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Aristocracy venture into bio-genetics.

Sir Galahad Threepwood of Blandings Castle, Shropshire, is the latest hard-up Aristocrat to turn his hand to trade. He has developed a new strain of wheat, said to be resistant to blight, wilt and...

FOAD 24.07.13 1:55pm
Disappointment after millions realize royal baby has no relevance to their lives 1
Dumbnews 24.07.13 1:41pm
Photographers still camped at hospital but no sign of Pippa Middleton's arse. 1
MADJEZ 24.07.13 1:34pm
Baby furious to learn he's only third in line for throne 0
sydalg 24.07.13 1:30pm
Cistercian monks make bread from Trappist wheat 0
Arthur 24.07.13 12:49pm
Eighth contestant in French circus competition performs on trapèze huit 0
Arthur 24.07.13 12:40pm
The Door channel became the most watched on TV according to latest figures.

More on Door+1...

Ian Searle 24.07.13 12:00pm
Ian Searle
Royal Baby Begs Proles For Money Via Kickstarter

Despite being unable to walk, the latest addition to the Royal Family is following in the footsteps of other high-profile millionaires by taking to the internet and begging strangers for money. Like...

ASG 24.07.13 11:40am
Dept of Transport urges HS2 critics not to waste public money on legal challenge

If only they could see the irony...

NewBiscuit 24.07.13 11:19am
Man creates Perpetual Motion by connecting the two ends of a snake to a ladder

More and more soon...

AReader 24.07.13 11:05am
Cannibal celebrates Wimsey's birthday by 'having his carcase and eating it, too' 1
Lindy Moone 24.07.13 11:02am
Lindy Moone
BBC clear schedules to discuss whether baby coverage is over the top

More to follow...

apepper 24.07.13 10:49am
IPhone sales surge in anticipation of Weiner’s ‘weiner’

Shares of the smartphone rose by nearly 5% as news reached Wall Street that another Democratic “schlong” was about to go viral on Twitter. The New York mayoral candidate, Anthony Weiner, quickly...

Wrenfoe 24.07.13 10:08am
Innovative confectioners Peterson, Patterson and Parson patent PPP Sweet

Bah, humbug ...

Arthur 24.07.13 8:57am
Royal Reporter Nicholas Witchell evaporates in shame at his own pointlessness

BBC Royal stalk-a-twat Nicholas Witchell dissolved into thin air outside Buckingham Palace during the BBC’s 4800 hour live streaming coverage of a baby falling out of a Royal Twat. The exact...

theinvisiblecitychannels 24.07.13 8:39am
Woman on benefits leaves hopital with baby and returns to state funded mansion.

An unemployed woman living in government funded accomodation on Anglesey, yesterday left hospital with her baby and spent the night in a different, very large council house provided for her in London...

grottymonty 24.07.13 8:34am
Kay Burley forces her bad nose job upon billions

The non-news story of a taxpayer-funded sponger having a baby was totally ruined today as a gigantic plastic surgery nose and tired false smile kept going in and out of focus on viewers’ screens....

farmer giles 24.07.13 8:00am
farmer giles
RAF plans to sell Red Arrows to Syrian rebels 1
ChairmanMouth 24.07.13 7:58am
Red faces as UN only brings three peace sweets to four way talks 0
Not Amused 24.07.13 7:55am
Not Amused
St Mary's hospital to open second hand ladder shop. 0
Ian Searle 24.07.13 7:39am
Ian Searle
Manager chides "if wasn't for paperwork, the Nazis wouldn't have been a success" 0
Al OPecia 24.07.13 7:24am
Al OPecia
Global warming "still happening" despite birth of Royal Baby. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 24.07.13 7:19am
Al OPecia
PM unveils curbs on 'exploitative, degrading, irritating' Royal baby coverage

Every household in the UK is to have endless, vacuous reporting of the birth and infancy of the Royal baby blocked by their internet provider unless they choose to receive it, David Cameron has...

The Paper Ostrich 24.07.13 7:11am
Well-spoken man, slightly thinning on top, spotted visiting several bookies...

in the Buckingham Palace area to place bets on name of new royal baby...

Smart Alex 24.07.13 7:00am
Smart Alex
Barrier Reef bombing inspires worldwide Scunthorpe Convention

After the recent unfortunate incident involving US jets inadvertently dropping four 500lb bombs on the Great Barrier Reef, a multinational crisis meeting has been hastily convened to prevent further...

Squudge 24.07.13 6:14am
Native American racoons steal Royal baby's chocolate 0
ChairmanMouth 24.07.13 4:12am
Typographic error results in smart Neat-O judge wearing 3-piece suit 0
Arthur 24.07.13 2:43am
Honey on knife makes three peas sweet 0
Arthur 24.07.13 2:39am
Dinner lady with economics degree serves 3p sweet 0
Arthur 24.07.13 2:37am
Compounded DFS sale offers results in 3p suite

and still not worth it...

FlashArry 23.07.13 11:56pm