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Migrant scrounger story upstaged as distraction by Gary Glitter story 0
Drylaw 20.01.12 10:30pm
Drylaw
Department of Environment to cull humans in TB affected area

In the latest random attempt to stop nature doing what it will, the department of the environment has decided to kill all the humans in a 10 mile radius from Langport in Somerset to halt the spread...

0
Immunis 20.01.12 8:57pm
Immunis
Online Piracy Bill hijacked by Somalian hackers 1
brownpaperreporter 20.01.12 7:35pm
writinginbsl
BMW & AUDI to do away with door mirrors. "They never use them" says spokesman.

. . . on reflection...

6
Al McHogan 20.01.12 7:13pm
Scroat
Lord Vader to be stripped of his title, Government announce. 3
bonjonelson 20.01.12 6:28pm
Quaz
German twitter users complain 140 characters 'barely enough for an adverb' 1
exigo 20.01.12 5:46pm
cinquecento
Gary Glitter a shining example to us all, says Pope

The Pope has spoken of his admiration and respect of Glitter's recent conduct, as an example of 'how all of us can use strange clothing, repetitive songs, and erratic behavior, in order to distract,...

0
Shandy 20.01.12 4:05pm
Shandy
Police to offer kettle chips and club biscuits at future riots. 1
John Ffitch-Rucker 20.01.12 3:40pm
dvo4fun
‘I got too cocky’ admits Cowell, ‘I should have realised it was all about me’

Simon Cowell has claimed that falling viewing figures for his repetitive, formulaic talent shows were down to him ‘having got a bit arrogant’, and not because people are slowly realising that...

1
Vertically Challenged Giant 20.01.12 3:36pm
dvo4fun
UKIP to field candidate who is not mental 2
virtuallywill 20.01.12 3:22pm
writinginbsl
‘Napoleonland’ theme park to close at 6.15p.m. everyday.

Time to run away, Josephine!, http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/france/9027394/France-plans-Napoleonland.html...

0
John Ffitch-Rucker 20.01.12 2:25pm
John Ffitch-Rucker
Crime figures reduced by 10% in 2011

See I said setting the font size at 9 would work...

0
tedweasel 20.01.12 2:16pm
tedweasel
Salmond and Cameron deadlocked over who gets RBS & HBOS. More soon. 0
GreenCross 20.01.12 1:59pm
GreenCross
Die Hoff and Die Muppets - German press accused of promoting violence 0
simonjmr 20.01.12 1:52pm
simonjmr
Thames Water find junk in river 7
medici2471 20.01.12 1:38pm
button
Dyslexic conservationist "quite the raconteur"

I think we can do without this one...

1
Mr Target 20.01.12 1:38pm
nickb
"You got cocky? Well I got bigger cocky" Kim Jong Un tells Cowell

.. with apologies to Mind Your Language, Benny Hill etc...

0
cinquecento 20.01.12 1:06pm
cinquecento
Easyjet denies 'degrading' disabled man. "We treat all our passengers like this"

. . . claims spokesman...

2
Al McHogan 20.01.12 12:58pm
Sinnick
Huge prick becomes self-aware - "No danger to mankind" claims Syco spokesman.

. . . time for termination...

0
Al McHogan 20.01.12 12:58pm
Al McHogan
Increase in Dec sales upsets Ant

puzzled look later...

0
virtuallywill 20.01.12 12:56pm
virtuallywill
Scotland to take its fair share of Romanian Big Issue sellers, insists Cameron 0
cinquecento 20.01.12 12:53pm
cinquecento
"I got too cocky" says Simon Cowell cockily ...

Please no more soon...

0
Kramaring 20.01.12 12:23pm
Kramaring
Special forces units gagging to 'neutralize' literally anyone ahead of Olympics

The government put on a special homoerotic display of force in the capital this week, as boats loaded with heavily armed burly looking men roamed the waters of London. Sailing down the Thames with...

4
Shandy 20.01.12 12:16pm
dvo4fun
Thames Water bills to be re-named Chinese water torture 0
Duncan Biscuit 20.01.12 12:07pm
Duncan Biscuit
Government clarifies the out-of-work migrants figure excludes Carlos Tevez 0
Duncan Biscuit 20.01.12 12:06pm
Duncan Biscuit
Increase in Dec retail sales excludes Jan returns of ‘Mrs Brown’s Boys’ dvds 0
Duncan Biscuit 20.01.12 12:05pm
Duncan Biscuit
Mancini urges Tevez to join French Club, “Vada a Bordeaux, cazzo”

ancora fra poco, (Explanation/translation here: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/italy/9022477/Costa-Concordia-Italians-buy-t-shirts-with-Get-back-on-board-for-s-sake-logo.html )...

0
Midfield Diamond 20.01.12 11:50am
Midfield Diamond
Feathers flew as Peacocks announced redundancies 0
victimms 20.01.12 11:14am
victimms
Britain's plan for Olympic glory "will be Homeopathic" claims performance coach

Under new Homeopathic performance metrics that will be employed at the 2012 Olympic games, the British Olympic committee will see a 0.01% and 0.02% medal strike rate as a "roaring success"....

0
simonjmr 20.01.12 11:05am
simonjmr
Dental Armandhammergeddon predicted to be minty fresh 0
simonjmr 20.01.12 10:41am
simonjmr