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Judge weeps as Joss Stone's would be killer is sent down. More soon. 1
dominic_mcg 09.07.13 7:55pm
European Court of Human Rights wipes out 10 years of tradition at a stroke

More spluttering and disgust soon. We haven't had anything like this since 2003...

Not Amused 09.07.13 6:55pm
Not Amused
Children refuse to let their parents associate with mothers with the name Katie 2
Ian Searle 09.07.13 5:12pm
Sir Elton John disappointed to be forced to pull out of Hyde Park

David Furnish said to be furious and announces "I think it's gonna be a long long time"...

irreverendJ 09.07.13 4:47pm
Exhausted dominatrix struggles with punishing workload. 0
sredni vashta 09.07.13 3:08pm
sredni vashta
Andy Murray To Be Held In England Under Travel Ban Until England Has ...

milked every possible opportunity to exploit his Wimbledon victory as a "glorious achievement for England (er, cough, we meant 'Britain' of course, but no-one realises there is any difference, do...

Titus 09.07.13 2:28pm

sub withdrawn...

Gary Stanton 09.07.13 1:35pm
Facebook to fine users who stay off site more than an hour

The social networking giant has expressed concern at the number of members who are spending long periods off the site getting on with their lives, and reminds them that their absence is being...

sydalg 09.07.13 1:24pm
Eddie the Eagle eyes comeback as Britain seeks further sporting inspiration

Following the enormous success of Andy Murray at Wimbledon this year, and Britain's subsequent realisation that they aren't as crap at sport as they originally thought, Michael Edwards, better known...

Jesus H 09.07.13 1:23pm
Man who kept turning TV on & off to see porn found his knob fell off in the end

.. not done a knob joke for at least a couple of days...

blacklesbianandproudofit 09.07.13 1:22pm
Daily Mail’s anti-porn campaign gathers pace with saucy summer swimwear shoot - 2

The Daily Mail ratcheted up its campaign today for tighter controls on on-line pornography, by printing a series of bikini shots of young soap stars. The shots of the young bikini-body actresses in...

suki 09.07.13 12:55pm
Labour party adopt 'baksheesh' funding policy

Labour Party policy will in future be determined through a secretive bidding process conducted in smokey gentlemen's clubs, party leader Ed Milliband has announced. Following years of transparency,...

monkeyrepublic 09.07.13 12:40pm
Sports Personality of the Year nominees announced

The BBC today announced the list of 10 candidates for this year's Sports Personality of the Year. 'The contest will be really exciting,' said Clare Balding, who is contractually obliged to be on...

John Wiltshire 09.07.13 12:32pm
Winter Fuel Allowance may help cull Elderly

Coalition Ministers had been concerned that the rising cost of energy prices and improved life expectancy, would prevent them reaching their austerity targets. Fortunately by adopting China’s...

Wrenfoe 09.07.13 12:21pm
Schools to make their own Goves using 3D printers

When state schools receive their new 3D printers the first thing they will be expected to do will be to make their own Michael Gove. The Goves are expected to be exact replicas of the Secretary of...

nickb 09.07.13 10:15am
Thousands Report Depression & Their Lives "Lack Purpose" Now Wimbledon Is Over 0
Titus 09.07.13 10:15am
Teresa May To Classify Masturbation As Class C Drug

Despite evidence from the goverment's own advisors, the Advisory Council on Self Abuse, whose reaearch suggests that hardly any cases of blindness and insanity can be directly attributed to...

Titus 09.07.13 9:53am
Wonga to Sponsor Labour Party

Payday loan company Wonga have agreed to sponsor the Labour Party after Ed Milliband has broken links with the Trade Unions. The party have hailed the deal to cover costs as liberating. Party...

andrewl81 09.07.13 9:31am
Ed Miliband 'will cure all diseases and bring world peace'

At a press conference today, Ed Miliband declared that he will cure all known diseases, and bring peace to every part of the globe. 'Let me make this quite clear,' he said. 'Finding a cure for every...

John Wiltshire 09.07.13 9:29am
Deposed Morsi to Be Replaced By Lewisi According To Colin Dexter 0
Titus 09.07.13 9:27am
Murray inspires new generation to talk in emotionless monotone

more later...

bumtrinket 09.07.13 9:26am
'Whole Life' Prisoners Who Lose Their Appeals May Get Their Sentence Doubled

according to Home Secretary Teresa May...

Titus 09.07.13 9:12am
Katie Hopkins: 'I won't let my children play with Hurricane Chantal' More soon...

Skylarking 09.07.13 9:11am
Convicts Complain That Being Detained In Prison 'Infringes Their Human Rights' 2
Titus 09.07.13 8:22am
Bin Laden targeted by Navy Seals after failure to pay speeding fine 0
custard cream 09.07.13 8:19am
custard cream
Djokovic quits tennis after ultimate humiliation of losing to a Brit 0
custard cream 09.07.13 8:15am
custard cream
Get Your Free Repica Designer Karennmillen8eight Here

Buy now while stocks last. When they're gone, they're gone. Free can of processed meat with each one, Buy one, get one free. 0% interest. Pay nothing for six months. Because you're worth it,...

Titus 09.07.13 8:12am
The Labour Party has put its union money “beyond use” Labour said Monday

“We are satisfied that the decommissioning represents the totality of the Party’s arsenal,” said Ed Milliband, who since 2010 has led efforts to disarm the outlawed Trade Unions. The material...

rogerg 09.07.13 7:27am
Muslim Brotherhood of Man to release "Ay Ay Ay Moursi" as next single

yes I know its an old tune...

Scronnyglonkle 09.07.13 7:20am
Gracie Fields tribute act on morale boosting tour of Syria

When Lancashire drag queen Vera Vajazal (aka George Hailesworth) got wind of the situation in Syria, she decided it was time to attempt to lift people’s spirits in the midst of their adversity....

Dick Everyman 09.07.13 7:12am
Dick Everyman