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Space Race "impossible" proclaims delighted troll - "you can't run in a vacuum&a

What the hell's happened to my last punctuation mark?...

SpankyMonkey 10.07.12 12:06pm
"Wombles put me off" claims Murray "oh, and Federer played better"

Andy Murray and his mum Judy have today provided prove that the fictional imaginary Wombles of Wimbledon were to play for Andy's unexplained defeat to the boring Swiss Federer. "Whenever I was in a...

simonjmr 10.07.12 10:03am
Sir Steve Redgrave: "I live In Constant Fear Of Being Found Out"

5-time Olympic gold medallist, Sir Steve Redgrave, has revealed today that he lives in constant fear of being "found out as being nothing special and a very lucky so and so to boot," despite the...

Duff 10.07.12 9:45am
seymour totti
M&S rebrand as Spencers & Marks to boost sales of grey shaded clothes 0
charlies_hat 10.07.12 9:00am
John Terry "Not Scottish".

With nod to Perks...

The All New Jeni B 10.07.12 8:43am
Andy Murray fitted with dog’s tail to help express his emotions

In an attempt to counter criticism that Andy Murray hides his emotions, Britain’s tennis no.1 has been fitted with a large, shaggy tail, operated remotely by his brain. Leading veterinary...

Nunnion Splendacular 10.07.12 8:41am
Rare steaks on the menu as vegetarians finally call an end to protest

It's been over 50 years since the first dinner party was ruined by someone saying, "I can't eat this I'm vegetarian", a protest then taken up by millions of people worldwide and which came to an...

The Masked Frog 10.07.12 8:39am
Tom Cruise now casting for Marriage Impossible 4

Still waiting for Katie Holmes to peel off a rubber mask and reveal her true evil identity...

gregle 10.07.12 8:38am
Katie Holmes gets custody of Suri, Tom Cruise gets the spaceship

Fears of a messy divorce have receded as Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise have reached a settlement. While precise details are confidential, Holmes is believed to have got sole custody of Suri and...

Yikes 10.07.12 7:42am
London LGBT parade to be called, "50 shades of Gay" 0
Dumbnews 10.07.12 4:00am
Science news

Scientists at Small Hadron Collider announce successful combination of apple and blackcurrant...

speccyneil 09.07.12 8:59pm
Rooftop missile launchers threaten to strike during Olympics 7
charlies_hat 09.07.12 8:16pm
Murray in tears, gutted: runners up prize is only £575k

Federer gets £1.15m...

Mark Gregory 09.07.12 7:43pm
Mark Gregory
Iran conducts test of long-range tickling stick

The official news agency of Iran confirmed yesterday that the nation’s powerful Revolutionary Guards had conducted their first successful test of a giant, inter-continental tickling stick. The...

Long Distance Clara 09.07.12 6:45pm
Deja Vu as studio announces 'Groundhog Day' sequel again

Columbia Pictures yet again announced to the Hollywood industry press that a sequel to the classic feel-good comedy [i]Groundhog Day[/i] is already in the works and set for release in early 2013....

Mr Target 09.07.12 6:13pm
custard cream
Federer reveals, his broken leg not as painful as yesterday

but flu much worse so he's going back to bed...

rustytruss 09.07.12 6:11pm
custard cream
John Terry Admits Sarcastic Defending 0
custard cream 09.07.12 6:09pm
custard cream
Maplins to open holiday camp for nerds

"It's synergy, that's what it is" said Northampton Maplin's manager Steve Hardy, the man behind the first ever electrical component superholiday discount centre. "Two names synonymous with fun and...

nickb 09.07.12 5:59pm
Met Office Warns Wet Summer May Threaten Riots

Britain’s washout summer is threatening to derail August’s scheduled week of looting and burning. Months of unseasonal rain has seeped through the hard crust of bitterness and rage in London and...

daneade 09.07.12 5:46pm
Woman defies advice and enters Maplins without a man

A 46 year old woman from Brighton has been found tired and dehydrated in a branch of Maplins, where she has been trapped since wandering in on Saturday afternoon and asking for help to choose an...

grumblechops 09.07.12 5:45pm
Six injured in Tottenham’s first Pitbull Run

At least six people were injured during the Pitbull Run in the inaugural Tottenham Riot festival, officials have reported. The injuries appeared to be fairly minor, although one man told reporters...

Nails UK 09.07.12 5:43pm
Ryanair announce south of jet stream surcharge 1
yussle 09.07.12 5:39pm
Taxi ‘5-10 minutes away’, minicab firm tells Antarctic explorers

Renowned explorers Dean and Jonny Monkton have roundly condemned the minicab company A-Z Cars for a ‘downright inconvenient’ delay in picking them up from their Antarctic encampment. The...

Skylarking 09.07.12 5:38pm
John Terry calls character witness. 'Ee don't mean no offense' says Alf Garnett.

[list]More soon...

MADJEZ 09.07.12 5:31pm
Confusion over British Wimbledon victory as most thought Jimmy Carr had won.

HMRC to look into £1million prize money. More soon...

MADJEZ 09.07.12 5:07pm
Moodys ratings agency awards Duracell bunny triple A status 0
custard cream 09.07.12 4:46pm
custard cream
RBS to remain Scottish indefinitely 1
Des Custard 09.07.12 3:19pm
Osborne identifies banking's inherent problem

Chancellor George Osborne conceded today that changing the culture of British banks would be an extremely difficult task, admitting in an appearance before a Commons Select Committee that, ‘by...

Teddy 09.07.12 3:04pm
New Skyscraper Causes "Architecture Race" in Industrial Europe

Citizens of London can turn their tea-swilling eyes to the sky this summer, and behold the great and mighty, obnoxiously bright, the imaginatively named, the overtly pointless "Shard". Soaring at...

Jared 09.07.12 2:37pm
Federer condemned for not letting the Scottish guy win.

Tennis supremo Roger Federer was widely condemned today after his harsh defeat of Andy Murray, who was driven to tears by the humourless Swiss player. Although Federer has already won at Wimbledon...

bonjonelson 09.07.12 1:36pm