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Jamie Oliver to include first name in all the shit he does

Jamie Oliver, the little known TV chef and popular cause supporter, has decided that his public image would be raised if he prefixed the name of everything he does by his first name. "I don't know...

antharrison 27.11.11 8:59am
Usain Bolt tells Levinson inquiry he was never chased by paparazzi ...

Well never for any great distance...

Kramaring 27.11.11 8:57am
I have a small business

And don't need financing, but does this government take us to be f*cking idiots. Complete bullshit once again. The "credit easing" scheme is intended...

antharrison 27.11.11 8:17am
Runestone Cowboy
Cheers at Longbridge as giant nasa Rover launches to Mars. 0
reforse 26.11.11 11:22pm
Iran on the brink of acquiring wind farm technology, warn experts

Iran is facing growing international condemnation after the international wind energy watchdog (IWEA) revealed the country is on course to have a fully operational wind turbine by the end of 2012. ...

Gary Stanton 26.11.11 11:02pm
UK man admits Himalayan 3 peaks challenge 'somewhat harder than the British one' 11
Smart Alex 26.11.11 9:00pm
Bus passenger with big headphones “hopes people think he’s a sound engineer” 0
nickb 26.11.11 6:52pm
Donors to charity tinned food collections earn right to veto the shameless

Donors to a Harpenden charity that collects groceries for disadvantaged families can now meet the recipients, and snatch things back if they don’t look grateful enough. Fearing her tins of...

Runestone Cowboy 26.11.11 5:16pm
Runestone Cowboy
Anne Widecombe to be made Peer "Baroness Doris of Karloff". More soon. 1
Al OPecia 26.11.11 4:38pm
irregular apple
Newsbiscuit Journalist Sacked for Reporting on Newsbiscuit's Existence

Former Newsbiscuit journalist, Immunis, was escorted off the premises by senior Editoral staff today. An initial statement from site owner John O'Farrell simply stated that 'Immunis is leaving the...

bonjonelson 26.11.11 3:50pm
Al OPecia
Newsbiscuit Journalist Sacked for Reporting Real Story

‘The pressure to write witty entertainment and worthy puns got too much to bear, eventually I cracked and let everybody down’, claimed Anon1mess, The famed Newsbiscuit journalist and writer of...

Immunis 26.11.11 1:46pm
Widdecombe: Clegg's Conservative initiation the final straw

Ann Widdecombe much loved entertainer with the voice of an Anglican choirboy whose testicles are partially descended, has today rubbished claims that David Cameron's omission from her annual...

irregular apple 26.11.11 1:02pm
irregular apple
UK Farters urged to get insurance

Not having a comprehensive policy could prove costly, UK trumpers have been warned by the Governing Union For Farters. It says those involved in an accident, or found responsible for causing one,...

button 26.11.11 12:56pm
Police warn clubbers of the risks of "legal" high-fives.

[more soon]...

bonjonelson 26.11.11 12:53pm
Piers Morgan breeds

World panics...

Shandy 26.11.11 12:24pm
Medical breakthrough as umbilical cord replaced with wireless broadband. 0
MADJEZ 26.11.11 11:59am
Johnson admits world cup strategy was to pass to the big bloke in the centre

Martin Johnson has been forced to admit that England's entire rugby world cup strategy was based upon the idea of passing to 'the big foreign bloke in the centre' who seems to scare people. "We were...

Shandy 26.11.11 11:58am
Government to appoint minister to have arguments with John Humphries 5
greg various 26.11.11 11:40am
Al OPecia
'British Plumbers out of sync with clients' claims trading standards

Just fixed the bath tap and this cheesy line popped into my head...

Immunis 26.11.11 11:39am
greg various
Teletubbies to stand in for Border Officials at Heathrow. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 26.11.11 11:10am
Al OPecia
Patients urge govt. to reconsider asking civil servants to stand in for surgeons 13
26.11.11 9:47am
Benefit cheat 'Disabled' man danced at wedding in Cana of Galilee 0
button 26.11.11 9:41am
Egyptian protests blamed on The Bangles 5
Sinnick 26.11.11 8:47am
Nick McCarr
‘The Riots’ stage show is to be followed up by ‘Rape! – The Musical’

The release of a politically-charged show in London’s Tricycle theatre based on the recent riots has already triggered frantic scribbles by other playwrights wanting to use ‘Broken Britain’...

kimllfixit 26.11.11 6:36am
L’oreal customers will have to prove ‘they’re worth it’.

Following on from the enormous success of their advertising slogan - ‘L’oreal: because I’m worth it’ – the cosmetics giant has announced that from 2012, women will be required to prove they...

Flexicon 26.11.11 5:57am
December expected to be the most average for 200 years

The meteological office has predicted that Britain will be in the grip of the most typical winter weather since records began. "We haven't had a typical December for many years.", explained a...

apepper 26.11.11 12:06am
Vertically Challenged Giant
wrong bloke. Oops. 7
25.11.11 11:38pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
Apple stores to honor black friday by doubling all prices 0
Dumbnews 25.11.11 11:33pm
Euro Vision team set to tune-up economy during crisis

Leaked minutes from a high-level meeting of European government leaders in Belgium has proved an embarrassing reminder to Europeans that their politicians do not necessarily all sing from the same...

Username 25.11.11 11:02pm
Man stays on web page after seeing ‘Leave Page/Stay on Page’ pop-up

Lee Hall, from Orpington, has become the first ever person to stay on a web page after having been confronted with the ‘Leave Page/Stay on Page’ pop-up. The solitary click marks a stunning...

Qoxiivi 25.11.11 10:51pm