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Emo Israeli couple to name child 'dislike'. 0
Mr Payne 4 years
"Tickin - no it's turkey" Irish PM reassures HM Queen 1
antharrison 4 years
Brian May, Roger Taylor and Paul Rogers return to UK after misreading headline 0
virtuallywill 4 years

All that jazz later...

Fears Olympic torch bearers will be arrested for going equipped to commit arson. 0
Mrblacker 4 years
New generation of hardline feminists warns that All Men Are Rappers 0
ronseal 4 years
Pleb banned from drinking Lapsang Souchong in row over intellectual proper tea 4
ronseal 4 years
Most frapists invariably only write half a sentence anyway claims Clarke 0
charlies_hat 4 years

I hasten to add that I despise facebook...

Children's play area fails CRB check 2
QorbeQ 4 years

A formerly well-respected playground just off Lacock Gardens in Maidstone has been blocked from working with minors after it failed an "Enhanced Disclosure" criminal records bureau check. The check,...

Attempted return of the pony express in Wrexham proves unsuccessful 0
Basil_B 4 years I know there's a couple of tickers below about this but I thought it would be worth posting up the actual story...

Tesco press for 'one third off' sentences for guilty plea shoplifters 1
Scroat 4 years
Olympic torch route 'risks teaching Cornish the secret of fire' 7
4 years
Number of jobless people in UK falls... as Queen visits Ireland 0
Qoxiivi 4 years
ITV unsure what to call new primetime show where contestants clean out beer kegs 8
Iamthestig 4 years
Man who took a pony on train says he didn't flush whilst carriage was stationary 0
charlies_hat 4 years

not many cockneys in wales though...

Man attempts to carry train on back of donkey. 0
Mr Payne 4 years
Bryant and May demand £500 bonus for lighting olympic torch 0
4 years

More ransom news soon...

Olympic Torch to visit Manchester "a bit risky" admits Lord Coe 0
nilbymouse 4 years

What with all the rain. Nothing to do with it being stolen. Nothing at all. Nope...

'Muscular' Lib Dem Health Secretary announces revised NHS bill 0
QorbeQ 4 years

In a bid to flex the party's waning political muscle, Liberal Democrat Health Secretary Andrew Lansley has turned his proposed NHS legislation on its head, announcing new plans to retain 24,000...

Clegg to defy Cameron over tying his own shoelaces 0
nilbymouse 4 years

In a further attempt to distance himself from his own utter confusion, Nick Clegg's policy to "disagree within reasonable limits" was again evident today after announcing he would no longer tie his...

Olympic torch to be a carbon neutral solar powered LED lamp, 0
Tammy Flugh 4 years

Lord Coe announced today. More global warming bullshit soon...

Campaign to reclaim words that have become rude launched by US Judge David Minge 18
rickwestwell 4 years

American Judge and former US politician David R. Minge has taken a leave of absence from his judicial duties to launch a campaign aimed at "enriching the English language by reclaiming those words...

Queen's Ireland visit delayed by Philip's lack of insults 0
ianslat 4 years

The Queen has confirmed that she would have visited Ireland much sooner but for Prince Philip's inability to think of any racist insults. 'I've wanted to go there ever since the Good Friday...

Labour Party seeks to extend injunction on all media coverage of Ed Miliband 8
OllieP 4 years

The Labour Party has applied to the High Court in a bid to extend the injunction currently in place on all political media coverage of Ed Miliband. The original nine-month gagging order was taken out...

Wife divorces selfish opera singer "during vocal warm up he was all mi mi mi mi" 0
brownpaperreporter 4 years
IMF Chief Offered Escape by Hog-Nosed Skunks 0
RogerAbrahams 4 years

NEW YORK - A day after Dominique Strauss-Kahn was refused a $1m bail on an attempted rape charge, a military unit from Managuay offers to rescue him for half the price. Upon arrival at the Rikers...

Clegg to continue with gap year in agreeing with Conservatives 0
virtuallywill 4 years

more next May...

Suspicion Grows Over Brown's Role in IMF Chief Scandal 13
Le Creuset Fiend 4 years

Right. I've never tried this before, so please be gentle! Any suggestions gratefully received! ---------------------------------------------------- Rumours are spreading in international circles...

"Ich bin Ein Dubliner" announces Queen on arrival in Ireland 8
Deacon 4 years
Klingon cricket captain Strauss-Kahn bowls maiden over 1
4 years
Increase in number of tog turds slipped in since the invention of the iPhone 4
gaijintendo 4 years

Apple intends to circumvent this by using the camera to detect upcoming turds as users walk blindly forward whilst reading tedious shit on twitter...