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News Biscuit Sub Awarded Accurate Merit-Based Star Rating

Shockwaves have been sent through the online community at the News Biscuit website when a mediocre submission from mildly able contributor “UnoEye” was awarded a star rating appropriate to the...

UnoEye 24.01.12 11:17pm
Major Clanger
Chris Huhne to deny speed bump removal using the basic tools of stone masonry

Cabinet Minister Chris Huhne is at the centre of a fresh driving storm after allegations that he attempted to remove a series of speed bumps from outside a primary school using a mallet and a chisel....

Gary Stanton 24.01.12 11:15pm
Major Clanger
Trace elements blamed for wave of involuntary homeopathic cures 2
cinquecento 24.01.12 11:11pm
Major Clanger
Bear Grylls endorses range of beef wellingtons

Pint-sized survival fan Bear Grylls has launched a new range of sturdy beef wellingtons. Waterproof, practical and steeped in madeira wine, the gastronomic footwear is a must for explorers who find...

24.01.12 10:53pm
Major Clanger
Clowns demand pay rise for appearing in children's nightmares

Clowns across the country yesterday demanded a pay rise of up to 15% to ensure they would 'continue to haunt the sleep of our nation's youths forever'. Up to now, under strict government regulation,...

hughesroland 24.01.12 10:42pm
Major Clanger
Sales of big screen TVs slump as people start sitting closer

Sales of large screen LCD TVs have nosedived as people have realised that the same affect can be obtained by moving the chair closer to the television...

apepper 24.01.12 10:38pm
Major Clanger
Spoon crime “now worse than knife crime” on Isle of Wight

Figures released today in Ventnor show that spoon-related crime is soaring in comparison to knife-related crime on Britain’s favourite holiday island. While relatively few are convicted of...

nickb 24.01.12 10:30pm
Major Clanger
No word on missing Scott naval officer - fears grow

An audacious attempt to emulate Captain Scott's South Pole achievement of a century ago hangs in the balance today as fears grow for a missing naval officer. 'One hundred years ago Scott, despite...

roybland 24.01.12 10:27pm
Major Clanger
Future of capitalism in doubt as Jagger pulls out of Davos summit

The future of capitalism is in doubt today with news that Sir Mick Jagger has declined an invitation to attend a UK event at the World Economic Forum in the mountain Swiss village of Davos. The...

roybland 24.01.12 9:29pm
Pope recommends silence - "especially about, you know what..."

The Pope has chosen World Communication Day to speak about the importance of silence in the face of Internet noise. "Things would be much better if certain people had kept quiet", he explained...

apepper 24.01.12 8:20pm
Criticism of Costa Concordia is health and safety gone mad - Daily Mail

More to follow...

apepper 24.01.12 8:12pm
Ofcom 'very OK' with new childrens programme Minging Mong Mandy 0
Username 24.01.12 8:10pm
Daily Mail complains Olympic Games contains 'too many races' 1
Perks 24.01.12 7:35pm
Portsmouth FC now financially too dodgy for Mafia investor 4
Immunis 24.01.12 6:54pm
Embarrassment for Cameron as Rosie Redknapp revealed to be Tory donor 1
button 24.01.12 6:44pm
Midfield Diamond
Rosie the Dog takes charge at Pompey - 'Ruff times are rover' 1
Drylaw 24.01.12 6:26pm
Northern lights will reduce Scotland's carbon footprint. 0
Ostsee 24.01.12 4:00pm
Gervais hails 'mong' ruling a 'Major victory for cunts everywhere' Gervais, who has been campaigning against other peoples feelings for years...

gaijintendo 24.01.12 2:45pm
Housewife Mabel Blenkinsop receives Oscar nomination for 'The Ironing Lady' 0
JETFAB 24.01.12 2:01pm
Blue Peter presenter recaptured after 18 day chase through Antarctica 3
Immunis 24.01.12 1:37pm
Obese Community Irate over launch of Cancer Barbie.

"It's just not fair", said a spokesperson from Obesity UK. "Little girls with cancer will be able to play with a bald Cancer Barbie, so why shouldn't little girls who suffer from obesity be able to...

jenkins 24.01.12 1:35pm
4th Emergency Service downgraded by Standard & Poor to BB

Alcoholics Anonymous also likely to be reappraised...

Nails UK 24.01.12 1:21pm
Mandy Lifeboat
Redknapp's lawyer proves legitimate payment of £200k to 'Brian Griffin' 0
charlies_hat 24.01.12 12:42pm
Aretha Franklin cancels wedding.'He wouldn't say a little prayer' 0
JETFAB 24.01.12 12:23pm
'More than just a gym' admits that it is, in fact, just a gym

A fitness gym in Doncaster which used the slogan 'Barry's - More Than Just A Gym' had been forced to concede that a gym is exactly what it is. The admission came after Doncaster resident Ron Troves...

Bravenewmalden 24.01.12 11:47am
“Might be a tummy bug” results in Civil Servant's sixth Monday off sick

Civil Service offices across the country are considering a massive deep-cleaning and health inspection as mysterious illnesses strike down many office workers on yet another Monday morning. 38 year...

kimllfixit 24.01.12 11:25am
Noel Gallagher slams NME award as "not sufficiently 'ighbrow" 0
Al McHogan 24.01.12 11:00am
Al McHogan
Tories Promise "No Bonuses and Wage Cut" for "Greedy" Jodrell Bankers 1
thisisall1word 24.01.12 10:57am
Al McHogan
snow globes to help in NHS shake-up 0
victimms 24.01.12 10:52am
Drug mules to be shown sentencing leniency if their ass has been exploited 0
charlies_hat 24.01.12 10:38am