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News International to sponsor chair in Select Committee room. More soon. 1
Al OPecia 11.11.11 5:22pm
Tesco rethink ‘You shop, we drop’ slogan after record number of breakages

Supermarket giant Tesco have been forced to replace the ‘You shop, we drop’ slogan for their home delivery service after admitting that many staff had taken it too literally. The last 12 months...

Vertically Challenged Giant 11.11.11 5:19pm
Burlesconi told to clear desk, shampoo carpet

Outgoing Italian PM Silvio Burlesconi has been told to completely clear his desk, shampoo the carpet and steam clean the curtains. "I don't know what he's been up to in his office", said an official,...

apepper 11.11.11 5:11pm
New abstinence campaign to show images of Dominique Strauss-Kahn's 'sex face' 0
JD 11.11.11 4:29pm
BBC cuts force David Attenborough and Brian Cox to gaze from same mountain range 3
JD 11.11.11 4:11pm
James Murdoch "had to piss pants to put fire out" committee hears

A crestfallen James Murdoch asked the select committee for media and culture to be temporarily excused after events in his underpants appeared to undermine his evidence., "As soon as I started...

nickb 11.11.11 3:42pm
Banker becomes PM of Greece. In other news, Dracular put in charge of Blood Bank 3
Ian Searle 11.11.11 3:29pm
Australian legislation forbids all human contact with cigarettes

New laws passed in Australia will make it a criminal offence to hold or even look at a cigarette and convicted smokers will have to sign the Tobacco Smoke Register for life., From next year,...

vertical 11.11.11 2:47pm
Series 7 of Downton Abbey is planned - the one where they open a Safari Park

And the Earl of Grantham takes several dozen wife-lets...

Ian Searle 11.11.11 2:40pm
Ian Searle
Saville ends up at 45 degrees, several hundred degrees cooler than some expected 0
Ian Searle 11.11.11 2:38pm
Ian Searle
11/11/11 - Happy Spinal Tap day! 0
Smart Alex 11.11.11 2:36pm
Smart Alex
God to move over to cloud based technology. 0
Ian Searle 11.11.11 2:35pm
Ian Searle
'Freedom' from recession cry Cypriot chip-shop owners as Scotland fans invade.

The 'Island of Love' threw its arms around the 2000 Scotland fans who landed at Larnaca Airport in the early hours of this morning, for tonights Cyprus-v-Scotland football match. Rumour soon spread...

Bryan with a Y 11.11.11 2:20pm
Bryan with a Y
Tesco to run ailing Cambridgeshire Hospital for next 10 years

Despite critics saying the Local Health Authority is off its trolley, the Secretary of State for Health is adamant that there are many good things are in store for Tiggleswade District Hospital,...

Squib 11.11.11 1:43pm
Tinnitus mars Armistice Day for thousands

"I fear Armistice Day every year, those two minutes of silence are sheer hell" said Gregory Tyler (43) More soon...

simonjmr 11.11.11 11:31am
Clegg pledges "free workhouse" places for 140,000 disadvantaged toddlers

Some 140,000 disadvantaged two-year-olds could qualify for places in modern day work houses under a scheme due to be rolled out in England Nick Clegg has said £7 will be spent over four years...

simonjmr 11.11.11 10:55am
James Murdoch explains "Just when I thought i was out, they pull me back in" 3
button 11.11.11 9:35am
White footballers confirm they have no problem with John Terry 0
grottymonty 11.11.11 8:57am
Queen leads Nation in remembering the financial fallen

In an act of remembrance marking 25 years since the Big Bang, the Queen, members of the Royal Family and political leaders gathered at Canary Wharf to lead the Nation’s mourning for the financial...

Gong of Fur 11.11.11 8:53am
FDA investigation triggered by bad applesauce

Washington state apple manufacturer Snokist had to recall several hundred thousands of cans of applesauce in 2011. The facility that processes this applesauce is now under FDA investigation. The...

georgia 11.11.11 6:11am
Silvio Berlusconi to start "Charging for it"

Silvio Berlusconi, the Italian Prime Minister has responded to the downgrading of Italy's debt rating by saying that "the beautiful ladies will have to pay for my favours". Berlusconi went on to say...

apepper 11.11.11 6:03am
Veterans to wear pansies out of respect for death of decent England performances 14
11.11.11 12:44am
Toon Pies now 70% off all year round: was £15, now £4.50

Anyone else been in a Sports Direct? This is pretty much their sales strategy...

kga6 10.11.11 11:43pm
Silvio Berlusconi to be fired from cannon

Outgoing Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi today ensured he would leave office with dignity, by being fired from a cannon. In accordance with the traditions of his hometown Milan, Mr...

grumblechops 10.11.11 11:07pm
Reduced price Wig Manufacturer ensures customers have "less toupee". 2
seymour totti 10.11.11 10:57pm
Bogus doctor, who faked qualifications, given third degree by police. More soon. 1
dominic_mcg 10.11.11 10:04pm
Wonka's Everlasting Gobstoppers are ball bearings, say Trading Standards. 0
dominic_mcg 10.11.11 9:33pm
ITV Wrestling tonight: "Lord" Coe v Cry Baby Hague - No Mercy 0
Drylaw 10.11.11 9:24pm
Minor victory for capital punishment activists

People sentenced to death by hanging are now allowed to wank during their execution...

gaijintendo 10.11.11 9:10pm
Upset as Sunderland FC bids to buy right to St James' Park namesake

Newcastle considering suspending Metro trains to Sunderland in response. Updates coming soon...

ndbrown123 10.11.11 8:25pm