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Government watchdog calls for clampdown on 'dangerous rhymes' 0
Screenie 4 years

A government inquest into children's nursery rhymes claims to have uncovered some shocking truths, suggesting that the rhymes are 'dangerous, misleading, inaccurate and often deadly' as well as...

Quantity surveyor called in to estimate amount of wood thrown by woodchuck 1
Nick McCarr 4 years

Philosopher to first determine whether woodchuck is capable of propelling such timber...

Optimistic horse says "Yay" 2
Psycadelic Squirrel 4 years

More soon?...

Dave and Sam Cam promise to keep in touch with holiday friend they met in Spain 0
ronseal 4 years

David and Samantha Cameron have completed the next phase of Operation EasyVote, by making some friends in a mock British pub in Malaga, and promising to keep in touch with them when they get home.,...

Libyans agree only to clash on slow news days 1
Nick McCarr 4 years
UK turns cold shoulder on Iceland repayment offer 0
Screenie 4 years

A representative of the UK treasury said 'Offering the affected customers a year's supply of oven chips is all very well, but surely they could throw in some ice-cream and maybe a bag of corned beef...

Many families spotted flying to Europe for Easter break 0
roybland 4 years
Stan Collymore tipped to present Channel 5's own version of Lambing Live... 1
dominic_mcg 4 years

They just can't think of a title. More soon...

Miliband urges thorough probe into News of the World hacking scandal 0
Basil_B 4 years

by urging investigating authorities to tap the phones of suspects...

Daily Mail offers incentive to improve readership. 0
OldThingy 4 years

Dangling a carrot for readers is the way the Mail today enticed readers to buy their paper with the gift of a packet of carrot seeds. This offer was emblazoned across the front page. Some papers had...

Clergy accused of name-calling 0
OldThingy 4 years

Criticism was launched at the Clergy today when it was realised that churches across the country have been holding ceremonies specially arranged for name-calling. Vicars and churchmen have been...

Speed limits to allow a margin of ((S/0.9)+9[or 6])-S in F(44/37) areas 2
beau-jolly 4 years

84.09% of Police forces have adopted a policy penalising speed limits exceeding a range from 42.334mph in a 30mph zone to 86.78mph on the motorway. However for 15.91% of forces the limits will remain...

BBC are keen for O'Reilly to fill Dando's shoes 1
Steve Wilson 4 years

In an attempt to illustrate there is no hard feeling about loosing in court to ageist claimant Miriam O'Reilly the BBC have offered the ex Country File presenter a place on the next series of...

Newry bomb "sophisticated" - found stuffed full of opera sheet music. More soon. 1
FormerlyAlOPecia 4 years
New speed limit guidelines are simple explains PC Professor Burrows 1
beau-jolly 4 years

“The formula is quite easy”, the learned policeman smiled. “The speed you can go beyond the limit before being done may be expressed as (S1-S) > ((S/((100-E)/100)+/-...

Public fail to gain admission to Aintree as course packed with A-Z listed celebs 4
Basil_B 4 years

Angry scenes were witnessed today outside Aintree racecourse for todays Grand National as members of the general public failed to gain entry to the course because the capacity had already been taken...

Lexicographers at a loss to explain why "limerick" doesn't rhyme perfectly . 0
FormerlyAlOPecia 4 years
Courts to accept 'can't do mental arithmetic' defense in speeding cases. 0
the coarse whisperer 4 years
Cameron not to renew Clegg's internship. 0
the coarse whisperer 4 years
Fans furious as Status Quo Tribute Band is replaced by real thing. More soon. 4
FormerlyAlOPecia 4 years
Cameron Definite About Attending Royal Wedding.... 0
Jesse Bigg 4 years

..But may have a rethink and may call for a all dependsbut definitely maybe.he thinks...

Management guru told me to Think the Unthinkable pleads Rose West 0
ronseal 4 years
Fans furious as second Chesney Hawkes is discovered... 12
Screenie 4 years
Balloon industry fears redundancies as plans to restrict inflation are unveiled 1
Screenie 4 years

Providers of bouncy castles are also deeply concerned but a government spokesman stated that people needed to 'stop blowing things out of all proportion'...

News Biscuit International apologised today. 1
Tammy Flugh 4 years

Not for hacking, but for publishing imaginary stories for several years...

Government unveil plans for a dribbling, incontinent workforce 7
suepersonic 4 years

The government have unveiled their plans for a dribbling, incontinent workforce by raising the State Pension Age to 95. This will mean the upper class, with their super-plus pension plans, can still...

SAS to launch own brand poo bags for people who pick up after dogs or commandos 2
ronseal 4 years

SAS poo bags, used to clear up evidence that member of the crack unit are in enemy territory, are to be launched as a commercial spin off aimed at dog owners and anyone else who has to clean up poo....

Truth is "on the increase" due to Blair being out of the country and... 1
deskpilot3 4 years

because the Daily Sport has ceased publication...

Sunbeds set to go 'ping' when the user is done. 3
Basil_B 4 years
Child used by kidnapper as mattress found to be severely orthopaedic 0
Screenie 4 years