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Old Mother Hubbard to be prosecuted by RSPCA. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 15.11.11 7:01pm
Al OPecia
Motivated immigrant put in charge of border control after new deportation threat

Following Government plans to start forcibly deporting immigrants once a target level has been reached, it is believed that a team of immigrants are the perfect subgroup to regulate further...

kga6 15.11.11 6:48pm
Protestation as Pole becomes permanent 'Pusey Pleb'

A typically sleepy village in Oxfordshire was awoken this week by the revelation that the local village idiot was in fact from Poland. Wojtek Labrowska took up the position in Pusey, following the...

Perks 15.11.11 6:11pm
Sin sues Cos over patent infringement

More to follow...

Immunis 15.11.11 6:05pm
Bryan with a Y
James Gilmour, step-son of legendary David Gilmour, released from prison.

Young, rich, soft skinned James, 21, admitted that he spent most of his time in jail with his back against The Wall...

Bryan with a Y 15.11.11 5:55pm
Bryan with a Y
Redknapp admits that enforced rest was more taxing than he thought it would be.

Full details due Jan/Feb 2012...

Bryan with a Y 15.11.11 5:38pm
Bryan with a Y
'Eastenders' Billy Mitchell confirmed as carrying Olympic Torch

Cash4Gold franchises await details of the exact route...

Bryan with a Y 15.11.11 5:30pm
Bryan with a Y
Mars proud sponsor of world diabetes day 3
button 15.11.11 5:24pm
Man left in awe after converting 4095 into binary

more unremarkable yet awe-inspiring mathematical facts soon...

kga6 15.11.11 5:03pm
'Cruel Is Cool' says 70's comedy veteran

Speaking at the premier of his latest observational sit-com to be aired on BBC2 later this week, comedy veteran Dicky Jarvis told us why he thinks the timing is just right for a new cutting edge...

Gerontius 15.11.11 4:59pm
Somerset man finds dead bird in Tesco salad

"It totally put me off my Chicken Korma it was accompanying I'd made with Loyd Grossman korma sauce" said Steve Pilkington Steve Pilkington from Somerset, said his girlfriend was sick after the...

simonjmr 15.11.11 4:39pm
Environmentalists hail Audi's new SUV with fuel-saving magnetic front bumpers

Campaigners for a reduction in CO2 emissions have warmly welcomed an eco-minded development from Audi. Their latest model, a 3.2 tonne, 6 metre-long SUV badged 'Q8', features an optional magnetic...

Runestone Cowboy 15.11.11 3:55pm
Simon Cowell concedes that the prefix "Fi" omitted from X factor titles 0
simonjmr 15.11.11 2:43pm
Faberge bacon found

It was a find that confused, then delighted Russian historians and students of decorative arts. A wavy strip of white gold, five centimetres long, artfully encrusted with garnets and rubies, with a...

nickb 15.11.11 2:17pm
Iron Maiden stolen by scrap metal theives

Möre soon...

bonjonelson 15.11.11 1:36pm
Critics slam Grossman cover of Lennon's 'Instant Korma's Gonna Get You' 0
Skylarking 15.11.11 1:08pm
Suspicion falls on record viewing figure for The Only Way is Dover

overheard: pliz, vich way to a slum...

vertical 15.11.11 1:05pm
"Freddie Starr ate my Korma" says Lloyd Grossman. 0
pinxit 15.11.11 12:00pm
Camel toe makes Freddie Starr vomit. "That's a first" say ex-wives. 0
pinxit 15.11.11 11:55am
Flybe incident prompts Ryanair to charge supplement for full set of wheels 0
medici2471 15.11.11 11:10am
Darth Vader hoping to add Nobel Peace prize to his recently awarded Oscar 0
simonjmr 15.11.11 11:02am
Aussie medics baffled by cause of Freddie Starr's illness 1
medici2471 15.11.11 10:19am
Rootin Tootin
Steven Segal to take over running of London Police

Responibilities for running an increasingly lawless capital are to be given to the smoothest man in Hollywood, it was annouced last night. His buttery smooth voice, A-List slicked hair, and martial...

Shandy 15.11.11 9:32am
Ground-to-air missiles on standby for London Olympics, but Trident misses out...

in ticket ballot...

ianslat 15.11.11 9:13am
Proposed "right to sack Chief Constables" supported by John Terry 0
dvo4fun 15.11.11 8:56am
Missing star Neil Morrissey “is considerable danger to society”

The 55 year old Men Behaving Badly star, who has been on the run since Saturday, has been linked to the banned underground Real Ale organisation CAMRA. ...

Newsquelch 15.11.11 8:52am
Government to run out of ministers by November 2012

According to the office of national statistics, the government is using up ministers faster than they can be replaced and will run out before the end of 2012. "The rate of resignations is...

apepper 15.11.11 8:20am
Concern that up to a third of prospective students too stupid to understand fees

November 14th was Student Finance Day, organised to help prospective university students understand the new fees system. Events took place up and down the country, after shocking survey results...

Vertically Challenged Giant 15.11.11 7:17am
New Italian leader's penis promises restraint.

In a specially arranged press conference, the penis of newly appointed prime minister Mario Monti vowed not to emulate the excesses of its predecessor. It also refused to comment on any of the...

nickb 15.11.11 6:01am
Reality Couple With Too Many Kids Expecting... Again

"Fucking is ace. We really enjoy it, and we want everyone to know that contraception is for idiots." They added, "Having a reasonable number of kids and being responsible about the earth's limited...

moggies 15.11.11 4:05am