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Dwindling Reserves of Puns ’No Laughing Matter’

The Earth's known reserves of puns are being depleted at an alarming rate, alleges a new report published today by the Pugwash Institute. It concludes that unless new reserves of puns can be found,...

2
TokyoTomato 10.09.11 3:45pm
Rick Perry: "Without Capital Punishment There Would Be No Christianity"

Defending his execution of 234 people as governor of Texas, Rick Perry said his fundamentalist religion would be nowhere without it. "If Pontius Pilate sentenced Jesus to 300 hours of community...

3
Supremecourtjester 12.09.11 9:40am
Textbook
Saudi Arabia Reveals Ban On Celebrating Easter Is Because Chocolate Bunnies Melt

Everywhere And Cause A Huge Mess In Middle Eastern Weather. More soon...

0
Textbook 10.09.11 12:11pm
Textbook
Eric Pickles to display nutritional value

Following the decision by McDonalds to label food clearly with levels of fat, salt and protein, fatboy cabinet minister Eric "Jar of and don't skimp on the cheese" Pickles is to be given a tattoo...

8
antharrison 12.09.11 8:35am
antharrison
WWII Buffs Excited As Hitler's Mixtapes Discovered

Every historian longs for the discovery of journals or letters from the hand of a key historical figure and today the historical community was buzzing with news of the discovery of Hitler's mixtapes,...

1
Textbook 11.09.11 11:11am
Textbook
Ipad leds 2 deteriation in typin skils

Usors of deivces sch as the iphon and ipad ar infruieted by the tinny litle keyboard you hav to use to tipe on. "It"s reallly herd to do it oprperly" siad on user.!I make hepsa moer missttake then...

5
Textbook 10.09.11 9:21pm
vertical
Controversy As Batman Outsources Jobs To Lesser Superheroes

Commissioner Jim Gordon was in a tight spot last Thursday night as criminal leaders Black Mask and Great White Shark conducted a major gang war in the streets of Gotham City. Gordon switched on the...

2
Textbook 11.09.11 7:53am
Sinnick
Egyptian anti-tobacco campaign in jeopardy after they smoke another Embassy

more later...

0
virtuallywill 10.09.11 9:57am
virtuallywill
Robbie Savage paired with sheep on Strictly Come Dancing.

Robbie Savage has admitted that he only signed up to appear on Strictly Come Dancing so he could get close to fit women without landing in trouble with the missus. The ex-footballer told his...

0
rebel not taken 10.09.11 9:49am
rebel not taken
In bid to improve Islam’s image, Pakistan re-brands Islamabad as Islamagood'

Thanks to Qoxiivi and Dumbnews for the sub-editing...

0
virtuallywill 10.09.11 9:48am
virtuallywill
Obama Insists He Is Not Out Of Touch, Urges Scientists To Invent Power Rings

(headline continued) Like Green Lantern's. During his national address last night, Barack Obama was expected to unveil details of his much-demanded scheme to bring job growth back to America. But it...

2
Textbook 11.09.11 10:44am
Textbook
Obama Hires Dolemite As New Campaign Manager

NOTE: If your life has as yet not been blessed by Dolemite and you are unaware of who he is, I urge you to watch this brief and informative movie trailer before reading the sub:...

11
Textbook 13.09.11 5:29am
Textbook
Website finally exposes Columbus 'New World' landing conspiracy. 0
the coarse whisperer 10.09.11 8:46am
the coarse whisperer
Redundant council diversity officer struggling to find job in private sector

Derek Strachan, a man with 5 years experience as a community diversity officer, is struggling to apply his finely-honed skills in the private sector. 'I thought the private sector was going to take...

5
Runestone Cowboy 13.09.11 9:36am
Vertically Challenged Giant
Bald Phil Collins fan demands place on paralympic team 0
Runestone Cowboy 10.09.11 8:21am
Runestone Cowboy
Greenwich admits 'stilling using Essex man's bowel movements'

Greenwich meantime have today admitted it has never actually been unable to understand sub atomic time keeping technology and has, for the last thirty years, be taking it's timing from the regular...

2
Steve Wilson 11.09.11 10:46am
Textbook
.XXX domain name warehouse in Swindon destroyed by fire.

A warehouse in Swindon storing over thirty billion of the new XXX domain names has been destroy by fire completely wiping out it entire stock as well the discrete packaging they were to be sent out...

0
Steve Wilson 10.09.11 7:53am
Steve Wilson
Masterchef Contestant Booted For Switching Sugar And Salt Around 0
Textbook 10.09.11 5:49am
Textbook
Norman Foster admits 'Gherkin' was meant to look like a willy

"I just can't draw all that well"...

0
Nick McCarr 10.09.11 5:13am
Nick McCarr
Comedians to be given all clear to make jokes about 9-11 0
Nick McCarr 10.09.11 5:12am
Nick McCarr
9/11 was a hoax.

Oh, sorry. Typo. I meant to write that the Holocaust was a hoax...

1
rikkor 09.09.11 11:41pm
Qoxiivi
Due to number of ex-con contestants, ITV rename show "Red or Black and Blue?" 2
dominic_mcg 11.09.11 2:25pm
nickb
Underclass to be relaunched as 'Morlocks'

Michael Gove has outlined his latest attempt to tackle the so-called 'underclass'. From March, people who claim benefits, own more than two pairs of trainers or have the names of their children...

7
13.09.11 12:45pm
‘Gideon’s Way’, the new solution for the UKs stumbling economy

“Cuts will help recovery” was the mantra from George (Gideon) Osborne as he delivered a keynote speech today. The chancellor believes that the economy will thrive simply by removing all support...

1
spoole2112 12.09.11 8:43am
dvo4fun
Benefits cut warning over truancy as Parliament publish MP's attendance

sitting this one out, and the next...

0
virtuallywill 09.09.11 4:04pm
virtuallywill
Chanel 5 spice things up as incestuous gay enters big brother 5
spoole2112 11.09.11 6:15pm
Golgo13
Muslim convert to Christianity takes up rustling livestock

As he might as well be hanged for a sheep as apostasy...

0
greg various 09.09.11 3:17pm
greg various
UK Employment Projected To Fall To Zero...

The recently published figures on the rate of decline of employment in the UK suggest that British jobs will have disappeared in their entirety by 2019, and the Government is accordingly seeking...

0
Awkward Facts 09.09.11 2:37pm
Awkward Facts
Vote Perry : She kissed a girl, and liked it

The US electorate are blowing Hot'n'cold over Perry's candidature. Although Fireworks are planned if the expected support of California Girls materialises. More soon...

1
simonjmr 09.09.11 3:50pm
Akiko
Lying on his death bed

Sir George Spiffing,last of the great English eccentric explorers last words were,Ive been publicaly subjected to ridicule,Ive spent all my life savings,Ive traveled all the worlds railways,Its cost...

1
Big Mamas 10.09.11 12:21pm
Oxbridge