir David Attenborough. The encounter, which took...

Old Hat 19.04.12 6:21pm
The time is 11 o' clock Greenwich, meantime here's another cock-up 6
yussle 19.04.12 5:36pm
FA to investigate whether it could award Man United penalties in retrospect

The Football Association is to investigate allegations that it hasn't awarded Manchester United enough penalties and has commissioned a study to find new sources of spot kicks. ., MORE LATER...

ronseal 19.04.12 3:39pm
Harrogate man dies in Britain's worst ever Tupperware Landslide

A Grandfather from Harrogate has become the first Briton to die as a result of a Tupperware landslide. Ron Stevens, 63, was buried alive without warning by a 17ft high pile of plastic on Sunday...

seymour totti 19.04.12 3:31pm
seymour totti
Murdoch to appear before Leveson Inquiry

Lovable A-Team buffon, Murdoch, is to appear before the Leveson inquiry on Wednesday and Thursday next week. A spokesperson for the enquiry issued the following statement; "We've exhausted all our...

Old Hat 19.04.12 3:22pm
Old Hat
Breaking News: Crazy-Legs to play Syrian peacekeeping role 0
Old Hat 19.04.12 2:35pm
Old Hat
British arms manufacturers to sponsor Bahrain Grand Prix.

In a display of strength, British armoured cars, armed with British weapons will complete a “lap of honour” round the Bahrain circuit before next week’s controversial F1 race. Race Organiser ...

nickb 19.04.12 1:40pm
Midfield Diamond
F1 cars to have rooves specially fitted as safety precaution in Bahrain GP 0
Scronnyglonkle 19.04.12 1:11pm
F1 drivers watch safety film for Bahrain GP

Sinnick 19.04.12 1:03pm
Norwich City in yellow/green strip leak shocker 0
button 19.04.12 12:51pm
Fleeing Ecclestone insists mortar attack won't stop Bahrain GP

Formula One chief Bernie Ecclestone insists Sunday's Bahrain Grand Prix WILL go ahead, despite the track having been destroyed in today's mortar attack., Members of the Force India team were forced...

clicktingstampz 19.04.12 12:27pm
New Health & Safety rules introduced to regulate the work of Vampires

Vampires have reacted in dismay to a new raft of measures being forced upon them by the Health & Safety Executive. A spokesman for the HSE said, "For too long, the activities of vampires have...

seymour totti 19.04.12 12:17pm
"its a mistake" doctor tells inquest on Men at Work Flautist

avoided the obvious down under jape!...

Scronnyglonkle 19.04.12 12:14pm
Drogba's diving "a cry for help" - psychologist

DIDIER Drogba's pathetic tumbling acts during Chelsea's 1-0 Champions League victory over Barcelona last night were a “desperate cry for help,” according to a leading psychologist., Dr Judit...

clicktingstampz 19.04.12 12:06pm
Simon Cowell to be replaced by viewer friendlier Cyborg Cowell

Dr John Jones of Cardiff University today revealed a Cybotic alternative to talent show judges such as those seen on the” X Factor” or “The Voice”, The Cyber Judge as it known can instantly...

Scronnyglonkle 19.04.12 12:03pm
Judge Explains Abu Qatada Ruling Means No Worries for The Rest of Your Days 1
house78 19.04.12 11:59am
Vertically Challenged Giant
'Potato .. Quatada, let's call the whole thing off' says Home Secretary.

Lots more of these soon...

MADJEZ 19.04.12 11:56am
seymour totti
Government complain hate clerics deportation appeals 'Abu s of process' 0
MADJEZ 19.04.12 11:41am
Norfolk man traces family tree all the way back to his sister

62 year old James Gait from Holt in Norfolk is delighted that, after many hours work, he has managed to trace his family tree back many generations all the way to to his sister, Richard. Mr Gait...

Screenie 19.04.12 11:25am
seymour totti
It's Anne Widdycombe or Sir Cliff for new Archbishop of Canterbury post.

The Church of England synod declared today the names of two candidates for the position of the next Archbishop of Canterbury. They are frumpish ex tory MP, now minor celebrity, Anne Widdycombe. And...

stevebrdfd 19.04.12 10:54am
Girl in US Secret Service scandal gets the sack 0
medici2471 19.04.12 10:29am
Man Down Under Now Man Six Feet Under. 2
Haywood Manley 19.04.12 10:25am
Haywood Manley
“100 days to go”, British infrastructure warns sport-loving foreigners

British Infrastructure was enthusiastically pulsating with buttock-clenching anticipation last night, following the announcement that there were only 100 days to go before he could start shafting...

Old Hat 19.04.12 10:02am
Captain Axel