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England to follow Chelsea's winning formula and field team of foreigners. 1
MADJEZ 20.05.12 6:26pm
Olympics in doubt as Customs impounds flame for unpaid duty. 0
Lemon difficult 20.05.12 6:08pm
Lemon difficult
Fire at Olympic flame store causes chaos - "We might have wrong flame"

A fire at the storage facility has caused confusion as it seems likely that the Olympic flame has become mixed up with common "normal" flames...

apepper 20.05.12 5:00pm
Fracas at Camp David as Merkel chins Cameron following penalty shoot-out loss

Barack Obama was left with a black eye after being caught up in a late night altercation between Angela Merkel and David Cameron following Chelsea's dramtic win on penalties in the Champions League...

Mandy Lifeboat 20.05.12 4:20pm
Abdel Bassett latest: Daily Star phones Rowntrees and asks for quote from Bertie

Following the death of Abbdel Basset-Magrahi, Daily Star reporters have been seen rummaging through the bins at Rowntrees, the Liquorice Allsort maker, looking for dirt on Bertie...

ronseal 20.05.12 4:16pm
Olympic relay torches on ebay show people are getting behind the games says Coe.

Lord Coe has expressed his delight that Olympic relay torches are for sale on eBay saying this, shows that people are getting behind the Olympics and expressing the true Olympic spirit. "Everyone...

Ian 20.05.12 3:40pm
Al-Megrahi probably faking death, says Daily Mail 0
Oxbridge 20.05.12 3:26pm
Megraha-ha, Megrahi-hi, ashes to be placed in a little brown jug.

More soon.. after I've had a little lie down...

MADJEZ 20.05.12 3:26pm
China punks blind dissident Chen Guangcheng by landing back in China and saying

"Welcome to the United States"...

thackaray 20.05.12 1:40pm
Judge States, Rebekah Brooks Sentance Can Include Crushing By Kansas Farm House 0
thisisall1word 20.05.12 1:30pm
Fucking Staines to Change Name to Staines

With apologies to Perks;

thisisall1word 20.05.12 1:26pm
Greek referendum on exit from Eurovision imminent

The EU has called for a Greek referendum on withdrawal from the Eurovision song contest in a last ditch attempt to secure the future trashiness of the annual jamboree. An emergency teleconference of...

Clare Ellen 20.05.12 1:11pm
Clare Ellen
Met Police budget shock

The metropolitan Police were quick to deny rumours that cuts to budgets now mean that officers will be carrying the new ecologically friendly wind-up Taser. The device is similar to the original...

Bismarck 20.05.12 12:54pm
Clare Ellen
Staines officially renamed 'A Stain-upon-the-Thames' 2
Perks 20.05.12 12:52pm
Clare Ellen
Obama entertains Camp David 2
simonjmr 20.05.12 11:31am

UK Olympic venue just a 'flat pack'.."Hence, the leaky swimming pool," says a former swimming contender, just out of A @ E...

Jesse Bigg 20.05.12 10:46am
Jesse Bigg
David Beckham ‘bigger than Facebook’ in soaraway stock market debut

Facebook’s recent much-trumpeted initial public offering was overshadowed today as shares in David Beckham, Inc. gained 23% on their first day of trading, valuing Beckham at over $200 billion. But...

Des Custard 20.05.12 10:38am
Witch hunt denial by CPS: Brooks calls for crone tracking investigation. 0
weematt 20.05.12 9:49am
Pubs in Yorkshire to no longer sell single bottles of lagar.....

along with up to 10 straws, 'as it doesn't constitute a round,' say tight-fisted pub landlords...

Jesse Bigg 20.05.12 9:44am
Jesse Bigg
Yippee! Hammersmith Utd finally make it to their 'glory hole'.....

They're up with the big boys now you know...

Jesse Bigg 20.05.12 8:59am
Jesse Bigg
Staines renamed Skydmarc

In a plan to boost tourism, Staines has officially changed its name to Skydmarc. The head of the town council explained; "Staines has been the butt of several jokes over the years, so we were...

apepper 20.05.12 5:35am
Diamond Jubilee lunch marred by absence of Prince Philip gaffes

The Queen is said to be “miffed” that Prince Philip spectacularly failed to provide the expected entertainment at the Diamond Jubilee lunch after she had assembled such a promising group of...

Yikes 19.05.12 10:23pm
G8 Summit Will Mostly Focus on Extraterrestrial Issues

A draft agenda for the G8 conference just released on Wiki-leaks reveals that the entire Euro crises is a cover for this weekend’s discussion of Earth’s relations with Extraterrestrial...

Quaz 19.05.12 10:23pm
Amazon finally deliver Roman Abramovich's trophy he bought in 2003 0
Perks 19.05.12 10:08pm
Rising fuel cost blamed for fall in drive by shootings. 0
MADJEZ 19.05.12 9:40pm
British Gas warning that Olympic torch will mean hike in winter energy prices

British Gas says that energy prices will rise sharply this winter as the Olympic torch depletes gas reserves. 'Consumers who today line the streets cheering on the Olympic flame, are in for a rude...

roybland 19.05.12 8:02pm
Treadnill race decides Greek Euro membership 0
Alan Hutchinson 19.05.12 7:30pm
Alan Hutchinson
Greek Debt Crisis Caused by overspend on Plates

Speaking at the G8 summit, Angela Merkel has blamed a Greek Banking crisis on “Massive and unsustainable expenditure on broken plates”. Taking the specific example of an Athens Taverna owner,...

Quaz 19.05.12 5:47pm
Santander British grand prix downgraded to corporate team building weekend 1
medici2471 19.05.12 12:51pm
Due to government cuts, Olympic flame to be...

'taken up' by a small group of chain smokers...

Jesse Bigg 19.05.12 12:46pm
Jesse Bigg