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Driver of grey car brazenly switched lights on before nightfall

A man has been fined £1000 and banned from driving for three months after being caught driving a grey car in poor visibility with the headlights on. Mr Robert Simmonds of Dorchester openly...

Midfield Diamond 26.03.13 7:30am
Big Ben
Historic Papal Meeting - where's the Stop Tap?

Vaticanologists were disappointed today when the historic meeting between the Pope and his predecessor degenerated into mundane questions regarding Vatican housekeeping. Pope Francis began his...

harrington greenslade 26.03.13 7:06am
Jeremy Hunt
Triangles renamed circles in pointless H&S initiative 3
irreverendJ 26.03.13 12:48am
Berezofsky found "Hanging on a bathroom floor" Blondie to re-release single. 0
Iscariot 26.03.13 12:41am
Farmers Call For More Sheep Diviners To Help Find Trapped Sheep

The British Association of Sheep Diviners (BASD) says that it has experienced an "unprecedented" upsurge in interest in recent days, as farmers resort to increasingly desperate measures to rescue...

jamsieoconnor 26.03.13 12:37am
Acupuncture Proven Useless as a good Prick Me Up 0
Big Ben 26.03.13 12:34am
Big Ben
National Eczema Society to launch scratch card 3
custard cream 26.03.13 12:22am
Big Ben
Nervous BBC Philharmonic drops triangle player 0
sydalg 25.03.13 11:59pm
Jack's triangular flap banned on heath and safety grounds. 0
Boutros 25.03.13 11:26pm
Supermarket slammed for tasteless 'cold cross bun' range 3
Squudge 25.03.13 11:07pm
sponge finger
Cameron's Och Aye The Noo remark provokes mental Scotsman to violence 0
Drylaw 25.03.13 10:57pm
Alzheimer's Association to launch new cycling event - Tour de mentia 0
custard cream 25.03.13 10:56pm
custard cream
School confirms triangular flapjacks are fine, if they are in high vis cover 0
custard cream 25.03.13 10:49pm
custard cream
Health Dept. officials confirm NHS 111 is not a film sequel 0
custard cream 25.03.13 10:47pm
custard cream
Casualty actor in casualty as ear bitten off 0
custard cream 25.03.13 10:39pm
custard cream
Carrots, parsnips and asparagus to have nasty dangerous pointy bits removed

before sale, and must only be on display if behind an armoured glass safety screen. Industrial gloves must be worn when handling Pineapples., (Got to be scope here for some Photoshopping?)...

Titus 25.03.13 10:00pm
The Top 10 Most Useless Mobile Phone Apps

Sometimes it takes more than a boffin with a Mac to come up with a killer app idea. Here’s a top 10 of the best of the worst apps ever to be released: 10. The 'Battery Monitor' App: designed to...

Slante Dangle 25.03.13 9:30pm
Slante Dangle
Canvey Island Health and Safety Officers to close all corner shops. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 25.03.13 9:10pm
Essex police call for Toblerone amnesty 0
Ian Searle 25.03.13 9:07pm
Ian Searle
Isle of Wight homes still have no electricity. Weather not to blame. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 25.03.13 9:05pm
Runaway Swan bowls maiden over. 0
godly1966 25.03.13 9:04pm
Headless chickens dismayed by constant comparison with Government.

More soon, and for the next 20 years...

sigmund 25.03.13 9:03pm
TESCO Says "Our Dodgy Food May Contain Horse But At Least It's Not Triangular" 0
Titus 25.03.13 8:41pm
Britain & France Urge EU To Arm Syrian Rebels With Triangular Food Parcels 1
Titus 25.03.13 8:30pm
Grand Prix results drama: "I was only not obeying orders" says Vettel

more (casual national sterotyping) later...

dvo4fun 25.03.13 8:24pm
Maths teacher confirms flapjacks are dangerous "if thrown from the right angle" 4
charlies_hat 25.03.13 8:22pm
New Anti-Virginity Drive to Improve IT

Industry insiders warned today that an excess of nerdy virgins threatens to cripple the nation's IT infrastructure. The latest casualty is the NHS 111 service, which has failed to launch despite...

deceangli 25.03.13 8:17pm
All warning 'triangles' to be circular from now insists HSE... No sharp edges.

Other 'pointless' safety signs urgently being reviewed...

Jammydodgers 25.03.13 7:49pm
‘Cash4Organs’ opens in Barnsley...

A new business is hoping to exploit the ‘Oh, fuck, I’m broke and I don’t get paid till Friday’ sector of the ‘I’m holding down two jobs and I still can’t pay the sodding bills’ market...

Tripod 25.03.13 7:35pm
Iran only months away from Triangular Flapjacks claims Israel.

Can be launched in 45 minutes say Netanyahu...

Zen 25.03.13 7:24pm