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Nelson Mandela unaffected by his 27 years of inactivity 0
Rootin Tootin 18.07.12 12:23pm
Rootin Tootin
UK joy: BBC only set to cover Olympics up to 2020 "Thank F*ck! All over by 9 pm" 0
dvo4fun 18.07.12 12:16pm
BBC Rogue Traders presenter complains about the hard cell 5
charlies_hat 18.07.12 12:05pm
Tobacco company introduces 5kg cigarettes as "health fags"

British American Tobacco have introduced "healthy" cigarettes. Weighing 5kg, BAT claim they'll "give people a workout whilst they smoke". A spokesman for BAT enthused; "They could take off big time -...

apepper 18.07.12 12:01pm
FBI Investigation Launched as Meat Found In US Airline Sandwiches

HIGNFY 18.07.12 11:59am
Belgium excused Olympics after note from mum

Belgium will not compete in the 2012 Olympics because of a sore throat, according to an announcement made this morning. It's understood  Belgium's mother wrote the note at the request of the Benelux...

nickb 18.07.12 11:42am
Contract to Backfill Police Drafted to Cover Olypic Security is Won by G4S

Shortages within local Police forces are to be filled through a short term contract with private security form G4S., "This is a good contract for us to win and will more than cover recent losses we...

thisisall1word 18.07.12 11:42am
Coalition Offers Disfunctional Families a Fresh Start in Rochdale 0
18.07.12 11:36am
Olympic male escort shortage sees Navy called up

feel free to expand (hang on, that sounds sus)...

Yikes 18.07.12 11:20am
Shock as positive-test athlete says "Yes, I did use performance enhancing drugs" 0
dvo4fun 18.07.12 11:18am
UK Government passes new laws

As from mid-night yesterday anyone in the UK who wishes to buy a new or used 4X4 vehicle will have to agree to undergo a small surgical procedure. This will involve removing the prospective...

humph 18.07.12 11:12am
Wiggins' yellow jersey at risk as he gets Barclay's bike with dodgy wheel 0
Not Amused 18.07.12 10:42am
Not Amused
Family slams ‘sick’ insurance company after receiving dead meerkat by post

A family from Swindon has condemned an insurance stunt as ‘tasteless’, after receiving a decomposing meerkat in the post. The Gorestones had been nagged into contacting the company after their...

18.07.12 10:37am
Casey report reveals the 'bleeding obvious'.

Only 18 participant families-representing 120,000. Couldnt they have just managed a few more???...

writinginbsl 18.07.12 10:35am
Brazil set to replace all 2016 Olympic events with beach volleyball 0
cinquecento 18.07.12 9:57am
ENTIRE OLYMPIC VILLAGE STOLEN IN LATEST SECURITY BREACH The entire Olympic Village was stolen from East London last night, prompting further concerns over the security of the...

Peter749400 18.07.12 8:07am
Des Custard
Playing keyboards in 70s prog rock bands "possibly" linked to early death

Rick Wakeman and Tony Banks plan visits to their GPs. RIP Jon Lord, Richard Wright...

DorsetBoy 18.07.12 2:54am
Sparta to backfill G4S shortfalls...

In a move that surprised no-one, King Leonidas from the newly reformed state of Sparta is to send 300 of his men to help the beleaguered London Olympics Committee. When questioned by BBC reporters...

hardev 17.07.12 10:47pm
occasional newsbiscuit poster wonders "what the fuck is a left alert"? 5
arthurminnit 17.07.12 10:36pm
ISLE OF PORTLAND HIT AS MIDDLE EAST TURMOIL SPREADS The Isle of Portland has become the latest victim of the growing instability in the middle east. Spurred on by recent...

Peter749400 17.07.12 9:47pm
Local Councils Start ‘Bin Day Roulette’

For people across the UK Wednesday means the Mid Week Lottery draw, but for those lucky enough to live in the right postcode it can also mean it’s time for their local council’s exciting new game...

Quaz 17.07.12 9:20pm
G4S to assist Tory canvassers at next election..... - 2 33
Jesse Bigg 17.07.12 7:58pm
An idiots guide to ........ idiots

The term idiot was invented by Fyodor Dostoevsky in his novel The Idiot, originally called the screaming fuckwit, publishers had to temper the language for a more gentile readership.. "Idiot"...

simonjmr 17.07.12 7:21pm
Al OPecia
New species of ant discovered living on super-obese

An ant new to science has been found living on the bodies of some super-obese residents in Rotherham. The ant colony lives between the deep folds of skin and is thought to feed on the sugary...

Actual Size 17.07.12 5:21pm
Nick Buckles under pressure. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 17.07.12 4:41pm
Batman after a night on the Guinness- Dark Shite Rises 0
Psycadelic Squirrel 17.07.12 4:33pm
Psycadelic Squirrel
Vaz Sticks The Boot In As Nick Buckles 0
pinxit 17.07.12 4:06pm
Batman / 50 shades mash up on the cards "The Grey Slong Rises" 0
simonjmr 17.07.12 3:44pm
Bottle Boys remake 50 PInts of MIlk commissioned

50 Pints of milk is a remake of the 1984 sitcom Bottle Boys which starred Robin Askwith as football-mad milkman Dave Deacon, the series mined comedy of the broadest sort from randy Dave's amorous...

simonjmr 17.07.12 3:41pm
Government documents to be "sexed up" after success of 50 Shades of Grey 0
Nails UK 17.07.12 3:24pm
Nails UK