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Cannibal shopkeeper says customers were his bread and butter. 0
sredni vashta 12.05.13 11:16am
sredni vashta
Branson dons pinstripe suit and spends day as a faceless CEO after losing bet 0
ginty 12.05.13 10:00am
Weird Science becomes reality as 3d printers help dorks worldwide create wives 2
victimms 12.05.13 9:41am
Ultimate irony as bedroom tax suicide woman now has another empty room. 0
MADJEZ 12.05.13 9:34am
Red faced journalist accused of lying in the Sun. 6
weematt 12.05.13 8:49am
BBC celebrity accused of consensual sex

A well known BBC presenter, famed for his game shows in the 70s and 80s, is today fighting to save his career after allegedly engaging in normal sexual activity with consenting members of the...

suki 12.05.13 8:29am
Pensions and benefits to be distributed by energy supply companies

In a new move announced by the government today, the distribution of pensions and benefits is to be outsourced to the electricity and gas providers. "The vast majority of all pensions and benefits...

Our Energy Correspondent 12.05.13 7:52am
Our Energy Correspondent
First bad person to die in car crash dies in car crash

Twenty-two year old Lloyd Anthony Banks, the first bad person to die in a car crash ever, died early this morning in a car crash after his Ford Focus hit a tree at high speed following a collision...

Idiot 12.05.13 7:47am
The word 'Facebook' still not recognised on Facebook 0
brianflan 12.05.13 6:59am
“Ohio adopts ‘There's no place like home’ as new state motto”

more later...

Wrenfoe 12.05.13 6:36am
FBI investigate Poison Claim of Wall Street Chimp

Suspicion surrounds the death of Buttercup, the first female chimp to sit behind the big curtain on the New York Stock exchange trading floor and press random buttons to control share prices, as...

brianflan 12.05.13 6:03am
Everton fans experience "slight twinge of regret" as David Moyes goes to Man Utd

48 hours after Sir Alex Ferguson announced his retirement and David Moyes signed up at Old Trafford as the new manager, Everton fans today were characteristically philosophical about what had...

AReader 12.05.13 6:01am
Apprentice guru Alan Sugar wins accolade from Estate Agents

TV's Apprentice supremo, Lord Alan Sugar has been honoured by the Royal Society of Estate Agents with their prestigious Lifetime Achievement Award. Announcing that 99.9% of all those fired by Sugar...

Lenny Bee 12.05.13 5:54am
One World Trade Center "a monument to Britain."

The spire placed atop One World Trade Center completes the building at a height of exactly 541 metres - a reference to the number of athletes in Team GB. "This is, we hope, a fitting tribute to the...

Boutros 12.05.13 12:31am
George Osbourne tipped to be next Jar Jar Binks 0
Squudge 12.05.13 12:20am
PANTONE announce new sun-burn assessment card NEATO...

FlashArry 11.05.13 11:28pm
Tidy stoners welcome announcement of new marijuana-scented Cillit Bong 4
Idiot 11.05.13 10:09pm
New research shows God an atheist 0
Dumbnews 11.05.13 8:08pm
Samir Nasri demands immediate £1.5m loss bonus 0
Lenny Bee 11.05.13 7:07pm
Lenny Bee
God submits to rationalism. Universe to close next Wednesday. 0
sredni vashta 11.05.13 6:53pm
sredni vashta
Party Invitation

You are cordially invited to an exclusive party this evening at the old BBC Staff restaurant in West Kensington. This invitation is only open to former BBC employees who starred in popular radio and...

blacklesbianandproudofit 11.05.13 6:03pm
Tory Cuts Forcing NHS To Employ Ex-Boxers......

..In place of anaesthetists...

Jesse Bigg 11.05.13 4:52pm
Jesse Bigg
Tories So Desperate To Win Next Election, Advocate The Bringing Back ....

of the coalman. "You can't beat a bit of nutty slack."...

Jesse Bigg 11.05.13 4:32pm
Jesse Bigg
Hooray for Hollywood! The Newsbiscuit Guide to the Summer Blockbusters!

It's that time of year again! The summer is finally here! The days are getting longer, the wasps are back and Hollywood's brightest stars come out to shine! So hold on tight, strap on and let us be...

phil_smith 11.05.13 3:44pm
11 year old's to sit new grammar and punctuation test more soon. 1
dominic_mcg 11.05.13 3:35pm
Nadine Dorries pulled alive into the wreckage of Tory party after 7 months 5
Not Amused 11.05.13 1:54pm
Today's football coverage

12:45 Live coverage of the Barclays Premier League BIG Match as relegation threatened Aston Villa take on going for Europe Chelsea. Available in HD, 3D. 15:00 Live coverage of the Clydesdale Bank...

blacklesbianandproudofit 11.05.13 12:58pm
Germany, France, Italy, Spain and Greece show their support for UKIP. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 11.05.13 12:52pm
Pakistani landmark election cancelled as landmark collapses. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 11.05.13 12:45pm
Girls: Seven surefire ways to lose weight - GUARANTEED!

1. Have a big shit, 2. Do a wee, 3. Cut your hair very short, 4. Pick your nose thoroughly, 5. Remove dirt from beneath fingernails and fluff from bellybutton, 6. Trim finger and toenails...

Terry 11.05.13 12:37pm