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Scotland prepares for panda arrival; deep fried bamboo waiting

More to follow...

apepper 04.12.11 4:05pm
Al OPecia
EC ruling on ancient grazing rights sees dairy farming return to Hyde Park

Ancient grazing rights are to be respected in Britain's capital city, following a landmark decision by the European Court of Justice. George Humbert took the matter to Europe after finding a legal...

04.12.11 3:02pm
BBC send Jeremy Clarkson to Gobi desert

The BBC have sent Jeremy Clarkson to the Gobi Desert; a spokesman explained, "it's not for a programme, it just seemed a good idea."...

apepper 04.12.11 1:57pm
Jason Plato mourns loss of mentor.

Mr Onassis unavailable for comment...

John Ffitch-Rucker 04.12.11 12:18pm
John Ffitch-Rucker
Oxford Street closed to poor to help avoid 'crushing debt'

Oxford Street in Central London was closed to the poor yesterday amid fears of crushing debt. Further such closures may now be in place every weekend in the run up to Christmas. 'We have spent 11...

Perks 04.12.11 11:37am
BBC forced to deny Clarkson ITV transfer rumours.

The Director-General of the BBC, Mark Thompson, has denied newspaper reports that Jeremy Clarkson, the BBC’s highly-paid right-wing wrecking ball, has submitted a transfer request following...

SingingHinny 04.12.11 11:34am
Siri fails to find the best little whorehouse in Texas 2
Ostsee 04.12.11 11:30am
Despite multi-tasking claims, wife still can't do headache & sex at same time 1
Smart Alex 04.12.11 10:32am
New Canary Island created by volcano already covered in beach towels. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 04.12.11 10:32am
Macc Lads to replace Elbow as suppliers of Olympic theme tune

Bury rockers and salad dodgers Elbow are set to be replaced by the Macc Lads as the official suppliers of an Olympic theme tune for the BBC...

grottymonty 04.12.11 7:20am
The Queen to star in new Alan Bennett one woman show "The Regina Monologues". 0
Al OPecia 03.12.11 11:17pm
Al OPecia
Jeremy Clarkson criticises Saudi report on women drivers for "going too far"

OR ..Jeremy Clarkson criticises Saudi report on women drivers for "not going far enough" - take your pick...

FlashArry 03.12.11 10:58pm
New HS2 line aims to take MPs to the end of their careers in just 49 minutes 0
kga6 03.12.11 10:42pm
Statistics show that 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy

Not my joke, may be an old one that you've all heard before, but I heard it at work the other day and liked it...

Vertically Challenged Giant 03.12.11 8:45pm
Fool on the Hill given honorary doctorate for services to music 0
Username 03.12.11 8:45pm
New vinyl shredder breaks all records

More to follow...

apepper 03.12.11 7:55pm
Mail announces new respect for referees campaign "Hoorah for the Blackshirts". 1
reforse 03.12.11 6:37pm
Shop's security barrier catches it's first shoplifter

A branch of Next in the West Midlands has become the first known store in the UK to actually catch a shoplifter after he set of the security barriers at the store's front door. The barriers, which...

Perks 03.12.11 2:58pm
John Ffitch-Rucker
BBC to send 2012 Olympics presenters to London to cover the games 5
simonjmr 03.12.11 2:47pm
Pandas sent to Scotland to get drunk and have lots of unprotected sex. 0
dominic_mcg 03.12.11 2:45pm
Honour crime sub: Now in pits for repair

Bit of eco-subbing here, recycling an idea of a couple of months ago. Now back in the workshop awaiting detailed work with the 3/8th drive socket set, micrometer, 240 grade emery cloth and a large...

dvo4fun 03.12.11 2:29pm
Clarkson apology 'poorly executed' admit BBC.

More bombshells soon...

MADJEZ 03.12.11 11:38am
BMW launches articulate vehicle which answers back 0
dvo4fun 03.12.11 10:35am
Banner on bypass probably not best way to come out, gay dad reflects

When Swindon man, Dave White, decided to announce his homosexuality, he did it in a big way – by hanging a 6ft banner across a roundabout on the bypass, proclaiming ‘I’m a big gay and so’s my...

Clarky 03.12.11 10:09am
Statistician forced to admit 80% of disabled people happy with Paralympics.

More damn lies soon...

MADJEZ 03.12.11 8:34am
Croatia dissapointed at being drawn in the Group of Debt 0
charlies_hat 02.12.11 11:28pm
Shock reverberates round Europe as UEFA fail to draw a "Group of Death" 0
grottymonty 02.12.11 10:29pm
Relief as Kindles officially declared Gay.

More anouncements soon...

MADJEZ 02.12.11 10:19pm
Book critic when asked about Dickens admits she's never been to one 1
Smart Alex 02.12.11 10:11pm
Variable message signs not ironic insist Highways Agency

The Highways Agency has responded angrily to claims that variable message signs at the side of Britain’s motorways are ironic. The signs have been carrying messages such as: “Don’t allow...

Aberdeen Correspondent 02.12.11 7:27pm
John Ffitch-Rucker