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Footballer of very little brain pays £45,000 for a choc-ice.

More idiotic tweeting soon?...

riesler 18.08.12 10:52am
comm uni cation 0
button 18.08.12 8:13am
Lazy squash players agree to decide match based on who has worse excuses 0
Dumbnews 18.08.12 4:26am
Beer named sixth major food group by NHS 0
thesilverflute 17.08.12 6:08pm
No pussy discharge 5
medici2471 17.08.12 3:37pm
Export bar on Picasso painting described as 'two-faced and half-arsed' 0
cinquecento 17.08.12 3:17pm
Groove not in the heart, study finds

German medical researchers have discovered that, contrary to popular belief, groove is not in the heart, but in the appendix. Long thought to be a vestigial organ, the appendix's true purpose was...

curiousmat 17.08.12 2:20pm
Foreign Office Sends Footage of Storming of Iranian Embassy to Ecuadorian Govt.

"Send in the SAS" says the Daily Mail...

cueball 17.08.12 1:46pm
Julian Assange granted political asylum in Celebrity Big Brother House

In a last ditch attempt to avoid extradition Julian Assange has sought refuge in the Celebrity Big Brother house and will now live under the protection of Coleen Nolan, Martin Kemp and Julie Goodyear...

Ludicity 17.08.12 1:06pm
and another one
Post boxes painted brown near homes with fat kids

The Royal Mail has defended a new policy of embrowning their post boxes, if they happen to be near a family that contains a fat child. With ‘golden post boxes’ inspiring many to strive for...

17.08.12 12:55pm
Doctors urge Prince Philip to refrain from 'anal'

Doctors examining the Duke of Edinburgh have urged him to practice more conventional forms of intercourse if he is to avoid further bladder infections. HRH Prince Philip spent the night in a shitty...

Gary Stanton 17.08.12 12:45pm
Midfield Diamond
Gove apologises for selling PE teachers

As many as 48 PE teachers may have been unlawfully sold by the Department of Education, new figures reveal. Mrs Janine Scott of Leicester told an inquiry "My husband Keith went to school one...

nickb 17.08.12 12:30pm
Scandinavian runs into lair while trying to dodge noose


cinquecento 17.08.12 10:33am
100m world record holder Usain Bolt reveals secret of his race-winning pace...

A terrified Usain Bolt admitted today, "There's this big mother at the start line with an effing loaded pistol"...

Smart Alex 17.08.12 10:29am
Smart Alex
Gove tested positive for abusing grass 0
simonjmr 17.08.12 10:27am
Assange delighted with celebrity bed sit

The Ecuador government has accepted Julian Assange’s request for political asylum but have told the Wikileaks whistleblower that the only place they have vacant at the moment is a one bedroom...

Gerontius 17.08.12 10:10am
'Premature ejaculation anonymous' meetings criticised for finishing early. 0
Perks 17.08.12 9:13am
Assange happy to suffer from Ecudorian Locked in syndrome 0
simonjmr 17.08.12 7:55am
A-level students still pretty day after results.

Apologies for tardiness. C- for La Ev...

Mary Evans 17.08.12 7:53am
Mary Evans
Department of Education release wrong figures for Nick Clegg's school attendance

Amid reports the Department of Education has become liberal with figures by under reporting the number of school playing fields sold off, it has also emerged they may have been economical with the...

Perks 17.08.12 7:53am
Michael Gove ignores expert advice and runs with scissors 0
grottymonty 17.08.12 7:42am
We thought of cycling first, says veteran 2-wheeled commuters

People who’ve been cycling long before Bradley bloody Wiggins and the Olympics came along have been loudly pointing it out to those who’ve had a sudden urge get down to Evans. The velo veterans,...

pitflaps 17.08.12 7:25am
Norwegian man claims he found the Terra Nova 2 weeks ago 0
charlies_hat 17.08.12 6:55am
Facebook merges with Google+ amidst falling stock prices 0
thesilverflute 17.08.12 6:27am
Usain Bolt to be allowed to compete in Paralympics if he wears built-up shoe 0
Haywood Manley 17.08.12 5:53am
Haywood Manley
Sexual abstinence scandal shocks community 0
Dumbnews 17.08.12 4:04am
Wikileeks Latest....

Clod Cameron can't finesse...

Jesse Bigg 17.08.12 12:00am
Jesse Bigg
Elvis Presley Found On Mars!

Analysis of the latest stunning panoramic photos of the surface of Mars beamed back by land rover Curiosity is revealing some unexpected insights. Doris Bewes, 87, (who claims to have visited the...

Reg Herring 16.08.12 9:32pm
Nick McCarr
Olympic Athletes to eat Yorkshire Puddings

Following the outstanding success of Yorkshire-born athletes in the London 2012 Olympics, Team GB sport scientists have announced a new dietary regime for Brazil 2016. UK athletes will be...

Alfred Noakes 16.08.12 9:15pm
Alfred Noakes
Branson throws his teddy out and takes train set home 0
Alfred Noakes 16.08.12 9:12pm
Alfred Noakes