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Lidl: “So cheap, it’s the next best thing to looting”... 0
Doylem 4 years
Bruce Willis to star in “more sedentary” sequel, Die Hard V: ‘Old Habits’... 0
Doylem 4 years

Die Hard V will be the latest movie featuring Bruce Willis as wisecracking action hero, Bruce McClane. “But I won’t be doing any more high-octane stunts”, says Willis. “Hell, these days I...

Handbags to be added to U.S. arsenal 0
Psycadelic Squirrel 4 years

They really hurt when they hit you on the back of the head...

Southerners evoke blitz spirit to defy horrific centimetre thick blanket of snow 2
StoopyDeGunt 4 years

London's chirpy cockneys, chinless hoorays, plucky ethnic types and evil middle class do-gooders united as one yesterday to send a defiant message to the gods of weather (sponsored by Lloyds):...

Chinese lantern "shaped like a UFO" spotted over Salisbury Plain 0
Nick McCarr 4 years
Police and students to hold charity snowball fight next week. More soon. 0
malgor 4 years
Earliest Wikileaks doc found - God told Eve to eat the apple 0
Nick McCarr 4 years

- top secret stone tablet released...

Cameron All Ready And Set For His Big, Big Moment... 1
Jesse Bigg 4 years

.the arse-licking of the FIFA executive...

Police kettling at student protests causes tensions to reach 'boiling point' 1
kpseymour 4 years
Arab Strap Reunite for Christmas Album 0
Grover 4 years

Dour Scottish Post-Folk duo Arab Strab is to reunite this month for a series of UK concerts in support of their holiday-themed album, [i]An Arab Strap Xmas[/i], their first studio recording since...

Peter Sutcliffe hoping to ditch ‘Ripper’ tag: “It’s time to move on”... 0
Doylem 4 years
Plumber 'bemused' at West End Musical Biopic 5
Moggsy 4 years

Local Authority Plumber, Chris Maynard has reacted with both ‘surprise and modesty’ after discovering that a musical version of his life has been showing in the West End for the last three months...

Goldman Sachs nativity play ruined as selfish kids stand to film mummy and daddy 0
StoopyDeGunt 4 years

The annual nativity play at Goldman Sachs is being ruined by pushy kids who stand up to film their precious parents, ruining the view for others. It's got so bad that the CEO of Goldman Sachs has...

Vince Cable demands Mr Sheen to clean his desk. 0
deskpilot3 4 years

Can't bear to see anyone with Pledge...

Tasers most effective on ‘little dogs who tug sideways on their leads’ 10
allmyownstunts 4 years

Police have revealed that Taser guns are their number one deterrent of choice in tackling the scourge of over-eager little dogs who pull so excitedly on their leads that they appear to be travelling...

After success on Strictly, Ann Widdecombe launches new perfume. 1
surdoux 4 years

Aimed at the older generation 'Widdle' is described as a subtle blend of digestive biscuits and wee, and hopes to cash in on the success of her recent spectacular dance success...

Met Office in 'illegal detention' probe 0
Mrblacker 4 years

The Metropolitan Police have confirmed they are investigating allegations of kidnapping, torture and illegal detention at the Met Office. The accusations against the UK's leading weather forecasting...

Apple launch the iGod... 3
Dexter 4 years

a portable, lightweight and (inevitably) white MP3 thing that allows the devout to download all their favourite sermons, prayers, psalms and hymns from the iloons store. Like all Apple products it...

Duke Rants Royally 0
Dun Dunkin 4 years

That's the 'Duke' formerly known as Prince. New TV shows with working titles 'Grumpy Old Royals' and 'Moanarchy' will go head to head at the 3am monday morning slot. Royals will give their...

HMS Invincible Internet Sale 'Buy it Now' or 'Best Offer' 0
Dun Dunkin 4 years

Only one careful 'couldn't give a monkey's' owner. No returns accepted. 'we don't need no aircraft carriers'...

New label for strong beers: ‘Drink responsibly, especially on a school night'... 0
Doylem 4 years
JFK classroom note calling teacher a 'tit' thought to be earliest wikileak. 0
J-Bird 4 years
Vince Cable admits "my head hurts" 0
Waggys Dog 4 years

Coalition Business Secretary Vince Cable has admitted he does not know the difference between a pledge to voters, and a promise to Nick Clegg and David Cameron to support tuition fee rises - and the...

Compulsory Snoods to be Trialled in Yorkshire Sunday League 0
De-scribe 4 years
Business Card Draw in Corruption Scandal 0
MC One R 4 years

The monthly business card draw at The Lamb & Ferret gastropub today erupted in accusations of corruption, as allegations of bribery were made against landlord Tony Inchpractice. The allegations...

Snowfall 'The Size of Wales' Falls on Wales 2
De-scribe 4 years
Student protesters kettle themselves to keep warm. 2
Erlang 4 years

The Police put the kettle on and we intended to take the kettle off but we put it on again to keep warm said student protester Sukey. A Police spokesman expressed relief the students' tribute to...

EU to look up on Google. 0
MADJEZ 4 years
'Put More Shit on Your Dashboard' Government Tells White Van Man 1
De-scribe 4 years

New Regulations come into force today aimed at boosting the economy by increasing the level of rubbish that must be displayed in the front windows of all commercial vans. The Dashboard Detritus...

Wikileeks to publish 250,000 internal documents from the Welsh Assembly 7
bonjonelson 4 years

[more soon]...