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We can't do our job for all the paperwork, complain Metropolitan Thought Police 0
StoopyDeGunt 3 years

Britain's Thought Police are unable to do their jobs properly as red tape keeps them stuck in the office. Morale is said to be at an all time low among the rank and file of the Met Police's, who say...

Portillo becomes smack addict after 'Trainspotting' misunderstanding. 0
SingingHinny 3 years

Former MP and life-long railway enthusiast Michael Portillo is recovering in hospital after mistaking an Irvine Welsh novel for a guide to the railways of the Borders and Scotland. ‘I figured it...

Pakistani Cricket Team To Continue Tour 0
IABP 3 years

On your left is New Scotland Yard. On your right William Hill. Just over there are the Courts. That's Ladbrokes we are passing now. And here we are stopping outside Wormwood Scrubs. And that...

Number 10 downing street announced today that David Cameron will be the first 0
arrghgarry 3 years

Prime Minister to take Twaternity leave ,However he passes on the message that no one should worry as a more than capable twat is standing in...

William Hills announces all bets are off against the pakistani cricket team 0
arrghgarry 3 years

being full of lying cheating bastards,however they are taking money on England...

The test match between England and Pakistan will go ahead 0
arrghgarry 3 years

as a new match fixer has been found...

Jessica Simpson denies that she is about to married just because it looks like 0
arrghgarry 3 years

has been living in a feeding hut ...

Seven years bad luck for Professor Steven Hawking for cracking "mirror" universe 0
thackaray 3 years
WWE helps Labour to turn leadership constest into a "ladder and table" match 0
thackaray 3 years
Iran paper: 'Carla Bruni "a cheap whore" after prices listed in classified ad' 0
thackaray 3 years
Cricket headlines enter third day 0
allmyownstunts 3 years
Bail for pakistani cricketer Mazhar Majeed ,he was relieved as he was told he 1
arrghgarry 3 years

might get the middle stump rammed up his arse...

Rumours US has grasped irony as it calls Iran a 'A threat to Middle East peace' 0
la maga 3 years
Fabio Crapello asks Arteta ,Rooney ,Gerard, lampard and the rest of the 12
arrghgarry 3 years

England squad if they would like to play for England ,it would be nice ,if they did .mamma mia...

Chilean National Anthem Begins With A minor 2
IABP 3 years

And then the other 32 joined in. apologies...

Embarassed Algeria denies using US intelligence and French military prowess 0
la maga 3 years

In a desperate bid to avoid the mockery of the world the Algerian government has been forced to deny reports that it was so monumentally stupid as to rely on US intelligence and French military...

President of Pakistan, Asif Zardari shortens name to A$if 2
Dumbnews 3 years
Kray twins to be reintroduced into the wild 8
Ludicity 3 years

A pair of cloned Kray twins is to be released into the East End of London as part of a new conservation project aimed at restoring law and order. ‘The locals are always saying how things were...

Welsh Assembly Calls For Return of Elgin Slates from British Museum Roof 0
mugwump 3 years
Police Arrest Psychic Octopus in Cricket Betting Scandal 0
mugwump 3 years
'My unsullied innocence means I am unable to sin' phone snatcher,11, tells court 0
la maga 3 years
Slipknot Drummer accepts award, reveals himself to be Justin Bieber 0
IamWibble 3 years
More matches investigated in Pakistan betting probe 0
Mrblacker 3 years

The ICC has confirmed that at least one other match involving the Pakistan cricket team is to be investigated by it's Anti-Corruption Unit. In a statement from it's Dubai headquarters, the ACU's...

West Ham United drop bid for Olympic Stadium, and sell Upton Park. No Moore soon 0
FormerlyAlOPecia 3 years

Sad, very sad...

BBC tells Steven Hawking: You'll get a new series, when you get a mockney accent 1
StoopyDeGunt 3 years

BBC Commissioning editors have declared a 'get tough' policy on its talent, demanding higher standards and a commitment to diversity. It signalled its intentions with a sternly worded letter to...

Hopes rise as Ultimate Big Brother Fact-finders touch down in Chile 0
allmyownstunts 3 years
Gambling irregularities suspected 0
ramblesnake 3 years

As Pakistan cricket team stop for pee break at Scotch Corner services in journey from London to Bristol...

Cameron 'deliberately infected' Clegg with Public Sector Deficiency Syndrome 0
la maga 3 years

David Cameron has today been accused of having unprotected political intercourse with Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg despite knowing that he himself harboured the destructive illness Public...

Police fly to Panama in search of missing kayaker 0
MrChigleysAunt 3 years
Man decides to only oppose wars with memorable bad guys 1
la maga 3 years

David Lebworth, a committed liberal from Hammersmith, London, last night threw up his hands in disgust and declared that he was sick of opposing wars in countries where he could barely pronounce let...