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Surrey residents gutted their team came second in the Premiership. 0
MADJEZ 13.05.12 6:18pm
Lord Archer re-enters public life as Daily Mail fact checker

More follows...

apepper 13.05.12 5:58pm
Bookmakers install Manchester City as favourites for 2056 Premier League title 0
Mandy Lifeboat 13.05.12 5:27pm
Mandy Lifeboat
Bangla Desh government announces new austerity measures. 0
Maverick 13.05.12 1:30am
Greek President looking for a donor. 0
Maverick 13.05.12 1:26am
Metropolitan Police to outsource training to Taliban. 0
Maverick 13.05.12 12:55am
MP Begbie in Leveson furore

Lex Begbie, Labour MP for Dumbarton West and holder of the largest current parliamentary majority (65,000), took the oath and took the stand in front of the Leveson Inquiry today. Mr Begbie sipped a...

Drylaw 12.05.12 10:39pm
Dogs Officially Better Than Humans Says Public

Pudsey and your woman’s win in Saturday Night’s Britain’s Got Talent Live Final is proof than dogs are better than humans, was the verdict of animal lovers everywhere., Peta member Sharon...

Hooch 12.05.12 10:23pm
Michael Fish new heir to the throne

In a bizarre twist, Mr Charles Windsor (the weather forecaster formally known as Prince) has exchanged jobs with Michael Fish (now to be known as Prince Michael of Hurricane or, less formally, the...

apepper 12.05.12 10:19pm
Government scraps fighter plane order - buys exploding underpants instead. 0
deskpilot3 12.05.12 9:38pm
Critics pan new Greek drachma for poor direction and lack of leading man 0
charlies_hat 12.05.12 7:47pm
Too many actors employed as Singing In The Rain remake is "overcast" 0
seymour totti 12.05.12 7:30pm
seymour totti
Lapdancer stripped of pole position

Yeah, I do one-liners as well...

Gary Stanton 12.05.12 7:10pm
Gary Stanton
Jeremy Hunt "has to resign three times"

Culture secretary has thrown government lawyers into chaos. A number 10 source said, "Technically, he should resign at least three times, maybe four. It's difficult to see how that's going to...

apepper 12.05.12 5:43pm
Spitfire celebrates 75th anniversary with return to front-line action over Libya

After claiming recent defence budget cuts 'in no way reduced our capability', Prime Minister David Cameron proudly announced the return of the Spitfire to frontline service., 'Of course we've...

Ironduke 12.05.12 4:02pm
Stable boy charged with grooming. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 12.05.12 12:59pm
Second coming of Christ postponed as he is voted out in semifinal. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 12.05.12 12:55pm
Big Ben bongs 'a hit' in House of Commons gift shop.

After heavy promotion by radio and TV news programmes, Big Ben bongs have finally outsold Palace of Westminster teapots in the gift shop of the House of Commons. Annie’s Bar Punch came a close...

nickb 12.05.12 12:52pm
Streatham man's Vauxhall Corsa to be deployed in Olympic terror fight

Streatham resident, Steve Gresham (23) is both ‘well happy’ and ‘gutted’ that the MoD will be deploying his ’51 plated Vauxhall Corsa Sport as a sonic weapon during the Olympics. Speaking...

Mandy Lifeboat 12.05.12 12:01pm
Mandy Lifeboat
Leveson Latest: Bucket of Driven Snow takes the stand 0
Drylaw 12.05.12 10:51am
Stevie Wonder extortion latest; identity parade chaos

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apepper 12.05.12 10:47am
Kazakhstan release Sacha Baron Cohen movie – “Talentless Jewish Bast**d”

An unlikely consortium of the Kazakhstan government, wealthy gay businessman, the estate of Muammar Gaddafi, and the frat boys from the motorhome in Borat, have banded together to produce a satirical...

Yikes 12.05.12 10:43am
Scottish Carp shop claims to sell "The Real McKoi"

Reach for coat and hopes to slip out quietly...

seymour totti 12.05.12 9:11am
Government hails success of new scheme to get Prince Charles into work

An experimental new scheme to try and get some Prince Charles into useful employment has got off to an excellent start, claims David Cameron, after he successfully completed his first day's placement...

Qoxiivi 12.05.12 7:43am
PCS union claims that 9 billion public sector workers took part in walkout

The government have dismissed a claim from the PCS union that almost 9 billion public sector workers took part in Thursday’s walkout, insisting that the real number was closer to ‘minus two...

Vertically Challenged Giant 12.05.12 7:25am
Spitfires for carriers, promises Hammond

Defence Secretary Philip Hammond has ordered six squadrons of Spitfires to equip Britain's new carriers in a move that's already been criticised as pandering to the over-50 male voter. But Hammond...

Boutros 12.05.12 12:08am
Leveson Inquiry delayed to allow time to appoint Parseltongue translator

Rebekah Brooks's appearance before the Leveson Inquiry has been delayed to allow the inquiry team to recruit an official Parseltongue translator. The surprise move was announced by a frustrated Lord...

The Paper Ostrich 11.05.12 11:34pm
Breaking news - Duchess of Cambridge wears frock, has dinner. 0
Maverick 11.05.12 10:30pm
Proctologist's Association to launch social networking site - "Arsebook". 0
Maverick 11.05.12 10:28pm
Government suggests we 'LOL' or rather Laugh Over Leveson 0
Underconstruction 11.05.12 9:43pm