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Border Agency split in two.. with imaginary line down the middle.

More obvious headline soon...

MADJEZ 20.02.12 7:18pm
Queen questioned after stalking diamond thief

Police have taken Elizabeth Windsor in for questioning following accusations of stalking by Reg Entwhistle, small time crook and diamond smuggler. Described by police as 5 foot 11 inches with curly...

Immunis 20.02.12 7:11pm
Duracell range slashed as they lose AAA status

More to follow...

apepper 20.02.12 6:46pm
Synthetic meat grown in Dutch Lab, Kebab shop claims got there first years ago 1
simonjmr 20.02.12 4:59pm
Gourd Almighty
Frozen Swedish Meatballs to feature on Heston Blumenthal's latest bizarre menu 2
Gourd Almighty 20.02.12 4:54pm
Gourd Almighty
Cameron: "Nationwide Health Society safe in my hands" 1
yussle 20.02.12 4:38pm
Health Secretary Angela Lansbury heckled by gang of mad old biddies.

More typos spoon...

MADJEZ 20.02.12 4:02pm
Leading trombonist's career on the slide 5
Nick McCarr 20.02.12 3:52pm
John Ffitch-Rucker
Greece to stop export of olive oil 1
RJWinter 20.02.12 2:44pm
Dyslexic priest downloads images from pedalo site 0
medici2471 20.02.12 2:42pm
Lansley diagnosed with 'chronic selective deafness'

Health minister Andrew Lansley has contracted a rare form of selective deafness, his department announced yesterday. The condition, [i]otitis arrogantia[/i] is know to affect people in the political...

Zadok the second 20.02.12 2:34pm
Zadok the second
Murdoch: Articles for SoS for the next 3 years finished, just need more photos 0
RJWinter 20.02.12 1:57pm
Lost NASA rocks found on moon. 0
RJWinter 20.02.12 1:52pm
Frank Warren apologises: "Usually only one British boxer ends up on the floor" 0
dvo4fun 20.02.12 1:33pm
Haye complains of unfair advantage as he and Chisora go 'toe to toe' 0
JD 20.02.12 12:48pm
FA fine Arsenal for 25 cases of fielding a weakened side 2
charlies_hat 20.02.12 12:46pm
David Cameron To Scotland: "Let's Stay Together For The Welsh" 3
Textbook 20.02.12 12:39pm
Japanese Sooty puppeteer commits Hari-korbett 10
Smart Alex 20.02.12 12:30pm
Madagascar loses AAA rating; will now be known as Mdgscar

In another blow to the developing world, Madagascar has had its AAA rating removed by the Standard and Poor's agency, and will now be known only as Mdgscar. 'This is not serious news for us,' said...

hughesroland 20.02.12 12:18pm
Heston Blumenthal blames dyslexia for Mixed Herpes outbreak at "Fat Duck" 0
dvo4fun 20.02.12 12:02pm
Nonsense-spouting "Sun on Sunday" will be perfect post-church read says Murdoch.

News International's imminent replacement for the now defunct News of the World will be the perfect newspaper for those who like to start their Sundays by listening to ridiculous, made-up fairy...

Haywood Manley 20.02.12 11:54am
Haywood Manley
UK MOD calls up 2,100 Neighbourhood watch coordinators to boost Olympic security 0
simonjmr 20.02.12 11:38am
Nasty nickers nick knickers

Record high textile prices are fuelling a new crime wave, according to Inspector Gray of the Met. Police’s ‘Clothing, Cushions and other Soft Furnishing Crime Unit’. “Thieves finding it...

dvo4fun 20.02.12 11:33am
Dyson launch new Power vacuum for Middle East market 2
Dumbnews 20.02.12 11:24am
Victoria Beckham’s NY fashion show ‘used actual famine victims’, claim experts

Victoria Beckham’s New York fashion show was mired in controversy last night after claims that the models she employed were victims of the recent famine in Ethiopia. It is believed the pop-star...

Gary Stanton 20.02.12 11:12am
Major Clanger
Murdoch in dock over comments by son in "Sun" on "Sun on Sunday" .. 0
Gourd Almighty 20.02.12 10:59am
Gourd Almighty
Man survives 2 months in Coalition without contributing anything

MPs today discovered a man described as being in 'a terrible condition' huddled in a corner in the House of Commons. Barely able to speak and with a nervous disposition, it is thought the man has...

kga6 20.02.12 10:59am
Major Clanger
Disney SatNav allows Americans 'to follow their dreams'

[or their hearts, or that rainbow of course]...

dicky37 20.02.12 10:50am
Major Clanger
Man who fell down aircraft steps suffers 'airline fracture 2
Smart Alex 20.02.12 10:49am
Major Clanger
Dr Who replaces Tardis with Louis Vuitton handbag Fans are outraged that the Tardis will regenerate into a Louis Vuitton handbag in the next series of Dr Who. It was the handbag ...

Cooltone 20.02.12 10:47am
Major Clanger