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Tony Hayward to show world he is a complete and utter Cnut 2
Genghis Cohen 3 years

Beleaguered BP chief executive Tony Hayward is to take his company’s strategy for tackling the Gulf of Mexico spill into a new phase by sitting on the Florida coastline in a ceremonial throne and...

Local Man experiences SatNavisfaction 4
Golgo13 3 years

Local Man, Matthew Gratton, became the latest to feel the 21st century emotion of SatNavisfaction when his newly acquired Garmin Nuvi 265, which comes with a 3.5" touch screen and pre-loaded UK and...

Women's Institute amongst first to sign up for hose-pipe ban. 0
MightyBlair 3 years
Belgian cathartic offices raided, police 'feel much better' 0
QorbeQ 3 years
'So when do i get to snap his sword and cut off his buttons ?' asks C in C 0
Dun Dunkin 3 years

'I've always wanted to do that ever since i saw it in the movies' said the C in C after sacking a General...

Vatican decision avoids second German bombing in Coventry 0
Mrblacker 3 years

The first stage in the creation of the next English saint has been moved at the request on the Vatican. It had been planned to hold an open air Mass to celebrate the beatification of Cardinal John...

Austerity Extra-Tennis Players to play until they drop 0
Dun Dunkin 3 years

Tennis players will be required to keep playing until one of them breaks down physically or mentally in order to provide value for money during the financial crisis. Prize handouts will be shrunk by...

First vuvuzela concerto premiers to muted applause. 0
MightyBlair 3 years
Research shows there is no viable reason for The Beddingfields. 0
MightyBlair 3 years
B&Q staff to train SAS troops on advanced counter-interrogation techniques 0
AdrianJ 3 years

Interrogator: "Tell me where your base is located?", Interrogatee: "Errrdunnosorry. See, I only work here on the weekends.", Interrogator: "To which unit do you belong?", Interrogatee: "Have you...

Ridley Scott to direct Siege of Gaza: The Movie 0
la maga 3 years

The siege of Gaza is to get the Hollywood treatment this autumn, with Russell Crowe almost guaranteed the starring role since the film will be directed by Ridley Scott. The fictionalised account of...

Henman and Murray agree to share personalities 0
PluckyMunky 3 years

'There's not a lot to go round', said a friend of both...

UFO aliens leave Earth after failure of human cross-breeding programme 6
Oxbridge 3 years

Aliens from the planet Gthargadrax in the Andromeda galaxy 2.5 million light years from Earth have admitted defeat in their attempts to interact with and breed from human beings. The news came after...

52 Million did not watch England Match 0
virtuallywill 3 years

It was sunny and a weekday...

Emergency Banter Generator Wheeled Out For Englands Next Match 2
Svendo 3 years

BBC Sport has revealed that they are taking the emergency measure of installing their back up Banter generator along with a fail safe Stereotyping machine, ahead of Englands tie with Germany. The...

Pension gives up on Cameron to shame other pensions to give up 0
Basil_B 3 years

on their overpaid beneficiaries...

Bi-polar sufferers 'just plain greedy', say long-term depressives. 1
MightyBlair 3 years
Capello concedes we've won our world cup just by qualifying, time to go home 0
simonjmr 3 years
England's potential world cup path littered with old scores to settle 2
simonjmr 3 years

It could get Messi Germany 20 years of hurt, two world wars and a euro championship, followed by, Argentina (reliving that hand of god moment and the Falklands)followed by, Portugal (that Ronaldo...

George Osborne to tax Newton’s Laws of motion. 0
virtuallywill 3 years

First Law: No one will persist in its state of rest or of uniform motion in a straight line unless they is compelled to change that state by forces appointed by her Majesty’s Government., Second...

Michael Jackson murdered by aliens hired by Falkland Islanders for revenge. 1
Ostsee 3 years

The next anniversary is in a years time, so get ready now...

Prince Charles surprise Glastonbury headliner 0
simonjmr 3 years

"One has to earn a extra little bit, now that Osborne chappy has frozen the civil list" Prince Charles to deliver his own brand of camp pop rock, snuggled between the Scissor Sisters and the Pet...

Coffin enters grave on a lean to accommodate position of Sidebottom. 2
Basil_B 3 years

R.I.P Frank...

Methadone shares shoot up as Scotland votes to keep free prescriptions. 0
dominic_mcg 3 years
Belgian officials raid orifice of Catholic prelate 0
andhrimnir 3 years

"touche" said a spokespoirot...

Retirement age for the working class set to rise 0
andhrimnir 3 years
British tourists to stay in Amsterdam despite hundredth pavement-related death 4
Gary Stanton 3 years

First year student, Anthony Dowling, yesterday became the 100th British tourist killed or seriously wounded in Amsterdam this year by improvised roadside devices or ‘bicycles’ as they are more...

English men expected back at work today after 'mystery 24hr illness' clears up 0
dicky37 3 years

Doctors are baffled by a spate of 24hr bugs that swept the country yesterday keeping thousands of men off work, forced to 'drink plenty of fluids' while they 'put their feet up'. Employers are seeing...

Labour unsure 0
AlexR 3 years

if Miliband is the correct bandwidth to take the party forward. More soon...

US troops resent being dubbed 'Obarmy Army' 0
Scroat 3 years

More about the latest Irish president soon...