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NASA to send probe to Basildon

NASA today announced a mission to understand whether intelligent life could have once existed in Essex. The two year mission to send an unmanned rover ‘the Vomit Comet’ to the bleak English town...

suki 07.07.13 10:59am
Sir Tom Jones 'too sexy' to consider organ donation

Welsh superstar Sir Tom Jones has expressed his concerns today following the announcement that all Welsh people will be classed as ‘assumed donors’ after they die, unless they fill out an...

Jesus H 07.07.13 10:54am
Lindy Moone
Useless menopausal plumber connects boiler to loo - keeps getting hot flushes

More highly contrived news soon...

Smart Alex 07.07.13 10:19am
Smart Alex
Nothing to see here....

wrong room...

MADJEZ 07.07.13 10:10am
Tories To Draw On History......

.This time - The Great North Of England Job Famine...

Jesse Bigg 07.07.13 8:44am
Jesse Bigg
Northeast Council To Introduce New Bye-Law.....

Tory councillors to wear bell round their neck...

Jesse Bigg 07.07.13 8:33am
Jesse Bigg
New couch-potato web site launched - YouTuber

Can't believe this hasn't been done before, but search-engines don't lie (?)...

FlashArry 07.07.13 8:19am
The Great Magician, Abracadabra, Vanishes.......

To Jordan?...

Jesse Bigg 07.07.13 8:15am
Jesse Bigg
Christmas pantomime in jeopardy as main character served deportation order 0
irreverendJ 07.07.13 7:46am
Dismay As Abu Qata's Departure Leaves "Mr Angry" With Nothing To Fulminate About 0
Titus 07.07.13 7:43am
Egyptian military offer to resolve Falkirk candidate fiasco 2
FlashArry 07.07.13 7:35am
SNP announce Scotland will survive on 'Andy Murray and tennents lager tax'

Not sure if this is worthy of a good old fashioned beefing...

Jesus H 07.07.13 1:10am
Jesus H
Party poppers to be banned at Abu Qatada’s leaving party

The Home Office has announced that party poppers and balloons will be banned at Abu Qatada’s forthcoming leaving party at Belmarsh Prison on Saturday night. The radical Islamist cleric is to be...

Dick Everyman 06.07.13 10:18pm
Dick Everyman
Welsh Organ Law Strikes Discord

Following the Welsh Assembly’s decision to legalise organ donation unless a person has specifically opted out of the scheme, the music community in Wales has been engulfed by panic. ‘It’s...

Iggy Pop-Barker 06.07.13 10:09pm
Iggy Pop-Barker
Scotland's terrorist threat level raised to 'Jings, Crivens, Help Ma Boab'

The terrorist threat level in Scotland has been raised to 'Jings, crivvens, help ma boab', just one level below, 'We're fucked Morag, absolutely fucked'. The Scottish intelligence services would not...

andrewl81 06.07.13 9:43pm
Enslaved Israelites Threaten To Take Their Case Against Pharaoh to the UN

More later, for the next few thousand years...

Titus 06.07.13 7:41pm
Crash test dummy wins whiplash case

There was uproar in conservative political circles today, with demands that something be done about the “runaway compensation culture”, after a crash dummy known as D9 received £150 000 in...

sydalg 06.07.13 7:35pm
Prescott advises giving it 5 minutes after leaving Privy Council 1
pere floza 06.07.13 7:33pm
BP Withdraws Petrol from Forecourts

Responding to Poundland's removal of Chinese Lanterns from its shelves for reasons of public safety, BP announces withdrawal of petrol from forecourts. In a statement Retail Director, Catherine...

disarco 06.07.13 7:10pm
Upon hearing "House of Fun" elderly DJ asks "What Madness is this?" 0
sredni vashta 06.07.13 4:18pm
sredni vashta
Panasonic video cameras at the ready after mermaids seen on the Isle of Wight

After dozens of people reported seeing mermaids in the waters around the Isle of Wight, the IW council are offering a reward to anyone who can prove their existence. Spurred on by the promise of a...

sadlimpet 06.07.13 2:36pm
Marion Bartoli set to become new face of The Cornish Pasty Company 0
pere floza 06.07.13 1:42pm
pere floza
'I feed my kids kebab trimmings' admits Jamie Oliver

Celebrity chef Jamie Oliver, famous for his passionate and inventive approach to providing kids across the UK with healthy alternatives in school canteens, has admitted today that he feeds his own...

Jesus H 06.07.13 1:18pm
Jesus H
'I feed my kids on kebab trimmings' admits Jamie Oliver 0
Jesus H 06.07.13 1:16pm
Jesus H
Orson Welles War of the Worlds radio broadcast sends panic through Isle of Wight

First stab at an IoW...

NorthernGravy 06.07.13 12:40pm
Lindy Moone
Number of Brits in Australia suddenly doubles

May have to change my name to McBJ tomorrow...

beau-jolly 06.07.13 12:39pm
Irish priest: "I told you it'd be a miracle if he can keep this quiet" 1
Sinnick 06.07.13 12:28pm
Al OPecia

Wrong room.,

FOAD 06.07.13 12:17pm
Katie Hopkins to run for Prime Minister, pledges to wipe out 'riff-raff'.

Former Apprentice contestant, businesswoman and current speaker on behalf on the upper classes, Katie Hopkins has announced that she is to run for Prime Minister, fresh on the heels of her recent...

WatcherMark 06.07.13 12:02pm
World's first 3D microwave oven glasses unveiled at Kitchen Fest 0
custard cream 06.07.13 10:16am
custard cream