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Mayan Holocaust Forecast retranslated as Mayo Expiry Date

[ed: if it suits you, ticker should be 21st Dec]...

Sinnick 16.12.12 10:17pm
House of Lords to be fitted out for peer to peer networking. More soon. 0
Maverick 16.12.12 10:10pm
Worcestershire man’s 'incredible generosity' at nurses’ charity car wash

A Tenbury Wells man who donated more than £2,000 at a charity car wash organised by nurses at Worcestershire Royal Hospital has been given a special award in recognition of his generosity. Mr...

Dick Everyman 16.12.12 10:03pm
Tess Goes
‘Only plumbers want to see your gum floating in piss’ insists scientist

Scientists at Oxford University say they are no nearer developing a urine-soluble chewing gum than when they first started., And with the nation’s gum chewers still unable to grasp the...

Gerontius 16.12.12 9:29pm
Cameron to Bugger Disabled Kids at Parliamentary Christmas Do

T'was the night before Christmas and all through the Houses of Parliament, David Cameron, dressed in red and white in a vain attempt win over the general public once it comes to light that Atos are...

Matthew Newman 16.12.12 8:53pm
Cyclists Not Ignorant, Merely Mute

If you've been walking along a pavement and a cyclist has whizzed past you without a word of warning you may think they are ill-mannered, ignorant or unaware that they are riding an unstable machine....

Sexton A Blake 16.12.12 8:23pm
Sexton A Blake
Newcastle fans defend right to bare arms.

Hmmm I’ll get my coat...

malgor 16.12.12 7:23pm
Fred The Homepride Man Latest Celeb Arrested in Operation Yewtree The police investigation sparked by enquiries into the activities of Jimmy Savile has claimed another victim who was at the height of...

Sexton A Blake 16.12.12 7:19pm
Penis wins top design award...

The penis has won the highest accolade at the annual British Design Awards. Simon Cardwell, president of the Design Council, said “It’s time to recognise the penis as a design classic that’s...

Tripod 16.12.12 7:14pm
US Gun Lobby calls to arm teachers, schoolkids

Teachers in American schools should routinely carry firearms so tragedies like the one at Newtown can be “nipped in the bud”, a pro-firearms spokesman said today. “If the teachers at the...

nickb 16.12.12 6:34pm
Ofsted exchange trip badly timed admits spokesman. 0
reforse 16.12.12 3:22pm
Sales of five-year diaries hit by Mayan prediction... 2
Tripod 16.12.12 1:51pm
Paris fashion show features unique 'un-hip' look 0
Dumbnews 16.12.12 1:34pm
Abu Quatada invites Vicar around for Christmas dinner

In his latest plot to win friends, Quatada has promised a right cracker of a Christmas for the local vicar involving Halal turkey, pigs in blankets and all the trimmings., Eager to settle into the...

Tess Goes 16.12.12 11:40am
Tess Goes
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Sinnick 16.12.12 10:13am
Madam Coco the Clown arrested for 'entertaining at home'

Madam Coco the Clown was arrested at her south-west London home last night, accused of running a 'disorderly house', after a rather lengthly 'sting' operation by the Met police. 'Party planner' Coco...

Squudge 16.12.12 10:04am
Tess Goes
Olympic Legacy: Cameron urges next generation to 'take a running jump' 0
tedweasel 16.12.12 9:13am
World set to end on 21st December. Sir Alex Ferguson to get an extra 10 minutes. 1
16.12.12 7:42am
WH Smith launches 90% off Mayan calendars sale 0
Yikes 15.12.12 11:08pm
O’Farrell-Tyson fight date set for 26 December at the O2

Sky Sports have announced that they will be broadcasting the much-anticipated fight between the ‘Big Girl’s Blouse’ and the ‘Baddest Man in British Comedy’ live from London’s O2 Arena on...

malgor 15.12.12 10:59pm
Ladbrokes open betting on number of stitches required after Royal birth...

More soon....

misterjingles 15.12.12 10:42pm
Supposedly Funny Scot Funds Foreign Tourist To Sue English Tourists Abroad

A certain Television Twat (inverted commas) "Comedian" who happens to originate from a northern part of England - formerly known as Scotland, appears to have a grudge against his Lords and Masters.,...

Tess Goes 15.12.12 9:35pm
‘£3-a-month’ wildlife adoption woman overjoyed by reunion with polar bear

A woman who donated nearly £4 a month to the WWF spoke today of the heart-stopping moment when she was first introduced to her 800-pound polar bear. Jeanette Harper selflessly adopted the animal...

15.12.12 9:17pm
'Monkey will be back working on tills over Xmas' say IKEA

Animal experts say they think the monkey that strayed into an IKEA store at the weekend may have mistaken the store’s customers for primates from a rival colony., They think the animal may have...

Gerontius 15.12.12 8:35pm
Tess Goes
Archaeologists hit funny bone in Egyptian dig

An archaeological team led by Professor Emily Ross-Slater, antiquities specialist at the Archaeologist Field School in Luxor, has discovered a significant insight into the lives of ordinary ancient...

Dick Everyman 15.12.12 8:31pm
Jesus’ Face ‘found in pool of vomit’

Religious leaders were left baffled this morning as a pool of vomit containing what appeared to be a likeness of the face of Jesus was discovered just outside the main entrance of a local church....

Reg Herring 15.12.12 8:13pm
Tess Goes
Iceland defy calls to confirm contents of 3-bird roast

Bosses at the UK's foremost sub zero food retailer have moved to deny accusations that rook and other unpopular fauna are routinely used in the preparation of the store’s ‘luxury’ 3-bird roast....

BAJDixon 15.12.12 5:43pm
Operation Yewtree to investigate tribute acts and lookalikes for future offences

Tribute acts and lookalikes will now be investigated by Operation Yewtree. Offences ranging from being sexual predators at current,, past and future offences especially around the lucrative Christmas...

simonjmr 15.12.12 5:34pm
RMT union confirms 'traditional' Christmas rail strike to go ahead...

this may be why the wise men had to resort to camels, and donkeys to travel. feel free anyone...

writinginbsl 15.12.12 5:08pm
Hi friends its me John O Farrell

yes it realy is me,I very rarely make appearances on Newsbiscuit as I dont want everyone to think Im giving it large becouse Im so good at everything,anyway myself and Jackie,thats her indoors ha ha...

Thubs Swirlim 15.12.12 4:09pm