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Greek austerity measures mean no matches to light Olympic torch. 0
MADJEZ 10.05.12 11:50am
"Self-drive cars would make Clarkson obsolete" - Engineers re-double efforts

Google engineers are working around the clock to perfect the self-driving car after discovering that Jeremy Clarkson would be removed from the airways but acceptance of the new technology...

apepper 10.05.12 11:43am
Google add back-seat driver option to self-drive car

Computer giant Google has introduced an optional "back-seat driver" option to their auto-drive car. A Google spokesman explained, "It makes the self-drive computer more human-like if unhelpful...

apepper 10.05.12 11:42am
Clinton employee confusion by instruction to "collect your cards" 0
apepper 10.05.12 11:37am
God forced to admit that network omnipotency actually only 99.3%

God today put out an unexpected press release confirming that rather than being completely omnipotent, holy coverage is actually around 99.3%. This has been attributed to blackspots in some of...

exigo 10.05.12 11:13am
Clinton Cards puts "Congratulations, it's redundancy" banner on stores 0
Scronnyglonkle 10.05.12 11:10am
Sarkozy to take new post as stand-in for Mannekin Pis

The former French President, last seen walking disconsolately in circles under the table, is to display his European credentials by acting as substitute for the Brussels statue. However observers...

Scroat 10.05.12 11:04am
Clinton Cards to launch new "Sorry you've gone into administration" range 3
Nails UK 10.05.12 10:50am
Al Qaeda admonished over poor Health & Safety record.

Global terror organisation, Al Qaeda, has been issued with an official cease and desist order by the International Health and Safety Executive. The action follows a number of high profile cases...

wallster 10.05.12 10:47am
Lord Coe assures Green Party that Olympic Torch will be solar powered 0
Scronnyglonkle 10.05.12 10:07am
Panic grips art world

In the wake of huge figures being realised at auctions of art recently, Scotland Yard has announced it will be stepping up security on some of Britains best loved treasures. A police spokesman said...

Bismarck 10.05.12 10:06am
English Defence League criticise bad punctuation and sloppy grammar. 5
Thor 10.05.12 9:23am
Heisenberg never saw the point

[adding to my collection of obscure 1-liners]...

Sinnick 10.05.12 9:22am
Mitt Romney says he supports gray marriage 0
Nick McCarr 10.05.12 9:21am
Nick McCarr
France to appeal to UN after being taken over by Hollande 0
Nick McCarr 10.05.12 9:20am
Nick McCarr
Billion-dollar New Mexico ‘ghost town’ to be named ‘Northampton’. 1
Thor 10.05.12 9:18am
The Nage launches range of kosher birthday cards 5
bonjonelson 10.05.12 9:18am
The Nage
Miliband on Sassoon: I didn't mean for you to take me seriously .....

Back in January (many years ago) a young Ed Miliband called for Vidal Sassoon to resign, stating at the time, "His cuts went too far" and too many others are intent on doing the same. Stop the...

HenryMJUK 10.05.12 9:02am
Queen to begin speeches with 'Any Americans in here tonight?'

Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the Second has turned to top stand up comedy coach Logan Murray to help her inject a bit of levity into her public speaking engagements, after a disappointingly flat...

ronseal 10.05.12 8:58am
Des Custard
Missing cleric: Body found. Could be Abu cadavre. 1
weematt 10.05.12 8:57am
Hair today, gone tomorrow 0
Sinnick 10.05.12 8:42am
Miliband finds Queen's speech fuzzy 0
weematt 10.05.12 8:14am
Clinton administration ‘was on the cards’ 1
Duncan Biscuit 10.05.12 8:11am
Mrs Romney says her marriage has had the same sex for years 0
charlies_hat 10.05.12 8:10am
Obama supports gay marriage to “keep my options open”

US President Barack Obama revealed that his support for gay marriage coincided with a bi-curious phase and the sober realisation that 1 in 3 American couples divorce. Obama said: “I’m in love...

Yikes 10.05.12 8:07am
Vidal Sasson's executors say he was worth a Bob or two 0
Scronnyglonkle 10.05.12 7:54am
Fighter plane U-turn after pilot forgets his sandwiches 0
Duncan Biscuit 10.05.12 7:51am
Duncan Biscuit
Athens riot police tear-gas Olympic flame 0
Duncan Biscuit 10.05.12 7:50am
Duncan Biscuit
Michelle said to be 'devastated' that Barack Obama favours same sex marriage 1
charlies_hat 10.05.12 7:49am
Home Secretary deports “fanatical” Abu Qatada to Geordieland (edited repost)

Home Secretary Theresa May confirmed that fanatical Muslim cleric Abu Qatada was deported to Geordieland last Thursday pending final resolution of the case later in the year. Ms May said: “Sending...

Yikes 10.05.12 7:43am