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‘I can stay here just as long as you can’, negotiator tells striking teachers 7
jp1885 4 years

Teachers from a Lancashire school, on strike in protest against violence and threats from pupils and a lack of support from management, have received a stern warning from negotiators from the local...

Telesales operator sacked for refusing to talk to strangers 0
suepersonic 4 years

more later...

Franchise to be 'reimagined for a modern audience' says Dairy Council 1
QorbeQ 4 years

The UK's ageing franchise, 'Milk', is set for a Hollywood movie style reboot following long negotiations with Warner Bros and Batman director Chris Nolan, says rights-owner The Dairy Council. Milk's...

Discovery causes a stir in Surrey 4
wallster 4 years

Anthropologists from across the world are descending on a small town in Surrey after the discovery of what is believed to be a previously unknown sub species of homo-sapiens. The creature is...

Girl who taught cow to jump to coach England cricket team 0
John Wiltshire 4 years

'It will be a tough challenge,' she admitted. 'But I'm used to getting dumb animals to do what everyone else says is impossible, so I'm aiming to get them to at least put up a bit of resistance to...

Raleigh rallies against anti-rally rally. 5
Screenie 4 years

The vintage bike manufacturer, that made motorcycles between 1899 to 1906, and then from 1919 to 1933 in Nottingham, England, is appalled at the hundreds of people expected to protest at the start...

Deodorants to be forced to more accurately mimic their names 12
Screenie 4 years

Trading standards are set to force deodorant manufacturers to make their products more accurately match their Branding. The researcher who first spotted the discrepancies remarked 'If I buy cheese,...

Captain Caveman outed after scientists discover the first 'gay' caveman 0
Ian Searle 4 years

The archiologists point to his love of fur and the size of his weapon, (obviously over compensating for something) as proof. They also cite episode titles such as, "Cavey and the Weirdo Wolfman",...

Libyan Civial War to be remade by Micheal Bay "shorter and more violent". 0
FormerlyAlOPecia 4 years

At least it'll be over more quickly...

James Burton (44) of Widnes asks for EU bail out 0
simonjmr 4 years
Coke drops Rooney, he's immediately picked up by Granny Smith 0
simonjmr 4 years
Elvis returns to Earth after Sunday Sport ceases publication 2
jp1885 4 years

Music legend and king of rock ‘n’ roll Elvis Presley has made a sensational return to the limelight today, following the demise of sensationalist tabloid newspaper the Sunday Sport and partner...

Isle of Wight braces itself for flares to drainpipes switchover 6
jp1885 4 years

With the long anticipated switchover from flares and bell-bottoms to the more up-to-date drainpipe scheduled for tomorrow, residents of the Isle of Wight have only a few hours before their current...

Perceived importance of location, location, location... 1
Screenie 4 years

leads to calls for quantum housing...

Branson publicity machine designed to scrape the bottom 8
beau-jolly 4 years
Thorntons accused of using sweet shop labour 5
beau-jolly 4 years
Timeshare tragedy as mad matador mauls mascot 0
fernandomando 4 years

Bernardino the Bull, the mascot of the children’s club at a popular timeshare resort in Mallorca, was brutally slain mid hokey-cokey by an out of work matador who had fatally erred in his bovine...

Crowds Tell Osborne To "Give Us Something Harder Next Time" 2
Textbook 4 years

Thousands of protestors stormed London yesterday to let the government know that they were unhappy with the proposed spending cuts. "They're right soft these cuts are" said protestor George...

Royal Wedding Build Up "Celebrities Behind Closed Doors" Special with Neil Sean 0
thisisall1word 4 years * Diminutive Pop Princess Kylie Minogue has no plans to attend the Royal celebrations this April; "I...

Theists Threaten Strike Unless Universe Improves Dramatically 0
Textbook 4 years

Believers around the world have threatened to down scriptures after yet another round of negotiation prayers resulted in complete silence from God. "He's just trying to freeze us out and hope we...

Body in ploughed field. Police say its their most harrowing case ever 0
brownpaperreporter 4 years
OED changes definition of 'comedy' to include Lenny Henry 0
Mrblacker 4 years
Man with large biro and pencil collection... 9
be reasonable 4 years

goes into administration...

Intense pleasure as young lady looks for three men in her boat 5
OldThingy 4 years

more coming soon...

4 years,,...

Woman you don't recognise has makeover so you still don't recognise her 5
John Wiltshire 4 years

A woman that no-one has heard of and no-one would recognise has had a makeover to ensure that she stays totally anonymous. Donna Connor, who appeared for 5 seconds in an audition for a fixed TV...

"They said it couldn't be done" says turd polisher 0
beau-jolly 4 years

More swoon...

Berlusconi sex trial adjorned on discovery that Berlusconi was a wax model 0
simonjmr 4 years
US Man arrested for barking at police dog 2
Vertically Challenged Giant 4 years

An Ohio police report said 25-year-old Ryan James Stephens was charged with teasing a police dog in the Cincinnati suburb of Mason. Officer Bradley Walker wrote that he heard the dog barking...

Naked soldier story "required punch line" 0
beau-jolly 4 years

When thieves broke into a house in Salford in the middle of the night, little did they expect that the owner was as hard as nails. Chasing his stolen car down the road, while still naked, he punched...