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MOT to use string theory to relieve congestion on the M25

The Ministry of Transport is to use string theory to relieve congestion on the M25 orbital motorway. According to an official, the small number of dimensions available in classical physics is a...

Terry 07.05.13 10:49am
Cameron's Big Idea?

Stronger knicker elastic, to keep UKIP at bay?...

Jesse Bigg 07.05.13 10:47am
Jesse Bigg
Ronnie O'Sullivan works out link between playing snooker and receiving money

Following his win at the Snooker World Championship, Ronnie O'Sullivan announced that he has realised that there is a connection between playing snooker and receiving money. 'I think I've got it...

John Wiltshire 07.05.13 9:53am
John Wiltshire
Welshman celebrates £10 windfall after unlikely 1p bet on Welsh teams happens 0
simonjmr 07.05.13 8:32am
Tarby to be rebranded as Tawdry 0
Scronnyglonkle 07.05.13 7:05am
Crimewatch UK 'forced to reflect falling crime rates in its reconstructions'

Official figures showing crime at its lowest rate in 30 years have opened up the BBC to yet more criticism of bias in the reconstructions it uses on its monthly Crimewatch UK television programme. A...

Tristan Shout 07.05.13 6:51am
Tristan Shout
OBE to become new tagging system for sex offenders 0
Wrenfoe 07.05.13 5:29am
Ugly scenes as 1970s confronted by vigilante mob. 1
sredni vashta 06.05.13 11:20pm
sredni vashta
Child gains concept of death

Katie Davies, a three year old, today became aware that one day she would die and cease to exist. The news that her life was an inconsequential blip in the history of the universe came as a shock to...

Hooch 06.05.13 11:14pm
sredni vashta
Two dimensional movie characters demand ban on printed guns. 0
Maverick 06.05.13 9:35pm
"Policies? Who Needs Policies?" Says Farage

"Policices are a disaster" said UKIP leader Nigel Farage. "The Conservatives have policies and everyone hates them because no-one likes their policies. The Liberal Democrats have policies but there...

Titus 06.05.13 8:26pm
"He was OK until we turned his head the right way round" says Kriss Kross doctor 0
Maverick 06.05.13 8:18pm
Queen puts an end to queer(s) bashing

Handbags and snares at dawn...

victimms 06.05.13 7:53pm
Centaur asked “Are you a man or a moose?”... 4
Tripod 06.05.13 5:52pm
sredni vashta
Breaking news: well known figure not under any suspicion of rape 1
topfotogmw 06.05.13 5:01pm
World's first 3D printed gun misfires when ink clogs barrel. 3
weematt 06.05.13 2:03pm
Al OPecia
Operation Yewtree Detectives apologise.

After a nationwide search, there are as yet no accusations against Philip Shofield. Police say it is unlikely any victims remember who the annoying silver haired cunt was. However, one suspected...

brd888 06.05.13 1:04pm
Tories ‘a bunch of cream puffs’ says Farage

UKIP leader Nigel Farage today responded savagely to Tory accusations of UKIP members being ‘fruit cakes’ by labelling them ‘a bunch of dithering cream puffs and donuts’. “Lord Snooty...

Reg Herring 06.05.13 9:40am
Lenny Bee
Newport win celebrated by 'area the size of Wales'. More soon. 2
deskpilot3 06.05.13 7:20am
Clegg latest: “Go back to your constituencies and pray for a miracle” 9
Lenny Bee 05.05.13 7:53pm
Nigel Evans denies appearing on the BBC

Deputy House of Commons Speaker Nigel Evans has denied ever appearing "on" or "in" the BBC, after being arrested on suspicion of having connections with Broadcasting House Founded in 1922, as the...

Wrenfoe 05.05.13 6:49pm
Man upset that watch guaranteed waterproof to 100m failed at local swimming pool

then realises that he had swum 200m...

Smart Alex 05.05.13 6:43pm
Smart Alex
Conservatives won't change course, says lemming

(more later)...

Wrenfoe 05.05.13 5:48pm
PFA plays safe for next year's dinner with political satirist Holocaust D Nile 0
ronseal 05.05.13 5:37pm
Stuart Hall accused of playing his joker on mini marathon 0
ronseal 05.05.13 5:31pm
Photographer on wife's fall into developing fluid, 'Her face was a picture' 1
topfotogmw 05.05.13 5:26pm
Teachers demand a shorter Michael Gove

Lecturers and teachers have voted unanimously for a shorter Michael Gove at their Spring Conference, after the Education Secretary told them their holidays were too long. “One of the factors...

nickb 05.05.13 4:46pm
Devon Women's Institute in Pirate fancy-dress faux pas

A Women's Institute have apologised after blacking up and carrying fake AK-47 machine guns to look like Somali pirates when attending a talk on piracy. Once the North Devon WI branch realised that...

Danny 05.05.13 4:28pm
BNP member suggests up to 12 million Jews killed in holocaust

Life-long fascist and BNP member, Kevin Reid, has taken to social media to air his opinion that up to 12 million Jews, and a larger number of Gypsies and Gays than previously thought, perished in...

Yikes 05.05.13 12:44pm
Syrians flee A-level reforms

Hundreds of Syrians have fled coastal areas attempting to escape Michael Gove’s relentless changes to the sixth form sector. Gruesome videos posted on the web appeared to show massacres of schemes...

Wrenfoe 05.05.13 10:24am