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The future is bright; the future is Hi Viz orange.

After research by the European Institute of Transportation and the Bleeding Obvious in Brussels revealed drivers were five times more likely to be involved in a serious accident if their car was...

godly1966 15.04.13 9:25pm
Millwall FC to segregate home fans

Following the successful segregation of home and away fans, which has prevented trouble at football matches for a number of years; Millwall FC has today announced, in response to the violence at...

Terry 15.04.13 9:19pm
Meryl Streep to play Thatcher on Wednesday

The world of entertainment is a-fire tonight with the rumours that Meryl Streep is tipped to star in her most challenging role yet, in an epic £10M production with a cast of thousands. The audience...

Squudge 15.04.13 9:03pm
Big Ben should strike during Thatcher funeral, says union leader. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 15.04.13 8:07pm
Deranged megolmaniac John Sweeney disappointed with 'decadent' North Korea 0
custard cream 15.04.13 7:55pm
custard cream
University English Department Bans Use Of the Word "Fantastic"

"Whenever a student uses the word 'fantastic' to describe anything it is clear that they have switched their brain off and are simply writing on autopilot to fill a word-count" said a spokesman for...

Titus 15.04.13 7:52pm
Cameron to silence Big Ben by strapping Farage to clanger. More soon. 1
Al OPecia 15.04.13 7:31pm
Several injured in Paula Radcliffe toilet malfunction. 0
reforse 15.04.13 7:30pm
David Cameron announces: Gordon Brown is still alive!

Unlike most of his policies, boom boom! I mean boom and bust! Oh wait, there is no more boom and bust...

brd888 15.04.13 7:28pm
Cameron : I Meant an ACTUAL 'Benefits Cap' - So We Can Spot Oiks At A Distance

PM David Cameron has outlined his plans for welfare recipients to wear special headgear "Like that funny chap in the Daily Mirror", so that hard-working families would know who to blame. "Look, I...

deceangli 15.04.13 7:06pm
Flatulent diver comes up, trumps

More to follow...

apepper 15.04.13 7:04pm
Confusion after Chris Hoy announces he has to re-tire due to a puncture 0
Adam Lewis 15.04.13 6:53pm
Adam Lewis
After ding dong sing song; Big Ben bing bong gone!

More Sun headlines to follow...

apepper 15.04.13 6:19pm
Resealable cheese bag thwarts East End villain

One of Britian’s leading safe crackers has failed in his bid to become the first man in the UK to open the seal on a slab of cheese without resorting to violence., Top villain Freddie...

Gerontius 15.04.13 6:14pm
Lab kidney popular with all steakholders 1
Backup Brian 15.04.13 5:59pm
Anne Frank's favourite group was Living in a Box...oh no sorry that's her hobby 2
irreverendJ 15.04.13 5:53pm
Backup Brian
Convertible Day may not occur till May this year

Meteorologists and motoring organisations have agreed that, despite hopes, Convertible Day did not occur over the past weekend and may not happen for weeks to come. Convertible Day is the one day a...

Des Custard 15.04.13 5:40pm
Slante Dangle
Thatcher Funeral Privatised

Arrangements for the funeral of Baroness Thatcher have been opened up to competitive tender under new government procurement rules and the contract has gone to ‘[i]Brass Neck[/i]’ – a...

Tom Perdue 15.04.13 5:38pm
Slante Dangle
Speaker Bercow Arranges For His Wife To Be Silenced During Thatcher Funeral

Titus 15.04.13 5:32pm
Lab grown kidney starts taking the piss... 0
brd888 15.04.13 5:22pm
Jimmy Savile's voted favorite for Thatcher cremation rehearsal 0
sydalg 15.04.13 5:17pm
Golf club bans belly pork 0
Terry 15.04.13 5:12pm
Driver with Andrew, Charles & greenish fish in car is acquitted on charge of...

driving without due care and attention...

Terry 15.04.13 5:11pm
Uproar as Big Ben 'Bing Bong' protest tune to be censored on Wednesday 0
Backup Brian 15.04.13 4:16pm
Backup Brian
Golf Club Disqualifies Mayoress For Using Belly Putter

Dawn Ormeroyd, keen golfer and Deputy Mayoress of Felixtowe, was disqualified yesterday for using a belly putter. Ms Ormeroyd, a popular 36 handicap lady member of Royal Orwell Golf Club, had...

15.04.13 3:37pm
N Korea Fury At Subversion By Far-Left Students Disguised As BBC Journaists. 0
Titus 15.04.13 3:10pm
Woman Who Used Breasts To Pay At Car Boot Sale Caught Up In Tit For Tat Row 5
SJM 15.04.13 3:07pm
Future of BBC License fee causes heated debate among Millwall fans

The unique funding model of the BBC has causes a rift to develop among Millwall fans that spilt over into violence yesterday. In one camp are those fans who insist that the quality of the BBC's...

ronseal 15.04.13 3:02pm
BBC To Stop Carrying News Items Unrelated to the BBC

In a bid to provide greater focus on BBC-related news stories, such as the recent one involving LSE students used as 'human shields' for a Panorama programme, the BBC is to cease all news coverage on...

deceangli 15.04.13 2:47pm
"Hill-walking" rots your brain and makes you go blind, warns Daily Mail 0
sydalg 15.04.13 2:18pm