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G4S Boss Nick Buckles Admits His Mullet Is `Humiliating Shambles’

[i]Private security company set to lose £50m from £284m Olympics contract after admitting it cannot supply enough security personnel with decent haircuts.[/i] The G4S chief executive, Nick...

tom pride 22.07.12 9:06pm
Ornithologist surprised and delighted by advance media interest in his new book

Ornithologist Robin C. Gull admitted yesterday that he has been amazed at the amount of pre-release interest shown in his new book about the feeding habits of garden birds, "Tits Like Coconuts". ...

Smart Alex 22.07.12 8:14pm
Embarrassment as dinosaur remains are found in grounds of Creationist School. 5
dominic_mcg 22.07.12 7:22pm

How about an office door with the sign G4S Planning Depar, tment...

Actual Size 22.07.12 7:14pm
"It's great to win for Britain" says Belgium born, half Australian Wiggins 4
custard cream 22.07.12 6:32pm
custard cream
Accrington Stanley FC support farmers in milk price protest 2
charlies_hat 22.07.12 2:27pm
Cooper Tank "still authentic Mini", claim BMW

BMW has denied that its latest Mini, the 64 ton fully-armed Cooper Tank unveiled yesterday, “pushes the whole heritage brand concept a bit too far”. 'Yes, it's a massive deadly weapon,' said...

NewSuburbanDad 22.07.12 12:29pm
Bradley Wiggins disqualified after testing positive for roast beef. 0
godly1966 22.07.12 9:06am
Germany: "Idea circumcision responsible for loss of foresight"

German rationals have slammed idea circumcision this week after Angela Merkel moved to oppose the court imposed ban. With the mutilation of the critical thinking of today's youth by an uninspired...

kga6 22.07.12 8:53am
Wonga aquire rival firm 0
button 22.07.12 7:58am
Nohibition Begins Today

JOB LOSSES FEARED AS INTERNATIONAL BUSINESS CLOSES ITS BRITISH OPERATIONS By Roving Reporter Graham Smith 17 October 2013 The International drugs cartel Prohibition has announced massive cutbacks...

22.07.12 6:49am
LOCOG to issue on-the-spot fines for "lack of olympic spirit"

Scroat in hiding. More soon...

FlashArry 21.07.12 11:14pm
Walmart to introduce "10 firearms or less" checkout. More soon. 2
dominic_mcg 21.07.12 10:37pm
Dairy protest cancelled after cow given peerage 0
21.07.12 9:23pm
"Great to finish second for Britain" says Kenya born, half South African Froome 0
custard cream 21.07.12 7:37pm
custard cream
Farmers being ‘milked’ for all they’re worth by supermarkets.

UK farmers were left confused and demoralised last night after attempts to blockade two milk distribution plants in the South West of England failed to substantially affect business. Farmer Leo Actin...

scottishbird 21.07.12 7:33pm
Bradley Wiggins to finish Le Tour on a Raleigh Chopper 1
custard cream 21.07.12 7:23pm
custard cream
'Power tool arsonist' was just a fire drill 0
Perks 21.07.12 6:42pm
Met Police offer James Holmes job with TSG. 1
Zen 21.07.12 6:32pm
Al OPecia
After several hours milk dispute turns sour.

Sorry I am just churning over the same old jokes...

godly1966 21.07.12 6:31pm
Al OPecia
BBC denies dumbing down on new Higgs Boson documentary

BBC Director General, George Entwhistle, vigorously defended the inclusion of Matt Baker, Davina McCall and Fearne Cotton as the main presenters on the new glossy ten part series. The point is to...

Actual Size 21.07.12 9:11am
Psychiatric drugs to be replaced with internet access.

The NHS psychiatric drugs regimen is to be replaced with internet access, sources reveal. A Government spokesman said today, “it’s far cheaper to supply the insane with a laptop and internet...

anger management 21.07.12 8:08am
anger management
I'm so proud of cyclist Bradley: Half-brother Christopher Biggins speaks out 0
Drylaw 21.07.12 7:58am
US Gun lobby to use movie theatre lobbies to promote sales

The National Rifle Association, which promotes Americans' right to own guns, is using the lobbies of cinemas round the USA to promote gun ownership.  NRA spokesman Mike Jackson said:   "It's an...

nickb 21.07.12 7:43am
Police brutality up for instant review, as rioters adopt 'Hawkeye'

Following on from some high profile cases of police brutality and disputes about reasonable force, the decision has been taken to use Hawkeye for all major riots in the UK. This move comes to try and...

Perks 21.07.12 4:56am
Obama to send all quiet people who keep to themselves to Guantanamo Bay 0
Dumbnews 21.07.12 4:28am
Cern becomes the new "Mecca" for obese people

They beleive they are suffering from the HIGGS syndrome, High Intake Gluttony Gastro Sleaze, This force field imparts Mass to all who pass through it., The force field is most evident around chip...

Rowly 21.07.12 12:16am
Paralympics followed by Lardolympics for pale fat kids with a note from Mum 22
cinquecento 20.07.12 11:33pm
Will Smith to Remake “Hancock” as Comedian’s Biopic

Men In Black star Will Smith has announced plans to remake his hit 2008 film Hancock as a biography of British comedian Tony Hancock. “I’m a huge fan of British comedy: Benny Hill, Monty...

Iggy Pop-Barker 20.07.12 10:15pm
Iggy Pop-Barker
Light-fingered teenager high on Bacardi and bath salts to light Olympic flame

London 2012 organisers have finally revealed who will be entrusted with the honour of kindling the Olympic flame in front of a worldwide audience of billions at the climax of next Friday’s opening...

FraserWords 20.07.12 9:32pm