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Cameron sees no solution to issues of low polling and Argentinian aggression

British Prime Minister David Cameron was left scratching his head after a week from hell which has seen the Tories plunge in the polls, and Argentina ramp up its efforts to lay claim to the Falklands...

Yikes 04.05.12 12:35pm
Prince Harry ‘can’t wait’ to ‘fuck up’ the Taleban

Fun-loving Prince Harry has started an amusing war of words with the Taleban before his impending deployment to Afghanistan as an Apache Chopper Pilot., Harry used to Twitter to taunt the Taleban,...

daneade 04.05.12 12:33pm
Mass Redundancies in CIA After Success of 'Operation Facebook

The CIA announced mass lay-offs of agents whose job it was to snoop on everyday citizens minding their own business. After undercover spook geek Mark Zuckerberg launched their Facebook program users...

daneade 04.05.12 12:12pm
Fame ‘not all it’s cracked up to be’ – Kony 2012

War-mongering, limb-hacking youth employment champion Joseph Kony says his new found fame has not been quite the chick magnet bling bonanza he was hoping for. ‘I’m well fucked off’, said Kony...

daneade 04.05.12 12:11pm
Mexican Government Announces Unconditional Surrender In Drug War

The Mexican Government has formally ceded control of Mexico to the Zetas Drug Cartel in an elaborate surrender ceremony at leader Carlos Jimenez’s luxury Cancun mansion. The Government fought...

daneade 04.05.12 12:09pm
Somali Pirates Split Into Traditionalist Faction

A group of conservative Somali pirates have split from the mainstream complaining of a lack of recognition of long-established pirate conventions. Spokesman Mohamed ‘Long John’ Sabbelah said his...

daneade 04.05.12 12:08pm
Apple Demands An End To The End Of Slavery

Apple today warned that its massively obscene profits would be in jeopardy of not being as massive unless the international ban on slavery was lifted at once. Top Executives have already drawn up...

daneade 04.05.12 12:07pm
Breivik says ‘It Was Self Defense.’ Norway says ‘You Fucking What?’

Mass killer Anders Brievik made one of the most unconvincing arguments of self-defense in modern criminal history at his trial in Oslo, Norway. When told of his defense strategy, the Judge – in a...

daneade 04.05.12 12:05pm
Chen Guangcheng to 'consider all options'

Chinese dissident Chen Guangcheng can apply to study abroad, potentially indicating a way out of the diplomatic crisis with the US over him. The University of Cumbria is believed to be the UK...

Bonaparte Shandy 04.05.12 12:02pm
Bonaparte Shandy
Chinese dissident "now fancies a world cruise". 0
Boutros 04.05.12 11:24am
"It won’t bloody flush”, reports woman trapped in dinner party toilet.

Amy Higgins was in a race against time with the cistern of a downstairs lavatory in Surrey yesterday, after a single flush at an intimate dinner party for six proved itself not up to the job....

DrTurmoil 04.05.12 10:31am
Geography Teacher Chooses Pen For 2012 A Level Marking

Influential Geograpy teacher Dereck Jepson has made his annual choice of marking pen for the 2012 A Level examination season. Revealing the much anticipated choice on his blog 'Geography Makes the...

Bonaparte Shandy 04.05.12 10:12am
Gary Stanton
Government under pressure to consult wives on web porn opt-in measure 0
Duncan Biscuit 04.05.12 9:09am
Duncan Biscuit
Borrowers reject ‘downturn blame claim’ from the big people 0
Duncan Biscuit 04.05.12 9:09am
Duncan Biscuit
Coalition to roll-out successful NHS ‘wash your hands’ policy across all depts 0
Duncan Biscuit 04.05.12 9:08am
Duncan Biscuit
Shampoo advert sets new record for ‘worst survey result to base a campaign on’

A new advert for Pantene Pro-V shampoo has set the industry abuzz after the small print revealed that the central claim of the campaign was disagreed with by over 90% of the ridiculously small sample...

Vertically Challenged Giant 04.05.12 9:07am
Vertically Challenged Giant
Team GB Men: Cyclists and canoeists refuse to have 5 rings put on helmets. 0
weematt 04.05.12 8:30am
CIA reveal Bin Laden papers show Al Qaeda link to Rupert Murdoch and BSkyB 0
Scronnyglonkle 04.05.12 7:28am
Britain's endangered wing mirror spider - an appeal

With dwindling new car sales threatening its environment, the British wing mirror spider faces an uncertain future. Introduced from the Russian Far-East in a crate-load of Ladas, the wing-mirror...

04.05.12 7:01am
New Samsung phone has eye-rolling technology for bored teenagers. 0
Maverick 04.05.12 6:58am
Tymoshenko to run for office in Ireland.

A new Orange Revolution, and no need to change my name said Ms O'Shenko...

Maverick 04.05.12 6:35am
Psychic offended by joke that hasn't been written yet

Celebrity psychic Derek Acorah has called on Jimmy Carr to apologise for the "needless and hurtful joke he is going to make at the Derby Assembly Rooms in early 2013". Carr, who has not yet written...

seymour totti 03.05.12 8:28pm
Peruvian buskers upset by nosepipe ban 4
Smart Alex 03.05.12 7:52pm
Horoscopes for May

Aries, After years of practice, you finally master your new handshake. Just as the other person grips, you move so that they grab your finger instead, pull back and fart. This amuses you greatly....

seymour totti 03.05.12 7:24pm
Man who sold "The Scream" in Four Rooms for £50 now impersonating it. More soon 0
Al OPecia 03.05.12 7:22pm
Al OPecia
Brazil goes nuts in new anti-crime initiative

Mr T helps...

victimms 03.05.12 6:54pm
Saving water – top tips for surviving the drought

Recent dry spells have left Britons with dry riverbeds and parched lawns, so what can we do to get through these tough times? • Hose pipe bans – when the rain just won’t come, it’s time to...

kimllfixit 03.05.12 5:11pm
The All New Jeni B
Fairground operators' inalienable right to fly-post under threat

It's a hallowed tradition that goes back hundreds of years, to a time when the only way to get punters along to your bear-baiting show was to nail handbills to trees. But MP Sydney Glee's private...

Boutros 03.05.12 4:35pm
Victoria Beckham to star in new Spielberg film 'Clothes Horse'

Featuring the moving story of one woman's daily battle with what to wear, set in the rolling expanse of her walk-in wardrobe. The hard-hitting story highlights the plight of fashion victims on both...

MizAnnieG 03.05.12 4:08pm
Worlds longest married couple only together for the sake of the kids

Jack and Winnie Sandford have been married since 1933, longer than anyone else on earth, but according to 98 year old Jack, it is a living hell. "Every morning I wake up and wish I was dead. Or...

A Wagonload Of Monkeys 03.05.12 3:55pm