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Gaddafi told to "improve pseudonyms" 0
nilbymouse 4 years

Col Muammar Gaddafi has attempted flee Libya by changing his name. However quick-witted passport authorities were wise to the cunning despot's addition of an "h" in his surname. Passport duty...

Thousands of journalists still trapped in Libya 0
John Wiltshire 4 years

The Foreign Office is still trying to work out how to bring home thousands of journalists in Libya who had gone there to report on the hundreds of people trapped there., The Foreign Secretary said...

Victoria Pendleton gives us an exclusive interview about - things... 6
John Wiltshire 4 years

British and world cycling champion today gave an exclusive interview to our reporters OllieP and John Wiltshire, in which she gives perceptive answers to their sometimes difficult questions., They...

4 years

Says 72 year-old resident Wilf Baker. "That was a Hercules Jeep I bought new in 1968" complained Wilf, going on to say the Police didn't want to know...

Cockney rhyming slang to be third official language at 2012 London Olympic Games 22
OllieP 4 years

At a press conference held today in London's St Mary-le-Bow church, it was announced that cockney rhyming slang would be granted official language status at the 2012 Olympics. Speaking from the home...

Meatloaf Albums shown to cause Childhood Obesity 0
4 years

fear the pie...

2012 Olympic Judges Enrolled on Courses to Tell 'em apart 0
4 years

Following concerns over lack of knowledge by Judges of Competitors, Lord Coe (himself a dead ringer for Eric Cantor, 2nd ranking Replublican in the US House of Representatives)has enrolled all Judges...

High speed to Birmingham... and beyond... 0
Doylem 4 years

Transport Secretary, Philip Hammond, has unveiled the plans for a new, high-speed rail line linking London with Birmingham. “There’s good news and bad news”, he told the assembled hacks. “The...

Manchester to become European Capital of Swearing 2012 0
evilsuperstar 4 years

Following the news that Manchester been rated ‘Most Foul Mouthed City’ by Four Square website, councillors have quickly announced that they intend to cash in on the accolade by launching the city...

Windows tax repealed in the name of "greater transparency". 1
Nick McCarr 4 years
The Queen to create her own version of 'The King's Speech', by having a Stroke 0
thackaray 4 years
Bishop of Southwark and Keith Chegwin vie to be 'Britain's Charlie Sheen' 0
ronseal 4 years

A host of UK celebs have thrown their hats into the ring in a bid to become the British version of whatever's big news in America at the moment. The chance to become the British Charlie Sheen has...

All sighted people to be blinded in accordance with EU equality directive... 0
be reasonable 4 years

Gordon Brown eagerly anticipates return to leadership role...

New prostate test twice as good 0
Sinnick 4 years

.. because now they use 2 fingers...

Charlie Sheen to appear in Cheers remake. 1
Stan 4 years
EU rules that people must write with both hands 0
John Wiltshire 4 years

The EU Equalities Commissioner, Gerd van den Bonqueurs, today said that the EU had ruled that everyone must write with both hands., His statement read: 'Following a 5 year 3 billion euro...

Emblem for Queen's Diamond Jubilee (if she doesn't die before then) revealed - 2 36
Golgo13 4 years

A 10-year-old girl has won a competition to design the official emblem for the Queen's Diamond Jubilee to be held next year, providing Her Majesty doesn’t die this year. Katherine Dewar, from...

Galliano fury: 'I'm not racist - it's a Jewish conspiracy!' 0
John Wiltshire 4 years

A nasty racist who designs completely stupid things that only airhead cocaine addicts can wear was finally sacked after the company he worked for realised they couldn't make any more money out of him...

John Galliano joins Top Gear team 0
John Wiltshire 4 years

A delighted Jeremy Clarkson today announced that John Galliano will be joining the the Top Gear team in time for the new series., 'He is awesome,' admitted Clarkson. 'There's nowhere he won't go.'...

Local man unable to find "the one" after browsing all the online single profiles 0
Dumbnews 4 years
All-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise God needs your MONEY 0
Dumbnews 4 years

Trying to compress this funnny quote by George Carlin into one-line: "GOD HE LOVES YOU. He loves you, and He NEEDS MONEY! He always needs money! He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and...

Virgin Mary unsuccessful on because not "Down to earth" 0
Dumbnews 4 years
Obama Asks Senate, Congress, To Refrain From "Yo Momma" Remarks During Hearings 0
Textbook 4 years
Cameron secures 'No Fly Zone'... as Lossiemouth Tornadoes are grounded. 0
Jammydodgers 4 years

Gadafi sends 'Humanitarian aid' to Morayshire...

Concerned breastfeeding mothers demand home pasturisation kits. 2
Chip Paper 4 years

The seizure of breast milk icecream from a central London restaurant has caused panic among breastfeeding mothers across the Capital. As news spread that both the Health Protection Agency and the...

Hotmail updates signatures to say, "Sent from my hacked PC" 0
Dumbnews 4 years
Gorilla Stood Up 0
4 years

Darwin's Theory of Evolution has gone on Fast Forward for 2011. News spread quickly through the Scientific Community which monitors all examples of 'evolution in progress'. The incident was...

Blair and Brown in Britpop Tribute Battle 0
Banking Escapee 4 years

Tony Blair has returned from a “disappointing” solo tour of the Middle East and announced plans to reform Britpop favourites, New Labour. However the iron lunged former lead vocalist will be the...

Covent Garden shop to sell semen-flavoured ice cream 14
Sinnick 4 years

Following the recent success of his human breast milk flavoured ice cream, Matt O'Connor's shop in Covent Garden has announced its intention to sell another novelty brand of ice cream flavoured with...

Zeitgeist Publishing launches Fashist, the hate couture magazine for racists 1
ronseal 4 years