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Tree Jockey breaks world record with 10MPH shrub 0
Rowly 3 years

A delighted tree jockey attained a world shrub speed record today of 10mph., "I've been breaking him in slowly" said Trainer Sid Bark."we have had him since a seedling, we had to use the whip a bit...

French Connection UK's new range of T-Shirts for dyslexics banned` 0
bonjonelson 3 years

[mroe snoo]...

'Talking very slowly' to replace modern foreign languages. 5
Zadok the second 3 years

Education Secretary Michael Gove has outlined plans to scrap Modern Foreign Languages as part of the National Curriculum, and to replace them with a programme which encourages children to speak...

Al-Qaida in complaint over threat levels 0
roybland 3 years

Al-Qaida has issued a strongly worded complaint over the Home Office's classification of terrorist 'threat levels'. The levels purport to grade the risk of a terrorist attack from low to critical.,...

"We have a great future" - Cameron 1
riesler 3 years

"Oops, I mean I have a great future". Millions more soon...

Richard Curtis to release climate change denier beheading video. 0
the coarse whisperer 3 years
Top Nazi planned to retire to Cornwall... 0
be reasonable 3 years

It was disclosed today that Von Ribbentrop, Hitler's Foreign Minister, planned to retire to Cornwall after the war, apparently not noticing that most British Nazi's prefer Worthing, Bexhill and...

FIFA issue a Lothario warning to the East Midlands as Sven heads for Leicester 0
TerribleTim 3 years
Keith Chegwin exonorated of all War Crimes charges at The Hague 0
bonjonelson 3 years
Montegomerie Answers Very Small Reporter Standing in Front of His Desk 0
IABP 3 years

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/golf/9055157.stm...

Liam fox known as the Shadow ,defence secretary has had his Skoda stolen 0
arrghgarry 3 years

police are on the look out for very desperate criminals...

Channel Four unveils plans for Real Reality TV 0
hero2zero 3 years

Introduction to the new channel is planned to begin on Channel Four with, “The Xecutive Factor,” in which well-qualified competitors will vi to lay-out planning aims and financial management...

Birmingham meeting may recommend beatification of Nick Clegg 0
roybland 3 years
Community Charge on Eric Pickles' jowls to remain unchanged 0
roybland 3 years
Late drama leads to disappointment for trapped miners 1
peterfootpad 3 years

Overwhelming joy turned to abject despair for the 33 Chilean miners trapped underground when it was discovered rescue workers had been drilling the 500 mts rescue shaft in the wrong place., Hopes...

Tories announce big cuts to conference champagne consumption 1
roybland 3 years
Cold Case Unit blames 90% of family colds on ‘that selfish bastard on the train' 3
Stan Laurel 3 years

Police Cold Case Unit blames 90% of family colds on ‘that selfish bastard on the train’. A report from the Police's top cold case review unit has found that the vast majority of colds bought...

Spectator outrage as Commonwealth Games outsourced to Birmingham call centre. 0
Mary Evans 3 years
Scientists conclude that, like ADHD, fraudulent benefit claims are also genetic. 0
dominic_mcg 3 years
US will issue travel warning for Americans: Beware of Elle-Quida 2
afternoonslow 3 years

The US government is to issue a travel alert, warning its citizens to be vigilant while travelling in Europe because of the threat of risible clothing, US and UK officials have confirmed that...

Men with sticks hit balls... 0
be reasonable 3 years

into small holes in grass. Some American men and some European men are spending several days in Wales getting wet and using sticks to hit small balls into small holes in the ground. This seems to be...

Britons warned to keep away from crowds of American tourists 1
roybland 3 years
Daily Mail readers up in arms about outsourcing of Commonwealth Games to India 0
Nobby Holder 3 years

Why, oh why, oh why, oh why later...

Orpington man finally gives up fear of terrorism in disgust 3
la maga 3 years

Robin Scranton, an office manager from Orpington, Kent, today finally gave up his fear of being blown up by terrorists and ending up as a white-shrouded corpse on the nine-o'clock news. His decision...

David Miliband to "Go it alone" in the next series of X Factor 0
hero2zero 3 years
Gove to scrap 'no touch' rule for teachers and limit fingering to 0
arrghgarry 3 years

two digits ...

Media journalists go on st 2
FormerlyAlOPecia 3 years
Miliband threw vote, claims Butt 0
GrahamB 3 years

Pakistani cricket supremo Ijaz Butt today claimed that it is "widely known" that David Miliband deliberately lost the Labour leadership election. Citing unnamed sources, Butt claimed that he had...

Google announces bold plans to reinvent the wheel 2
Dumbnews 3 years
Gucci Launch new range of Colostomy fashion bags 0
Rowly 3 years

The main advantage of the new range of bags from Gucci, is that they automatically get filled with shit, rather than having to keep, putting things in manually...