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Mugabe claims victory for homeopathic party with 0.00000001% of vote

More to follow...

apepper 02.08.13 3:18pm
Crocodile/parrot hybrid rips man's arm off, then asks "Who's a cheeky boy then?" 7
Smart Alex 02.08.13 1:38pm
Man loses dust - admits 'I should have gone to Speck Savers' 0
John Wiltshire 02.08.13 11:48am
John Wiltshire
Drool, slurp...

Sorry, I thought someone was about to post a Pavlov's Dog gag. (Schrodinger's Cat is just so five minutes ago dahhlings)...

Skylarking 02.08.13 11:44am
Animal rights activist killed by Schrödinger's cat

Animal rights activist Simon Milford was killed last night after attempting to release a cat owned by Austrian physicist Erwin Schrödinger from its cat box. Having heard that the cat box differed...

Smart Alex 02.08.13 11:11am
Smart Alex
Class vote in 7A was "free, honest and credible"

Yesterday's vote for Form Rep, in Class 7T of the African Free School was described as "free, honest and credible" by members of 7A. Big Robert thrashed little Morgan by 42 votes to 3 after all 30...

tomholder 02.08.13 10:56am
The Pope embraces gays and atheists but draws line at gingers

Pope Francis has issued homilies welcoming gay and atheist people, but has issued an edict saying that "gingers are just asking for it". "There's a reason why Ron Weasley wasn't the hero of the Harry...

apepper 02.08.13 10:56am
Mugabe wins Zimbabwe holistic election with 0.9999999999999% majority

There, I said it...

Oxbridge 02.08.13 10:54am
Zimbabwe backs Mugabe 110%.

More soon. Must've been done before surely apologies if it has...

MADJEZ 02.08.13 10:33am
BBC confirms it will unveil the next Doctor Who last Thursday. More soon. 0
The Paper Ostrich 02.08.13 10:19am
The Paper Ostrich
Met Police Tweets LHBL (lessons have been learned) to victims of latest cockup

The Met Police has appointed a digital apology guru in response to etc [MORE SOON] THEMES, Sympathy as a service, Automated token gesture system fit for the 21st century, Platitudes at your...

ronseal 02.08.13 10:09am
Training for teachers and social workers to include hand-wringing

The government will introduce compulsory training in hand-wringing for all teachers and social workers from now on. Introducing the changes, the health secretary, Jeremy Hunt, said: 'It is important...

John Wiltshire 02.08.13 9:50am
John Wiltshire
Schrödinger's Cat Protection League Protests About Cruelty To Non-existent Cat

"But it [i]might[/i] exist" said a spokesman for the League "Even though the Protection League does not - probably."...

Titus 02.08.13 9:31am
EDL furious after job to drive Immigrants Go Home van scooped by Afghan warlord 4
ronseal 02.08.13 9:29am
25% Of Zimbabwe's Voters Threatened With Arrest After Mugabe Only Gets 75% Vote 2
Titus 02.08.13 9:15am
Tables turned on 'annoying customers' with launch of

Businesses across the UK have welcomed the launch of the website, a platform for retail outlets of all kinds to rate and review their experiences with individual customers - in a...

Jesus H 02.08.13 9:01am
Jesus H
Interviewer Sacked For Not Interrupting And Failing To Argue With Intervewee

"We recognise that viewers and listeners are too stupid to judge for themselves if an intervewee is lying or being evasive, so it essential that a responsible interviewer should interrupt promptly...

Titus 02.08.13 7:47am
Government announces new Boris Johnson to be built in Thames estuary

and old one closed, .. fill in as required .., I'm a bit busy - sorry...

scribbler 02.08.13 6:53am
Wanted: |dead>, |alive> or 1/sqrt(2)(|dead> + |alive>): Schrödinger's cat 12
Smart Alex 01.08.13 8:37pm
sponge finger
BBC apologises for William penis pic. We thought it was Harry, says spokesman. 1
dominic_mcg 01.08.13 7:09pm
Einstein gets off stationary train as his station pulls up outside 0
Smart Alex 01.08.13 6:57pm
Smart Alex
Abortion law doesn't cover William Hague, MPs insist 0
sydalg 01.08.13 6:26pm
UK Wellbeing Index downgraded by Moody’s

In a shock announcement, the measure of the nation’s happiness, the Wellbeing Index, has been downgraded by the emotional ratings agency Moody’s from ‘OK’ to just ‘Don’t Ask’. ‘This...

Ludicity 01.08.13 5:23pm
Mugabe furious as bumbling aides mistakenly announce 2020 election results 2
sydalg 01.08.13 5:19pm
Lindy Moone
Criminals to need licenses

More to follow...

apepper 01.08.13 3:02pm
Patients Told To Dial .000,000,000,001 for Homeopathy Or 777 For A Witch-Doctor 7
Titus 01.08.13 2:54pm
Daily Mail deny that 'Randy Travis Has a Stroke' was a reference to DLT 1
medici2471 01.08.13 1:31pm
The MP, his appalling posture and a Podiatrist named in bad gait scandal 1
ronseal 01.08.13 1:14pm
UKIP Wins Zimbabwe Election. "Didn't See That Coming" Admits Mugabe 0
Titus 01.08.13 1:11pm
New plans for troubled Ambulance Service

Troubled East of England Ambulance Service which has been recently criticised by the government for failing response times is set to turn the tables by a newly planned merger. Bosses are reported to...

Steve_Essex 01.08.13 1:11pm