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Nokia "Not what I thought it was" admits new boss 0
beau-jolly 4 years

When former double glazing salesman, Stephen Elop, applied for the post he explained that he had been red hot with windows so didn’t imagine selling bricks could be that difficult...

Wikileaks to reveal damning evidence on Assange 0
AndyOverhead 4 years

In a truly spectacular miscalculation, Wikileaks looks to have shot itself in the foot after reports were leaked, by themselves, that they had uncovered damning evidence proving that the website is...

Julian Assange issues SOS 2
John Wiltshire 4 years

Julian Assange, founder of WikiLeaks, today issued an urgent statement about his extradition to Sweden., 'This is an SOS,' he said. 'The legal system in Sweden is such that the name of the game is...

Flashmob At Steelworks - 16 Dead, 40 Injured 11
jampot 4 years

A street dancing flashmob organised by T-Mobile was sprung on unsuspecting steelworkers yesterday, causing a spill of molten iron that has left 16 dead and 40 injured. Two workers and 29 bodypoppers...

General Election privatised - to be run by Ant and Dec 0
John Wiltshire 4 years

Ant and Dec have been given the responsibility of running the next general election., 'We're going to introduce phone voting,' said Ant or Dec. 'Calls from landlines will be charged at your standard...

Policemen to be replaced by old ladies with shopping bags 0
John Wiltshire 4 years

The Home Secretary has ordered the immediate replacement of all policemen with gangs of old ladies wielding handbags., 'Just think,' said Theresa May, 'if one old lady can finish off six armed...

Scientologists ‘give up’ 2
Zadok the second 4 years

The Church of Scientology has decided to throw in the towel, declaring the problems of the world ‘too tough to sort out by a bunch of sci-fi geeks’. In a statement issued by the Sea...

Home facelifts now a reality – Dyson 0
Zadok the second 4 years

Following the success of the Dyson Airblade – a hand-drying device which nearly strips the flesh from your hands – James Dyson has unveiled the FaceLifter, a revolution in diy cosmetic surgery....

BBC Radio 1 ‘alienates older and more intelligent listeners’ says report 2
Stan 4 years

A report issued by the BBC trustees has criticized Radio 1 for being too youth orientated. In the report, put together by BBC trustee David Liddiment, says the Radio 1 may be popular but needs to...

Gordon Brown finishes Angry Birds Level 5; demands more challenges. 0
Zadok the second 4 years
Londoners told sell-off will not affect their 'Right to Moan' 2
Gerontius 4 years

David Cameron has come under fire from Labour after announcing plans to sell off all publicly owned parks and open spaces in central London., Around 80,000 hectares of prime real estate in the...

Restaurants ‘looking forward to bleeding Valentine’s customer’s wallets’ 1
Zadok the second 4 years

Restaurant owners are looking forward to next Monday with glee, according to an article in The Publican. Valentine’s evening – known in the trade as ‘mug’s night’ – continues to prop up...

Scotland to gift two ‘NEDS’ to China 19
Fin Robertson 4 years

Scottish First Minister Alex Salmond today signed an historic agreement to send two giant Scottish neds (non educated delinquents) to the People’s Republic of China. It is the first time these two...

Markets React To Compulsory Organ Donation Scheme 0
lord_wingnut 4 years

Bontempi, Farfisa and Casio shares rocketed to a new high following the government's announcement that organ donation will be made compulsory "very soon". Organ owners also expressed delight at the...

Further religious iPhone apps announced. 0
Tammy Flugh 4 years

"Following the success of the Confession app, apps for birth, marriage, death, and excommunication will be released shortly, with canonization and exorcism later in the year", a Catholic spokesman...

Iphones saved our marriage reveal Basingstoke couple 2
Gerontius 4 years

To the casual observer, Brian and Sheila Davis appear to be the perfect happily married couple – and thankfully these days, those observers would be right., But up until recently the story had...

My SatNav worked Perfectly 0
AndyOverhead 4 years

Bernard Goodfellow, an avid motorist and explorer has complained today about the 100% success rate he has endured following the purchase of a SatNav from Halfords., "I kept hearing all these stories...

Coalition to unveil bold new proposal for "free hospitals" 8
OllieP 4 years

The coalition has revealed proposals for the creation of "free hospitals" in England and Wales. After the unexpected success of the "free schools" programme, the Government has decided to bring...

Labrador denies border-incursion accusation levelled by jack russell 11
CAC 4 years

A Cumbrian village is feared to be perilously close to all-out conflict following a terrier's angry accusation that a labrador is intruding "repeatedly and with clearly provocative intent" into...

Fears of nuclear strike as electrons protest about poor working conditions 0
CAC 4 years

Electrons are threatening industrial action to back up their demand that safety measures be put in place to minimise the long-term health effects of high-speed rotation around 'fat cat' protons and...

Emmigrée Ozzie wimmin vindicated as Assange blathers on the Courhouse steps 0
Hunter F. Thompson 4 years

Having fled the country in vast numbers over 6 decades for fear of being stuck in an Ozzie marriage with a beer-swilling porn freak, the Association of Ozzie Wimmin Emmigrées are understood to be...

A$if Zardari enrolls in "Twitter for Dictators" by Hugo Chavez 0
Dumbnews 4 years
Call for 16 year olds to be conscripted to serve in National Health Service 1
Stan 4 years

With the National Health Service facing increasing pressure to find ways of meeting budget restrains, a leading Conservative think tank has come up with a radical solution which they believe provides...

Holiday Hell For Tourists in Egypt 4
jampot 4 years

An elderly couple jetted off to Egypt for their dream holiday - but ended up in a nightmare after the nation rose up as one to expel them. Hosni Mubarak, 82, and his wife Suzanne, 69, travelled to...

Miliband still doesn't know what to do with Balls, admits senior aide 0
Tom O'Hara 4 years

I'm sure Johnson and Balls jokes were done to death on here a few weeks ago, but just in case they weren't "Johnson moves aside to reveal Balls" "Miliband still finding Balls difficult to swallow"...

Manchester councillor defends closure of all but one toilet 1
A Wagonload Of Monkeys 4 years

Councillor Roger Wilkes has defended the closure of every public toilet apart from the one 300 yards from his flat. "It is never easy deciding on which services to cut in these times of austerity,...

Magners shares suspended after allegations of incider trading... 1
deskpilot3 4 years
Radio 7 staff 'deeply concerned' as station is renamed Radio 4+1. 0
deskpilot3 4 years

And not because it doesn't add up properly...

Bankers 'a bit cheerier' after realisation extra £800m tax is not per capita. 0
malgor 4 years
Search is on for rich Sheik who thinks Manchester City Council's a football club 0
greg various 4 years