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Porn stars can now claim for 'peepee eye' for unwanted facials. 0
MADJEZ 12.03.12 1:43pm
Shinawatra set to up his game following Whyte's failure of 'fit and proper' test 4
Midfield Diamond 12.03.12 1:29pm
Midfield Diamond
Nick Clegg: "Go back to your constituencies, and prepare for oblivion"

I honestly hadn't realised the LibDems had a spring conference. Not exactly high profile, then. It would be nice if someone could do a parody of Cleggie's speech, though I guess the moment has gone...

Sinnick 12.03.12 1:16pm
Farmers' markets a threat to Britain's high streets, says report

Britain's high streets are blighted by the spread of farmers' markets and their weird customers, according to retail expert Mary Portas. 'It's not just the unsightly appearance of these outlets...

roybland 12.03.12 12:51pm
'Right-to-die' opposers say people should be left-to-die 0
charlies_hat 12.03.12 12:32pm
Oranges not the only fruit, confirms fructotaxonomist 0
cinquecento 12.03.12 12:25pm
Rare Brie wins 2012 Kraft's 0
simonjmr 12.03.12 11:52am
Kate Middleton woos crowds with 'Fuck Morrissey' t-shirt 1
12.03.12 11:48am
John Ffitch-Rucker
Oppose gay marriage, say ageing transvestite child molesters 0
Oxbridge 12.03.12 11:48am
Doctor solves flu jab shortage by injecting patients with Lemsip

A junior doctor in Bristol today made national headlines by ensuring that all people classed ‘high-risk’ flu sufferers would receive a jab to reduce their likelihood of contracting the...

kimllfixit 12.03.12 11:42am
Global Financial Crisis "could spread to rest of world" say European economists 0
Nick McCarr 12.03.12 11:39am
Nick McCarr
Female F1 test driver is ideal candidate as she doesn't need to park. 0
seymour totti 12.03.12 11:13am
seymour totti
Corporate man's laughter "led to corporate manslaughter", says QC

When CEO Jeff Lopez laughed derisively at a junior colleague’s plans to improve the company website, he didn’t realise it would cause that colleague’s eventual death, a court heard. But...

nickb 12.03.12 10:34am
Duracell profit warning after EU battery hen ban.

"The last straw." said Duracell's spokesman in a highly charged press conference, " Following on from the previously reported loss of our AAA and AA ranges due to the financial situation in Europe we...

weematt 12.03.12 10:15am
Tabloids dub Vampire with hayfever as "The Pollen Count". 0
seymour totti 12.03.12 10:13am
seymour totti
Lib Dems win Crufts

"I'm comfortable with the term 'political poodle' if it means being the winning poodle," Nick Clegg told a rapturous crowd at the end of the Lib Dem conference. "First we win a place in government,...

nickb 12.03.12 9:58am
Prince Harry extends Jubilee tour to Columbia to be 'coked' up again 0
thackaray 12.03.12 9:55am
Excitement over Diamond Jubilee and Olympics can kill, say doctors

Over-excitement caused by the Queen's Diamond Jubilee will kill more older people this year than hyperthermia and over-excitement about the Olympics will kill more young people than the use of legal...

roybland 12.03.12 9:47am
Nick Clegg claims amendments to football rules mean he didn't score 'own goal'

Nick Clegg has upset members of his party during a charity football match at their spring conference by picking up his ball and walking off mid-match. His stubborn child -like behaviour comes as the...

Perks 12.03.12 9:45am
Cuisine emergency declared as chefs run out for wanky words for 'sauce' 0
Nick McCarr 12.03.12 9:34am
Nick McCarr
Texan BBQ supplier's launch of Koran briquettes condemned as incendiary 0
cinquecento 12.03.12 7:57am
Scholars reassess authorship of Hamlet following one-star Amazon review

The world’s foremost literary and theatre critics say they have been forced into reconsidering the merit of William Shakespeare’s epic five hour play Hamlet, following a scathing critique by an...

Skylarking 12.03.12 5:42am
John Sentamu backs Catholic Archbishop - rumours of engagement "premature"

Archbishop of York, John Sentamu, has supported Archbishop Vincent Nichols in opposition to gay marriages. "We've worked very closely on this issue and it's become clear that there is something more...

apepper 12.03.12 4:17am
Husband sent valentine with 'Moon Pig' written on it wife tells divorce court. 0
MADJEZ 12.03.12 12:23am
Zumba : 'Just fucking aerobics' claims top scientist. 0
MADJEZ 12.03.12 12:20am
Kate Middleton 'still not pregnant', confirms shocked tabloids.

Shockwaves have reverberated across the UK media with the confirmation of the news that, despite nearly a year of marriage, Prince William and Kate Middleton are still yet to expect a child. [i]"To...

WatcherMark 11.03.12 10:31pm
Relief all round as G.I. child killer didn't burn a Koran 1
yussle 11.03.12 10:28pm
Computer hacker broke into abortion site to get addresses of promiscuous girls. 2
MADJEZ 11.03.12 9:15pm
Double Glazing Co closes as customers tell them they're 'just window shopping'

I bet you could see right through that one...

Perks 11.03.12 9:09pm
US claims Falklands after working out where it is on a map

US Cartographers at the Department of Defence claim to have finally worked out where the Falklands is. Going one step further they have now submitted their own sovereignty claim to the UN. "We...

tomholder 11.03.12 9:08pm