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Police called to Toby Carvery after Chelsea players order spit roast 0
therustler 3 years
Rhino horn smuggler given a stiff... sentence 0
brownpaperreporter 3 years
Gove asks Police to sponsor 8th academy - first seven films were v.funny he says 0
therustler 3 years
Pickles demands councils keep weekly collection of waste food amid hunger pangs 2
therustler 3 years
Clegg/Cameron separation rumours: pair to split policies, CDs 0
therustler 3 years

Spreading rumours of a split between David Cameron and Nick Clegg gathered pace today as it was revealed by a cabinet insider that the pair are in the process of splitting up their policy and CD...

Coulson leaves voicemail denying phone hacking charges 0
therustler 3 years

Andy Coulson today strongly contested accusations that he was directly involved in mobile phone voicemail hacking scandal. Speaking after last night’s Dispatches programme on Channel 4, he told...

Norman Wisdom’s death paves way for new Gordon Brown career 2
ianslat 3 years

The sad news of Norman Wisdom’s death has had a silver lining for former Prime Minister Gordon Brown, who seems set to take over the mantle as the nation’s favourite slapstick hero. ‘I’ve...

North East Passage ships cant Tie up at Hastings Pier 0
Rowly 3 years

Moor later...

Winter of discount tents as camping chain goes into liquidation 1
simonjmr 3 years
The pound 'doing sterling work'. 0
Zadok the second 3 years
Warnings of Winter of Discontent as accountants to strike over Child Benefits 2
ianslat 3 years

Britain is today bracing itself for a series of strikes over the next few months as the Institute of Chartered Accountants announced that it would be balloting its members over strike action in...

Kenneth Branagh to play English martyr... 22
be reasonable 3 years

Sir Thomas More later...

Diet plan named 'sleep' guarantees weight loss after 24 hour a day sessions 0
Basil_B 3 years
Scientists Suspended for Joy-Riding on Particle Accelerator 1
Fishmilk 3 years

Sources close to the Large Hadron Collider have leaked an internal inquiry into the actions of scientists working on the multi-national project. It appears that a group of young interns have...

Programming Glitch Leaves David Cameron’s Face Stuck On ‘Doe-Eyed Compassion’ 0
Ablative Fabsolute 3 years

A glitch in The David Cametron’s programming has left him currently unable to assume all five of his possible facial expressions. An aide and second line support technician to The Cametron said,...

Conference to Osborne: keep child benefit for our illegitimate children 0
therustler 3 years
Middle England ordered to sleep with low income families. 0
RichT 3 years

The Conservatives continued their assault on Middle England today by announcing that any family with a higher rate tax payer must offer free sexual services to the poor or unemployed. Announcing the...

Osborne to middle classes: sell surplus kids to China to recoup child benefit 0
therustler 3 years

Conference update: In his conference speech today, Chancellor George Osborne went some way towards mollifying outraged middle classes by suggesting they should sell some of their surplus children to...

Millionaire Tory ministers: "Can't see the big deal about Child Benefit cuts" 0
simonjmr 3 years
Thousands of students disappointed as Apple launches iTest 0
therustler 3 years

Thousands of students have been bitterly disappointed this week after downloading Apple's latest app, the iTest. Expecting a cutting edge application to help them openly cheat in exams students were...

Health & Safety fears in Delhi as thousands of local fans sit on stadium roof. 0
MADJEZ 3 years

When asked about the cut priced tickets for locals an official didn't understand the problem 'We do it on the trains and buses'. The Commonwealth stadium shuttle yesterday.,...

Commonwealth Games Seating Problem as 'One Fan Per Stand' Policy is Introduced 1
IABP 3 years
Apple approve the launch of iBreast - thousands of teenage boys subscribe 2
brownpaperreporter 3 years

Break through Breast Cancer were both happy and sad today. "Very pleased to hear that Apple have approved the iBreast app which includes video of how to check breasts" said a spokeswoman "we...

'New money' to become 'no money' 0
jp1885 3 years
Complete re-print required for this months edition of Country Life. 3
Basil_B 3 years

This after the editors of the magazine were horrified to learn that a couple pictured at one of the many hunt balls featured in the magazine did not have a million pounds in their bank accounts or...

Bankers Keen to Play Commonwealth Games 0
wolfie 3 years

In a shock show of international sporting solidarity, Bankers flocked in to Delhi. "Are the rules still: act like an arse, then squander the Common Wealth?" asked spokesman Quentin Blewit. "and the...

Profesor Robwert Edward was a warded the nobel prize today for 4
arrghgarry 3 years

inventing a way to have fat ugly babies via test tube ,which was at 20 years ahead of Nu labours policy of encouraging any fat slag to get knocked up...

Vatican to be rebranded 'Holy See You Next Tuesday' 0
Scroat 3 years
Child Benefit Cuts Force Unemployed Children Back Up Chimneys 0
wolfie 3 years

Delighted Tories with big houses and dirty chimneys have welcomed moves to get idle jobless children off benefits and back cleaning chimneys where they belong., "'seen and not heard' weren't never...

Boots redundancies ‘largely cosmetic’ says spokesman 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years