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Confusion for Twins bemused by Martial Arts and Marital Arts training.

“I’d seen an advert in the post office window for a beginners’ course in Kama Sutra at Marlow Community Centre." says Ron Twomey "It was a new one on me and all I knew it wasn’t the same...

dvo4fun 26.05.12 3:37pm
Buntin' Redikulas

Somerset County Council seek, county wide, emergency powers to close all roads which have installed street lighting, until “risk assessment” completed following request to hang lightweight...

HenryMJUK 26.05.12 11:13am
Rebellious teenager claims to be first UK victim of ‘honour grounding’

Jennifer Coster, aged 15, has appeared in public for the first time since the end of April alleging she is the first UK victim of a so-called ‘honour grounding’ conducted by her vengeful parents...

Gary Stanton 26.05.12 9:58am
Golgeau Treize
Muslim Brotherhood of Man to enter Eurovison

Egypt has sensationally entered the Eurovision Song Contest this weekend, Egyptians have been polled on their favourite musical number, although as ever the traditional Eurovision tactical voting was...

Scronnyglonkle 26.05.12 9:48am
Vatican “hard on crime” as it jails Pope’s butler for borrowing paper

The Vatican trumpeted its zero tolerance approach to crime as the Pope's butler, Paolo Gabriele, was taken into custody for the serious offence of borrowing pieces of paper that show what the Vatican...

Yikes 26.05.12 9:01am
Houmous,  tsatziki shortages caused double dip recession says Greece

Hat tip to er, someone who did a dip joke. Please claim reward...

nickb 26.05.12 7:26am
Tooth Fairy to seek help after admitting "compulsive hoarding" tendencies

The Tooth Fairy today broke down in tears as she admitted she was seeking help for 'pathological orthodontic hoarding tendencies' - a condition which has seen the mythological pixie collect and store...

grumblechops 26.05.12 5:48am
Crowd gathers at Blackfriars bridge on news of dispatch of Vatican banker 5
medici2471 26.05.12 12:41am
Hunt deploys Clinton defence "I never had financial relations with that Murdoch" 0
dvo4fun 26.05.12 12:40am
"None of the Above" Gains Global Poll Lead

In what is considered to be an embarrassment for Political parties and Governments around the world, polling orgnaisations have admitted that they have conclusive data showing that voters in the...

simjel 25.05.12 10:32pm
Man Who Has Fathered 30 Children By 11 Different Women Begs Judge For A Break.

A 33 year old Knoxville, Tennessee man has asked a judge there to 'give him a break' in paying his alimony to 11 women with whom he has fathered 30 children (This is true). Desmond Hatchett, who...

25.05.12 10:09pm
Porn actors now having to work longer and harder claims union 1
LittleSpender 25.05.12 8:32pm
Olympic Torch now running on Emergency Credit

Olympic Officials today admitted they were caught "somewhat offguard" at how frequently they needed to top up the credit on the Pay As You Go gas card which was intended to keep the Olympic Flame...

grumblechops 25.05.12 6:07pm
Des Custard
Lloyds head of fraud receives £2.5M bonus for uncovering fraud

Jessica Harper, head of Fraud and Security at Lloyds bank, has received a 7 figure bonus. A bank spokesman explained; "I know this may seem excessive, but Ms Harper has uncovered a truly audacious...

apepper 25.05.12 2:51pm
Humperdink looks cert to be oldest contestant to get 'nil point'.

Nominees sought for next years joke entry...

MADJEZ 25.05.12 1:52pm
Saudi Arabian shoplifting rugby player having trouble with handoff 0
seymour totti 25.05.12 12:33pm
seymour totti
SpaceX Dragon successfully delivers junk mail to International Space Station 0
TerribleTim 25.05.12 10:37am
£4m fake coin haul: 'We wuz just doin a bit of yer quantitative easin' officer.' 0
weematt 25.05.12 10:28am
Lloyds former Head of Fraud says she was "just doing her job" 0
Sinnick 25.05.12 9:16am
Student arsonists welcome priority schools building programme

With the end of term just weeks away dissaffected student arsonists have broadly welcomed Education Minister Michael Gove's announcement that some schools are to be refurbished. Rick Woods, 16, of...

Mandy Lifeboat 25.05.12 7:00am
Minimum alcohol pricing could leave tramps ‘dangerously lucid’ warn experts

Experts have warned that government proposals to introduce a minimum price per unit of alcohol could have a devastating effect on the UK’s tramp industry, leaving vagrants facing levels of sobriety...

25.05.12 6:57am
Tesco outsources checkout operators to India

In a bid to halt a decline in profits, Tesco has announced plans to outsource their checkout operators to India. Avoiding eye-contact with customers remotely via an uninteractive ‘tcsh’ screen,...

25.05.12 6:55am
Chelsea Flower Show latest: Di Matteo's 'Bunch of Pansies' takes top honour

Hot on the heels of their Champions League success, the lads from Chelsea FC have once again opened their gardens to members of the public for their annual display of horticultural excellence. The...

grumblechops 25.05.12 6:44am
Transport unions slam use of "baggage handler" as slang for exotic wanking. 0
Lemon difficult 24.05.12 7:20pm
Lemon difficult
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Al OPecia 24.05.12 7:07pm
Mladic vows he will sing at Eurovision despite protests

Controversial crooner Ratko Mladic vowed he will represent Serbia at the Eurovision Song Contest with his powerful version of Killing me Softly. He told a packed press conference that he knows...

nickb 24.05.12 6:04pm
Adam Smith 'economical with the truth' 1
Underconstruction 24.05.12 4:14pm
Dating agency discovers God on its books

Lonely hearts agency is celebrating having signed up a major deity. Initially registered as Cowell666, His identity was revealed when staff investigated a number of complaints. ...

cinquecento 24.05.12 3:37pm
At Last – an Inguiry into Inquiries

The government has announced the creation of a blue ribbon panel to investigate the sad state of Public Inquires. The government spokesman, Sir John Humpty, has indicated that the panel's brief will...

jack 24.05.12 2:50pm
Tommy Cooper named as the new Fez of L'Oreal 0
Nails UK 24.05.12 2:39pm
Nails UK